Stylon Pilson Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) I toyed with resurrecting [url="http://basschat.co.uk/index.php?showtopic=30501"]this old thread[/url] but I've decided to post a new one. I've decided to leave a band. I had my straw/camel moment halfway through the second set of our gig last night. I was going to announce my departure to the rest of the band after the gig (and had been considering doing so for a few weeks) but then realised that there'd be an awkward "sooooo... now that I've said that, could you look after my gear while I go and fetch my car" moment, and bottled out. The consensus reached in the previous thread was that the ideal way to do it is to get everyone in the pub for a beer and then announce it. In my case, I think I'd have no problem corralling the band leader for this, but the other two band members are a bit more busy/distant. As a band, we never socialise other than gigs and rehearsals. Other options discussed in the other thread was doing it at the start of rehearsal. This could work, but the problem here is that the drummer doesn't attend most rehearsals, so I would either have to speak to him separately, or I could be waiting for weeks and weeks until all of us are in the same room at the same time. It's looking like my options are either: 1. Three separate phone calls, informing people of the deal. 2. Get the band leader to the pub for a beer, tell him, and then afterwards phone the other two and tell them. 3. Wait until we're next all together for a rehearsal 4. Do it at the next rehearsal, and contact the drummer separately. I'm inclined towards 1 or 2 because I want to get this done sooner rather than later. Any other suggestions? S.P. [i]UPDATE: It is done. Chose number 1.[/i] Edited January 23, 2010 by Stylon Pilson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted January 22, 2010 Author Share Posted January 22, 2010 Of course, there's always option 5, which is to remove my name from the "band members" list on our website, and wait for them to notice. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crez5150 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='721008' date='Jan 22 2010, 11:47 AM']Of course, there's always option 5, which is to remove my name from the "band members" list on our website, and wait for them to notice. S.P.[/quote] .........that one..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beedster Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='721008' date='Jan 22 2010, 11:47 AM']Of course, there's always option 5, which is to remove my name from the "band members" list on our website, and wait for them to notice. S.P.[/quote] LOL Mate, don't listen to what anyone on here says (and I guess that includes me actually so you might want to ignore this post), do it how it feels right to you. Personally, Ive been there a few times and each time was completely different. Last time I simply emailed the guitarist/band leader and pointed out that what he called blues I called jazz and therefore I was off. I didn;t really know the other guys anyway so felt no obligation to them. Time before I phoned each guy in turn and had a very long chat. An old mate of mine walked off stage at a gig, went to the bar, bought a pint and a chaser, walked back to the front, downed both and shouted "you're s**t" at his two previous band-mates. Now that's how to leave a band and how to tell them! C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jigster Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 if you're close to them, i'd meet them - always best cos you feel like you've done the right thing. otherwise i reckon 1 is the best option by far, you're in control of how long the call goes on for and you don't have to hover around waiting for people to assemble etc drummer's a right one isn't he? doesn't attend rehearsals!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johngh Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Number 2 for me. To do it before a rehearsal will leave an awkward mood through the rest if the rehearsal. Do it after and they may think they have just wasted their time turning up. Tell the band leader and leave it to him. I always try to finally leave once I have made my decision when they have found a replacement, not always easy though. Tin of worm's. Just get on with it if it's what you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 We were being called on to do an encore. The second guitarist turned around and asked the singer what number were going to play. He replied, "Do what you f*ing well like, I quit", and walked off!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beedster Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='chris_b' post='721023' date='Jan 22 2010, 11:58 AM']We were being called on to do an encore. The second guitarist turned around and asked the singer what number were going to play. He replied, "Do what you f*ing well like, I quit", and walked off!![/quote] No one needs a second guitarist anyway, they're the appendix of the music world Nice way to go though, I would have said "Freebird", and walked off just as I was about to play the solo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john_the_bass Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I'd go for the ringing everybody separately and make sure you tell them all the same story - although you'll have to tell it 3 times, you won't get interrupted as much. I kind of never got around to quitting my last band - I wasn't happy and I didn't want to carry it on. I guess I spelled out my feelings about it at the last gig, got asked to do another couple of bits, said I was busy (I was) got another text, which I never got around to replying to and then found out last week by looking at the website that I've been replaced I'm not bothered, I'd had enough really and whilst it's a cowardly way out, it seems to have worked!! I did get a text the other day asking me if I was available for a gig which I assume was with them, but I didn't recognise the number and didn't bother replying anyway! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paul h Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I either just lie or have a major "F**k this I'm leaving!" tantrum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='Beedster' post='721026' date='Jan 22 2010, 12:00 PM']....No one needs a second guitarist anyway, they're the appendix of the music world....[/quote] This one certainly is and was the main reason for the singers’ flamboyant exit! I laughed at the time! