Leaderboard

This isnt a "hell audition" but we did laugh. A lot. We were a fresh from school band. All of us between 18 - 20. Quite well known on the "local scene". Our set list was fairly heavy rock. Metallica, Free, RATM, Led Zep, Black Sabbath etc. One of our guitarists was going to university so we were auditioning guitarists. We had 3 or 4 people coming to a practice to audition. We sent them all emails with 3 songs to learn, and aid if they had BVs or vocals it would be a massive bonus. The songs were "Wishing well ", "Black dog" and "Enter Sandman". So first guy turns up. Long hair, pointy dimebag guitar, Tight jeans, big boots, a amp and cab that was far too big. You get the picture. Nice enough though, had a chat as he was setting up, got on fine. Looking good. He tells us he can sing a bit, and would be happy to have a go with "Wishing Well". Fair play to the man. So he starts.... "You hear me , so clearly....." He starts singing Wet Wet Wet's version of Wishing Well. Brilliant. We were all crying laughing. The guy clearly felt a little embarrassed, but we couldn't stop. Too funny! DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!

Bristol, 2011 The last audition I had was for a band that the drummer who was in my jazz band had joined about six months previously. The band had regular gigs but didn't have a bass player up to that point as there 'wasn't enough money to pay a fourth person'. Anyway, they wanted a double bass player and the drummer wanted me in the band so he booked a local rehearsal space and the singer/guitarist drove the 60 miles from his home to Bristol for the occasion (which he moaned about all the way through the audition). I'd learnt the songs from the album the band had just recorded - it was pretty easy as there was no bass on the album, so I could just do what I wanted and it was all Johnny Cash style G/C/D stuff. Easy peasy. The singer/frontman bailed out of the session half an hour before it was due to start as he'd forgotten he was supposed to be playing football. No problem says drummer, the guitarist can sing the other guys parts. The audition got underway and everything seemed good to me. The drummer was mostly playing along with the guitar as that's the sound they had evolved without a bass player, but the drummer and I had been playing jazz together for the past three years so I wasn't bothered about having to play along to a non-standard drum part. The guitarist wasn't happy though..... when the drummer asked him how he felt it was going, all he could say was 'I dunno - it's not what I was expecting'. Further questioning from the drummer revealed that he actually didn't know what to expect as he'd only ever done solo stuff and had never played in an actual band before this one and had never played with a bass player before. No problem says the drummer, we'll have a proper rehearsal next week, before the next gig with singer/frontman and we'll see how much better it is. Fast forward to next weeks rehearsal, the frontman/singer bails again because he has a hangover... so we go ahead anyway and rehearse the set. Drummer is happy, I'm reasonably happy but guitarist still doesn't know if I sound like he thinks he wants it to sound, even though he can't explain to me what that sound is. He's also demonstrating an alarming tendency to be unable to remember which key the songs should be in. Drummer reckons we're all sorted for the gig next week. I'm less convinced. Alarm bells should be ringing - I've not yet met this flaky singer/frontman who I'll meet for the first time at the gig next week and the guitarist is still being very non-committal about whether I'm in the band or not. it's only my faith in the drummer and his insistence that 'everything will be cool' that I'm not walking away - but it's not looking good from my perspective The gig comes round and I meet the singer/frontman for the first time. He's actually a pretty cool bloke and apologises for not being at the audition/rehearsal, but admits that as he's never been in a band with a bass player before, he would have no idea if I was any good or not and therefore would have no meaningful input to make. Fair enough really. The gig goes pretty well, the band's fans say they love the addition of bass, so I'm in if I want it..... 7 years later I'm still in this band. we do 60+ gigs a year and have released four albums. Not all auditions from hell end up staying in hell. The original guitarist is gone though - he whinged one too many times about having to drive to Bristol for 2 gigs and two rehearsals a year.

It’s nice to see my thread running long term Welcome to any new FRFR converts as well. My K10.2 is still number 1 stage choice..

