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You left out: singers who forget the words, singers who use music stands so they can remember the words, singers who talk too much between songs, singers who don't talk at all, singers with either too much or too little 'personality', guitards who play too loud, guitards who tune up between songs, guitards who don't tune up between songs, guitards who use capos, drummers who play too loud or slow down or speed up, promoters who don't promote, charities or mid-range dining establishments looking for free bands in exchange for 'exposure, band mates who arrive late (or not at all) for rehearsals', band mates who leave rehearsals early, band mates who don't learn the songs, bands who play covers too closely to the original, bands who play covers too differently from the original, bands who play covers at all, audiences which are too lethargic, audiences which are too lively, audience members who ignore the band, audience members who ask for requests, audience members who try to speak to you before during or after the gig, work colleagues who ask if you're in a band, couriers who don't turn up, couriers who do turn up but put the parcel in the wrong place, bassists who play solos, bassists who think solos are bad, bassists who slap, pub landlords who fail to put up gig posters, pub landlords who place the band too close to the audience, pub landlords who place the band too far from the audience, people who use a 4x10 on top of a 1x15, John Hall of Rickenbacker, Henry Juskiewicz of Gibson, any New York luthier who charges more than £500 for a bespoke hand-made bass, people with basses that cost more than £1000, young people, middle-aged people, old people, Americans, vegans, vegetarians, plantarians, carnivores, theists, anti-theists, cyclists, people who drive Audis or BMWs, tail-gaters, speeders, overtakers, Cliff Richard fans and anyone who is prepared to see both sides of an argument.

...And I'm fecking loving learning the bass. I didn't want to be one of those guitarists that would pick up a bass and think by default that they can play the instrument. No. And whilst the guitar actually feels quite alien in my hands now (I must factor in enough practice time) actively learning the Bass has been the best decision I have made in many a year. Thanks for your support ✊

Novice musicians place a disproportionate amount of value in the instruments their heroes used, ignoring the fact that it was pretty much all that was available at the time. Also completely disregarding the fact that their heroes wouldn't touch that wonky necked 70s Jazz bass they just paid £2k if their life depended on it. I recall an interview with either Jack Bruce or Eric Clapton regarding rehearsals for the Cream reunion - they got all of their vintage gear out from back in the day, realised their modern equipment was a lot better and binned off all the old stuff. There is nothing special about 40+ year old electric instruments, especially crude bolt on planks like Fenders.

I really do like the look of naturally worn instruments and in the meantime I love brand new shining basses. What a dilemma when it comes to choose one would you say ? Not at all, just play both and pick up the best sounding one and the most ergonomic too. And it won't be the worn one as you would bet even if they are history pieces for sure, most of the time they are just dull sounding. If you don't believe me, try to make the blind test that we've all been through, you'll be surprised by your favourite instrument under these conditions. This test has also been conducted many times with the famous Stradivarius compared to modern designed violins, and even the best players acknowledge that the Stradivarius sounded dull, lacking huge harmonic content, compared to a modern violin crafted by a real master luthier. Sad but true. I've sold all my vintage instruments (and I've owned a lot) when I decided to listen with my ears and not my eyes, or even worst my emotions, and I don't even mention the retail value syndrome here. That said if I had a ridiculous amount of money to throw away, I would buy one of these history pieces, just to hang it on the wall as it's a beautiful work of art when correctly worn... Won't make friends, I know. 😉

Mmm... Tea...

And I get to keep my DAY JOB!!!!!

I had a Ford Escort that was like that.

Yes (shortened from the classic "Yes, we have no bananas").

