thebigyin Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Having not played in a band for quite some time now i was unfortunately diagnosed with depression about 6 years ago and quit my last Band because of the illness ect....to be honest i never bothered playing either my Bass or Guitar and now suffer with terrible confidence issues where I have become terribly unreliable musically....never bothered me work wise in my job as i have to work But i get offers or reply to band offers and get the highs of the thought of been in a band again but next day i will make up some excuse and pull out it's an awful situation and I often wonder whether i should just sell up altogether....anyone suffer the same plight or any advice...i am 55 now and was always pretty positive but just a musical shambles these days cheers Bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Browning Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 I am not familiar with Sin City (more's the pity) but where are you? Could you take yourself to a blues jam or something and ease yourself back into it? They are wonderfully supportive places and you usually play 2 or 3 numbers before the band is changed around again. I'm kind of the opposite in that I only feel like I know what I'm doing when I am playing bass. In every other situation I feel like a fish out of water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozz196 Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Only sell your gear if you need to, Bob. You never know when the feeling to suddenly play may come along, and if you`ve sold it on, not being able to then play might be an additional factor to your depression. Enjoy the feeling of people wanting you to be in a band, but only join if you really want it - no-one can join every band. Look at it like being head-hunted for a big company, those guys can`t take up every offer, but it must be extremely flattering and positive to receive those offers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodinblack Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Yes, hang on to it - I didn't play anything for a decade and then it all came back, hopefully you haven't got too long to go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannybuoy Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Don't sell your gear if you still enjoy playing. I haven't been in a band for a few years now but still buy gear! Playing bass doesn't have to be a join-a-band-or-quit deal, you can have hours of fun simply learning songs, jamming to backing tracks, and learning more theory. The better the player you become (and the more Jamerson grooves you master), the more confident you will become also! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebigyin Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Many thanks for the replies guyz....trying to stay positive....Unfortunately I work as a part time cleaner on nights during the week so not able to attend any jam sessions which would probably help me out this rut....my wife keeps telling me not to sell my gear so holding onto it at the moment...thanks again i appreciate your feedback Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebigyin Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 [quote name='Steve Browning' timestamp='1498633291' post='3325938'] I am not familiar with Sin City (more's the pity) but where are you? Could you take yourself to a blues jam or something and ease yourself back into it? They are wonderfully supportive places and you usually play 2 or 3 numbers before the band is changed around again. I'm kind of the opposite in that I only feel like I know what I'm doing when I am playing bass. In every other situation I feel like a fish out of water. [/quote] Grimsby thanks for the reply Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uk_lefty Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Doesn't have to be a band, why not find a singer song writer type who wants to jam a bit? Work up from there! There are online collaboration things where someone records a beat or something then you submit a recorded baseline and people build up a song, that could be a good way of getting back in to it? Don't give up, just find a path that you can follow at your own speed and gives you the enjoyment you want! Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebigyin Posted June 28, 2017 Author Share Posted June 28, 2017 Thanks again some good ideas...actually picked my Bass up for an hour or so this afternoon and just plodded around on some blues and bits cheers Bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoRhino Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 You have a very positive wife there Big Yin - keep your gear and keep working at your playing when you feel like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japhet Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Setting yourself achievable goals is the first step. Then move onto gradually increasing your comfort zone, safe in the knowledge that you can retreat back into it whenever you need to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ambient Posted June 28, 2017 Share Posted June 28, 2017 Confidence with your abilities or in general? I had problems with both during uni. I have Aspergers which was the cause. If music is what you enjoy doing, you don't necessarily have to play in a band. Maybe explore writing and recording your own stuff? Alternately advertise and start your own, doesn't need to be a full band to start with, just jam with a guitarist and take it from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebigyin Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 [quote name='ambient' timestamp='1498667037' post='3326240'] Confidence with your abilities or in general? I had problems with both during uni. I have Aspergers which was