Bit harsh there. This a 'bug' type product where you can slot the transmitter directly in to the input jack if you choose. The tape idea is optional if you want to make it more secure using it this way. Every other bug type receiver is the same in my experience. At least the smoothhound can handle many different types of input jacks, unlike several other bug type products. You can also use it the traditional way by attaching the transmitter to a belt or strap. this is the way I do it. If you're used to using many different wireless systems over the years without sticking something to your bass then this would be the way to go.

Blandford 2012 Having played in a swing quartet for a couple of years, I ditch electric bass gigs as upright has taken over &, at the ripe old age of 51, discover Skiffle. Swing quartet won't move away from standards/western swing, so I decide I've got enough free time to find a gigging Skiffle set up alongside the jazz lot. See a "Bull-fiddle" player wanted for established Skiffle band advert on BandMix. Establish that they mean double bass (crazy Skiffle-rs' me thinks) and pop along to local consevative club skittle alley for audition. Turns out established band was an old fella (OF) & a younger (40's) drummer. I'd practiced the list of songs I'd been sent (not particularly difficult, but I'm looking forward to a fun & energetic set). I set up my bass/amp/music stand (forgive me, it was a rehearsal situation) and tall stool which I often use in a rehearsal. We start with obligatory "freight train", which "established" guitarist/ singer has difficulty singing & playing the guitar to, is slowing down & speeding up. However, the drummer is excellent & we quickly establish a nice groove...exchanging nods & smiles. However at the end of the song, OF decides I am at fault for not "keeping up" & starts to comment on the strings on my bass being "wrong kind" for this genre (I clearly hadn't researched)....I ignore, smile politely & we move onto next simple enough song. Same thing happens again, OF can't remember how songs go, but establishes with no lack of confidence that I am at fault. Anyway an hour into the "audition" OF decides it's time for a break. I decide it's time to pack up & go. Whilst he's gone to the loo I speak to the drummer, & ask how long he has been playing with OF, to which he replies "play with him in a band? sod that for a game of soldiers, I'd have killed him by now if I was in a band with him. I only came along as a favour as he knows my family" and laughs. I leave before OF returns, to save myself from life imprisonment. Week later, undeterred, I put an advert on same website as double bass available for Skiffle band. Only to be contacted by OF (using my same email address as before) stating that he thought " they" had found a "bull fiddle" player, but the guy was not up to it as he sat down whilst playing & had the wrong strings on his bass. Would I be interested in coming along for a try out, as there were gig's waiting..... Oh dear.

Buddy - no mocking from me whatsoever. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. And I always admire anyone who is prepared to be open and honest, 'cos we all benefit when that is the case. My only concern throughout was that you didn't take a hit on yet another(!) piece of gear which, from my perspective as a by-stander looking on, seemed to be otiose (one of my favourite words, which I will try to include whenever I can, even if it is sometimes a bit otiose). For the same reason, I try to get my gear second hand (and that is probably one of the single biggest benefits from being on BC, apart from the massive helpfulness of so many folk willing to happily share their knowledge and experience and expecting nothing in return), whenever I can 'cos that means if it's not for me I can move it on for next to no real 'cost' and if you're within the return period having bought new then clearly the same point applies. You've tried something new, different and gained experience and expertise and done so without financial loss. Respect.

