band members are plotting to remove one of us... suggestions sought

[Beedster]

50 minutes ago, Crusoe said:

I could have sworn that I watched this series on Netflix.

 

Traitors was on ITV 👍

 

All joking aside, if it was me I'd pick up the phone and tell B exactly what's going on, I'd then pick up the phone and tell A what I've just done. I;d then resign from the band, go to the pub and have a pint. The only way to change the membership of anything but a fully pro band is to resign from it (or allow someone else to do the same, which can be done sensitively if things have got to that point which they sometimes do). Sacking someone from an amateur band is bollocks, especially if done in an underhand way

[Al Krow]

11 minutes ago, Beedster said:

Sacking someone from an amateur band is bollocks, especially if done in an underhand way

 

Tbf bands, including amateur ones, sack band members all the time, right? Sometimes a band member just doesn't click, isn't cutting it or prepared to put in as much as other band mates to grow the project etc. There's a myriad of reasons.

 

But the point about treating people how you would want to be treated is absolutely the right one: pretty sure that A would hate the rest of the band treating him the way he's treating B?

[Beedster]

17 minutes ago, Al Krow said:

Sometimes a band member just doesn't click, isn't cutting it or prepared to put in as much as other band mates to grow the project etc. There's a myriad of reasons.

Most of which, among decent people, are the cue for a grown-up conversation and an amicable - or at least civil - parting of the ways, not a sacking. Perhaps it's semantics?

[Al Krow]

8 minutes ago, Beedster said:

Most of which, among decent people, are the cue for a grown-up conversation and an amicable - or at least civil - parting of the ways, not a sacking. Perhaps it's semantics?

 

Yeah probably semantics? If someone's asked to leave a band against his or her wishes, by their bandmates that's a "sacking" in my books, even if it's done in a civil manner.

 

But, as you say, it really should start with a grown-up chat if at all possible.

[NancyJohnson]

I'd find a D,E and F and start a new band with them.  Maybe get a horn section in with G, H and I and find a couple of backing singers (J and K).

 

While you're at it, decimalise the music scale and create two new notes, H and I.

 

Sorted.

[Beedster]

7 minutes ago, Al Krow said:

 

Yeah probably semantics? If someone's asked to leave a band against his or her wishes, by their bandmates that's a "sacking" in my books, even if it's done in a civil manner.

 

But, as you say, it really should start with a grown-up chat if at all possible.

 

Agreed, I've been in a lot of bands, and have fallen out with a lot of people in them - some of who I'm still great friends with and with who we still occasionally have a damn good laugh about it all, a couple of others I never spoke to again - and as the result have left a lot of bands over the years and also seen many others leave. But I've never been sacked and never sacked anyone, just seems an odd thing to do in a band....  

[Al Krow]

5 minutes ago, Beedster said:

Agreed, I've been in a lot of bands, and have fallen out with a lot of people in them - some of who I'm still great friends with and with who we still occasionally have a damn good laugh about it all, a couple of others I never spoke to again - and as the result have left a lot of bands over the years and also seen many others leave. But I've never been sacked and never sacked anyone, just seems an odd thing to do in a band....  

 

I think it depends on what the ambition for the band is, and also what stage of development it's at? If it's established and a purely "for fun" project then I agree, it should hopefully be relaxed e.g. my previous band which was a more "for fun" project and had a very stable line-up for it's final 6 years with no-one leaving. which was lovely. And when two key band members left back in 2022-23 (one emigrated, the other just felt it was getting too busy for him) it did lose quite a lot in terms of comradery.

 

My current crew is a more semi-pro outfit and I'm very conscious that gig fees are a significant source of income for several of my bandmates. We have a crew of 7 on rotation, going out as a 4 piece, so if particular individuals weren't willing to put in the time and effort to make it work then they'd be asked to leave 'cos it wouldn't be fair on the rest. I guess I'm lucky that, 4 years in, we've got a lovely bunch of musos and gigging/working with them is a lot of fun. We're defo still not 100% free from occasional band angst - but your point about being able to have a grown-up chat is 100% spot on. It's not something I've always got right in times past, but hopefully something I'm getting better at.

[gjones]

The only time I've sacked anyone from a band was when one of the guitarists was a bit of a perv to the female singer. 

 

I had a thing for the singer myself, so took great delight in kicking him out 🤣

But other than that I've never sacked anyone, or been sacked. The classic situation is that the other members go off and start a new band.....without the member they all dislike (we've all been there). 

 

 

[steantval]

I have worked out which band you are a member of.

 

 

[Dad3353]

1 hour ago, NancyJohnson said:

... While you're at it, decimalise the music scale and create two new notes, H and I...

 

Decimalise, with fourteen notes..?  (...and there's already an 'H'  ...)

 

...

 

 

[Wombat]

He's in Steps?