the cause. If music is what you enjoy doing, you don't necessarily have to play in a band. Maybe explore writing and recording your own stuff? Alternately advertise and start your own, doesn't need to be a full band to start with, just jam with a guitarist and take it from there. [/quote] Initially i started out in the late 70's as a Vocalist but packed up in the mid 80's because of work commitments and marriage/kids ect....then in 99 i decided to learn Guitar but moved onto Bass was playing in a local Rock n Roll covers Band within 6 months of picking Bass up....played in a Pop/Rock covers Band and Folky Blues Acoustic band and thoroughly enjoyed all....but working permanent nights i found it difficult to commit to anything and suddenly working nights on my own i think the demons set in...hence the depression kicked in and i just lost all my confidence became unreliable...it's a real battle to be honest i just think i'm useless....but saying that i cope and getting slightly better....but unfortunately most jam nights are during the week and i'm in bed at stupid o'clock to do my cleaning job....thanks for your replies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Bay Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Do you know anyone you could just hook with and play with in a no pressure environment? Maybe a few practice/ rehearsal/ jam/ call them what suits best sessions will bring the confidence back. Being a relative beginner Who started gigging after two months I have been amazed that punters will miss mistakes. They are very obvious to us but as long as you start together, nail any breaks and stop together they seem happy as long as they know the songs. We are always our own worst critics. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebigyin Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 [quote name='T-Bay' timestamp='1498716885' post='3326471'] Do you know anyone you could just hook with and play with in a no pressure environment? Maybe a few practice/ rehearsal/ jam/ call them what suits best sessions will bring the confidence back. Being a relative beginner Who started gigging after two months I have been amazed that punters will miss mistakes. They are very obvious to us but as long as you start together, nail any breaks and stop together they seem happy as long as they know the songs. We are always our own worst critics. Good luck. [/quote] Thanks i have just put an ad on join my band to try and get a Blues covers Band together....no rush just hopefully team up with some guys who have a passion for the Blues...i am 55 now and don't really fancy playing the regular pub covers no more...i have always wanted to play Bass in a Blues Band so fingers crossed i'm not even bothered if it hardly ever gigs but it would be nice thanks for your reply Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahpook Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) [quote name='thebigyin' timestamp='1498630198' post='3325929'] Having not played in a band for quite some time now i was unfortunately diagnosed with depression about 6 years ago and quit my last Band because of the illness ect....to be honest i never bothered playing either my Bass or Guitar and now suffer with terrible confidence issues where I have become terribly unreliable musically.... [/quote] If the confidence issues are stopping you doing what you want to do then maybe it's time to ask for some help with them ? I've struggled with depression stemming largely from self-esteem and confidence issues and I know how much it can eat away at your enjoyment of playing music. Did you get some help with your depression from a GP ? It might be time to pop back and tell them that you need a bit more help as that bloody black dog's sitting on your bass whenever you want to play it. But think - you get asked to play in bands, so people obviously think you're good enough to rely on - "Yep The Big Yin, he can cover the bass, no worries", so why not try to go with it if you can ? They want you there, after all. Good luck, if there's anything I can do then please PM me Stay frosty Edited June 29, 2017 by ahpook Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebigyin Posted June 29, 2017 Author Share Posted June 29, 2017 [quote name='ahpook' timestamp='1498726061' post='3326541'] If the confidence issues are stopping you doing what you want to do then maybe it's time to ask for some help with them ? I've struggled with depression stemming largely from self-esteem and confidence issues and I know how much it can eat away at your enjoyment of playing music. Did you get some help with your depression from a GP ? It might be time to pop back and tell them that you need a bit more help as that bloody black dog's sitting on your bass whenever you want to play it. But think - you get asked to play in bands, so people obviously think you're good enough to rely on - "Yep The Big Yin, he can cover the bass, no worries", so why not try to go with it if you can ? They want you there, after all. Good luck, if there's anything I can do then please PM me Stay frosty [/quote] Yeah i eventually went for help Frosty and was on Citilapram for about 4 years but i managed to wean myself off them on the Doctors advice....they help keeping you chilled but aren't a cure plus they made me feel tired and lethargic and I don't fancy going back there...i still try keeping myself occupied musically at home with my Acoustic guitar and writing lyrics ect but thanks for your reply Cheers Bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahpook Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 [quote name='thebigyin' timestamp='1498727803' post='3326559'] Yeah i eventually went for help Frosty and was on Citilapram for about 4 years but i managed to wean myself off them on the Doctors advice....they help keeping you chilled but aren't