How to Quit Politely

[thodrik]

My response is usually 'I really enjoy playing in the band, but I have come to the stage in life that all I really want to play is downtuned stoner doom music' 

Just insert a genre of music you like that the band isn't playing and is never likely to play and you are fine. 

 

 

[Cat Burrito]

Ultimately, it is hard to control how others view you. I've left bands where seemingly nice people have got funny when I have tried to step back. I've offered to stick around and even go through parts with the replacement, which I would say is pretty decent of me, and still had a couple of people get funny. The last lot were completely reasonable though. It's certainly easier when there isn't a busy schedule. 

 

Nobody likes being told that they could be better so a small white lie about work getting busier and how you don't want to let them down sometimes works as a softener. 

 

Best of luck, however you choose to do it. 

[Burns-bass]

I left a band positively and respectfully about 18 years ago. Fast forward to a couple of months ago and ex band member messaged me about a new bass position in a gigging Blue Note jazz band with some monster players. 
 

As @Steve Browning said, don’t ever burn bridges. It’s not worth it.

[Lozz196]

Yeah the time I left a band through "not feeling it" was more due to the drive to their rehearsal rooms. In summer it was 45 mins through country lanes, a very nice drive in fact, but I knew once it was winter I`d get the hump with it in the rain and the dark with no lighting, so better to walk now. They understood, I stayed on til they got a replacement and played the first gig the band did, which was a great laugh. 

[Jonesy]

Fake your own death?

 

If they're all sound then I'm sure they'll understand if you just have an (reasonably) honest chat with them, but I'd lean more towards it being an issue with you rather than saying 'you lot are going nowhere, I'm off'. It sounds like gigs aren't on the cards? So you're under no obligation to play x amount of upcoming shows and sticking around for too long but, I'd offer to stick at it for a month or 2 until they find a replacement just to keep it civil.

[snorkie635]

I remember trying to let the other three guys in our band down gently. "John, George, Ringo, I'm looking for something with more of a future," I said. Hung around until the new guy kicked in. Never seen any of them since, but folk who have, tell me they did a couple of albums, got played on the radio, etc. The new bass-guy even made a little bit of cash from writing some material. Maybe I should have stayed? Oh, how I long for yesterday.

[Belka]

1 hour ago, Jonesy said:

Fake your own death?

 

 

About three years ago I booked a last minute holiday, and agreed with my bandleader that I would find a Dep. Advertised, found one, and put him in touch with the bandleader - this was still around 6 weeks before the gig was due to take place. Anyway, after a while the guy goes quiet - not answering bandleaders texts. Bandleader shoots over a final message, just to ask if he's still interested or if we should look for someone else. A few days later a text arrives from the Dep's phone, supposedly written by his wife - the essence of it was he'd been in a terrible motorcycle accident, now in a coma in hospital, 50/50 as to whether he would live or not. Cue the standard commiserations, 'family more important than gig, etc, won't bother you again', from the bandleader.

 

When I got back from holiday I was suspicious, looked the guy up on Facebook and the whole thing had been made up - he was still gigging with his other bands and posting family stuff. I considered calling him out on his behaviour, but reasoned that for someone to do something like that hints at deeper personality/mental health issues, and it was better left alone -  we are talking about a man in his 50s with adult children here.

Edited 7 hours ago by Belka

[police squad]

6 hours ago, binky_bass said:

Fight all of them in a massive brawl, use as many weapons as is possible, I'd suggest swinging a ship's anchor around your head for maximum damage. Once everyone is sufficiently subdued tell them all it's their fault and that you're now going to take all their belongings and burn them in a giant fire followed by creating a commune where you are the leader and their families now live under your leadership. 

 

Or... just tell them honestly how you feel! 

I've identified you as Strax from Dr Who

Do I get a prize🤣🤣

[Burns-bass]

2 hours ago, Belka said:

About three years ago I booked a last minute holiday, and agreed with my bandleader that I would find a Dep. Advertised, found one, and put him in touch with the bandleader - this was still around 6 weeks before the gig was due to take place. Anyway, after a while the guy goes quiet - not answering bandleaders texts. Bandleader shoots over a final message, just to ask if he's still interested or if we should look for someone else. A few days later a text arrives from the Dep's phone, supposedly written by his wife - the essence of it was he'd been in a terrible motorcycle accident, now in a coma in hospital, 50/50 as to whether he would live or not. Cue the standard commiserations, 'family more important than gig, etc, won't bother you again', from the bandleader.

 

When I got back from holiday I was suspicious, looked the guy up on Facebook and the whole thing had been made up - he was still gigging with his other bands and posting family stuff. I considered calling him out on his behaviour, but reasoned that for someone to do something like that hints at deeper personality/mental health issues, and it was better left alone -  we are talking about a man in his 50s with adult children here.

