How to Quit Politely

[thodrik]

My response is usually 'I really enjoy playing in the band, but I have come to the stage in life that all I really want to play is downtuned stoner doom music' 

Just insert a genre of music you like that the band isn't playing and is never likely to play and you are fine. 

 

 

[Cat Burrito]

Ultimately, it is hard to control how others view you. I've left bands where seemingly nice people have got funny when I have tried to step back. I've offered to stick around and even go through parts with the replacement, which I would say is pretty decent of me, and still had a couple of people get funny. The last lot were completely reasonable though. It's certainly easier when there isn't a busy schedule. 

 

Nobody likes being told that they could be better so a small white lie about work getting busier and how you don't want to let them down sometimes works as a softener. 

 

Best of luck, however you choose to do it. 

[Burns-bass]

I left a band positively and respectfully about 18 years ago. Fast forward to a couple of months ago and ex band member messaged me about a new bass position in a gigging Blue Note jazz band with some monster players. 
 

As @Steve Browning said, don’t ever burn bridges. It’s not worth it.

[Lozz196]

Yeah the time I left a band through "not feeling it" was more due to the drive to their rehearsal rooms. In summer it was 45 mins through country lanes, a very nice drive in fact, but I knew once it was winter I`d get the hump with it in the rain and the dark with no lighting, so better to walk now. They understood, I stayed on til they got a replacement and played the first gig the band did, which was a great laugh. 

[Jonesy]

Fake your own death?

 

If they're all sound then I'm sure they'll understand if you just have an (reasonably) honest chat with them, but I'd lean more towards it being an issue with you rather than saying 'you lot are going nowhere, I'm off'. It sounds like gigs aren't on the cards? So you're under no obligation to play x amount of upcoming shows and sticking around for too long but, I'd offer to stick at it for a month or 2 until they find a replacement just to keep it civil.

[snorkie635]

I remember trying to let the other three guys in our band down gently. "John, George, Ringo, I'm looking for something with more of a future," I said. Hung around until the new guy kicked in. Never seen any of them since, but folk who have, tell me they did a couple of albums, got played on the radio, etc. The new bass-guy even made a little bit of cash from writing some material. Maybe I should have stayed? Oh, how I long for yesterday.

[Belka]

1 hour ago, Jonesy said:

Fake your own death?

 

 

About three years ago I booked a last minute holiday, and agreed with my bandleader that I would find a Dep. Advertised, found one, and put him in touch with the bandleader - this was still around 6 weeks before the gig was due to take place. Anyway, after a while the guy goes quiet - not answering bandleaders texts. Bandleader shoots over a final message, just to ask if he's still interested or if we should look for someone else. A few days later a text arrives from the Dep's phone, supposedly written by his wife - the essence of it was he'd been in a terrible motorcycle accident, now in a coma in hospital, 50/50 as to whether he would live or not. Cue the standard commiserations, 'family more important than gig, etc, won't bother you again', from the bandleader.

 

When I got back from holiday I was suspicious, looked the guy up on Facebook and the whole thing had been made up - he was still gigging with his other bands and posting family stuff. I considered calling him out on his behaviour, but reasoned that for someone to do something like that hints at deeper personality/mental health issues, and it was better left alone -  we are talking about a man in his 50s with adult children here.

Edited 2 hours ago by Belka

[police squad]

6 hours ago, binky_bass said:

Fight all of them in a massive brawl, use as many weapons as is possible, I'd suggest swinging a ship's anchor around your head for maximum damage. Once everyone is sufficiently subdued tell them all it's their fault and that you're now going to take all their belongings and burn them in a giant fire followed by creating a commune where you are the leader and their families now live under your leadership. 

 

Or... just tell them honestly how you feel! 

I've identified you as Strax from Dr Who

Do I get a prize🤣🤣

[Burns-bass]

2 hours ago, Belka said:

About three years ago I booked a last minute holiday, and agreed with my bandleader that I would find a Dep. Advertised, found one, and put him in touch with the bandleader - this was still around 6 weeks before the gig was due to take place. Anyway, after a while the guy goes quiet - not answering bandleaders texts. Bandleader shoots over a final message, just to ask if he's still interested or if we should look for someone else. A few days later a text arrives from the Dep's phone, supposedly written by his wife - the essence of it was he'd been in a terrible motorcycle accident, now in a coma in hospital, 50/50 as to whether he would live or not. Cue the standard commiserations, 'family more important than gig, etc, won't bother you again', from the bandleader.

 

When I got back from holiday I was suspicious, looked the guy up on Facebook and the whole thing had been made up - he was still gigging with his other bands and posting family stuff. I considered calling him out on his behaviour, but reasoned that for someone to do something like that hints at deeper personality/mental health issues, and it was better left alone -  we are talking about a man in his 50s with adult children here.

Musicians are mad people. I recently did a well paid wedding gig and the saxophone player turned up late because his roast wasn’t ready in time and he was hungry.
 

Nearly cost us a lot of money and it also included a free meal. Which he ate. 

[Count Bassy]

The last band I left I truthfully said that I just wasn't getting the buzz from rehearsals that I should be getting (it hadn't got to the point of gigging), and it was accepted gracefully.

Unfortunately in the next few weeks two other members also quit and I think the whole thing collapsed.