Pete Academy Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Have you ever had this situation? You meet a new partner. They love the fact you play bass, especially in a band. They brag to their friends that they're seeing someone 'who is a musician and plays in a band'. They come and watch you at every gig and love it. After a few months they get bored. They then ask why you need to rehearse so much. They then ask why you need to be at the venue so early when you're not on until much later. They then get pissed off because you don't spend much time with them at gigs, despite the fact that you have to set up, sound check, do the gig, then pack up afterwards. They then accuse you of flirting with someone in the audience. Been there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ahpook Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 (edited) no - girlfren doesn't mind at all. mind you, after 18 years...she's used to it Edited June 15, 2011 by ahpook Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jambo10 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 I got to say my wife is pretty understanding, with rehearsals etc, she attends a fair number of gigs and knows the power of work that goes into it. And by the time we finish at midnight etc, she has had a few drinks and tries to chat ME up ....amazing what booze does!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xgsjx Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 My Mrs doesn't even like me picking my bass up, let alone playing it! I get to play guitar tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len_derby Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Yep Pete, been there. Not an easy one at all. It makes me think of something I say to people (often youngsters) when they express an interest in becoming a performing musician - 'bear in mind that your work-time is other people's play-time'. My best girlfriends & wives have been other musicians/performers or in the hospitality industry. Slight aside. A friend of mine ran a conference centre in Glasgow. She was interviewing for a new head chef. One chap seemed to fit the bill perfectly, but he didn't get the job. He said he didn't like working evenings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charic Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Nah, my mrs is very understanding also I will remind you that General Bass Discussion is viewable by the world so you may want to add "And doesn't like me talking about her online" to the list *Disclaimer: my views stated above have not been altered by my significant other being able to see this thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skej21 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 My t'other half is a soprano and we are both really understanding with each other about changing plans last minute if a gig pops up. We have an unwritten rule that gig money from anything last minute goes towards us doing something nice together to make up for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
risingson Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='Pete Academy' post='1270674' date='Jun 15 2011, 08:59 PM']Been there?[/quote] No, my girlfriend is very good with stuff like this, both her and I understand that the hours I play and work are unsociable and that if she comes to one of my gigs then I'll do my best to spend some time with her before, after and during the break if we have one. We didn't really meet at a gig, although she cam to see me before we were going out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Academy Posted June 15, 2011 Author Share Posted June 15, 2011 Funnily enough, after ten years my missus is now used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 No, afraid not. My wife is incredibly supportive. And as for her, she is involved with local theatre so we have to make the same compromises. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyfisher Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Sound like just one of those things and a partner who's not really compatible with your interests. My wife is fine with my musical interests, happily comes along to gigs even though I have to be there early, leave late and have little time to talk to her during the evening. Plus she's fine with rehearsals at home. I'm sure there would be loads of ladies who wouldn't put up with such things, but they wouldn't be the one for me. Trying too hard to change someone is a recipe for a short relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EssentialTension Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='Pete Academy' post='1270674' date='Jun 15 2011, 08:59 PM']Have you ever had this situation?[/quote] No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blademan_98 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 No, my misses is very supportive. She is even going to let me spend some of my redundancy on a new toy on Sunday I love her to bits* *someone did say this is public, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xilddx Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Diane is completely supportive. She has an incredible attendance record and understands that I can't really hold much of a conversation before stage time. She gets me drinks, hangs out with my bands and is close friends with almost all of them. She is an absolute star. Pete, you deserve so much better than what you describe. Cast her away. Wait for someone who loves you for what you are, it will happen after a time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
