White Cloud Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Fellow basschatters, is ignorance bliss when it comes to private PM's between members? Allow me to clarify; another member recently offered up a bass for sale on this forum and invited trades for 5 & 6 string basses. On a complete whim ( you know how it is) I fancied a flutter, so PM'ed said member. After a day or so he replied in a very succinct way, and requested that I provide pictures of my suggested trade. I took some, and posted them back to him in a reply...and heard nothing again. A few weeks later his bass sold, which is completely fair enough. After a day or so I obviously deduced that it was a "thanks but no thanks" scenario anyway - and that is absolutely the right of the seller - but I would have at least liked a polite response to that affect just out of common courtesy. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not getting out of my pram about it, and am not struggling to sleep at night - but this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened to me on this forum. Is it just me and my naive expectation of respectfully interacting privately with other members with good manners...or is ignorance in this context bliss? Peace, out... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
casapete Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I agree that good manners cost nowt, but to be honest have only ever had dealings with folk on here who have been great - one of the main reasons I love BC. Now gumtree and ebay, that's a completely different story..... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorks5stringer Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Unfortunately not everyone responds in the way you would wish to respond. I've noticed a family member who conducts her life on her mobile phone is much less likely to respond to an email but apparently she is big on whatsapp, whatever that is! I once spent a week bombarding a seller on here with messages about what he was selling and that I wanted to buy it: he did not have his mobile enabled for PM's so had PX'd it before he finally saw my message. It's frustrating, and some would say rude but as the poster above, most of my dealings have been fine on here too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I dont understand the question. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naxos10 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 I agree. I think it is a sign of the times, courtesy has a low priority with some people in this rush-rush world. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad3353 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 Similar remarks have been made of 'modern times' and 'the youf of today' since records began; John Aubrey relates such sentiments in his writings at the time of Elisabeth I (1626-1697...). It seems to be one of the signs of advancing years, like needing reading glasses and emitting little groans when rising from armchairs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikel Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 Lacking in social graces would be my take. Common courtesy seems to be going out of the window. It is easier now than ever to send a quick message saying thanks but no thanks. Treat others the way you would like them to treat you. Name and shame would be the first step in stamping out this disgraceful lack of respect. We could then all watch the live stream of the disgraced culprit being stripped of their BC membership and frog marched from the building. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earbrass Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 Put your experience in his feedback thread. At least then others will know what to expect, and will possibly feel less aggrieved if they receive similar treatment. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad3353 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 18 minutes ago, mikel said: ...We could then all watch the live stream of the disgraced culprit being stripped of their BC membership and frog marched from the building. Etiquette demands that one turns one's back, signalling one's utter contempt by refusing to watch. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 No - just rise above it. People are people, some have manners, some don't, some have communication skills, some don't. Most of us love saying 'Yes' but hate saying 'No'. If we can avoid saying 'No' by walking away quietly, then that's what many will do. There's no point taking it seriously, even less in taking it personally. Just move on. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDC484950 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 This isn’t restricted to replying to PM’s on Basschat! It’s everywhere and has been as long as I can remember. Some people just can’t be bothered to reply to stuff, get/keep in touch or update you if you have bought something. I had a recent purchase via here which I bought through eBay to get some seller protection as the bass was outside the U.K. Seller was reasonably communicative right up until I paid, then nothing. I had to chase and chase just to get a tracking number (God help you if you want to track via La Poste/Colis - parcel was delivered and tracking still said it was in France!), no response to any messages, I left feedback having got the bass and still nothing. Now some people have very busy lives but it takes 30 seconds to send a message. I won’t be doing it again. And what’s with not leaving feedback on the Bay? Never used to be an issue but about 50% if the items I sell and leave feedback for never get reciprocated. Ever known a friend/colleague who isn’t very good at keeping in touch and also turns up late every time you arrange to meet? Seems to go hand in hand... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thepurpleblob Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 To be fair... I've put stuff up for sale, had loads of enquiries, been very busy with work stuff and never got around to replying to them all. Mea culpa but I'm still a reasonably nice person. He may just have forgotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gjones Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 It's just general ignorance. I always reply to private messages as a matter of courtesy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 So long as the Notifications system is working, in my case! