band members are plotting to remove one of us... suggestions sought

[Kyndainverse]

3 hours ago, BigRedX said:

IME the less serious the band is the worse the band politics are. 

Sayre's law "In any dispute the intensity of feeling is inversely proportional to the value of the issues at stake."

[RAY AGAINST THE MACHINE]

When the fun stops stop 

[Beedster]

5 hours ago, BigRedX said:

IME the less serious the band is the worse the band politics are. 

 

Ha ha, I very nearly said just the same yesterday, one low-talent/high-ego member is manageable, but four of them.........  

[Sean]

Everyone's experience is different but my solution to this problem is to walk away and let them get on with it. You don't need that level of cr4p in your life. 

[12stringbassist]

It is a very unsettling situation and I've never been happy with bandmates going plotting behind other people's backs, having been the victim of that kind of thing, after playing with a couple of very slippery people in the past.

Gettng your bandmates to be open and honest about this could blow the whole band apart.
Could your existing member improve?
Why the wait until the new year to replace him?

I would at least say you're not entirely comfortable with the way it is being done and that the wait to try the new person makes you nervous.

Good luck.

[Jean-Luc Pickguard]

I'm so glad that I'm in a band without any of this kind of BS.

 

 

— Unless they're plotting to oust me behind my back of course.

[Crusoe]

I didn't know whether to post this here or in the Danny Sapko thread 🤣

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/AFTY4R65Fpo?si=vjzhtI3mhATyP9SB

[Uncle Rodney]

Minor update: I decided to contact Mr B (the member earmarked to be removed) - it took him a week to respond to my text, giving me time/day to phone him, which I did, got instantly to his voicemail/answerphone, I made a comment saying we need to chat about the band... and then heard nothing more.

 

So I can only assume he doesn't want to talk to me or perhaps doesn't want to hear about bad things. Anyway, I'm done with this now, my conscience is clear  I made a positive move to reduce any hurt. If we once again meet up (band rehearsal) and they boot him out...

 

Worst I had like this was about 4 years ago in a band. The "lead" guitarist was really awful, I don't know why the BL (Band Leader) chose him other than being his friend. It came to a point where he had to go, ok, them being friends should mean a nice quiet chat etc. Anyway the BL called me and the drummer in (like a works meeting) and was quite abrupt with the guy, like a public humilation! As the discussion unfolded I could see this was more a public humilation so I left the room. I'm not having ANY part of that nonsense.

Some months after I left the band, as you guys will know, if that BL sacks his friend like that he will do the same to me. When I gave my reason for stepping out the BL gave a nonsense reply, in my view he's a joker, not worth spending time with. There's some really crap people in bands.

 

Edited 22 hours ago by Uncle Rodney

[Steve Browning]

I wonder if, when leaving your message, you could have said something along the lines of 'how are you doing?' rather than leave a message that might have come across as a bit 'it's not you, it's me'. Just the interpretation I get from your reported message.

Edited 22 hours ago by Steve Browning

[Uncle Rodney]

Ya know, I did give this some careful thought at the time, but I wasn't expecting the answerphone because Mr B was expecting my call.

I've found sometimes no matter how carefully I choose my words, it all depends how the receiver interprets them at that precise moment. For example asking "how are you?" can get "f**k off don't waste my time" because they are not the type of person who responds to that (apparently German people hate that question as do many Northeners).

Another "I'd like to talk with you regarding the band" can produce "why just not say it then!" or "you're not the BL so fo" and so on. It all depends how the person feels at that specific moment.

I think my on-the-spot message was "I'd like to talk to you about recent events in the band.."

 

As an aside I have used the "it's not you it's me" tactic and found some people REALLY hate that. My Hungarian friend (really nice young man) we were discussing this phrase and he got really animated! 🤣 He said "we eastern Europeans say exactly as we see it, if you smell we will say "YOU STINK! non of this nonsense you Brits comeout with." 🤣 I did laugh.

 

Shoot me 😆

Edited 6 hours ago by Uncle Rodney

[RAY AGAINST THE MACHINE]

…

Edited 3 hours ago by RAY AGAINST THE MACHINE

[TimR]

21 hours ago, Uncle Rodney said:

Ya know, I did give this some careful thought at the time, but I wasn't expecting the answerphone because Mr B was expecting my call.

I've found sometimes no matter how carefully I choose my words, it all depends how the receiver interprets them at that precise moment. For example asking "how are you?" can get "f**k off don't waste my time" because they are not the type of person who responds to that (apparently German people hate that question as do many Northeners).

Another "I'd like to talk with you regarding the band" can produce "why just not say it then!" or "you're not the BL so fo" and so on. It all depends how the person feels at that specific moment.

I think my on-the-spot message was "I'd like to talk to you about recent events in the band.."

 

As an aside I have used the "it's not you it's me" tactic and found some people REALLY hate that. My Hungarian friend (really nice young man) we were discussing this phrase and he got really animated! 🤣 He said "we eastern Europeans say exactly as we see it, if you smell we will say "YOU STINK! non of this nonsense you Brits comeout with." 🤣 I did laugh.

 

Shoot me 😆

Don't overthink it.

 

I left a band because people who knew my situation were too immature to recognise how it was affecting me mentally, even when I told them to cut me some slack. 

 

If you are not aware of things going on in his life that are preventing him from picking up the phone you can't temper your response accordingly.

 

If he has always been rubbish with comms, that may be why A wants to get rid of him. If it's a new new thing then it probably needs a chat, or he will walk anyway.