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Here comes Kanye at Glasto


Jenny_Innie
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[size=5][b]KANYE WEST ANNOUNCES 'GROUND-BREAKING' 2016 TOUR[/b][/size]




Following his acclaimed performance-free performance at Glastonbury, global uberstar Kanye West today announced plans for an 'innovative' 2016 world tour which will 'raise the bar even higher'.

A spokesman said:

'The ground-breaking twist will be that Kanye won't actually be present at [i]any[/i] of the concerts nor will there be a musical performance of [i]any[/i] kind by anyone.

For $150 a ticket Kanye's millions of devoted fans will be able to stand in an empty, stage-free, unseated venue where they can silently stare at each other in celebration of Kanye's genius.

'But Kanye hasn't forgotten those of his fans who can't afford $150 to see Kanye not perform. So Ticketmaster are offering a special $75* deal where - for 90 minutes - you can just [i]think[/i] about Kanye not performing - all in the comfort of your own home. And of course, you can do this on the date of your choosing. But not more than once, obviously, because that would be like bootlegging or whatnot'.

[i]Ends[/i]

[size=3]* $75.00 fee for the 'Just thinking about Kanye' package excludes booking charge, administration surcharge and postage.[/size]

[color=#ffffff][size=3].[/size][/color]

Edited by skankdelvar
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[quote name='LayDownThaFunk' timestamp='1435601453' post='2810482']
Well everyone is talking about him...
[/quote]Not much of it was positive though. This is probably the funniest review i have seen though. Apparently Bohemian Rhapsody was a highlight. I think it was written by his biggest fan
http://consequenceofsound.net/2015/06/kanye-west-silences-the-critics-with-earth-shattering-glastonbury-performance/

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[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1435607940' post='2810602']
[size=5][b]KANYE WEST ANNOUNCES 'GROUND-BREAKING' 2016 TOUR[/b][/size]




Following his acclaimed performance-free performance at Glastonbury, global uberstar Kanye West today announced plans for an 'innovative' 2016 world tour which will 'raise the bar even higher'.

A spokesman said:

'The ground-breaking twist will be that Kanye won't actually be present at [i]any[/i] of the concerts nor will there be a musical performance of [i]any[/i] kind by anyone.

For $150 a ticket Kanye's millions of devoted fans will be able to stand in an empty, stage-free, unseated venue where they can silently stare at each other in celebration of Kanye's genius.

'But Kanye hasn't forgotten those of his fans who can't afford $150 to see Kanye not perform. So Ticketmaster are offering a special $75* deal where - for 90 minutes - you can just [i]think[/i] about Kanye not performing - all in the comfort of your own home. And of course, you can do this on the date of your choosing. But not more than once, obviously, because that would be like bootlegging or whatnot'.

[i]Ends[/i]

[size=3]* $75.00 fee for the 'Just thinking about Kanye' package excludes booking charge, administration surcharge and postage.[/size]

[color=#ffffff][size=3].[/size][/color]
[/quote]

For an extra $40 can I think about drinking some flat champagne out of a plastic glass in a special VIP area?

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[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1435610233' post='2810650']
For an extra $40 can I think about drinking some flat champagne out of a plastic glass in a special VIP area?
[/quote]

Dear Ms Shell

Because you've [i]already[/i] thought about drinking flat champagne out of a plastic glass in a special VIP area while thinking about Kanye West, remit immediately $177.50 within seven days to: Ticketmaster / 'Just thinking about Kanye West VIP package'.

Please supply proof of age / ethnicity when making your payment (all major cards accepted).

Best

Lola Fatuous
for Ticketmaster / K-West Inc
[color=#ffffff].[/color]

Edited by skankdelvar
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[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1435612037' post='2810693']


Dear Ms Shell

Because you've [i]already[/i] thought about drinking flat champagne out of a plastic glass in a special VIP area while thinking about Kanye West, remit immediately $177.50 within seven days to: Ticketmaster / 'Just thinking about Kanye West VIP package'.

Please supply proof of age / ethnicity when making your payment (all major cards accepted).

Best

Lola Fatuous
for Ticketmaster / K-West Inc
[color=#ffffff].[/color]
[/quote]

Dear Ms Fatuous
The cheque's in the post. I think that Kanye looks like a nice boy because he is clean and he doesn't play with nasty long-haired rock musicians. Or indeed musicians of any kind.
I am a kindly middle aged lady from Surrey. I hope this does not invalidate my application.
regards
Shelley (Ms)

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[quote name='steve-soar' timestamp='1435612576' post='2810706']
It all started when Robbie Williams played, but he did have a great band and some catchy songs written by Guy Chambers.

I suspect hippy Mike and his little girl saw the pound signs appear in their kitchen and thought "f*** milking cows, let's milk the public"
[/quote]

As to Glastonbury being a cash cow for the Eavis family I refer you to my previous post.

I don't know whether Ms Eavis pays herself a wage for organising the festival but other than that the Eavis' receive a surprisingly small amount of cash for organising & hosting the festival.

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I normally go with the policy, if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. However, I have just watched his Bohemian Rhapsody moment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao3OxBjTY00

How on earth this person gets paid money to do this is amazing.... let alone headline what used to be one of the most sought after Headline slots in the world. It's the most obvious evidence why more and more people think Glastonbury has just sold out and has lost its soul. Lionel Richie KILLED Kanye, showed him how a proper musician (plus actually sharing some of the stage and adulation with a good sized band) can put on a show.

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[quote name='seashell' timestamp='1435612760' post='2810709']
Dear Ms Fatuous
The cheque's in the post. I think that Kanye looks like a nice boy because he is clean and he doesn't play with nasty long-haired rock musicians. Or indeed musicians of any kind.
[/quote]

Dear Ms Shelley

Thinking that Kanye looks like a nice boy because he is clean and he doesn't play with nasty long-haired rock musicians is an upgrade on the 'Thinking [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]about drinking flat champagne out of a plastic glass in a special VIP area while thinking about Kanye West' package. [/font][/color]

[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]The '[/font][/color]Thinking [color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]about drinking flat champagne out of a plastic glass in a special VIP area while thinking[/font][/color] that Kanye looks like a nice boy because he is clean and he doesn't play with nasty long-haired rock musicians' package costs an additional $90.00.

Please therefore remit $267.50 immediately.

Respectfully

Lola Fatuous
[color=#282828][font=helvetica, arial, sans-serif]for Ticketmaster / K-West Inc[/font][/color]

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Dear Lola Fatuous,

Does the stated fee include a VIP Roadside Parking Permit for the hard shoulder of the M5?

My girlfriend Lulu-Beth wants to "Get it on" in a VW Camper underneath a ginormous full-colour (am I allowed to say that?) poster of the greatest rockstar in the entire history of the whole world.

Yours forever,

Bill Wyman

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