How to ease a band member out?

[SuperSeagull]

When I joined my covers band a couple of years ago the line up was drums, 2 x guitar, bass, male vox/front man, female vox who has about 6 songs she fronts and a number of other she does bvs. The logic for a second singer was that the male vox plays in a couple of other bands so apart from broadening the set, a female vox meant we could gig if male vox was otherwise engaged. It took me about 10  mins to realise she couldn’t sing lead vox in a rock covers band - indeed her background is folk music and she wanted to branch out. The one time we played with her as lead vox was not up to standard. Consensus is she needs to go but…..is friends with drummer who is relatively new but we’d like to keep and she is quite needy - life hasn’t always treated her well and we don’t want to add to that. We gig without her at times. Her BF videoed her numbers at a recent gig and she shared this on the band WhatsApp group - it just reinforced she isn’t up to it, we kind of hoped she would realise and gracefully step aside but that was a vain hope! So, how to proceed? Be honest and say it’s not working, thanks and goodbye (my preference), hope she sees sense herself, carry on as is because we don’t want to do anything which compromises her? 

[Beedster]

Be honest but kind 👍

[Burns-bass]

1 minute ago, Beedster said:

Be honest but kind 👍

100% this. Cup of coffee and an honest chat.

[Downunderwonder]

Band meeting -1. Decide. ^firing^. Job done.

 

Start auditioning for new backing vox. You are asking a bit much for a true lead vixen to hang about doing backing vox most of the time. Don't make the same mistake twice.

 

To my mind the band gave her an opportunity but she has fallen short. She needs to be set free to follow her own folksy path. Maybe that will make her really angry and turn her into the next Joan Jet, doubtful.

[ahpook]

28 minutes ago, SuperSeagull said:

Be honest and say it’s not working, thanks and goodbye.

 

This, it really is the only way.

 

Acknowledge that she's tried and gave it her best shot, but that what she's doing isn't working out. I find it best to focus on what they're doing rather than  saying she isn't a good fit.

 

Good luck, never an easy thing to do.

Edited December 29, 2023 by ahpook

[Dan Dare]

Get the band to stand in a line and say "all band members take one step forward. Hey (name of member you want to fire), where do you think you're going?"

[Dan Dare]

49 minutes ago, SuperSeagull said:

say it’s not working, thanks and goodbye (my preference),

 

On a more serious note, this.

[Steve Browning]

10 hours ago, Beedster said:

Be honest but kind 👍

Definitely this. She may be perfectly suited to folk, but not rock covers. No need to be unpleasant. 

[KingBollock]

Find some musician friends that have nothing to do with your current band.
Get them to form a folk band.

Get them to ask her to join as lead singer, on the condition that she leaves the current band.

Get your current band a new backing singer.

Dissolve folk band (unless it actually works out…).

 

 

[steantval]

12 hours ago, Downunderwonder said:

Band meeting -1. Decide. ^firing^. Job done.

 

Start auditioning for new backing vox. You are asking a bit much for a true lead vixen to hang about doing backing vox most of the time. Don't make the same mistake twice.

 

To my mind the band gave her an opportunity but she has fallen short. She needs to be set free to follow her own folksy path. Maybe that will make her really angry and turn her into the next Joan Jet, doubtful.

Oh no, not another Joan Jet, one is bad enough. ☹️

[franzbassist]

12 hours ago, Beedster said:

Be honest but kind 👍

It won't be easy, but absolutely this.  Perhaps think of a couple of phrases beforehand that explain your thinking, rather than going in cold and just blurting out whatever comes to mind?

[Franticsmurf]

12 hours ago, Beedster said:

Be honest but kind 👍

This, and be early - don't let it drag on.

 

You might want to phrase it along the lines of 'do you think your voice is suited to our music?' In other words, try and get her to self assess and realise. Try recording a rehearsal (a band I was in did this and it highlighted the singer's weaknesses nicely).

 

Also (depending on the exact circumstances) is there any way that practice or lessons would improve things?  

