Well, I know how you feel. I've been down this road a few times in the past but I'm giving it this year before I decide it's time to find another activity to put my efforts into. Things have wound down so much for me musically that it feels like it's time to be realistic about what I'm going to get out of it long term, and maybe my efforts would be better spent on an activity that doesn't depend so much on other musicians to enable it. Or indeed music at all.