My frends really awful band - advice needed

[tauzero]

Say you were washing your hair and it couldn't have been you at the gig. Maybe you have a doppelganger.

 

Alternatively, talk to the singer and ask if you could still be friends if you were critical of the band. What you do then depends on the answer.

[Sean]

1 hour ago, Misdee said:

I'd be honest and tell them what I really thought from the get-go, in a discreet but frank and honest way. Your friend might well respect you more for doing so. Unless your friend is particularly vulnerable or overly sensitive then I don't think telling the truth is wrong in this instance.

 

38 minutes ago, Steve Browning said:

The bit that intrigues me is your comment that your friend is a good singer. It sounds that he is demotivated and may be asking for your opinion to confirm his own. Have you asked him what he thinks? 

 

It's difficult. If someone asks your opinion, it's disrespectful to be dishonest. That doesn't mean you have to be unpleasant about it, but criticism (in its literal sense) is always helpful. That is equally true when it's not entirely positive. 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, TimR said:

 

I don't think that's easy, but probably wise.

 

Did people leave because it was poor, or because it was too loud, or because they didn't like the music?

 

We are getting the hang of the football crowd leaving as soon as the drummer starts winding his kit up. Now that the football is on at 5:30pm there are still a lot of fans hanging around the pub when we arrive. Then the music people arrive later on, a few of the football crowd hang around to hear 2 or 3 songs then quite often just disappear. 

 

People will put up with some truly awful musicianship if they recognise the songs. 

 

If the punters are pinned against the back wall, its too loud, if people are sitting at tables right in front of the band, it's not dancy enough and possibly not loud enough. We clear a dance area as well as clear the 'stage' area. 

All of this can be done as coaching conversations if needed. It's established performance improvement methodology and was developed to keep people motivated. 

 

There are classic examples of alcoholic repeat offenders who were either given negative feedback and punishment (a night in the cells) versus coaching conversations to get them to reflect on their own performance. The results are something like 5% non-offender rate with punishment and negative feedback, 40% non-offender rate with tailored coaching. Because it turns it round and makes them responsible and puts them in control of what's next. They don't go defensive because they're being attacked, they get constructive because their being supported but in a challenging way.

 

[Boodang]

I use a Zoom Q2n to record gigs (4k video and x/y mics).

So, no need to say anything, just 'helpfully' record their next gig and present them with an SD card of their performance and they can make up their own minds.

[Dan Dare]

46 minutes ago, Steve Browning said:

The bit that intrigues me is your comment that your friend is a good singer. It sounds that he is demotivated and may be asking for your opinion to confirm his own. Have you asked him what he thinks? 

 

Good advice to ask what the friend himself thinks. We've all been in situations which weren't ideal, but felt, for various reasons, that we should try to make the best of them. It can be difficult to find a band, any band, to play with. Witness the number of posts on here from people struggling to do so. It's not surprising some decide to stick with what they have, even if it's far from perfect.

 

The OP's pal could well be in that position. No matter how good a singer you are, it's difficult to give of your best when surrounded by duffers. He may be looking for an outside perspective, as I suggested.

 

I don't agree with Hellzero (I rarely do). It's all very well patting yourself on the back for your "brutal honesty", but it frequently achieves little.

[leschirons]

Has he actually asked what you think or, are you worried that he might?

 

If he's already asked, how was it left? It's not really clear in the post.

 

I have been in this situation and when my opinion was sought, I said, (laughing) I'd never ask that question in case I got an answer I didn't like.  

 

My friend then expanded a little and explained why he'd asked, he was totally aware that there were problems in his band and was actually looking for confirmation. Then, I could be honest.

 

 

[Woodinblack]

8 hours ago, Sean said:

If you could go back in time and play "Wonderwall" again...

 

 

.. would you use the structure or any of the notes of the original?