Cowardly and underhand band politics...

[hiram.k.hackenbacker]

That was meant to be t w a t

[solo4652]

I haven't yet been removed from the band's WhatsApp group. I've just posted this on it:

 

"[Drummer] has informed me that I'm no longer in the band. I'm gobsmacked, and I'd like to fully understand what's happened. 

 

[Drummer] and I set up the band with a particular vibe/sound in mind - soul/funk/groove-driven tasteful songs, not rock. Songs were chosen, band name chosen and [singer] recruited on this premise. [Drummer] tells me the band has now decided to go down a different musical path. How come? Is everybody on board with this? What is this new musical direction that the band has adopted that [drummer] tells me I won't like?

 

Who decided that I wouldn't like it? Was this a unanimous decision? Why wasn't I asked?

 

[Drummer] tells me that a new bassist has been recruited behind my back, while I was on holiday. Is this true? Again - was this a unanimous decision? I'm struggling to believe that everybody agreed this was a proper way to behave.

 

I'm not here to argue - rather, I'm trying to get a full understanding of what's happened, and why a group of people seems to have decided to act in such a discourteous and underhand manner. Anybody can ring me to explain further, although probably no need for [drummer] to ring since he's already spoken to me."

[Doctor J]

Just move on. If the singer attended the audition for the new bassist, she was in on it, too. This was going to happen sooner or later and was not purely a musical decision, it would seem. They've done you a favour in not wasting any more of your time.

 

Cut your losses and put it (and them) behind you. Your life is richer with these people out of it.

Edited yesterday at 03:08 by Doctor J

[LowB_FTW]

1 hour ago, solo4652 said:

I haven't yet been removed from the band's WhatsApp group. I've just posted this on it:

 

"[Drummer] has informed me that I'm no longer in the band. I'm gobsmacked, and I'd like to fully understand what's happened. 

 

[Drummer] and I set up the band with a particular vibe/sound in mind - soul/funk/groove-driven tasteful songs, not rock. Songs were chosen, band name chosen and [singer] recruited on this premise. [Drummer] tells me the band has now decided to go down a different musical path. How come? Is everybody on board with this? What is this new musical direction that the band has adopted that [drummer] tells me I won't like?

 

Who decided that I wouldn't like it? Was this a unanimous decision? Why wasn't I asked?

 

[Drummer] tells me that a new bassist has been recruited behind my back, while I was on holiday. Is this true? Again - was this a unanimous decision? I'm struggling to believe that everybody agreed this was a proper way to behave.

 

I'm not here to argue - rather, I'm trying to get a full understanding of what's happened, and why a group of people seems to have decided to act in such a discourteous and underhand manner. Anybody can ring me to explain further, although probably no need for [drummer] to ring since he's already spoken to me."

I like this post.

You've reached out for clarification, made your feelings known, asked the questions you needed to ask, clearly and consciesly.

The ball, as they say, is now with them.

I hope you get a satisfactory outcome from this - even if that means you have to move on without answers, at least you've done your part with the above.

 

Mark

[warwickhunt]

Underhand and sadly unnecessary I'd have thought!  One way to view it is that were you around and they'd asked you to change the band direction, what would you have done?

 

You'd likely have walked which would put you where you are now (but without the feeling of betrayal).  As has been suggested, approach the singer pointing out that you are going to resurrect the original idea and tbh the ground work has been done, so it could be she jumps at the chance! 

[Marvin]

I don't think I've met a more cowardly collective than people in bands.

 

I've had this sort of thing happen to me once or twice. The first time I was told the project was folding because the guitarist had family commitments. A few weeks later their former bass player posted on social media how it was great to be back playing with the lads again. I called the guitarist every name under the sun.

 

It's pathetic.

[Beedster]

4 hours ago, solo4652 said:

I haven't yet been removed from the band's WhatsApp group. I've just posted this on it:

 

"[Drummer] has informed me that I'm no longer in the band. I'm gobsmacked, and I'd like to fully understand what's happened. 

 

[Drummer] and I set up the band with a particular vibe/sound in mind - soul/funk/groove-driven tasteful songs, not rock. Songs were chosen, band name chosen and [singer] recruited on this premise. [Drummer] tells me the band has now decided to go down a different musical path. How come? Is everybody on board with this? What is this new musical direction that the band has adopted that [drummer] tells me I won't like?