[Jean-Luc Pickguard]

The 'other' Ian Watkins

[Wolverinebass]

This isn't going to end well. Unless that is you simplify things by banging all the band members significant others.  That's something that always sorts everything out and never has any negative consequences whatsoever.

[Norris]

Which ones are not t**ts, you can get on with, and can play the songs? Keep them, sack the rest. If none of the above find another band

[tauzero]

I've been B (nothing wrong with my playing, C was a friend of A and D who were brothers and ran the band and he decided he wanted to be in the band). E and F weren't happy with the way it was done (they told me there were no rehearsals for a few weeks - there were, but not with me). Eventually F told me. It wasn't very nice.

 

Eventually it was water under the bridge and a few years later I depped for them, but a while later they asked me to rejoin and I turned them down - largely because they'd turned out to be a load of racist bastards.

[hiram.k.hackenbacker]

I cannot be in a band environment than even has this relatively minor level of toxicity.

It saps any level of enjoyment out of it for me. I’d have to find something else.

[police squad]

I've been sacked once and replaced once

I knew I was getting sacked (18 years ago now) because the bassist wasn't speaking to me at gigs.

We had a rehearsal that turned into a band meeting in the pub (bass player didn't come, he was on holiday, the spinless w@n***)

To be honest, I wanted to leave because I thought the bass player was a tw@t anyway and I'm still mates with the other guys.

It was a great band, originals, good following, punters always singing along to the originals.

I'm ok with it

 

Now as for being replaced............

Underhand at best by the band leader and the singer

We needed a new drummer, so the singer gets the drummer from another band he's in

Great, I thought but the drummer wanted to bring his bass player with him

If the band leader had been honest with me I could have booked other gigs to fill my diary.

But he wasn't. He told me after they'd done some low key gigs (which I was asked about by mates, 'how did it go the other night at X?'

I've actually met the replacement, by chance, very recently. Nice chap, great player and he apologised, he knew nothing about it.

 

I don't want anything to do with underhand stuff, we're human beings and can be quite sensitive at times

 

Be honest and be fair

 

I would walk on this occasion as  I won't be part of this kind of thing

[Rich]

On 26/11/2025 at 09:17, fretmeister said:

Options:

 

1: Fire A for the same reasons he has about other people. Replace him.

 

2: Leave the toxic environment completely, but throw that grenade on the way out - "I am leaving the band. I cannot believe A is secretly plotting to bin B and even set up an audition for C. That's is appalling. A band should be like a marriage - if it's not working you end it. Not try out a side piece first"

 

3: Seduce A's partner. (Seems to be a rule).

For a proper grenade-in-the-portaloo departure, I would suggest the following amendment to 2, assuming that there's a D, E and F (or even G, H , I, J, K, L and M if your band is a ludicrous monster like mine) and that they're not party to the skulduggery:

 

2: Leave the toxic environment completely, but throw that grenade on the way out - "I am leaving the band. For those of you who don't know, there is a secret plot to bin one of you and there is an audition already arranged for the replacement. That's is appalling. A band should be like a marriage - if it's not working you end it. Not try out a side piece first"

 

D to M will now be wondering which one of them is the backstabbed and who the backstabbee is. Kaboom.

[Lozz196]

Earlier on this year I temped for my old band. They`d decided to let their bassist go, and asked me to go back and cover, in that order, which for me is the right way. As a courtesy I messaged him to let him know that I was covering and that it wasn`t skullduggery to get my old position back, to which he thanked me for the message, and said he was aware of this as they`d let him know.

 

I don`t see the need for all this underhand stuff, if it`s not working act, don`t plot, what my old band did above worked well, and because everything was up front there are no issues and we can all be grown-ups (well as grown up as The Inbetweeners perhaps) and get on with each other.

[neepheid]

I did jump into a pretty warm seat one time, and while the before times are none of my concern, the drummer made everything clear to my predecessor and I had a nice, cordial chat with him about it.

 

In all cases where I've been involved already, everything's been above board and talked out.  I've had bands be dissolved by the leader, I've left bands, but it's always been face to face.  Maybe I've been lucky.

[Al Krow]

1 hour ago, Rich said:

That's is appalling. A band should be like a marriage - if it's not working you end it. Not try out a side piece first"

 

Hmmm...not sure about the analogy?

Don't many of the 4/10 UK marriages that don't last, end precisely because one party tried a side piece first?! 

Besides open relationships seems to be much more of a thing with Gen Z - guess that's a bit like bandmates depping for other outfits? 

[Rosie C]

16 hours ago, Dad3353 said:

(...and there's already an 'H'  ...)

 

...

 

 

 

I was just about to say that!  

[BigRedX]

IME the less serious the band is the worse the band politics are. 

[SteveXFR]

Is this an algebra question?

 

[Steve Browning]

(A + C) - B = 0