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Marvin

Just knew I shouldn't have said yes to a band.

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I quit bands, and music, everything at the beginning of the year. I sold almost all my gear, bar 2 basses and a bag of leads. People said don't, but I'd had enough.

Then I got asked by someone I said I would be in a band with, the only person I'd be in a band with, I owed him really. And am I regretting it. All the same old crap. People not learning songs, not bringing gear, can't pay for rehearsals blah blah blah.

Musicians are such utter moronic wasters.

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How could you call musicians utter moronic wasters when the truth is that not only are musicians utter moronic wasters, but also pretty much every non-musician too. 🤨

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2 hours ago, Marvin said:

I quit bands, and music, everything at the beginning of the year. I sold almost all my gear, bar 2 basses and a bag of leads. People said don't, but I'd had enough.

Then I got asked by someone I said I would be in a band with, the only person I'd be in a band with, I owed him really. And am I regretting it. All the same old crap. People not learning songs, not bringing gear, can't pay for rehearsals blah blah blah.

Musicians are such utter moronic wasters.

Your experiences could not be further from mine. I hope things improve for you.

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2 hours ago, Marvin said:

I quit bands, and music, everything at the beginning of the year. I sold almost all my gear, bar 2 basses and a bag of leads. People said don't, but I'd had enough.

Then I got asked by someone I said I would be in a band with, the only person I'd be in a band with, I owed him really. And am I regretting it. All the same old crap. People not learning songs, not bringing gear, can't pay for rehearsals blah blah blah.

Musicians are such utter moronic wasters.

I have been right where you are now. I wonder if perhaps you went back to it too soon. When I got back on the horse I was in a different frame of mind and found it easier to smile at other's foibles. 

Oh and joined multiple bands so I could walk away from the idiots and stay with the winners. 

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I'll be quitting this band. I've been in this situation too many times and my patience is too thin to put up with it. The kicker last night was they couldn't even play the songs they'd supposed to have learnt for last week, let alone the ones for this. The basses will be going back in their cases and will, at some stage, probably be seen in the for sale forum.

This year was the first year in the last +10 years where I wasn't in a band, and it's been a good year. I've spent a lot of time fishing with a mate of mine and taking my kids. Last Saturday I took my eldest fishing, I loved every second, we had a belting day. I've not felt like that in a band,not that I can remember. So...day off Tuesday, weather looks good, I'll be getting the rods out, NOT learning songs.

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1 hour ago, Marvin said:

I'll be quitting this band. I've been in this situation too many times and my patience is too thin to put up with it. The kicker last night was they couldn't even play the songs they'd supposed to have learnt for last week, let alone the ones for this. The basses will be going back in their cases and will, at some stage, probably be seen in the for sale forum.

This year was the first year in the last +10 years where I wasn't in a band, and it's been a good year. I've spent a lot of time fishing with a mate of mine and taking my kids. Last Saturday I took my eldest fishing, I loved every second, we had a belting day. I've not felt like that in a band,not that I can remember. So...day off Tuesday, weather looks good, I'll be getting the rods out, NOT learning songs.

 

I feel your pain...

The worst thing about bands is... people. The wrong ones make bands, and playing live, a most unpleasant enterprise. Get the right ones, however... and it's great. It's tough to get that, 'though. I got it several times, and it was only through being able to quit and not pursuing lost causes that I got there, so don't be shy to quit if things are not working.

At the same time, sometimes our tolerance (let's face it, it's never 'perfect') is at a low point, and taking a break helps. It helps our sanity at the very least... and in the future we may be better equipped to face band stuff again. Or maybe we find we're done and prefer to just make music at home.

One day at a time.

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Makes me realise how lucky I am to be in a band with people I actually quite like, who learn the songs they’re supposed to learn, turn up on time, don’t miss rehearsals etc. Sure, there are things I’d change if I could, but no one’s perfect, and I’m sure they’d say the same about me. 