[NHM]

change from playing rock covers to become a folk band - job done, no need to upset her.

[mr4stringz]

Honesty is the best and only policy that works, as others have said. Be kind, open and keep it fairly short.

 

13 hours ago, SuperSeagull said:

is friends with drummer who is relatively new but we’d like to keep

And, hard as it can be at times to find a decent drummer, this can’t come into it.  Either they agree and stick (pun intended) around, they don’t agree but stick around for the greater good or they walk. 

[Ed_S]

Clearly a minority opinion, but if she's a passable backing vocalist who knows the set, doesn't mind that you sometimes gig without her, has the stones to cover lead in the event of sudden illness or incapacitation, and you all get on alright to the point where it's not fallen apart in the last couple of years, then I see some value in that. The softest-touch approach might be to say that having had the opportunity to watch the videos she posted, you think that for the sake of keeping the band sound and image consistent you really don't want to book any more gigs when male lead vox is unavailable. That gives her the opportunity to stay on (and maybe even step up and save the gig for you one day) but in a clearly defined backing role.

[White Cloud]

You know, it always comes back to this: one way or another people are a problem. 

 

A real quandary, I'm generally hopeless with this stuff but 100% agree ... no matter what, kindness is paramount. 

[3below]

Before pressing the red button it is worth asking the question "is she fixable"?  With time, explanation, coaching etc could she become good? If she is fixable then ask yourselves the questions, "do we have the time and willingness to invest in her, is she worth fixing in terms of what else she brings to the band?". A sound piece of advice I was given many years ago was that (most) people do not want to come to work to do a bad job.  Whatever the outcome I always remember that people need to be left with dignity and a sense of fairness.  You never know what will come round.

[chris_b]

You could use the Status Quo method. Break up the band and shortly after reform with one member replaced.

 

Replacing someone doesn't have to be nasty. As others have said, be kind, positive and firm.

[Beedster]

Just now, 3below said:

Before pressing the red button it is worth asking the question "is she fixable"?  With time, explanation, coaching etc could she become good? If she is fixable then ask yourselves the questions, "do we have the time and willingness to invest in her, is she worth fixing in terms of what else she brings to the band?". A sound piece of advice I was given many years ago was that (most) people do not want to come to work to do a bad job.  Whatever the outcome I always remember that people need to be left with dignity and a sense of fairness.  You never know what will come round.

Agree 100% with that, how many bands have let a member to go only to find a long list of replacements who were equally if not more problematic. Years ago we replaced a decent and reliable singer with an outstanding singer who sadly lacked the reliability of his predecessor and in doing so turned a minor irritation into a major and ongoing stress (he also came with a habit or two that added to the complications).

 

What would Stephen Stills say......   

[Angel]

Ouch! I would HATE that situation. I was cursed with way too much empathy in life and I am already worrying for her reaction having read this thread. That would devastate some people, I really hope that she takes it OK. 

[Stub Mandrel]

Is the issue a backing vocalist who is willing to step up when needed, but isn't a natural front person?

 

Or is it having an unreliable or unavailable lead singer?

 

It really depends on what proportion of gigs the lead isn't available for, and whether you really need a more available lead.

 

Or is this really about personalities?

Edited December 30, 2023 by Stub Mandrel

[Happy Jack]

You could suggest that she try getting some lessons in how to do rock vocals ... makes it clear that she's not (currently) up to scratch whilst still being positive about it.

[Supernaut]

If she was no good to begin with, why was she taken aboard? 

[Baloney Balderdash]

8 minutes ago, Supernaut said:

If she was no good to begin with, why was she taken aboard? 

You got a good point there, time to start up the time machine and set things right! 

 

 

On a more serious and constructive note:

15 hours ago, Beedster said:

Be honest but kind 👍

This!

 

Edited December 30, 2023 by Baloney Balderdash

[40hz]

I'd be having an honest (and kind) chat, but giving her the opportunity to rectify it - can't say fairer than that. "Have you ever considered vocal lessons to bring us on to the next level" etc.