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gottastopbuyinggear Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 I suspect some people feel that exchanges of messages are somehow a bit different from dealing with people face to face - a bit removed maybe - and they might often be more polite if they met "real" people in real life. A bit like the old "on the internet nobody knows you're actually a dog". I try and behave to the opposite of this completely - when you deal face to face with people there's usually little opportunity for confusion when you have language, body language, facial expression etc., but there's plenty of opportunity for that when it's just written words. On top of that, I think it's very easy to get a bad reputation in no time at all in a forum environment where things can escalate really quickly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleabag Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 (edited) I'm sorry to say that its happened plenty of times to me on here. Its a small slice of life outside in the big world You will find a lack of courtesy in every corner. BC isnt immune. Its just on a smaller scale. Some people are just plain rude / ignorant / lacking in social skills Edited March 29, 2018 by fleabag 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 I dont get too bothered by lack of reaction to an initial PM, but what I do find annoying when selling is that a BCer will say they'll buy the item, you mark it as 'sold', then they wait for days on end before paying for it - with no comms. So you're in a sort of irritated limbo. I'm too polite to say, 'come on feck-face, where's the loot?' And also don't feel I can sell the item to someone else. I only sell things because I need the money! If I want something myself I'll go for it and pay immediately. Unless I can't, but will always ask 'Is Friday OK?' or whatever. I think I'll add the caveat 'first to transfer cash gets the item' to future ads... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grenadilla Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 (edited) Selling gear is not one of my success stories. Edited May 20, 2018 by grenadilla too bleak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cloud Posted March 29, 2018 Author Share Posted March 29, 2018 8 hours ago, Earbrass said: Put your experience in his feedback thread. At least then others will know what to expect, and will possibly feel less aggrieved if they receive similar treatment. You make a really good point, but I'm not really that guy (unless it's something major!) I know, I know... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
White Cloud Posted March 29, 2018 Author Share Posted March 29, 2018 6 hours ago, thepurpleblob said: To be fair... I've put stuff up for sale, had loads of enquiries, been very busy with work stuff and never got around to replying to them all. Mea culpa but I'm still a reasonably nice person. He may just have forgotten. Fair point. I'm honestly not losing sleep over it...live and let live! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 4 hours ago, fleabag said: I'm sorry to say that its happened plenty of times to me on here. Its a small slice of life outside in the big world You will find a lack of courtesy in every corner. BC isnt immune. Its just on a smaller scale. Some people are just plain rude / ignorant / lacking in social skills Same here but oh well such is life there's to many rude people in this world of me me me culture Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigman Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 "Is ignorance bliss?" I am happy not knowing, so haven't bothered reading the opening post, never mind the thread. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skankdelvar Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 10 hours ago, Dad3353 said: Similar remarks have been made of 'modern times' and 'the youf of today' since records began; John Aubrey relates such sentiments in his writings at the time of Elisabeth I (1626-1697...) John Aubrey It's funny that you should mention the celebrated 17th century antiquarian and folklorist John Aubrey, a former resident of Broad Chalke (the next village along the valley from mine). Only the other day I was in the village shop buying some Mr Kipling Bakewell tarts (at a scandalous price but that's how village shops are, I suppose) and the old chap behind the counter was relating a local, oral legend about how Aubrey would alarm local damozels by springing out from behind a tree and waggling his diminutive todger at them while singing the ancient local folk song 'Hey Down, Derry Down, My Manhood's On The Rise'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad3353 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 1 minute ago, skankdelvar said: John Aubrey It's funny that you should mention... It's funny, that's not in the 'Brief Lives' that I've read (and re-read...), nor in the stage play of same, with Roy Dotrice (RIP...) in the lead (well, solo...) role of Aubrey himself. It's these little-known factlets that 'make' the personality, I find, so thanks for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skankdelvar Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Dad3353 said: It's funny, that's not in the 'Brief Lives' that I've read (and re-read...), nor in the stage play of same, with Roy Dotrice (RIP...) in the lead (well, solo...) role of Aubrey himself. It's these little-known factlets that 'make' the personality, I find, so thanks for that. You're entirely welcome. In 1659 Aubrey was instrumental in refurbishing the parish church of All Saints, Broad Chalke; a later vicar of that church was the Reverend Rowland Williams who in the 1860's was convicted by an ecclesiastical court for the crime of heresy, his offence being to deny 'the predictive character of Old Testament prophecies' - pretty strong stuff, you'd agree. Though Williams' conviction was overturned on appeal the decision was unpopular; 11,000 furious churchmen signed a declaration in favour of 'biblical inspiration and eternal torments' which I suppose was their way of saying that if they ever ran into Williams they'd lure him to a deserted warehouse and shoot him in the face. It's all go around here, y'know. Edited March 29, 2018 by skankdelvar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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