Been after a short scale bass for a while and having sold my Bass VI, I traded in an old 12 string acoustic to get this wee thing on @Teebs' recommendation I'm not convinced about the colour but I'm very impressed with the noise it makes. I'm even more impressed with having some change from the deal 😀

Yesterday morning I had the amazing chance to play the Holy Grail (for me) of bass - a 1960 Fender Jazz What an incredible bass, and a wonderful piece of history. It belonged to the the owner of my favourite music store, who sadly passed away in 2016, but his wife still owns it. All original, and he had it strung with medium gauge flatwounds, which were nicely broken in, and it played and sounded incredible. Needless to say I was pretty stoked to have the chance to play such a bass, definitely a day I’ll remember for a very long time! Here’s the beast in question (pic attached). Cheers, Ryan

I don't play mine much these days as I prefer a wider spacing but I too can vouch for the humble BB, great platform for pimping too if that's the kinda thing that blows your head back!

Don't re spray it but add mini cooper racing stripes!

It's not negative sniping when it's factually correct.

I have a 64 Precision. Why? Because I’m a sheep, got caught up in the fervour and herd mentality and decided an inordinate amount of money would get me a much better bass than any modern rubbish.

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Freshly added to the list - audience members who are going to actively notice if I take my left hand off the neck during a song.

Oh, and people who say "OMG". And "literally". Them too

The dead who lived before us, everyone alive now, all those yet to be born, all life anywhere in the universe and people who put the milk in the cup before pouring the tea rather than adding it afterwards.

Career tip: Be as humble as you like when you're here on BC but when you're out there you're a rock god howling defiance at the heavens with your enemy's skull for a drinking goblet and a chick wrapped round your leg. Think Frank Frazetta artwork and you won't go far wrong

Seen any good ones? I like this

Just got new bass into family and needed to share it with dear basschaters

Vocalists. Bloody vocalists. That is all.

I haven't even come up with a name for my kids yet. I just call them kid 1 and kid 2. Kid 1 is away at university now.

They were called The Designer Shoes. Later shortened to The Shoes The other one ( Not Mrs Ubits brother ) is playing lead guitar on this. I don’t think he cares much that some drunk girls didn’t like his type of music!

Home rig: Gig rig: Practice room rig: Some excellent noise making things.

My sons, a few years ago. They now both deny its them lol.

Don't mind @Ricky 4000 - he won't have meant it! He just had a bad experience with a porcupine once...

If you want neutrality, why do you care about the cone size? S.P.

I own an S9 series Precision (so could have been made any time from 1978-80). Got it for under £400 in 1999 (I was 13 and it seemed like a good deal compared to a new US Standard that would have been £700 or so). Now, basses from that era are going for £1300-£1500. If I had bought a US Standard when I was 14 it would probably only be worth £600 or so now. The reality though is that either instrument would still be a passive Fender that I have been using for a period of 20 years. After using the bass for twenty years, I have probably ruined my bass as a potential 'investment' purchase for someone else. What a bloody shame. I have always wanted to buy a seventies Jazz to match the Precision I have. When I was last properly looking for a four string Jazz in 2009, I played a few 60s Jazzes, along with a Sandberg and Sadowsky Metro. Mojo aside, the 60s Jazzes were nowhere near the Sandberg or the Sadowsky Metro in terms of fit, finish or sound. I love old basses, but if/when I have thousands to spend on a Fender Jazz-style bass I am much more likely to consider a Sadowsky, Mike Lull or even a new Fender Custom shop, where there less fear of 'will I get a good one?'

Be careful who you use for shipping. Some parcel delivery services dont insure for musical instruments, but they'll happily take your money and refuse a payout if they lose it or damage it. Read their small print on what they will or wont ship / whats covered and what isnt

Are antique dining tables necessarily different or objectively better than modern ones? I doubt it but they are an awful lot rarer

Years ago, when we first started, we used to play support to another band that was more established than us and certainly their guitarist was better than ours but we regularly blew them off the stage purely because we played fun songs, never took ourselves too seriously and clearly enjoyed ourselves onstage. Sometimes being very good technically can go against you, especially in Scotland and I suspect The rest of the U.K. too. We love to knock down folks who are too big in it and too far up their own derrière. Another sad but true fact.

