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Can you imagine if The Police had their van nicked? *Ring Ring* Hello, police. Hi there, this is Gordon from the police. Our van's been nicked. Jeeze, a police van? Boy you're in trouble. No... well, yes, I suppose you could say its a police van... it's certainly the police van. What? Look, I'm in the police. OK. And our van's been nicked. Right. Well can you like, find it? You're in the police. Yes. Find your own ****ing van before your Sgt finds out. No... I'm not in the police! You said you were! Well in one way I am. I'm recording this, you know. Oh, that's ironic. What? Etc...

Not to my knowledge, and we had a thorough look into The Police tribute band names before settling for our own name: Accidentally Falling Down a Staircase.

Thanks in no small part to the encouragement and good sense on this thread I am buggering on regardless. In fact I just applied to 2 more bands, one for a dep job the other asking for a pro bassist. So thank you all again.

*Ring Ring* Hello, police. Hi, I'm calling to report a stolen van. I see, is it your van, Sir? Yes. And your name is? Sting. I see - Sting. Yes. Would that be your first name or last name, Sir? Err... well both I suppose. So it's "Sting Sting"... Well, yes, if you like. It's not what I like Sir, I just need your name. Okay. Computer won't accept that Sir. Oh dear. Its saying the forename(s) must differ from the surname. Bummer. What if we put "Sting" down as your surname? Fine. So what first name shall we put? Gordon. Ahh, Gordon! Hello. We were having a little sweepstake on when you'd call ba *Click*

Just realised my new head will run into 2 ohms.... Too much?

*Ring Ring* Hello, police. Hi, it's Gordon again, about the stolen van. Hi Gordon. I've been talking to the band, and firstly I have to apologise for before. Oh that's OK. You're in the police band you say? Yes. Did you play at the Chief Super's birthday party? Um, no. Oh really? ... I'm going to need to call you back again... *Click*

Whether he actually felt Sue Lawley or not is more of a mystery.

Finally I have managed to get the garage cleared so I can get back on with a bit of woodwork. First thing for the day was to cut the new template for the slightly shorted neck. I used the bandsaw to cut the mdf template to within a couple of mm of the final size. Next was to use the router table with a template cutter to trim the new template to the correct size. I used the previous template stuck to the new one with double sided tape as the template up as far as the nut position, then used a smaller template for the headstock. This smaller headstock template was made but mad to to be about 2mm wider at the nut. Only a tiny bit of sanding was needed then the template fitted nice and snuggly. The short neck isn't going in this body but the neck pocket is the same size. Next task is to decide what wood to use for the neck (birdseye maple is favourite at the moment and then to slot the fretboard.

First proper run out with the Stomp at a big function gig last night, and it was fantastic: just the best sound I've had going DI/FOH ever. A couple of my more extreme patches (the big ones with distortion) need some of the top end fizz backing off, but that's a result of setting them up via headphones rather than using one of the PA tops, and over-egging the top end. Once I've tweaked them it'll be even better. We've working on a setup now where the BL has his setlist on his iPad, and if he changes a song, it changes his patches (it does this already), but will also change mine, so no more frenzied footwork to find the patch for the song... We can also set it so that when he selects his solo patch, it can select my bigger patch to fill the sound out. Sounded great in the in-ears, too... We've just got a small 12" RCF sub to go with the two RCF tops, so the load in and out is even lighter than before. It was plenty loud enough for a function room holding 250 people last night.

The area for the neck heel base has now been cut out of the purpleheart so that the neck can seat - in a sort of normal way - to the Sapele back: Once the front edge has been carved to mirror the neck carve, the neck should drop down into the pocket and seat properly: It's probably going to be easier to do this before I glue the purpleheart to the back. Then the walnut will be a similar process. Dunno...but there's half a chance this might work! Can you see, by the way, how the purpleheart is already darkening - and this is just with air exposure (it's been in the cellar so there's been no light) It will end up a completely uniform colour.

Also, while we're talking about Sting and his lies about being in the police, I bet the fooker's never been to the moon either.

I’ll have you know I still get offers from potential suitors. Fishermen fair enough, but still suitors!

I was so looking forward to seeing them at Reading festival, I think it was 1978, either way we got arrested and spent the evening enjoying the gentle hospitality of Thames Valley Police instead. Yes, we got arrested while Sting Stu and Andy got away with it. Go figure. The irony wasn't lost on one cheerful Bobby "don't worry son, you'll be seeing plenty of the Police tonight." He quipped as he gave my mate another friendly slap.

I impersonated Sting once by taking off my shirt and acting like a self righteous preaching pr#@k. Does that count? 😂

About to plug in. Anyone remember the opening scene of Back To The Future?

Pretty sure I remember reading that Coldplay stole their name from another band anyway. Then they stole their entire repertoire from Unforgettable Fire-era U2, apparently filtered through weak tea and insipid pink blancmange.

NO, NO, NO, in every way NO. Its just wrong. You might have shaved your legs first you uncouth heathen. And its a kilt, not a skirt. You'll be giving people the wrong idea about us Scotsmen altho i think you've already done that but who am i to judge what a "man" and "wife" do in their own home assuming there is a wife I will no longer be visiting Oban. That unsavoury image will be stuck in my head for the rest of my days All credit to you for posting that pic sir. You are a braver man, woman, whatever than i would be..........not that i'm suggesting all Scots wear womens clothes. Please note this conversation has no baring on what i wear in my Glam Rock covers band. Dave

I can’t play with a pick so I’d be useless with a banana....