 

Who decided that I wouldn't like it? Was this a unanimous decision? Why wasn't I asked?

 

[Drummer] tells me that a new bassist has been recruited behind my back, while I was on holiday. Is this true? Again - was this a unanimous decision? I'm struggling to believe that everybody agreed this was a proper way to behave.

 

I'm not here to argue - rather, I'm trying to get a full understanding of what's happened, and why a group of people seems to have decided to act in such a discourteous and underhand manner. Anybody can ring me to explain further, although probably no need for [drummer] to ring since he's already spoken to me."

 

If it were me I'd remove myself from the WhatsApp group ASAP and put it all behind me, negative response or lack of response will only drag things out longer. Contact the singer and ask the question, and then move on either with or without her 👍

[solo4652]

31 minutes ago, Beedster said:

 

If it were me I'd remove myself from the WhatsApp group ASAP and put it all behind me, negative response or lack of response will only drag things out longer. Contact the singer and ask the question, and then move on either with or without her 👍

Yes - agreed. I've removed myself from the WhatsApp group. I've said what I needed to and purposefully left the door open for people to ring me if they feel the need. Time to move on.

[BabyBlueSound]

Like others were saying... it's a great thing this happened right at the beginning. If they're this kind of people, the same or worse would have eventually happened anyway. These are usually not one-off mistakes, these are clear signs of questionable personalities.

[Dan Earp]

It has happened to me twice over the years, involving the same guitarist. I was blamed the first time because he couldn’t take the politics created by the other guitarist about me. 
That guitarist then went in to join another long standing band,  run by a music teacher and her husband. They were traumatised. It has never reformed. 
a few years later just before lockdown he asked me to join another group. After lockdown he and the bass player,(I play keys as well) advertised for a keyboard player. 
he has asked several times would I play with him…..he seems upset somehow I can never make it. 
so I join those who say walk away…. But learn from this experience mention it at the start. That band should be honest enough to have honest discussions about these decisions and why. It’s not for you if they don’t understand. 

My beef is the PA. First 5 piece singer turns up 15 minutes before start and walks away as soon as money given out. They still play 3-4 times a year. Now I say it should be no one leaves until everyone is packed up. It working at the moment with two other bands and some 30 odd gigs. Sometimes I not only have the bass rig but also the keys, if one of  the two guitarists is absent. I then play bass in the left hand. Can sound very realistic and I have had people come and look to see whose playing bass when the bassist has sat down to play keys🤣

so your not alone, walk away but try to learn from it because, if you don’t, it’ll probably happen again…….

[neepheid]

This sucks.  Sorry to the OP - terrible situation.  I have only tangentially been affected by such shenanigans - was in a band and the band leader waited until I was on holiday to sack the drummer (my mate, who I brought to the band).  Turns out my mate was fed a BS line about the band leader having tinnitus and not being able to play with a live drummer any more, except the charlatan had been tapping up a new drummer behind his back.  Lovely stuff.  I quit on general principle when I got back - in person.  I can't deal with that kind of nonsense!

 

Every other band has been fine.  My first band dissolved amicably - the drummer and I were sidemen (which was made clear from the get-go - "if you want to write songs, go do it with another band" is a rough quote of what was said - it was curt but it was clear) and one day the band leader called a meeting, said he didn't want to do this band any more, cashed us out, shook hands, done.  And no, the band didn't suddenly reappear with a new singer and rhythm section - he was true to his word and formed an entirely new band with a very different musical output!  Fair play.

 

I've been playing with my drummer in bands since 2009 - we're owners of the PA, we argue like Waldorf and Statler, we're a unit.  Everyone else can be replaced (not that I want to replace you - if any of the people I'm currently in bands with read this!)

[tauzero]

I had something similar - recruited to a band, after a few gigs they said no rehearsal this week, then next week the same, then the rhythm guitarist messaged me and told me that the lead guitarist and drummer (brothers) had a mate who wanted to play bass in the band as it was getting some work in, so they'd been rehearsing with him. Rhythm guitarist and singer weren't entirely pleased that it was being kept from me, hence him contacting me.