Put the video up on here, we can give it marks out of ten.👍

Morden TTT is the guitarist who placed the advert. He fancies singing some of the material, and he knows that I sing a bit, so he reckons we can split the vocal duties between us ... if a decent vocalist can be found later then all well and good. Yes, everybody involved will be an experienced gigging musician, this is no 'hobby band'. The drummer from his old band is already on board with the project, so straight away we have a functioning 3-piece if we want it. We agree a date for a week later and a studio to meet at, and TTT sends me a list of 12 songs we'll do, who by and which version, and the key that we'll be playing in. This is all very professional and not something to be taken for granted with pub bands. I pick out three songs that I'm happy to sing straight away, TTT does the same, and we agree that we'll busk the remainder on the night and see who makes a better job of it. This is looking good. Next day TTT sends me an email saying how much he's looking forward to this. The day after, TTT sends me an email asking how I'm getting on with the songs. And then the next day he sends me an email saying that he's now got a 'really good vocalist' who's going to join us, so there's no need for the two of us to do vocals. The day before the rehearsal, he sends me a final email checking that I'm fully up to speed on all the songs. Finally I turn up at the studio. TTT is a big guy (sideways) but just as bouncy and enthusiastic as his emails suggest. The drummer is a big guy (like Mick Fleetwood) and very laid-back. There's no sign of the vocalist ... apparently he's spent the afternoon at the dentist and now can't make it. Allegedly. Oh dear. Neither TTT nor I have actually been practising the vocals for these songs. At least I know the lyrics of 'my' songs, I'm blessed with a good memory. TTT has pieces of paper. Then the second guitarist arrives. What second guitarist? Oh, he answered the ad too so TTT invited him along. We start with Shakin' All Over, TTT on the vocals. The drummer sounds like a man with a wooden leg walking along a wooden pier ... boom thump boom thump. That's all he does. The guitarist, who must be about 60, doesn't seem to recognise the song or know how it goes. He's kneeling next to his Fender Twin as if he can't hear himself (he's actually deafeningly loud) and he's staring at his fingers as if he's never seen them before. TTT is trying to sing while glancing at a piece of paper resting on a ledge to his side, so that he sings "when you move ... close to me ... that's when I ... all over me". Oh dear oh dear. Move on to the next song. Guitarist says he hasn't practised it and isn't really ready to play it. OK, the one after that then. Guitarist says he hasn't practised it and isn't really ready to play it. It's I Saw Her Standing There, fer Chrissakes, how can he not know it? Fine, turn this on its head ... what songs DO you know? Grand, he knows Summertime Blues. He launches into a series of power chords, in the wrong key. What the hell are you doing? I'm playing Summertime Blues. No you're not, that's the wrong intro and you're in the wrong key. Well I'm playing The Who's version from Live At Leeds, and it's in A. But we all agreed we'd do the Eddie Cochran original, and it's in E. Oh dearie dearie me. By this stage, the drummer has completely lost interest, TTT is visibly as frustrated as I am but has done enough to show that he can't actually sing, and it turns out that I'm the only vocalist in the room. In desperation I call the simplest 12-bar in G that I know. It's yer standard two verses and a solo, third verse and a solo, repeat third verse and out. I sing the first verse. When I start to sing the second verse the guitarist widdles ineffectively all over my singing. TTT and I start exchanging glances - what is this fool doing now? He plays a simple but actually quite reasonable solo, still kneeling by his amp, still staring at his fingers. I start to sing the third verse and he goes back to his useless widdling. Sod this for a game of soldiers. I stop playing, switch off and start packing up. Words are exchanged, and it very nearly comes to fisticuffs as I leave. The next day, TTT sends me an apologetic email. He doesn't suggest we try again. Neither do I.

Sometimes I hide mine in a pouch and attach it to my bass with a lead, sometimes I just plug it straight in and let it dangle free - either way works great. Don't knock it 'til you’ve tried it! I also find I can use my Smoothhound transmitter in pretty much the same way...

I'm feeling a bit ranty, but not about that.

Finished!! Well not quite, I haven’t installed the electrics or wired it up yet, but everything is together now and it’s looking awesome! I’ll replace the temporary strap buttons with Schaller strap locks, put on the string retainer and the tug bar once it’s strung. It’s the lightest Precision bass (or any bass for that matter) I’ve ever played. At just 6.5 lb it’s 3 whole lb lighter than my Fender Jazz, my shoulder says ‘yay!’ Looking forward to getting some flatwounds on it and seeing how it sounds!! Very pleased 🍊

I agree. So far the only unusable parts have been the bridge posts, I've managed to source some new brass ones. The nut it came with was non original..a strange affair made from plastic and a brass strip..they were originally solid brass..so I'm fitting another new brass nut...the rest of the brassware is getting a " comb over" as it is very pitted and crap looking.

