Ideal gig for me is:
A 45 minute set, as main support to a bigger band
Guaranteed parking at the venue
Some form of backstage/dressing room (not so I can be a pop-star, but just somewhere I can sit down, due to back issues)
Provided back-line (again, not so I can be a star, just so that I have as little to carry as possible cos of said back issues)
Venue has at least a 3 feet high stage (so moshers don`t end up on-stage/knocking me over when they get over- excited)
Two monitors for each band member
Proper sound-check
Bottled water for on stage