what's the worst thing that's happened to you onstage?

[Funky Dunky]

I haven't gigged as a bassist yet, so nothing on that front, although back when I was a guitarist my amp cut out completely at a part of the song where all the instruments were supposed to drop out and leave the guitar playing a neat accompaniment to the singer. Cue me playing and kicking my amp, and hoping for the best. It came back on about three seconds after my part stopped. That was my first ever gig, too. On my fourth gig, the strap lock broke on my Strat.

My mate was taking his first live guitar solo when his amp fell off the beer crates it was stacked on.

But nothing tops Guthrie Govan, who developed a faulty lead/jack situation during a gig and used a hairband just over the nut, and played the whole gig on left-hand strength alone because he used his right hand to hold his lead in place....

Edited October 24, 2014 by Funky Dunky

[Dave_the_bass]

Getting a bit too close to the edge of the stage while rather enthused and finding I was suddenly flat on my back about two foot below stage level.

I never missed a note

[Cameronj279]

Once played the wrong chorus. luckily it was an originals band and both were in the same key so it actually sounded allright.

[ubit]

Once years ago, we were playing at a 21st and I completely forgot the first song, lyrics, what key, even the melody went right out my head. I wanted to die.

A few years later we had an experience playing at a wedding. We turned up and there was another band playing who had taken all the available space. We set up best we could and had to play with absolutely no sound check, monitors, nothing. It was a disaster and made me realise never pander to people. Set up and play when you are ready and happy with everything

[KiOgon]

One of my first ever gigs - village hall youth club dance, I leant against a fire door & disappeared into the car park, nobody missed me until I came back in swearing & slammed the door

[Ticktock]

When I played drums. Just finished "NeatNeatNeat" by the Damned and the singer announced that the next song would be "NeatNeatNeat" by the Damned. I said to the bass player that I had just played that song (I looked a bit confused). He laughed so hard that we couldn't start the next song until he had calmed down..
To this day I still don't know what song they played as I drummed. Hall like a tunnel, I could only hear a muffled roar.

[BassTractor]

Developing a terrible cramp in my right arm once, I had to finish Ravel's piano concerto in D without using it.
I'm not even sure anybody noticed.

[spacey]

Once had to be smart as the dogs dinner for a posh do involving some local council big wigs.
Only suit I had was a bit tight, but it will do.....
Last song of the first set and I used to do a little jump, here goes, up whiiiiiiip
arse hanging out of my kegs right down to the knee.

The audience thought it was part of the show and howls of hysterical laughter ensured.

[thisnameistaken]

Not the worst thing that happened to me but one time I had a pedal-operated smoke machine plugged into the same outlet as my bass amp. During a psychedelic guitar freak out I gave it full beans on the smoke machine, then as I stepped away I had my foot caught on the power cable and managed to unplug both the smoke machine and my bass amp.

Trying to find the wall socket
to plug my amp back in was of course made impossible due to all the smoke. :-)

[icastle]

[quote name='Dave_the_bass' timestamp='1414136432' post='2586182']
Getting a bit too close to the edge of the stage while rather enthused and finding I was suddenly flat on my back about two foot below stage level.

I never missed a note
[/quote]

+1

Perhaps we should join forces and see if we can do it formation style.

[geoffbyrne]

You know how they say - 'Knock yourself out!'? Well I once did.

I was playing stage right next to an unused upright piano, whn I dropped my plectrum (I was playing guitar at that time). I bent down to pick it up and as I straightened up I caught the top corner of the upright piano just behind my right eye - hard!

Seemingly I stood there, glassy-eyed, swaying back and forward. Now this was an old hall and the stage was at least 5 feet above the dance floor, so it was a long-sh way to fall. Luckily the rhythm guitar player had spotted my predicament and ran forward and gently pulled me back to sit down on the stage.

That was where my next moment of awareness occurred - after a couple of minutes I was OK to carry on, with a bit of a headache.

G.

Edited October 24, 2014 by geoffbyrne

[Norris]

I sneezed on stage once and deposited the hugest greenie on the back of my plucking hand, right at the start of the song. I then had to casually walk to the back of the stage and wipe my hand on the back curtains without missing a beat

Also I leapt off stage once, cracking my head against a low beam - not nearly as cool looking as I'd pictured it moments earlier!

[ubit]

Also all too frequently we have started the night only to find the sound has changed dramatically because of people coming in and I can't hear a thing from the rest of the band. It's a most annoying phenomenon that only seems to happen at big prestigious events . We sventually realised that monitors were essential !

[Billy Apple]

I once played in a pub in Coatbridge, Lanarkshire. The first thing that happened was a bloke at the bar threatened me because I was an English guy in his pub. Then as we played (Pogues/Goats Don't Shave/Saw Doctors type stuff) we entered into some Jigs and Reels. Apparently we played a tune that had been hijacked by Rangers fans. Next the entire audience stood up as one and started raining down beer glasses and ash trays on us. We stopped playing and hid in a small room off stage with the door barred by bouncers.

We were escorted out through the mob by said bouncers and hightailing it back to Glasgow

[Cameronj279]

[quote name='Billy Apple' timestamp='1414153291' post='2586471']
I once played in a pub in Coatbridge, Lanarkshire. The first thing that happened was a bloke at the bar threatened me because I was an English guy in his pub. Then as we played (Pogues/Goats Don't Shave/Saw Doctors type stuff) we entered into some Jigs and Reels. Apparently we played a tune that had been hijacked by Rangers fans. Next the entire audience stood up as one and started raining down beer glasses and ash trays on us. We stopped playing and hid in a small room off stage with the door barred by bouncers.