It's not a necessity. The transmitter jack will still sit in the socket even if the pad loses it's grip on the bass. You don't have the option with the Line 6 G30 transmitter because it is much bigger and more unwieldy than the SmoothHound, and you have to either clip it onto the strap or stick it into a pouch. It is 2.4 GHz only and there are no facilities to manually adjust the transmitting power or set the channels. It uses some internal smoke-and-mirrors to allow you to use up to 4 Smoothhound devices together, with a proprietary protocol which evidently does similar tricks to the Line 6 gear, but isnt' necessarily compatible with it. We could ask Chris. Which is really what funkyjimbob should have done in the first place - customer support from @SmoothHoundChris is normally top drawer.

The body of the transmitter is hinged at the jack. I guess this is so that the transmitter jack can fit strat type angled sockets, regular front facing jack sockets and those located on the edge whilst still allowing the transmitter body to sit flush with the guitar body. I have found other bug type transmitters to stick out from the guitar body. I guess if the sticky tape (which is more of a rubber substance) fails then yes the transmitters will end up sticking out of the body. It would probably depend on how loose the hinge was though really. I used it with a nitro finish leaving no marks, although not for too long. I switched to the belt mounting option. As @dand666 says, Chris at Smooth hound will supply extra sticky pads. I don't think its amateurish, but being a bug type product it will always have mounting limitations, I suppose.

Cheers Bas. I know i was gushing over it a week ago, and i still would be had it not been for me still having my BDDI (which i put up for sale and couldn't get a good price so withdrew it). Everything i said about it still holds true, but at the same time i think about how many people really need a clean preamp on pedal board if they are using a bass amp. Its just taking up space doing the same job as the front end of an amp. if i had wanted just an EQ pedal i have the much better Q/strip still. If the OD had been more usable, specifically with a blend knob like the BDDI then i may have kept it, but i find the basic tone changes too much when its engaged. I prefer to buy new on line for exactly this reason. Although i dont intend to send stuff back, when you have £200+ at stake its a good safety net. In fact the Cali was the only piece of music gear ive brought in person from a shop in years, and look how that ended up lol. For now im definitely settled as far as gear goes, its out of my system. Oh, and i used my GK MB800 last night for the first time in ages, that's a keeper now as well.

These stories are brilliant. And you tell them beautifully, Mr Happy. I'd definitely enjoy reading a blog of this stuff. S.P.

This is News?

There were a lot of people who thought FM mk2 should never have existed. Good job they didn't have their way. It a sad world if you can't go out and play your own back catalogue because of some arbitrary "rule". I dislike Susan Boyle but wouldn't dream of suggesting that she should not sing to her own fans. If FM can sell enough tickets for a stadium or arena world tour then they are more relevant to the music business than anyone playing on Basschat.

I was giving this some thought last night. My wife just chipped in said, 'Why does it have to have Hamer on the headstock? As you love Mike Lull stuff so much, wouldn't Mike Lull build you one? This actually set me juices flowing somewhat. Mike Lull is Jeff Ament's primary builder and Mike Lull has built two basses for me already, so umm, it's worth a punt. Dollar is weakening against Sterling. Might be a good time to enquire...

Yes, I sometimes shout out "1 2 3 4" really loudly, too.

No it’s wrong to put closed covers on If you can’t see the pole pieces how on earth Will any talent seep in ?

I've never had a music lesson in my life. I don't know any 'rules'. Hasn't stopped me making 9 albums.