People who add sarcastic comments and disappear without explaining

All things pass, but don't forget that you just "lived the dream" for a whole 13 months! From what you said you acquired a load of awesome bass gear, improved your skills no end, made new friends, spent a gap year out of the rat race and got to a point where people know what you're about and want to ask you back. I type this sat in the same office for the past 14.5 years bored off my cake. I'm massively jealous. I hear you that you had to go through a bad time to get you to that point, but wow. You've done something amazing out of that adversity and you'll always have what you gained in the past 13 months of your life that no one can take away from you. There's no sham in needing to eat. If you take that same motivation you had in joining bands, replying to ads, etc., along with the contacts you've made and skills you've learned, into the next 13 months then you never know where you may end up a year from now. You could make a few bob teaching, being a sound guy at a local venue or theatre and still bring in the odd £50 playing bass at the weekend. So what if that means doing deliveries or working behind a supermarket checkout somewhere? The reality is you will still get to do what you love, but you just have to do something else as well to pay for it. It doesn't make you any less of a musician. Good luck mate and be proud of what you've done. Superb posting!

Bus drivers. Jamie Oliver!! ☹️

Stuff getting a 5 string. It's why I make rule about what tuning I play in. Anything lower than C# standard is a "no." That tuning is easily obtainable with the drop pedal or with 105-45 DR DDT set. One of my producer mates is mixing a band that are tuned in drop E. It's just pointless and how I pity their bass player. Why they even need one with the guitars tuned that low is another question though. Ultimately, I play basses that for the most part aren't cheap. I'm not messing with the nut. Would you recut the nut on a Wal so you could play in C? Er, no.

The Romans?

... and Wednesdays. There, I think that just about covers it.

Don't you think that's a little bit extreme? What about Patrick Moore (RIP)... he was "OK" wasn't he...? 😥 edit: Oh, and Mahatma Gandhi?? 👍

And guitarists. You forgot guitarists

Thanks Simon, I got some 4mm stamps after Bridgehouse very kindly measured the numbers on his own bass (lucky bugger). The neck plate will probably be the next little job I can do while I'm waiting for the neck to arrive. I did the aluminium pickguard shield tonight. I worked out the wording from various photos around to be 'ALCLAD 2024T3 Q' and '2 KAISER' ………...like this I found some stamps online which looked to be near enough same size and font, some red enamel spray paint, a plastic clipboard and one of them roller things for getting dog hair off your trousers! After masking off the shield at what looked like the same width of gaps, I applied the lettering and I'm quite pleased with the results.

That’s a lovely story, sounds like a great guy. What was the shop called?

It's distressing to know someone was grafting away in the kitchen and no tea came forth. But good job on the board !

‘World’s Okayest Bass Player’ Christmas present from my brother.

Worst gig ever was a band showcase, or at least that’s what it was billed as, at a Country Club/ hotel type place. We were told there would be travelling expenses plus food and drink for all the acts. Arrived at venue to be told that travelling expenses info was incorrect, not really an issue as it was only half an hour or so away from us. We were a originals rock band, all hair and Ibanez guitars (as was the thing back then), we then get told we were on between the magician and the Neil Diamond impersonator, alarm bells are starting to ring. Go to the backstage room, here’s the free food and drink, a huge bowl of stale crisps and a crate of out of date light ale! Get through the gig, being largely ignored or frowned at, and as we’re packing guitars away in the backstage area, the organiser comes in and says “well done lads, you finished second, Neil Diamond won”. Feeling very deflated by now, our guitarist pipes up to try and cheer us up and says “ah well, he was very good, at least we came second” at which point our drummer walks in and says “turns out only three acts turned up, and while we were getting ready backstage, the magician tried to saw his assistant in half but the table broke and she fell off the stage and fractured her wrist, and we only beat him by one vote”! Luckily no one else wanted the light ale so at least we could drink enough to see the funny side of it all!