We were escorted out through the mob by said bouncers and hightailing it back to Glasgow
[/quote]

As far as Coatbridge goes you done allright to be honest!

[bartelby]

In an old band we had one song in Dropped D tuning, I wanted it at the start or end of the set. Rest of the guys voted middle.
So in large red letters, with arrows and everything, I made a note on the set list to remind me to change tunings.

As the previous song ended the lighting changed and a red spot shone right on the set list. Took me 1/2 the song to realise why it sounded crap...

[Stylon Pilson]

[quote name='ubit' timestamp='1414136726' post='2586190']
Once years ago, we were playing at a 21st and I completely forgot the first song, lyrics, what key, even the melody went right out my head. I wanted to die.
[/quote]

Oh god I'd completely forgotten about the time that I forgot the first words to the first song. And now you've reminded me. Thanks.

This was very very early in my gigging career.

S.P.

[simon1964]

[quote name='bartelby' timestamp='1414154589' post='2586496']
In an old band we had one song in Dropped D tuning, I wanted it at the start or end of the set. Rest of the guys voted middle.
So in large red letters, with arrows and everything, I made a note on the set list to remind me to change tunings.

As the previous song ended the lighting changed and a red spot shone right on the set list. Took me 1/2 the song to realise why it sounded crap...
[/quote]

+1. We do "By the Way" (Drop D) followed by "Start" in standard tuning. Almost every gig I forget to retune and start "Start" a tone out.

Not one that's happened to me as such, but a couple of years back we were playing an open air gig on the back of a trailer, when our singer decided to do a rock n roll leap into the (rather sparse) audience and managed to break his ankle.

[wateroftyne]

Puked on some of the audience.

I'm not proud.

[Paul S]

[quote name='bartelby' timestamp='1414154589' post='2586496']
In an old band we had one song in Dropped D tuning, I wanted it at the start or end of the set. Rest of the guys voted middle.
So in large red letters, with arrows and everything, I made a note on the set list to remind me to change tunings.

As the previous song ended the lighting changed and a red spot shone right on the set list. Took me 1/2 the song to realise why it sounded crap...
[/quote]

I did this once, except I had no excuse other than I forgot to change it back. Also I once forgot to 'un-mute' after tuning at the start of the second set. But I think the worst one was the memory block - despite having played 'I fought The Law' on scores of occasions one night I forgot how it went for the first few bars. Which compared to puking on the audience is pretty small beans, really...

[razze06]

Early nineties, playing at an all afternoon and night music event at a local club, the guy that looks after the PA and lights brings out a novelty: wireless microphone!

Sweaty after playing several numbers, I get close to the singer to shout a few words of the chorus in the mike alongside him. Flash of light, loud crackle, smell of burnt chicken, and no vocals anymore.

Yes, the mike somehow short-circuited when I touched it with my sweaty brow, resulting in a lightning bolt that burnt off half my right eyebrow, and most of my pride.

Finished the gig with a spare, wired mike.

[Guest]

Not sure which one qualifies as worst:

1) Fell off stage at the Moonlight Club, West Hampstead - my first gig in London, over excited at being the same stage that had once been graced by Joy Division.

2) Going into a catatonic state for an entire chorus thanks to a strobe light. I black out whenever I'm exposed to fast strobes, and then I get an appalling migraine roughly an hour later.

3) Knocking a sequencer off stage in Liverpool. Thankfully the drummer didn't miss a beat, despite the sudden loss of his click track, and the on stage sound was so appalling that none of the other band members noticed the absence of keyboard parts.

4) Watching from the side of the stage when some tit in a support band managed to careen into my Ampeg stack and knock it over. Thankfully it was a solid state SVT 350 head and it still worked, albeit with a few dents.

5) And finally, a gig in my college days where the singer had taken LSD. He just about managed the original songs, but his rendition of Rock Lobster was ... odd.

[deepbass5]

septicemia - I had an insect bite behind my knee and it had got bad looked like a waffle was on penicillin but you know nothing is going to stop you playing half way through a corporate Gig at the madejski stadium Reading I was about to pass out as this poison had got up to my gonads, time to stop Played CD's last set and went straight into Doctors emergency centre on way home. He had a look told me to double the dose of penicillin and go to outpatient clinic in the morning.
good news nothing fell off

Edited October 24, 2014 by deepbass5

[Beer of the Bass]

There was the time at a small hippy festival near Dumfries when a naked guy ambled across the front of the stage, poured beer into one of the monitors then threw a child's bicycle on stage. I was the only member of the band who noticed, the others were too engrossed in the music! We saw him being led away with a blanket around him after the set, and he was ranting about a conspiracy involving cows...

[deepbass5]

On a lighter note -
As a trombone player in a functions band I was stood on the end centre stage next to the singer - now the wife
She was dressed in a white Elvis cat suit with tassles. (yes we still have it) We were about to launch in to playing shawadywaddy - who put the Bomp in the bomp-a-bompa-bompa whatsit . And with full stage presents accentuated the "do da wop" with her left hand catching my trombone water key in a tassle on her wrist - and fired my trombone slide out into the audience. I was horrified to think of it being trappled under foot but it was fine. still makes us laugh now.