Musicians are mad people. I recently did a well paid wedding gig and the saxophone player turned up late because his roast wasn’t ready in time and he was hungry.
 

Nearly cost us a lot of money and it also included a free meal. Which he ate. 

[Count Bassy]

The last band I left I truthfully said that I just wasn't getting the buzz from rehearsals that I should be getting (it hadn't got to the point of gigging), and it was accepted gracefully.

Unfortunately in the next few weeks two other members also quit and I think the whole thing collapsed.

[Bassman1974]

38 minutes ago, Burns-bass said:

Musicians are mad people. I recently did a well paid wedding gig and the saxophone player turned up late because his roast wasn’t ready in time and he was hungry.
 

Nearly cost us a lot of money and it also included a free meal. Which he ate. 

You could have simply continued without him and saved everyone the torment of having to listen to a saxophone 

[Burns-bass]

24 minutes ago, Bassman1974 said:

You could have simply continued without him and saved everyone the torment of having to listen to a saxophone 

I quite agree. He wasn’t very good but it was a wedding and they were all very, very drunk.

[Beedster]

1 hour ago, Burns-bass said:

Musicians are mad people. I recently did a well paid wedding gig and the saxophone player turned up late because his roast wasn’t ready in time and he was hungry.
 

Nearly cost us a lot of money and it also included a free meal. Which he ate. 

I’d have fired him on the spot

[Jonesy]

4 hours ago, Belka said:

About three years ago I booked a last minute holiday, and agreed with my bandleader that I would find a Dep. Advertised, found one, and put him in touch with the bandleader - this was still around 6 weeks before the gig was due to take place. Anyway, after a while the guy goes quiet - not answering bandleaders texts. Bandleader shoots over a final message, just to ask if he's still interested or if we should look for someone else. A few days later a text arrives from the Dep's phone, supposedly written by his wife - the essence of it was he'd been in a terrible motorcycle accident, now in a coma in hospital, 50/50 as to whether he would live or not. Cue the standard commiserations, 'family more important than gig, etc, won't bother you again', from the bandleader.

 

When I got back from holiday I was suspicious, looked the guy up on Facebook and the whole thing had been made up - he was still gigging with his other bands and posting family stuff. I considered calling him out on his behaviour, but reasoned that for someone to do something like that hints at deeper personality/mental health issues, and it was better left alone -  we are talking about a man in his 50s with adult children here.

 

Jeeze, the length some people will go to.

 

Sounds like you made the right call not worrying about contacting him about it. To go to that extreme then he either has serious issues, or is a little shit not worth knowing. 

[Steve Browning]

2 hours ago, Bassman1974 said:

You could have simply continued without him and saved everyone the torment of having to listen to a saxophone 

You need to listen to some Ben Webster.

[Wombat]

Get them to play some country music backwards. That way they will get their dog back, their truck back and their gal back and won’t notice you left….

[StickyDBRmf]

I have an idea, but what exactly is a bell end?

[Wombat]

Knob head…

[Acebassmusic]

1 hour ago, StickyDBRmf said:

I have an idea, but what exactly is a bell end?

 

1 hour ago, Wombat said:

Knob head…

 

Thats not nice! He was only asking...🤣🤣🤣

 

PS: Yes a bell end is British slang for "the pointy end of your gentleman bits" used as a description of someone who is being an ar$se / stupid / politician / bell end! 🤣

Edited 32 minutes ago by Acebassmusic

[Stub Mandrel]

Call their bluff. Book a gig.

[MyNameIsMark]

I’d suggest it’s worth airing any doubts before making a decision, you might find others feel the same & finding nice people might be half the battle?

 

e.g. what changes might it take to keep you interested (for your own future direction & they probably will ask)

 

That said, I’d understand why you might want to cut & run, it sounds like an experience mismatch too difficult to tackle… Taking the “not enjoying it / want to drop into something established” is probably honest & diplomatic enough?

[ezbass]

1 hour ago, StickyDBRmf said:

I have an idea, but what exactly is a bell end?

Literally, a bit of a dick.

[pete.young]

12 hours ago, Hobbayne said:

 a  singer who sings in the bath

 

 

 

You have a singer who takes baths? That's pretty rare. Don't be too hasty.

[ezbass]

Just now, pete.young said:

 

You have a singer who takes baths? That's pretty rare. Don't be too hasty.

I have a vision of said singer only able to sing, whilst taking a bath: drums at the back; bass, stage right; guitarist, stage left; old fashioned, roll top bath, complete with mic, centre stage.