 

In the end I finished up in another more successful band, which was nice, and put it far enough behind me that I depped for them a few years ago. More recently they asked me to do a dep and to rejoin, but over the intervening period I'd realised that they were a bunch of racist bastards and that would have been a bit problematic for a woke leftie like me, so I turned them down gracefully.

[Beedster]

31 minutes ago, tauzero said:

I had something similar - recruited to a band, after a few gigs they said no rehearsal this week, then next week the same, then the rhythm guitarist messaged me and told me that the lead guitarist and drummer (brothers) had a mate who wanted to play bass in the band as it was getting some work in, so they'd been rehearsing with him. Rhythm guitarist and singer weren't entirely pleased that it was being kept from me, hence him contacting me.

 

In the end I finished up in another more successful band, which was nice, and put it far enough behind me that I depped for them a few years ago. More recently they asked me to do a dep and to rejoin, but over the intervening period I'd realised that they were a bunch of racist bastards and that would have been a bit problematic for a woke leftie like me, so I turned them down gracefully.

 

Nothing worse than doing a few rehearsals with a new band, things trundling along quite nicely, and then out of nowhere comes the racist comment/joke and you're the only one not agreeing/laughing......  

[Len_derby]

I don’t know what it’s like in the cities, but in the circuit of small towns and villages I play in musicians usually know each other. If someone is a ar€ehole their reputation gets around. Off the top of my head I can think of two local bandleaders who struggle to recruit members because of the way they’ve treated people in the past. One, in particular, seems to only use the young and naive now - who don’t stick around for long.

Having said that, I understand that some musicians have enough talent to make it worthwhile overlooking their ‘quirks’. We don’t seem to have those in the East Midlands, though 😆

[Wolverinebass]

9 minutes ago, Beedster said:

 

Nothing worse than doing a few rehearsals with a new band, things trundling along quite nicely, and then out of nowhere comes the racist comment/joke and you're the only one not agreeing/laughing......  

Oh yeah. I've had that. In fact, if anyone in a band I'm in uses the word "woke" as a pejorative term, it's a pretty good marker of there being some other shady stuff going on under the hood and you've just seen the tip of the iceberg. 

 

This view has been proved right every single time as there will be follow ups in varying degrees of misogyny, racism and the like which I'm never going to dig on. 

[ezbass]

39 minutes ago, Beedster said:

 

Nothing worse than doing a few rehearsals with a new band, things trundling along quite nicely, and then out of nowhere comes the racist comment/joke and you're the only one not agreeing/laughing......  

Been there. Some bands ago we found a drummer, who seemed OK. One rehearsal there was a very racist comment; we let him go not too much later.

[Bluewine]

Back in 2005 I auditioned for a cover band that was re-grouping. They offered me the job. Two days later I got an email from them saying their old bass player was back in town and they were going with him.

 

The band never saw a gig a broke up 

 

Daryl

[Mudpup]

It would be ironic if the new bass player was on here reading this post and keeping his head down 😉

[PainInTheBass]

We could smoke him out by telling him there's a lady friend of mine who's interested in dating a bass player.

 

(I hope this doesn't break Basschat...)

[solo4652]

On 30/05/2025 at 08:34, solo4652 said:

Yes - agreed. I've removed myself from the WhatsApp group. I've said what I needed to and purposefully left the door open for people to ring me if they feel the need. Time to move on.

 

No reply from my WhatsApp group message to the band, which suits me just fine. I banged out a "bassist available" ad on one of the Facebook musos groups and I got this reply:

 

"Hi there,

 

Firstly it’s great to know that there is a Soul, Funk & Groove style bassist in the area,
Most are Rock or blues influenced.

I, and many of my musician friends have been looking to get a really good funky soul
Band together for a while, without much success as decent bass players are very rare,
And finding a soul/funk/groove influenced bassist has been like searching for the holy
Grail.

We are all knocking on a bit (60-63), and have had lots of experience in various bands
Playing various types of music, but we all like soul, funk, jazz, groove influenced music
Where bass and drums are the driving force, the engine room of the band, so to speak
And everything else fits in around that groove!

I hope that this could be something that you might find interesting, and maybe consider getting involved in."

 

We're going to meet up for a chat. One door shuts and.....

[Lozz196]

Sounds promising, fingers crossed for you it works out