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Monkey Steve

Hell Is Other People (who know you play in a band)

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1 hour ago, Monkey Steve said:

I have the opposite, a mate who cannot play the guitar to save his life, but has bought eight of them over the last 30 years (five amps, a load of pedals and effects and loads of recording software) and likes to make out that his is a musician despite no evidence to support this, and quite a lot to the contrary. The last time I saw him play a couple of years ago he could barely make a 5th chord, and had to stare at his hand to get his fingers arranged, then stop playing and repeat when he moved the 5th chord shape down two frets.  His girlfriend of three years, who he has been living with for the last few months, has yet to see him actually play the guitar - he always has an excuse of why he doesn't want to play it right now, he doesn't feel like it, or he's working on something and it's not ready to show her yet...

However, he knows a lot of people who play in bands, some at a fairly decent level, and seems to think that he is in the same class, and that we all want to hear his opinions on the string gauge he uses, his picks, effects pedals, and his opinions on guitars and amps.  All of which we ignore because we know he cannot play. He seems to genuinely be sure that he is as talented as everybody else, it's just that he needs to sit down and practice a bit more  to turn his undoubted talent into excellent guitar playing.  After all, it can't be that difficult if everybody else he knows are in bands and playing gigs.  So at some as yet to be determined point in the future he will be just as good as those in his circle who are playing European festivals and US tour dates. 

And he is quite dismissive of my bass playing because basses only have four strings (regardless of the fact that mine have five) and so are easy to play compared to the guitar.  In fact he's quite dismissive and belittling of any of his mates bands, going out of his way to find criticisms, as though his standards are much higher.

I know someone almost exactly like this. Being an architect, he has plenty of the folding stuff and can afford to buy fine instruments/kit, which he does. He appears to believe that ownership of half a dozen Gibsons and Martins makes him a good player, despite the fact that he cannot carry a tune and has appalling time sense (when he sings, we call him The Banshee - he may not be completely tone deaf, but it's close). He's a decent bloke and doesn't disparage others (unlike your pal), which makes it worse in a way, as you feel guilty for disliking his wailing and ham-fisted strumming and not asking him up on stage when he turns up at gigs. Oh to see ourselves as others see us, as Burns famously put it.

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1 hour ago, Teebs said:

He sounds nice :)

(actually, he sounds like a right git!)

we all think he's a c#nt. Because he's a c#nt, but he's a c#nt that we can point and laugh at.

The drummer mate who I refer to at the start of the thread had to relocate to the other end of the country a couple of years ago, and the last thing he did with his then band was to record an album, which didn't get released for almost a year. Solid 8/10 reviews everywhere, with the exception of Metal Hammer who didn't like it.  The c#nt in question contacts my mate for the first time in years to send him the Metal Hammer review - look at how bad people think your old band is.  When questioned, he admitted that he hadn't heard it himself so didn't have an opinion of his own, hadn't looked for any other reviews, he just wanted to share the bad one in case my mate had missed it.

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Occasionally I get asked if I play the double bass properly. I assume they mean with a bow.

But not long ago I was in the dentist’s chair. He knew I did gigs and said ‘do you get your bass out and just start playing?’  I asked ‘do you get your drill out and just start drilling?’

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3 hours ago, Bob Lord said:

I've ended up in a few punk bands in my time - not because I love punk per se, although I do love loud, energetic rock n roll (which is basically all it is, anyway). And what I've found is that there are always audience members for whom their identity as 'a punk' or an 'ex punk' is really precious to them. Fair enough. But after the gig, they always seem to want to prove their punk credentials to you, the guy in the band. Endless war stories about having seen some obscure band playing some obscure toilet in 1978.

And they've always been in a band themselves once

Still happens. Personally I love all this as the punk scene is now what it always should have been, friendly and a good laugh, everyone getting on, punks, Skins, goths, crusties, all getting along together and listening to some great - and not so great, but who cares - music.

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40 minutes ago, bassace said:

...not long ago I was in the dentist’s chair. He knew I did gigs and said ‘do you get your bass out and just start playing?’  I asked ‘do you get your drill out and just start drilling?’

Given the fact that he was presumably just about to probe the inside of your mouth with a sharp object,  a plucky choice of words I’d say.😙

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I play a fair amount of acoustic guitar, for private fun and also in a guitar / vox duo. What pees me off is," We're having a BBQ on Sunday, be great if you can make it. Bring your guitar"I  It's like having to sing for your supper or someone expecting you to entertain their guests for a lump of chicken!!

Regarding the main issue of people knowing you play, I'm never impolite but tend to have a bit of a laugh with it all. I remember being dragged over to a couple of guys eager to chat about their past musical endeavours. They were both into 70s Rock and started spouting various names so I tried to avoid the chat by making out that I was a Jazz musician. "Ah yeah, like a bit of Jazz meself"  I then told them I'd played alongside one of the UK's greatest  brass sections that featured the great Pete Sutcliffe on tenor and alto saxes, trombone player "fast" Freddie West and Harry Shipman on trumpet. Even got the "Blimey" whilst nodding approval and recognition,  before I shuffled off.😂

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41 minutes ago, leschirons said:

one of the UK's greatest  brass sections that featured the great Pete Sutcliffe on tenor and alto saxes, trombone player "fast" Freddie West and Harry Shipman on trumpet. Even got the "Blimey" whilst nodding approval and recognition,  before I shuffled off.😂

killer horn section

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3 hours ago, Monkey Steve said:

we all think he's a c#nt. Because he's a c#nt, but he's a c#nt that we can point and laugh at.