 

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40 minutes ago, BrunoBass said:

Makes me realise how lucky I am to be in a band with people I actually quite like, who learn the songs they’re supposed to learn, turn up on time, don’t miss rehearsals etc. Sure, there are things I’d change if I could, but no one’s perfect, and I’m sure they’d say the same about me. 

 

I'm fortunate to be in the same scenario. Fab drummer who I really gel with, guitarist who seems to be able to play pretty much anything and isn't a volume freak and a singist that we've had to retrain a bit but now learns his bits before rehearsals rather than during them. And playing songs I love in venues I like. Doesn't get much better at the moment - apart from acquiring a roadie and a helicopter I guess 😊

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MY biggest annoyance too - Turn up for a rehearsal and it's clear when someone hasn't been learning their parts individually.

'Have you learned the song mate?'

'Yeah I had a quick listen'

:angry2:

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3 hours ago, Marvin said:

I'll be quitting this band. . . . .

Don't blame others. It's you that is making these choices and picking the wrong bands and musicians. Don't throw your toys out of the pram because these guys aren't serious about their instruments. Selling your gear is not a constructive way to deal with this problem. Search out better musicians who are on the same page.

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There are plenty of musicians who do show up on time, do practice, do pay their way and occasionally, just occasionally, even get a round in! Sounds to me like you @OP, have been unlucky.... and we've all been there. 

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36 minutes ago, chris_b said:

Don't blame others. It's you that is making these choices and picking the wrong bands and musicians. Don't throw your toys out of the pram because these guys aren't serious about their instruments. Selling your gear is not a constructive way to deal with this problem. Search out better musicians who are on the same page.

How is the air up there? 😂

A bit harsh I feel given that the OP drew a line and was lured back in by the one person he did want to work with and it still went to the dogs. Sometimes even the best of us get suckered into to something that we have second thoughts.

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8 minutes ago, hiram.k.hackenbacker said:

How is the air up there? 😂

A bit harsh I feel given that the OP drew a line and was lured back in by the one person he did want to work with and it still went to the dogs. Sometimes even the best of us get suckered into to something that we have second thoughts.

I understand and I intended the "wake up" tone. There seemed to be a level of blame in the couple of posts that I don't think is helpful going forwards. Always take responsibility for getting yourself into and out of situations and finding better ones when it isn't working out. It's probably the "It didn't work out so I sold all my gear" approach that I don't agree with most.

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4 minutes ago, chris_b said:

I understand and I intended the "wake up" tone. There seemed to be a level of blame in the couple of posts that I don't think is helpful going forwards. Always take responsibility for getting yourself into and out of situations and finding better ones when it isn't working out. It's probably the "It didn't work out so I sold all my gear" approach that I don't agree with most.

It seems to me, and I may be wrong, that the OP is very much an all or nothing kinda guy. I have traits of that myself and have been frustrated in the past by perceived ‘lack of commitment’ from other people, when in reality they’re just not as full on as I am about how much effort we should all pull as a band. I would have to be going through a very bleak time indeed or suffer some hideous physical in-capacitance to think about selling all my gear though. That’s scary talk 😀

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1 hour ago, hiram.k.hackenbacker said:

It seems to me, and I may be wrong, that the OP is very much an all or nothing kinda guy. I have traits of that myself and have been frustrated in the past by perceived ‘lack of commitment’ from other people, when in reality they’re just not as full on as I am about how much effort we should all pull as a band. I would have to be going through a very bleak time indeed or suffer some hideous physical in-capacitance to think about selling all my gear though. That’s scary talk 😀

I actually get it, and have myself done it. While the wording from the OP comes across as a bit "throwing your teddy out of the pram" I don't think that was the intention. If you are no longer getting enjoyment from doing something, and genuinely believe that the enjoyment has gone for good, then why sit on a load  gear, clogging up space and gathering dust, when you can sell it and put it towards something else? 

I also understand how a person might be lured back into it by a friend and a bit of rose tinted glasses mentality, only to rediscover why they'd had enough of it in the first place. 