Oo-er missus! Don't worry about the finances - I always submit our tax returns through the medium of interpretive dance - confuses the hell out of HMRC

Hahaha! And that's the picture he's willing to make public! 😕

Lol - just been dealing with a completely arrogant / lying guitarist (on Gumtree) who wants to audition for a dep role with the function band I'm in. Has put me in a very sarky frame (hence my responses to krsipn!). "I have played in a functions band in the past yes. They didn't have a name but they were excellent and very professional." "Ron - thanks very much, but all the applicants we are going forward with have provided YouTube clips of function bands they have played with and all the function bands had names! Without such examples I'm afraid we can't consider your application further. Thank you very much for your application and I wish you all the best with your professional musical career. Al" "It's your decision but it's a bad decision. I know for a fact that I have the best guitar sound and skills for your band and just because I'm not showing you a video of a fuction band that I was in, you are penalizing me for this, which is very childish, unfair and arrogant as you clearly think your band is one of the best which it is not. You only have one gig per month lol I'm the best candidate and You want the best guitarist candidate right? Why would you let me, the best guitarist go just because of one video. That's honestly really pathetic. Just from the way you've handled this, I am now completely refusing my services to you." Ron - thank you, that was helpful and very insightful. My life has, indeed, been full of bad decisions and this decision to choose other guitarists to audition is clearly just another example of me messing up my life and that of my band-mates. I will one day learn. But maybe it will be too late by then for me to recover from the many mistakes I have made? Who knows? You do sound really amazing and you are right, you are most likely much too good for us as a band which only has one gig per month lol. I promise therefore not to waste the time of someone so talented as you going forward, and I am sure you will find a much better band than us very soon, given that you are the 'best guitarist' we could possibly have hoped for. You are completely correct to refuse your services to us.

Sorry guys 😂

How come Sting's police were allowed to call themselves the police? I thought it was against the law to impersonate a police officer? One of the few professions that it's illegal to impersonate... another is a doctor... there's at least one more but I've forgotten it. Anyway, if calling yourself "The Police" isn't impersonating a police - I don't know what is. Therefore why weren't HRH the Queen's police involved? Any help from the police would be appreciated.

Since getting the shuker off Walshy last year, I’ve not gigged any other bass. I’ve never owned a Sei, but I can say my Shuker is truly awesome. 🤟🏻

It’s like a reggae sound system!

Nah, I "get it". I'm just not posting any pics!

Really admire your courage to do what you did in the face of adversity, and I feel you can take a lot of positives from that. Too many in this life do things that they have no passion for, and you decided not to do that. I wish I'd had the courage to do what you did, so fair play to you. As others have said, you made contacts while you were doing music as a career, and there's no harm in getting back in touch with as many as you can to help you along the way. You'll be surprised how many people are out there to give you a helping hand.

A mate of mine uses a 70s Jazz, neck pickup only, and in the mix you`d swear it was a Precision. When soloed easy to tell it`s not, but in the mix, well that`s where it`s at.

Our Friday evenings are traditionally the times where we do nothing but listen to music very loudly and have a few. Sometimes you hit the perfect storm and the crazy stuff starts. I remember one night, I appeared with the smoke machine and electric light ball. It was like a nightclub in the living room! All part of the craic! 😉 Edit: these days we don’t go out that often so if Muhammad can’t go to the mountain ....

learning this at the moment

Must be why they call it a bridge!

You show me a cannon when all I want is a newspaper to hit a mosquito A simple semiparametic (100-1000 Hz) with two controls, stacked, is all I want on the bass. I find that effective yet easy to tweak on the spot. Give me a passive tone plus a semiparametric like that one, and I'm happy. Resale value is not a factor for me. I really don't care. I find it odd to not modify an instrument the way I like it just in case I lose a few £ should I want to sell it in the future. Besides, it's easy to restore to stock, all I'm doing is changing two components and wires. And finally... this bass stays. I love it. This and the Stingray are the unsaleables

Quisling

"play" is a very loose term for what I does... ▶️

Ah, oui. Le telly. Pardonnez-moi. J’ai oublie que papa habite en France. Je suis certainement un billy silly.

You just have to PM @Rich to ask for your swear filter to be removed. He says he doesn't mind, so long as you've been on here for more than a week or something. 👍 As above - I can see what you typed - and it's frankly disgusting! 😁

skinnyman: (Aside to audience) These fools send me their money and think I’m saving it for them! They don’t know that they have bought me a yacht and a boob job! (to Teebs and Ricky) Of course, chaps. It’s all safely put away in our private account! You can trust me (mwah, hah, hah, hah) (Exits, sniggering to himself. Curtain)

So, flatwounds? *saunters away, whistling nonchalantly *

Surprised the profanity filter didn’t go off there.... No he’s not. Haven’t seen a penny

Sorry, but I've grown tired of apologising. 😁 Hey, isn't that the dress from "I Want To Break Free"? Interesting... do you feel that you want to "break free" yourself? What is it that you think you'd like to break free from? If you could wake up tomorrow with one thing changed about yourself - what would that be? That'll be £35 please. Please make cheques payable to The Three Twerps Counselling Services (TTCS) Ltd, Scunthorpe. Teebs Services™, Gibraltar. 👌

Sorry but i'm not wearing that excuse. There's obviously more to this than meets the eye. I think Oban is on the turn.

I'll pass your details on to him.

Ditto....The nearest I get is to play in Emergency Exit,doing classic punk covers by the likes of Blondie,Ramones,Sex Pistols,Rezillos,etc Oh to be 17 again!