Park Royal HHH is the guitarist who placed the advert. This is an established 3-piece that has been playing around London and the Home Counties for many years. Their long-standing bass player is retiring to the South Coast later in the year so they're getting ready for that by recruiting his replacement. This isn't technically an audition. HHH has already come to see me play (and sing) with the other pub rock band I play in, he knows exactly how capable I am, and he wants me to dep for two gigs he has coming up later in the month where the current bass player can't make it. Those two gigs will effectively be my 'real' audition. HHH has been very professional indeed. I've been supplied with full set lists for the two gigs, plus good-quality mp3s of the band playing all those 36 songs live, and he's been quick to give me very comprehensive answers to any questions I've asked. It's all looking good. With 36 songs to get gig-ready from a standing start I've invested a lot of home practice time. By the time I get to the studio I'm pretty ready. There are a few songs where I don't feel 100% confident but in the main I'm pretty happy. The session goes well, but there are some worrying straws in the wind. First, By God but they're LOUD! We're in a small rehearsal room and they have the PA, drums and amps cranked up to volume levels that I've rarely even gigged at. Second, HHH has really very fixed views on how each song's bass part should go, and it usually comes down to straight eights played with a pick. He doesn't want me to play fingerstyle, he's "not a big fan of arpeggios" (that's an actual quote) and he doesn't much like shuffle beats. Now I'm not used to being told how to play bass by a guitarist, but with so little time and so much material I decide not to argue about it. There'll be time enough later. Third? Oh yes, there's a third. HHH and the drummer have played together for 40 years. The two of them are like [cliche alert] an old married couple. They're virtually telepathic, complete each other's sentences, and will never be able to form a balanced band with an incoming bass player. Oh dear. Two days later the band is playing an Irish pub in Finchley with their current bass player. My wife and I go along to check them out. An old drummer I used to play with is a local so we call him and invite him to join us. The three of us sit there watching, and I am struck by how many of the songs have the lead vocals taken by the bass player. HHH has mentioned how important my BVs will be, but not that he himself is not actually the lead vocalist most of the time. Meanwhile a strange expression has come over Mick's face. He yells a couple of questions in my ear and then starts laughing. At the break he explains to us that he was in a band with HHH a few years back. "He's a complete bastard, and utterly mental" he says. "Absolute control freak, totally ruthless - just watch yourself". Then he leaves, still laughing. HHH comes over to ask me what Mick has just said about him. I tell him the truth. He laughs and seems quite unaffected by it. Our first gig together is a social club north of London on the Friday night. The band's PA is strictly 1980s ... two huge, heavy tops mounted on stands built (apparently) from scaffolding poles, and all of that on stage with us where it takes up perhaps a third of the frontage. I ask why we don't put the stands on the floor in front of the stage and get put in my place quite sharply with a load of bollocks about health & safety. The drummer brings in his shells, then his traps case, then his cymbals case, then his second traps case, then his second cymbals case. He's brought in enough kit to outfit three rehearsal rooms. He starts building a truly magnificent rig, including three floor toms, five rack toms and at least eight cymbals of varying sizes and shapes. A third PA stand with a large top now materialises at the back of the stage to the right of the drummer, apparently for (very loud) on-stage monitoring. This contributes to the drummer drifting his kit over to his left, thus pushing me against the wall where I'm standing under one of the PA tops. All sorts of alarm bells are ringing by now. My wife sets up her recording gear - she videos all the gigs my bands play. HHH sees this and delivers a lecture to the effect that nothing, nothing at all gets online unless he approves it. Hmmmm. We play the gig. My playing is fine. Not brilliant, but I'm always where I'm supposed to be and it will all sound fine to the audience. I drop a few minor clangers, as you might expect, but that's nothing compared to the list of cockups by HHH. He is clearly very uncomfortable at having to do all the lead vocals and that's spilling over into his guitar playing, which is all over the place. After the gig, the band breaks down and loads out in almost complete silence. Not a good sign. The next night we play another social club, this time south of London. The gig is virtually a carbon copy of Friday in every respect. On Sunday morning I'm in the queue at Sainsbury when my mobile rings. It's HHH. He tells me that I'm hopeless, my bass playing is "going backwards fast", it's just not going to work out, and they're going back to their previous bass player. He's clearly forgotten that I have a complete video recording of both gigs and he doesn't. I think we both know where the blame really lies. On looking at the footage carefully, I realise that the drummer never actually plays most of that enormous kit. It's just there for show. Frankly, I consider this one a bullet dodged. It was always going to end in tears.