icastle Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Yep. That was my first wife. One of the many things I resolved by getting shot of her... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrismuzz Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 [quote name='Pete Academy' post='1270674' date='Jun 15 2011, 08:59 PM']Have you ever had this situation? You meet a new partner. They love the fact you play bass, especially in a band. They brag to their friends that they're seeing someone 'who is a musician and plays in a band'. They come and watch you at every gig and love it. After a few months they get bored. They then ask why you need to rehearse so much. They then ask why you need to be at the venue so early when you're not on until much later. They then get pissed off because you don't spend much time with them at gigs, despite the fact that you have to set up, sound check, do the gig, then pack up afterwards. They then accuse you of flirting with someone in the audience. Been there?[/quote] All of these, except the last 2, thankfully I think part of it is that she thinks my current band suck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thisnameistaken Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My first proper girlfriend I always dissuaded her from coming to my gigs because I was a bit ashamed of how crap I was. Turned out she thought it was because I was knee-deep in clunge at my gigs, which of course I wasn't. Now of course I realise I'm always going to be a bit ashamed of how crap I am, regardless of how good I get, so I am more open to people coming to see me play. Nah I've never had the issues you talk about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My missus comes if she fancies it and she doesn't mind me having a bass room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrismuzz Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='waynepunkdude' post='1270915' date='Jun 16 2011, 01:30 AM']My missus comes if she fancies it and she doesn't mind me having a bass room.[/quote] You're allowed a BASS ROOM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xgsjx Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I know the secret, now don't take offence but have you thought about buying her some flowers? [b]Daffodils[/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrismuzz Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 You're lucky! It took a bouquet of lilies and roses, a Hello Kitty teddy, chocolates, and a dvd to get me out of the doghouse once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barneyg42 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='icastle' post='1270887' date='Jun 16 2011, 12:45 AM']Yep. That was my first wife. One of the many things I resolved by SHOOTING her... [/quote] Fixed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzMike Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='Pete Academy' post='1270674' date='Jun 15 2011, 10:59 PM']Have you ever had this situation? You meet a new partner. They love the fact you play bass, especially in a band. They brag to their friends that they're seeing someone 'who is a musician and plays in a band'. They come and watch you at every gig and love it.[/quote] Our drummer solves the problem by ending relationships after only the first two stages listed above. For me, my g/f comes to most gigs, and in fact getting new material for our g/fs to hear is a very good motivation for myself and the singer. It also helps having a g/f who appreciates a good looking woman at my gigs almost as much as I do... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='Pete Academy' post='1270674' date='Jun 15 2011, 08:59 PM']They are indifferent to the fact you play bass at all. They never tell their friends that they're seeing someone 'who is a musician'. Then you join a really good band. They ask why you need to rehearse so much. They never come to a gig. They then ask why you need to play gigs at all. They get pissed off because you spend time any time at all rehearsing, which they feel cuts into their time with you. They never listen to your music, and couldn't care less that it's going well and you've even got major label interest. They then reach the stage of being so jealous of your music that they are on the verge of an ultimatum à la "it's me or the band", when you finally decide that you've had enough of this sh*t and dump them before they can make such an unfair demand on you (just as well, because if the ultimatum had come it would have taken about 20 nanoseconds thinking time). Been there.[/quote] Amended to reflect my experience with my first long-term girlfriend. Looking back, the whole thing just screamed 'insecurity'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gafbass02 Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 [quote name='Pete Academy' post='1270674' date='Jun 15 2011, 08:59 PM']Have you ever had this situation? You meet a new partner. They love the fact you play bass, especially in a band. They brag to their friends that they're seeing someone 'who is a musician and plays in a band'. They come and watch you at every gig and love it. After a few months they get bored. They then ask why you need to rehearse so much. They then ask why you need to be at the venue so early when you're not on until much later. They then get pissed off because you don't spend much time with them at gigs, despite the fact that you have to set up, sound check, do the gig, then pack up afterwards. They then accuse you of flirting with someone in the audience. Been there?[/quote] Oh dear god so many times, till I met my wife who has been fab since day one and continues to be so 13 years later. (If this was in OT do you reckon all the replies might be really different? Heh heh) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.gif.9ad672bb8b84505709f76b39c8c256ec.gif)
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.