The drummer mate who I refer to at the start of the thread had to relocate to the other end of the country a couple of years ago, and the last thing he did with his then band was to record an album, which didn't get released for almost a year. Solid 8/10 reviews everywhere, with the exception of Metal Hammer who didn't like it.  The c#nt in question contacts my mate for the first time in years to send him the Metal Hammer review - look at how bad people think your old band is.  When questioned, he admitted that he hadn't heard it himself so didn't have an opinion of his own, hadn't looked for any other reviews, he just wanted to share the bad one in case my mate had missed it.

Now there's someone who would greatly benefit from being lured to a deserted warehouse and shot in the face.

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I've had it when work mates find out I play bass say 'Ooooo you'll have to bring it in and give us a tune'...........Errrr no I don't think so LOL

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29 minutes ago, simes said:

I've had it when work mates find out I play bass say 'Ooooo you'll have to bring it in and give us a tune'...........Errrr no I don't think so LOL

Oh, go on, go on! ;)

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1 hour ago, simes said:

I've had it when work mates find out I play bass say 'Ooooo you'll have to bring it in and give us a tune'...........Errrr no I don't think so LOL

You have 2 choices - The Chain, or Seven Nation Army. Anything else will get zero recognition. 

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The small team I work for are all (coincidentally) part-time musicians plus one night club DJ - day job is IT.  

We NEVER discuss it 😶

Edited by thepurpleblob

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On ‎11‎/‎01‎/‎2019 at 00:06, Monkey Steve said:

I mean, I love Led Zep and so does he, but there's a reason that punk had to happen and that reason is the live version of Dazed and Confused.

post of the year already !

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On 10/01/2019 at 21:40, ped said:

It’s even worse in the age of the smartphone. Many a cringeworthy minute I have sat clutching someone’s phone listening to something stinky poo pretending I can hear and like it. You can’t give the phone back early so you just have to sit and feign interest. Something I’m bad at.

Your original post contained the sugar honey ice tea word How did that word get through the profanity filter ? 

Edited by Geek99

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22 hours ago, thepurpleblob said:

The small team I work for are all (coincidentally) part-time musicians plus one night club DJ - day job is IT.  

We NEVER discuss it 😶

The day job ? Totally understand [email protected] 

Edited by Geek99

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15 hours ago, Monkey Steve said:

However, he knows a lot of people who play in bands, some at a fairly decent level, and seems to think that he is in the same class, and that we all want to hear his opinions on the string gauge he uses, his picks, effects pedals, and his opinions on guitars and amps.  All of which we ignore because we know he cannot play. He seems to genuinely be sure that he is as talented as everybody else, it's just that he needs to sit down and practice a bit more  to turn his undoubted talent into excellent guitar playing

You get that in everything. I hear the office triathlon bores all the time going on about their custom made protein supplements, £800 on new pedals for the bike etc. And then they're out of breath getting up the stairs. 

Any hobby that involves equipment will always attract those people more interested in having all the kit than actually using it effectively. 

I used to go in to a really posh gym years back with my knackered old gym clothes in a Sainsbury's carrier bag. I got some right dirty looks from everyone sat at the restaurant or booking a massage... As I walked to the empty state of the art weights section!

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as Terry Pratchett wrote in one of his books,

Money In.......Music Out.

Can you bring your band and play for free?

Er I would, of course but they need the money as it's all they do, so couldn't afford to play for free.

I also often say that I'm not really interested in music, it's the performing thing that I really love

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4 hours ago, uk_lefty said:

I hear the office triathlon bores all the time going on about their custom made protein supplements, £800 on new pedals for the bike etc. And then they're out of breath getting up the stairs. 

Any hobby that involves equipment will always attract those people more interested in having all the kit than actually using it effectively. 

Except for vapers. For my sins I still smoke rollups. I'm constantly surrounded by people billowing clouds of sickly smelling steam, whilst excitedly discussing the latest coil upgrade, battery capacity, or homemade blend of vaping liquid they have brewed. <Yawn>

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mmmmm that might be me then, i have a genuine interest in all things music, take punk as an example i dont listen to it, but ok yea i got that ....when it was going on, so over the years i have built up thoughts ideas about it and have my conversation down pat ready to go, when someone comes up with interesting conversation about it with a new view then yea, im open to good views, and if they are good i might reevaluate my own views and take some of their ideas on board, what im trying to say is,  i  dont mind talking music at any time, i enjoy good music banter,

But an xmas curry ? ? yea ok,  i can live with that as well 🙂

Might Draw the line at that Led Zep bootleg with the guitar tuning up tho, that was just Sh!te. 🙂

Each to their own and all that.

Edited by funkgod
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On 11/01/2019 at 00:26, josie said:

...but why the blank blank blank do so many people still assume that women don't play bass? 😞 

So..! You're female and you play bass..? :swoon: Oh, you poor thing, you..! :(

...

...

:lol: :P

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8 hours ago, Geek99 said:

Your original post contained the sugar honey ice tea word How did that word get through the profanity filter ? 

Perk of the job :) fuck wank bastard piss

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4 hours ago, ped said:

Perk of the job :) flip womble bastard fosters

Who does he think he is ? The lord god almighty ? What do we need a king for ? 

 

 

Think monty python and holy grail ...

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6 hours ago, ped said:

Perk of the job :) flip womble bastard fosters

I should report this to the moderators MISTER potty mouth 

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