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Low End Bee Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) How about texting all the other band members saying that you despise them and the next big (contracted) headliner gig is your last ever with the band. Then mention that you are going on holiday without your phone until the day of the gig. Then turn up late for the sound check to stress the band out to the max. Yes it was a guitarist/frontman. Just let them all know ASAP and be straight about it is my advice. Option 1 for me. Edited January 22, 2010 by Low End Bee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I'd have to go with number 2 (from your options that is, I don't think defecating on anyone will help!) Just seems the right thing to do. Never a nice situation to be in, but better for all that you go in a direction you enjoy instead of plod on because of a feeling of duty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leschirons Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 My choice would be No 2, just seems more up front. My second option "RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peted Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 Option 1. Phone them all. Or if you're not particularly tight with the rest of the band then just phone the band leader and let him/her inform the rest of the band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thunderbird13 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) I cant really voice an opinion as I dont know the relationships you have with the rest of the band members ,but it says a lot about you that you care enough about the rest of them to at least think of the best way of handling it rather than just p*ssing off without saying anything which happens too often nowdays Edited January 22, 2010 by thunderbird13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Burrito Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 There is no answer that fits all. It depends on if they are friends too (or maybe just some of them). I've had some messy band splits but a few yearrs down the line none of it really matters. I'm friends with most of my ex-band mates now. The phone call idea is ok but remember band member 1 may phone 3 and 4 whilst you are still on the phone to 2. You could email everyone together and then phone, that way you don't play favourites. You also need to decide if you are honouring any outstanding gigs etc. Good luck with whatever you decide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash_sak Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I haven't ever had to do it myself but i imagine face to face could help prevent any unwanted comments afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geoffbyrne Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 When I left my last band, it ewas going into a hiatus due to some taking breaks, holidays etc., and conveniently, there were no gigs on the books. So, at the end of the last gig we had booked - and after doing most of the packing up - I announced to the rest of the band, collectively, that I reckoned they should start up the New Year with a new bassist. Seemed to work. G. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='BurritoBass' post='721091' date='Jan 22 2010, 12:44 PM']....The phone call idea is ok....[/quote] If you're not feeling brave you could get your Mum to call them instead! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman20 Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I have my last gig with my old band on Saturday before I move. Its going to be interesting, as they have a new bassist who is actually just a rhythm guitarist, so time for me to show my chops as he is doing half the set and im doing the later half. I would email or call and explain, or say that youve put it all in an email, (reasons etc). I had an excuse, moving away. The band was getting so slack though...bit disappointing really. Now im bored though as im in transition period of finding another good band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyf Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) An interesting subject considering the guitarist in the new band I've just joined decided to spectacularly quit last night, mid rehearsal. Not knowing the history of the band prior to me joining just before christmas, no idea but it seemed out the blue and it was over something quite inconsequential. Dunno. Whilst I've not been in the band long enough to care passionately about it, I'm still a little p*ssed off as it's left us in a bit of sh*t as we've a gig next week and I'd put in loads of work over the christmas period learning 30 odd songs. Anyway, back on topic. As the aforementioned "quit at rehearsal" option resulted in all parties experiencing a somewhat unpleasant pack away of kit, I'd not suggest you do it at rehearsal! lol Going for a beer is a reasonable approach if relationships are good between you all but maybe the mixture of musicians, egos and alcohol ain't that great a contributor to constructive discussion if you don't have such a good bond. Therefore, for me, I'd go with option 1. Divide and conquer. Ultimately, as others have said, choose whichever method you're most comfortable with. Good luck T Edited January 22, 2010 by tonyf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mickeyboro Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 My last departure was at the end of a good gig. Handed back my bits of band-supplied gear and said 'I'll deputise until you've got a replacement but that's it'. Amazingly the singer, who'd started firing off abusive emails to me, was the most surprised! Anyhow, it was the best move I ever made as I am now in two far better bands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doddy Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 You say you don't really socialise as a band-in that case I'd call the band leader and sort it out with him. If it was a 'good mates playing together' situation it would be different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamthewalrus Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 If the drummer's not a regular at rehearsal, I'd suggest getting everyone together for a meeting at a location when all the members of the band can be there. I had to tell the guys in my last band I was quitting at the end of a rehearsal. The good thing was that I was on really good terms with them all & that the reasons for quitting were logistical as opposed to musical or personal. One of the main members of the band wasn't at the rehearsal that night (he was abroad at the time), & when he found out he emailed me to see if I would reconsider. Once I'd explained to him the reasons why, he was really good about it. I think the point I'm trying to make is that make sure your departure is as stress free as possible, as you never know where (or when) you might end up being in a band with one of these guys again. Just my 2p's worth... Cheers, iamthewalrus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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