jackers Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 So yea, I've been trying to get another band together after the incident with my last one, and so far I have found a great singer who I get on really well with, and yesterday I got a message from guitarist who seemed really keen, so I messaged him back and he asked to add me on facebook to chat more. Now I've been talking to him this afternoon and he seems like a really creepy kid, who is bordering on obsessing over seeing pictures of the singer (who is female), and he seems to talk down to me as if I have no idea about music. Being a nice, polite guy, I have absolutely no idea about how to say I'm not comfortable with having him in the band without it sounding harsh. I don't want to just disappear, but at the same time I don't want to string him along for ages. Help haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3rdUncle Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Man up. Tell him you don't think it will work. You've only just started talking to him and already you think he's a bit of a tool (don't say that bit). Thank him for his time and keep looking. Guitarrists are ten a penny. Worry about finding a good drummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BottomE Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Just be straight up. Say it like it is. Theres a plenty of fools in this business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin_lindsay Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Best to grasp the nettle and tell him "I don't think you're ideally suited to our current lineup, but I'm sure you'll fund another band who are without too much trouble". The longer you leave it, the more awkward things will get mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipperydick Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 You describe him as a kid. Is he much younger than you ? If so the easy and kind way would be to tell him he just wont fit in with the image your after surely. Or tell him an old close mate has turned up and wants the gig. If he's a young kid I think its better to try not to embarass him with his obesession with a woman. Just my 2 bobs worth anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ern500evo Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Audition him, see what he's like. Then once you've heard him play and met him in person if you decide he is creepy just say thanks but no thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackers Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 cheers guys, that was my first thought, but i wasn't sure and yea, he is about 5 years younger than me. I was thinking about the 'not fitting the image' line, but couldn't think of how to phrase it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 [size=4]Tell him the singer is actually transsexual and the original guitarist you asked has now decided to join. [/size] [size=4]White lies are always the best![/size] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 [quote name='chris_b' timestamp='1317136919' post='1387209'] [size=4]Tell him the singer is actually transsexual and the original guitarist you asked has now decided to join. [/size] [size=4]White lies are always the best![/size] [/quote] Or...tell him you're actually in a relationship with the singer and you don't take too kindly to his pervy prepubescent questions about her, and that's and end of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreek Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 can you post photos of the singer so that we can perve over her as well?? Just joking... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neepheid Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Just be honest. I was asked if I'd like to join a band at the start of the year, having done a couple of deps for them. I said no because the singer (who was doing the asking) and guitarist seemed to have a bit of needle between them (even during/at gigs) and I didn't want to be in the middle of all that. I was thanked for my frankness and honesty. I still see/speak to the singer now and again and from what I can tell the two of them seem to be getting on better, certainly nothing untoward the last time I saw them play. So maybe I indirectly did some good as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevB Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Agree with the comment about auditioning, invite him to jam but without the singer present. If he's obsessive about the singer he'll probably not show up and if he does go through the motions. If he's not what you need let him know and you can all move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low End Bee Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Just tell him. "Thanks for his interest and good luck for the future. You weirdo." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Has no one ever told you? You CAN'T turn down a guitarist - their amps are permanently welded to '11'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 [size=4][color=#222222][font=Arial]I've met and played with many fantastic musicians who haven't the faintest idea about basic social skills, washing themselves or suppressing their freakish behaviour. [/font][/color][/size] [size=4][color=#222222][font=Arial]You just have to balance up how much you need their talent against how much you don't want to be in their company. [/font][/color][/size] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukeFRC Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 go with him, meet up in a pub and just talk about music. you chat about what music you listen to you like and why..... and then just watch and see what he wants to talk about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norris Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 [quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1317204610' post='1387913'] Has no one ever told you? You CAN'T turn down a guitarist - their amps are permanently welded to '11'. [/quote] Yeah - I thought the title meant volume too! Audition is the way forward, then you can tell him he's got the wrong brand of fuzz pedal or something - make something up. Make sure you tell him you've got lots of guitarists auditioning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawman Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 if you're going with the "won't fit the image" line, you don't want to give him the chance to call you ageist, maybe add "you won't fit the band's image, you're what we call, fugly" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spike Vincent Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Direct him to Baschat and hope he reads this thread? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyfisher Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 [quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1317204610' post='1387913'] Has no one ever told you? You CAN'T turn down a guitarist - their amps are permanently welded to '11'. [/quote] That was my thought on reading the topic title, especially after that other thread about being asked to turn down by a pub manager. Bands are tricky things and a bit like recruiting any employee; the person in question must be able to do the required job competently enough but, most importantly, you have to be able to work with them. If you don't like them, for whatever reason, then it'll get messy. Just audition a few more guitarists and then break the news that you've found a better match. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RhysP Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Tell him it will be impossible for him to play in the band once the singer takes out a restraining order against him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martin8708 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 In reading this thread , 1, you've never gigged with this guy 2,you've never rehearsed with this guy 3, you haven't even auditioned this guy , what's there to turn down ? This guitarist could be a musical genius , why not give him the benefit of the doubt and try him out , Facebook is hardly the best way to get to know the real person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozz196 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Yeah, he could be asking about the female singer as he genuinely likes bands fronted by women, and possibly the main of his music collection reflects that. Got to be worth a try - I`ve always found people in the flesh to be much different to how they come across on computers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Try a Jedi mind trick. "This isn't the band you're looking for..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) [quote name='chris_b' timestamp='1317205886' post='1387963'] [size=4][color=#222222][font=Arial]You just have to balance up how much you need their talent against how much you don't want to be in their company. [/font][/color][/size] [/quote] This..pretty much. Do you want to know how it will work..?? if you think you already know..just say thanks, but no thanks, it isn't going to work. Nothing more to explain, really If you are feeling benevolent, then get him along, check him out and then say thanks, but..???? I never get this friend thing in bands..... it is the worst idea to be in bands just because you are friends.. as long as you don't hate them, that is enough. Edited September 29, 2011 by JTUK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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