How to Quit Politely

[Hobbayne]

I have been rehearsing with this band since March this year. I can't see it going anywhere and I think I would like to bail out, but they are nice people. I don't want to upset anybody. anybody had to do this before? 

[mattpbass]

Without wishing to state the bleeding obvious, if they are nice people why not just have a chat with them about it?

[ezbass]

Something along the lines of, “Sorry guys, I’ve not been enjoying it for a while and I’d rather not string you along, thinking nothing’s wrong. I’d prefer allow you to find a replacement sooner than later.”

[fretmeister]

Just be polite, maybe even tell them you'll do another month to let them find someone.

 

Put a wanted ad in the Musicians bit on here - maybe even try and line up a possible replacement or two.

[JapanAxe]

Go along the lines of ‘I’ve realised it’s not really for me’ rather than ‘I can’t see this going anywhere’.

[binky_bass]

Fight all of them in a massive brawl, use as many weapons as is possible, I'd suggest swinging a ship's anchor around your head for maximum damage. Once everyone is sufficiently subdued tell them all it's their fault and that you're now going to take all their belongings and burn them in a giant fire followed by creating a commune where you are the leader and their families now live under your leadership. 

 

Or... just tell them honestly how you feel! 

[Si600]

2 minutes ago, binky_bass said:

Fight all of them in a massive brawl, use as many weapons as is possible, I'd suggest swinging a ship's anchor around your head for maximum damage. Once everyone is sufficiently subdued tell them all it's their fault and that you're now going to take all their belongings and burn them in a giant fire followed by creating a commune where you are the leader and their families now live under your leadership. 

This absolutely.  Then you can have something for the Most Acrimonious Band Breakup thread as well 😉

[SimonK]

Coincidentally there are a whole lot of ideas on the following thread ranging from breaking the singers nose (maximum rock n' roll points) through to sneaking out a toilet window...

 

 

 

[Steve Browning]

44 minutes ago, ezbass said:

Something along the lines of, “Sorry guys, I’ve not been enjoying it for a while and I’d rather not string you along, thinking nothing’s wrong. I’d prefer allow you to find a replacement sooner than later.”

 

This seems, to me, to be the best solution. Burning bridges can backfire on you.

[fretmeister]

Am I really going to have to be the one?

 

Ok.

 

Which of the other band members has the most attractive spouse...

 

Just sayin'

[Hobbayne]

To be honest, the singer is a lovely lady, but she is a  singer who sings in the bath, and has no live experience. She answered their ad, but has to read the words off an ipad. 

We did an open mike night recently, and it was a disaster. They are friendly enough and nice folk, apart from 

 the guitarist who  is a monumental bell end. 

Edited 9 hours ago by Hobbayne

[Crusoe]

Tell them you will pick them all up on the way to the next gig, but don't. Then replace them all with new band members.

[gjones]

5 minutes ago, Hobbayne said:

To be honest, the singer is a lovely lady, but she is a  singer who sings in the bath, and has no live experience. She answered their ad, but has to read the words off an ipad. 

We did an open mike night recently, and it was a disaster. They are friendly enough and nice folk, apart from 

 the guitarist who  is a monumental bell end. 

 

It's difficult when you realise a band has no future (especially when you like the people in the band) and you have to bail out. I've done it a couple of times. I recommend asking ChatGPT ,or Grok, how you would write a very diplomatic 'Dear John' letter to your band. I'm sure the AI will come up with something you could use.

[wateroftyne]

2 minutes ago, gjones said:

I recommend asking ChatGPT ,or Grok, how you would write a very diplomatic 'Dear John' letter to your band. I'm sure the AI will come up with something you could use.

Urgh

(Apologies... I know I'm in a rapidly diminishing minority)

[gjones]

3 minutes ago, wateroftyne said:

Urgh

(Apologies... I know I'm in a rapidly diminishing minority)

 

I'm in that minority too 🤣

[SumOne]

Tearfully say "We need to talk. I'm not ready for this kind of relationship - you deserve better, it's not you, it's me."

 

Then run away laughing and shout "Smell ya'later losers!" (try not to trip over at this point).

[ardi100]

1 hour ago, ezbass said:

Something along the lines of, “Sorry guys, I’ve not been enjoying it for a while and I’d rather not string you along, thinking nothing’s wrong. I’d prefer allow you to find a replacement sooner than later.”

I did this and it went down really well, they were apologetic that I'd been committed for so long (same length as you). 

 

Do it sooner rather than later and keep searching.

[snorkie635]

39 minutes ago, Hobbayne said:

To be honest, the singer is a lovely lady, but she is a  singer who sings in the bath, and has no live experience. She answered their ad, but has to read the words off an ipad. 

We did an open mike night recently, and it was a disaster. They are friendly enough and nice folk, apart from 

 the guitarist who  is a monumental bell end. 

If her bath is big enough, perhaps you could pop round and give her advice on reaching the high notes. (Don't drop the i-Pad in though.)

 

Recommend the guitarist for the award of MBE and see if he cottons on.

Edited 8 hours ago by snorkie635

[Lozz196]

I had to do this a few years back, I did agree to stay around til they found a replacement which I thought was the decent thing to do.

[zbd1960]

I think the simplest way is best - just say as others have indicated that it's not working for you and move on.

[BassAdder60]

Nothing worse staying in the wrong band ! Tell them asap and move on 

[Acebassmusic]

30 minutes ago, zbd1960 said:

I think the simplest way is best - just say as others have indicated that it's not working for you and move on.

 

Yes, keep it as simple as possible. The only drawback with saying "it's not working for you" is that someone will ask "whats not working?". Honest enough question and often comes from the right place. Unfortunately you've then got to have a whole diplomatic spiel of what IS wrong and that usually means people will take it to heart.

 

I left a band a while ago, all good musicians and we generally got on and I'm still friends with them all today. I thought about my exit strategy and how to do it with minimum fuss / fallout / fighting / feelings hurt and I just said "For personal reasons I'm going to have to leave the band".  This should be enough but if anyone asks something like "Oh no, whats wrong?" you can easily say "Just personal stuff". This usually gets the message across that discussion is off the table without hurting anyones feelings..............then you tell the guitarist he's a MBE! 🤣🤣

 

 

 

Edited 7 hours ago by Acebassmusic

[tauzero]

At one point I was in a couple of bands, very different, both of which I enjoyed, but one was quite busy and it was very difficult to find slots for gigs with the other band, so I told the other band I felt I couldn't commit properly to it and I didn't want to let them down, so I was leaving. All very amicable.

[JapanAxe]

2 hours ago, Hobbayne said:

To be honest, the singer is a lovely lady, but she is a  singer who sings in the bath, and has no live experience. She answered their ad, but has to read the words off an ipad. 

We did an open mike night recently, and it was a disaster. They are friendly enough and nice folk, apart from 

 the guitarist who  is a monumental bell end. 

Well there's a novelty, never come across that before!

[Bassman1974]

Yeah, I've left a good few bands before. 

 

One was easy to leave, as the controlling nature of the members meant that I just hated my last gig I did with them. That was a new years eve gig. I quit on the 2nd Jan via messenger ( I had Facebook at that time ). To steal a quote form above "The guitarist was a monumental bellend".

 

The other band I left because there was a change in the line up that didn't vibe with me. I was just honest and polite with that one, and it was fine. I still regularly speak to the members / ex members as I get on with them really well.