Managed to spare an hour or so over the weekend for this. Now the paint is dry, put it face down on the grill cloth and folded over one side and stapled it down. Then did the same with the top, then cut it where it overlaps. Cut the cloth diagonally at the corners, so there wouldn't be too much of a 'bump' there, then folded over, stapled and cut again. Thankfully, still fits into the front of the amp. Phew, that's a relief. Now put the 'hook' part of some hook and loop (velcro) on the case but seem to have run out of 'loop'. Holds itself in well enough for now, so getting on with putting the badge on the front. Ta-da! There we go. Badge needs repositioning a bit more to the right but that's essentially it. Now, tried one of the new (genuine Fender) knobs I bought and they fit fine but the but either the '1' or the '10' will line up with the line on top but not both, so clearly not the right ones, so will have to return them and try to find the part number for the originals.

Yes, because being popular is where it's at. Personally, I'd just as soon listen to the Reynolds Girls that any of FMs turgid nonsense...

Reports of connection problems are still pretty rare. I can count them on my fingers and toes with 2,500 sets in the field. I think I'm talking with @funkyjimbob already on Facebook, maybe it's someone else, but in any case the majority of the reported problems include setups with a wifi mixer. WiFi routers are very shouty. They'll usually transmit at 100mW when by law continuous audio streaming wireless sets are limited to around 10mW. As @EBS_freak points out there are a variety of things you can do to limit router activity. I would add that if you can't move the router to 5GHz then set it to minimum transmit power (you don't need >100m range) and set it to fixed operating channel at an extreme of the frequency range (either channel 1 or the heighest available). That way you'll minimise the amount of the band that has background wifi in it. Only other thing is space. Radio interference drops off rapidly with distance so keep your receiver (and transmitter) as far away from wifi routers as you can - at least 2m. Other things that can cause range problems include putting the transmitter in your pocket (@FinnDave!!), in fact anything that doesn't give the transmitter space to radiate in to (had a case with a rear facing guitar socket that caused the transmitter to be pressed against the chap's belly). Make sure you've got your antennas turned up and away from the metal case in a vertical 'V'.

Although the listing does mention "Easy for brick layer and farmer fingering" so maybe he has a different audience in mind?

It took an old PC game from 1997 to hit the highest of high funktastic This is what Funk looks and feels like....

I have not played a Peerless Smoked Bass but a bassist in another band we supported a couple of years ago had one and sounded great causing me to buy a Peerless Retromatic B2 like the stock photo below. It's an excellent bass and I imagine the Smoked is also excellent. Peerless have made hollow body guitars and basses for many years including the Epiphone Jack Casady bass and the Epiphone Casino guitar.

Did a project P based on an Axl acrylic body a few years ago. Original scratchplate but different everything else, so required plenty of drilling for bridge & pickups, plus filling existing holes if they were close to where I was drilling. I used a hand drill, after marking/starting each hole with an awl. The material removed from the holes came out in nice little spirals, and there was no cracking around the tops. Old holes I filled with superglue, which was left to harden. It did a reasonable job of making them a bit less obvious too, but they were all hidden under hardware anyway. Weighed a metric f*cktonne and the neck was awful, but it looked awesome.

Probably because it makes them lots of dosh, they might still enjoy it, and it's all they've ever known?

After some false starts in Hertfordshire I found an ad for a country-rock style band. I contacted the guy who was the singer and songwriter writer. He tells me he has recorded albums in Nashville and does hundreds of gigs. We agree a time and place for me to meet up and play with his band. Then I eventually got links to YouTube videos.... The videos were badly shot, badly lit, videos of an old (nothing against that per se) man sat in his garden strumming a guitar. The recorded singing playing over this was utterly dreadful. My face dropped. My wife absolutely pee'd herself laughing. "It's like Kermit the frog!!!" She roars, now crying with laughter. There are a handful of these videos, each more painful than the last. I hadn't played in a band for a few years and was itching to go. "You just can't do this to yourself" my wife said, saying what I was already thinking. I made my excuses far in advance of meeting by emailing something about reforming my old band. I then get an email obviously meant for the rest of the band slamming me and my attitude saying I had "cried off". I replied stating that he probably meant this mail for other people but I will manage to hold back the tears.

