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Tom Brookes Music

Funny things that people say to you at gigs

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[quote name='fatwull' timestamp='1422874716' post='2677694']
Guys and gals, do you still get the odd doughball asking you to "put on a slow one" like you were a DJ putting on records??
[/quote]

Yes, lots of times, which further goes to show that the vast majority of punters have not got a clue as to what's going on!

I remember s while back, being in this girls company and she said, oh they are really good. I was shocked and couldn't wsit to tell her the reason they are good is because no f***er is playing anything. It was glorified karaoke with nothing but backing tracks and a couple of mediocre singers! Bash humbug!!!

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'You remind me of Suzi Quatro'

Nothing wrong with that, mind you! And to be fair, I do look more like her than I do any other female bass player. (Not that the punters will have heard of any other female bass players. Probably couldn't name any male bass players either, lol :D )

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[quote name='EssentialTension' timestamp='1422860111' post='2677540']
'You aren't tall enough to play bass.'
[/quote]

[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1422879772' post='2677768']
'You remind me of Suzi Quatro'
[/quote]
These could be from the same conversation.

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[quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1422874798' post='2677697']
"Is that a 'cello?"

"Why did they give the shortest person in the band the biggest instrument?" (I tell 'em we drew straws and I lost).

Most annoying one was at a recent gig in Weymouth. Very drunk woman at the front shouting "oi! Do you do weddings" all the way through the first set and getting really arsey that we wouldnt talk to her there and then. Got collared by her during the break where she ranted on about how rude we were and that she wanted to book us for her sisters wedding (even though she described her sister as "a c**t"). I said we were already booked for that date (which was true) "I don't care about that" she says "you're f***ing playing. You only need to play for an hour so you'll do it for free cider"
[/quote]

We are really classy here in Weymouth :rolleyes:

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At a StatusNo gig, the clue's in the name , dulcet Glaswegian tones from he back of he hall "Gie's The Killers!"

At a wedding band gig - "Mate, put a Robbie Williams record on next"

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[quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1422874798' post='2677697']
"Is that a 'cello?"

"Why did they give the shortest person in the band the biggest instrument?" (I tell 'em we drew straws and I lost).

Most annoying one was at a recent gig in Weymouth. Very drunk woman at the front shouting "oi! Do you do weddings" all the way through the first set and getting really arsey that we wouldnt talk to her there and then. Got collared by her during the break where she ranted on about how rude we were and that she wanted to book us for her sisters wedding (even though she described her sister as "a c**t"). I said we were already booked for that date (which was true) "I don't care about that" she says "you're f***ing playing. You only need to play for an hour so you'll do it for free cider"
[/quote]

:lol: :lol:

sounds like she'd had too much of her 'product'

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[quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1422874798' post='2677697']
"Is that a 'cello?"
[/quote]

I get this one alot as i walk with my double bass on my back, I dont mind children asking but fully grown slackjawed adults makes me cringe.
I pass several pubs and when asked the usual response is "no im the drummer/organist/clarinetist/etc(whatever springs to mind) i swear you can see the cogs turning.
Put a Double bass on your back and everyone becomes a comedian. <_<

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[quote name='MarkW' timestamp='1422850464' post='2677531']

Did I hell! She even had our drummer backed into a corner at one point, and was escorted out of the show ground by security later in the day for 'obscene behaviour'.
[/quote]
I think I went out with her a few times....

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[quote name='gerryc' timestamp='1422892134' post='2677955']


We are really classy here in Weymouth :rolleyes:
[/quote]

The vast majority of our Weymouth gigs are ar*ehole free... I think she was from Dorchester.

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[quote name='JTUK' timestamp='1422896156' post='2678033']


:lol: :lol:

sounds like she'd had too much of her 'product'
[/quote]

It is one of the problems with playing in a 'scrumpy 'n western' band, punters will inevitably drink too much scrumpy.

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my favourites are:

'have you brought your lights?' seems to be the most popular

'are you good enough to pay tax?' was funny

and best of all, being introduced at a social club with not the band name but
'here they are, four lads....'

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[quote name='hubrad' timestamp='1422811246' post='2677028']
I've had a couple of blokes now, who I vaguely knew for years but hadn't seen in ages, claiming to have taught me either a specific song or in one case all I know! What's that about? Total delusion, or a craving for reflected glory?
[/quote]

My dad does that at my gigs on guitar!!! Hahaaa he bloody loves watching me play though, tells me how proud he is at the end of the night still!

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Not me but one of my mates was doing a function of some sort (he plays Sax) girls walks up to him and says "Can you play any Britney Spears on that trumpet" :lol:

A few weeks back some guy told me that I am better than the bassist in Parliament :blink: (I'm sh*t!)

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[quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1422901341' post='2678135']
The vast majority of our Weymouth gigs are ar*ehole free... I think she was from Dorchester.
[/quote]

Ah that explains it all, seriously let me know next time you are in Weymouth and I'll come along to see you.

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[quote name='TheRev' timestamp='1422901498' post='2678139']


It is one of the problems with playing in a 'scrumpy 'n western' band, punters will inevitably drink too much scrumpy.
[/quote]

PMSL at scrumpy 'n western :lol:

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Guy came up to me during the break in between sets and started talking gibberish (clearly pissed). I did not understand a word he said and I just nodded then he turned his back and walked away.

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"Hey mate, that's a big fiddle - how do you get it under your chin?"
"It's tricky. Could I borrow some of yours?"

We had a great gig once when a drunk geezer was talking to our sound guy about how attractive our lead singer is. After a while, our guy says "Actually mate, that's my wife!" (which is true). Guy looks him up and down a couple of times and says "f***ing hell, you've done well for yourself!"

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[quote name='ubit' timestamp='1422817396' post='2677159']
I usually get people talking to me whilst I'm not only playing, but singing!
[/quote]
This REALLY p*sses me off.

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I loved the one who asked me to do some Queen (I run a DANCE sound system) and the pub owner (masturbatory fantasist) who walked around trying to present my semi-installed 1k system as his own to potential customers - fell flat on his tight, sancitimonious face when he got back from holiday and found we'd removed the bloody lot, staples 'n' all...we did larf.....

:D

Edited by taunton-hobbit

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