a cure plus they made me feel tired and lethargic and I don't fancy going back there... [/quote] I can see why you'd not want to try any more medication, but you could ask about someone to talk to ? I've seen a couple of therapists and they really can help. One thing I would recommend is Martin Seligman's book "Learned Optimism", it's not a quacky self-help book, Seligman was head of the American Psychological Association, and it helped me tremendously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Do you have any mates that play in a band and maybe go along to some of their rehearsals and just take the reigns on a song for a bit and see if that helps relax you a bit and hopefully ease yourself back into it. I didn't play in bands for approx 20 yrs altho it was down to work. Been back into it since turning 50. Until this band i was usually quite nervous so never give up on "da bass" sir. All else fails you could consider councilling or therapy whatever you prefer to call it. I underwent stress councilling thru work good few yrs ago and its surprising how well it works by just talking to a complete stranger. Pretty sure your GP could help there. Wishing you success rather than best wishes cause i know you'll beat this and get back out there gigging. If you stay anywhere near the Scottish Borders i'd be happy to let you come along to our rehearsals for a wee blast. Its all very relaxed with no pressure and just a great bunch of guys all aged same as you and older. Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SubsonicSimpleton Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 From time to time I see ads on gumtree/joinmyband with retired old farts looking for band personnel who can rehearse during the day and they are not looking to play loads of gigs, just doing it for the fun of it - maybe that sort of situation would be something that would suit your working hours and allow you to not feel pressured. Last time I saw such an advert, the band had an arrangement with a local pub who let them store amps and use the backroom to rehearse on the basis they play a gig in the pub every couple of months, and they rehearsed during the day once or twice a week. Playing music with other people isn't something you should just give up on - if being part of a gigging band isn't manageable for you right now, that doesn't mean that you can't find something you will enjoy that fits your circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmccombe7 Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 [quote name='SubsonicSimpleton' timestamp='1498747660' post='3326810'] From time to time I see ads on gumtree/joinmyband with retired old farts looking for band personnel [/quote] That would be me then at 57 however that was one of the attractions to join the band as they were nearly all retired or so i thought. It turns out that 3 of them are all still working even at 70 and drummer plays full time with 4 bands. All in their 60's. Think with age also brings a more relaxed attitude to playing in bands or maybe its just the guys in our band. Who knows but point is its all great fun. Dave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acidbass Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 I have a friend who works nights and he has a lot of trouble organising gigs or rehearsals, seems to be a difficulty experienced by a lot of people in your position so chin up Do you work shifts? If you are guaranteed a night or two off per week, that would enable maybe a good solid couple of hours of practice at home, and maybe a rehearsal too on down the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norris Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) Would you consider getting another job where you work days and maybe with a few work mates? Unsociable hours with no-one to talk to can't be helping your state of mind. Keep posting on here though - we're generally a sociable and supportive bunch whatever the hour of day Edited June 29, 2017 by Norris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pmjos Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 Big Yin. I too have dealt with Depression for most of my life. Some of the most creative and great minded people you will ever meet have that shadow on their lives. Don't knock yourself. What you need to get good at something is time and if you take your time you will succeed. Time and persistence are the two tools that average musicians can apply to become good. Set your self a goal of six songs in six months. Make them songs you like and that are realistic. Start with one and play it every day. Sing the bass notes as you swing your mop. :-) Put the song on repeat in your Walkman in the car. Listen the hell out of it. Play the hell out of it. If you can do that will be a real goal. Music is my one total escape. Keeps me sane sometimes - don't give up. As you slowly get better you will be proud and won't be nervous to play with others. Everyone screws up, they secret is to get up afterwards. That is the only difference, the only thing that will get you where you want to be. As for night work - not good for depression. I know its better paid but its isolating and messes with your body chemistry - and your gigging. Stay with it give yourself time and keep playing. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lurksalot Posted June 29, 2017 Share Posted June 29, 2017 [quote name='pmjos' timestamp='1498772702' post='3327022'] As for night work - not good for depression. I know its better paid but its isolating and messes with your body chemistry - and your gigging. [/quote] This , some people can take to it easily , but some just can't , I can't, I tried it for some contract work , never again. Best wishes big yin , Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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