Without trying to sound patronising, years ago I'd have said there's probably a lot of stuff a lot people shouldn't be doing. Since getting older and learning to just let go of the stuff that really doesn't matter I wish FM all the best with a new tour. If they want to play and there's folks that want to see/hear them then who am I to tell them, or anyone else they shouldn't? If you don't want to see them then don't go, seems fairly simple to me.

I have an Ibanez SR1206 which is a very good bass that I'd be happy to recommend you to add to your shortlist. I managed to get mine second hand and something similar should be in your slightly increased budget range. Ibanez generally have skinnier necks and I suspect that becomes increasingly helpful as you go from 4 to 5 to 6 strings; their SR Premium range provide you with a lot of quality for the money.

how should I know? I have 4 and can't decide on the ONE. MXR M80+ don't like the scooped mids T21 BDDI - don't like the scooped mids..... Ampeg SCR DI - the best, good tone options, OD not great, but useable for the old cab breaking up sound B7K - way overpriced, no option to just use the EQ section without the OD unless you dial it down, then manually turn it up when needed....kinda defeats the purpose of a pedal doncha think DG? serious flaw in it's design to not have a seperate footswitch for OD. The Ampeg wins, for now, but seriously Ampeg, did you have to make the pedal the fridge of pedals, TOO big and bulky. Bass Fly Rig for rehearsals and may replace ALL of the others

these are sooo good!!!

Yes, that's how I play football. ... I don't often get picked to join a team, though.

All dreadfully familiar. Before I moved to Finland in the mid 90s, I spent 15 or more years living in West London, so when I moved back to the UK (my native Oxford this time), I was amused to answer an ad on JMB for a bass player for a blues band, supposedly accomplished, experienced, plenty of bookings, etc, in Uxbridge. Well...band leader was a serial guitar buyer who simply had no idea how to play (I attended 3 or 4 rehearsals...ended up having to tune his guitar for him). Lead guitar guy was pleasant and reasonably good, but just got a lift to the rehearsal rooms and played whatever the BL brought along for him from his collection. I had to tune them, as well. Drummer was a decent bloke, but had to take a few days away from rehearsals ( no gigs booked at this stage) for family matters, so BL decided to get in a dep. Except he hadn't told the pro drummer who stood in what the deal was...nor had he told the original drummer. Played 3 or 4 songs during which the drummer and myself were struggling to control our mirth as the BL launched into unrecognisable versions of well-known blues songs... then the drummer packed up, told them thy were wasting his time, that none of them had a clue about music...except the bass player, he added. BL through a fit, threatened drummer with all manner of physical violence...and I never went back. Did several gigs withe drummer in other bands later though, and was once in a music shop in Oxford when I heard my name, turned, and there was the talentless BL in the process of buying yet another guitar or six. He insisted on showing me how they did certain songs now...exactly as they had been a year or two earlier. He still had to watch his fingers and carefully put each one in place for every chord. I left, rapidly. A few days later I had an email from him with a link to some video of a gig he'd done...it was completely unwatchable and unlistenable. Good idea this thread, it's very cathartic and I suspect that just about every gigging player will have similar tales to tell.

Welcome Bora.

A bit late to the thread but wanted to point out If you set the turner to Bass mode polyphonic tuning isnt even an option.

Aaaand three.....two,,,,,,one, you're back in the room.

I am so lucky right now. After years of really quite deeply unpleasant personalities I've found a keeper. I turned up at the audition and she met me at the car and started to help carry my gear into the rehearsal. Brought me drinks, paid for food and drives the band to gigs, has zero ego I can detect and rehearses every bit as hard as any musician I've ever known and considerably harder than most. Buys lots of expensive equipment, organises rehearsals, books gigs, helps pack down, works really hard on stage. Despite having the vocal ability to be the absolute focal point of any band she sees herself as the equal of us all. Even the drummer which I think is being unnecessarily hard on herself.

Never had a smoked bass, have tried smoked haddock 😀

You mean like this:

mmmm.... Nice.....