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me, and it's not like he's the first person in history to use this forum to have a bit of a rant and blow off some steam. 

 

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My motto is when something is no longer enjoyable then its either time to make a change or to walk away. The reason's why it not enjoyable any more can be many a thing, be it your own mentality, the fire is no longer in your belly, its stale , you've just had enough or the people are tossers, the music is crap, the musicians are not very good, the situation is tonic or something else. The key is to recognize this and either change it or walk away, doing nothing is not going make things any better and you will just waste time and get more worked up and stressed about the situation.

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5 hours ago, Marvin said:

I'll be quitting this band. I've been in this situation too many times and my patience is too thin to put up with it. The kicker last night was they couldn't even play the songs they'd supposed to have learnt for last week, let alone the ones for this. The basses will be going back in their cases and will, at some stage, probably be seen in the for sale forum.

This year was the first year in the last +10 years where I wasn't in a band, and it's been a good year. I've spent a lot of time fishing with a mate of mine and taking my kids. Last Saturday I took my eldest fishing, I loved every second, we had a belting day. I've not felt like that in a band,not that I can remember. So...day off Tuesday, weather looks good, I'll be getting the rods out, NOT learning songs.

Yes I did that but could'nt escape music. I bumped into Fish, Seal, Walter Trout and the Wailers, all doing the same thing.

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6 hours ago, hiram.k.hackenbacker said:

…. lured back in by the one person he did want to work with and it still went to the dogs. Sometimes even the best of us get suckered into to something that we have second thoughts.

True... I guess many of us are optimistic that things might have improved even though experience might tell us otherwise.

 

As my mum says, "You can live in hope even if you die in despair."  Hopefully it wasn't directed at me! 😳

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Why does quitting the band mean selling the gear? If you like playing bass, just play and record at home. Unless you're bit fussed about the instrument and only see it as means to perform live of course, in which case if you've lost the love for being in a band and you don't love the instrument then by all means, sell the gear, I suppose. 

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^ This

I've left 3 bands now, with big long stints of doing nothing in between, but not once did I ever consider selling the gear. I've put too much hard work in finding gear that I like, and I love just plugging in every now and then to annoy the wife!

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12 hours ago, Marvin said:

I'll be quitting this band. I've been in this situation too many times and my patience is too thin to put up with it. The kicker last night was they couldn't even play the songs they'd supposed to have learnt for last week, let alone the ones for this.

 

You're not alone. I've just kicked a band into touch for precisely this reason.

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And another one here sadly, a years effort seems to be going nowhere. And with my other band on sabbatical due to new babies arriving and someone moving I am staring at the prospect of no gigs after playing a mates wedding next month. 

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On 11/09/2019 at 14:36, Marvin said:

I quit bands, and music, everything at the beginning of the year. I sold almost all my gear, bar 2 basses and a bag of leads. People said don't, but I'd had enough.

Then I got asked by someone I said I would be in a band with, the only person I'd be in a band with, I owed him really. And am I regretting it. All the same old crap. People not learning songs, not bringing gear, can't pay for rehearsals blah blah blah.

Musicians are such utter moronic wasters.

I don't think you should have quit bands and music. Quit bad situations and the wrong people.

Blue

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On 12/09/2019 at 06:49, Marvin said:

I'll be quitting this band. I've been in this situation too many times and my patience is too thin to put up with it. The kicker last night was they couldn't even play the songs they'd supposed to have learnt for last week, let alone the ones for this. The basses will be going back in their cases and will, at some stage, probably be seen in the for sale forum.

This year was the first year in the last +10 years where I wasn't in a band, and it's been a good year. I've spent a lot of time fishing with a mate of mine and taking my kids. Last Saturday I took my eldest fishing, I loved every second, we had a belting day. I've not felt like that in a band,not that I can remember. So...day off Tuesday, weather looks good, I'll be getting the rods out, NOT learning songs.

Taking your kids fishing is the best thing ever. Simple pleasures.......

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