Bailing On Your Band

[Norris]

Just now, mep said:

Hey Norris, If you have been on BC for a while, you will know that Daryl is well known for staring threads like this for discussions. 

I've been on here for decades and I'm very familiar with Daryl's threads. Just this one seemed a bit different and some of his recent posts might have indicated a slight lack of confidence / self deprecation. I'm much reassured by his reply though 👍

[Chienmortbb]

On 21/10/2025 at 22:20, Bluewine said:

 

Thanks Pete,

 

The band is pretty helpful.  They actually suggested playing " direct out" so I don't have to lug around an amp. And they let me ride in the van when there's a long distance to a gig.

 

Daryl

 

On 21/10/2025 at 22:20, Bluewine said:

 

Thanks Pete,

 

The band is pretty helpful.  They actually suggested playing " direct out" so I don't have to lug around an amp. And they let me ride in the van when there's a long distance to a gig.

 

Daryl

I think this shows how they value you Daryl. Hang in there.

 

[Geek99]

On 21/10/2025 at 16:58, Bluewine said:

 

 

Pete, I think you're right regarding loyalty.

 

I've been with Maple Road  since 2009. Since then we have replaced a guitarist and several drummers.  I've been the only constant and I've never missed a gig. However, I'm getting older and need help getting to some gigs. The other members are much younger than me. I occasionally get paranoid thinking they might be looking for a younger bass player.

 

Daryl

Nope 

Judging by “them changes” youre doing fine 

[BigAlonBass]

Playing in a reformed NWOHM Band, getting a few gigs, having fun, but I was"going down for the third time" financially. Then we were booked to play Wacken (in Germany) but had to come up with the money for Flights, Accommodation etc., in a rather short time, so that was me out... Introduced them to a (rich) Bassist I knew, and he fitted like a Glove, so happiness reigned all round.

Two weeks later, I wandered into the local Hostelry to find a 'Tibute Band' playing, and the Singer, who i'd known for years, asked if I could jump in for the 2nd Set, as their Bassist was spewing his guts out in the Bogs. (Food Poisoning). I said yes, jumped up and had a great time. Five days later, the Singer popped round my Abode, and asked if I was doing anything, because their Bassist had suddenly decided they were gigging too much for him. One swift Rehearsal, and I was on the road again, making a Mint, so it all turned out well in the end. 

Stayed with them until I had to retire...

[tauzero]

On 23/10/2025 at 22:18, mep said:

Hey Norris, If you have been on BC for a while, you will know that Daryl is well known for staring threads like this for discussions.  so he can put his picture at the end of the OP.

 

FTFY.

[tauzero]

On 23/10/2025 at 14:11, Steve Browning said:

A friend of mine put it rather eloquently - never sh@g the payroll!!

 

I left one band because the guitarist was shagging the singer, and the guitarist's wife would ring me asking where he was. I didn't want to either drop him in it or lie to her, so I left.

[Bluewine]

On 23/10/2025 at 16:18, mep said:

Hey Norris, If you have been on BC for a while, you will know that Daryl is well known for staring threads like this for discussions. 

 

And here I thought a self profile pic was required . Now that I think about it, the profile pics are a little silly. Lol

 

Daryl

Edited October 25 by Bluewine

[Sean]

The 4-piece covers band I'm playing in is finishing up in December and we have 3 gigs left to play. 

 

I've never really been a proper member. I'm excluded from any discussions, am part of a band WhatsApp group that is called "Here we go again..." referring to the large number of bassists they've had but there's little other than logistics in that group.

 

When we turn up to gigs, I'm allocated a spot, rather than defaulting to high hat side of the drummer. It's essentially wherever the guitarist doesn't want to go. 

 

This week I received a message from the guitarist, through whom I get all the important comms, saying that I was required to stand down for the next gig as they were using a previous bassist because he needed a gig to cheer him up after having a hard time (bereavement). No discussion,  straight out of the blue. I've not been happy for a while, so I responded saying, OK but get him to play the other remaining gigs, and I'm out. He's probably not available for the next ones because he's got commitments with his own band! 

 

This isn't normal behaviour within any bands I’ve ever been in before. It was never made clear that I was a "permadep" and it was never agreed that recently the stage "bants" was targeting me with some pretty vile comments, thinly masked as "jokes". I also can't do anything right when it comes to packing up and helping. There's tons of other things I've not been happy with, mostly related to comms (conversations, feedback, ignoring my messages) and being kept out of the loop.

 

The gigs have been good and it's been a learning experience but I'm bailing and with good reason. I would never treat anyone the way I've been treated. 

 

Anyway, I'm starting with a new (to me) band and it's all a very different vibe. 

Edited 5 hours ago by Sean

[Len_derby]

8 minutes ago, Sean said:

The 4-piece covers band I'm playing in is finishing up in December and we have 3 gigs left to play. 

 

I've never really been a proper member. I'm excluded from any discussions, am part of a band WhatsApp group that is called "Here we go again..." referring to the large number of bassists they've had but there's little other than logistics in that group.

 

When we turn up to gigs, I'm allocated a spot, rather than defaulting to high hat side of the drummer. It's essentially wherever the guitarist doesn't want to go. 

 

This week I received a message from the guitarist, through whom I get all the important comms, saying that I was required to stand down for the next gig as they were using a previous bassist because he needed a gig to cheer him up after having a hard time. I've not been happy for a while, so I responded saying, OK but get him to play the other remaining gigs, and I'm out. He's not available for the next ones because he's got commitments with his own band! 

 

This isn't normal behaviour. It was never made clear that I was a "permadep" and it was never agreed that recently the stage "bants" was targeting me with some pretty vile comments, thinly masked as "jokes". I also can't do anything right when it comes to packing up and helping. There's tons of other things I've not been happy with, mostly related to comms (conversations, feedback, ignoring my messages) and being kept out of the loop.

 

The gigs have been good and it's been a learning experience but I'm bailing and with good reason. I would never treat anyone the way I've been treated. 

 

Anyway, I'm starting with a new (to me) band and it's all a very different vibe. 

Are you doing the remaining gigs? In your position I’d tell them to stuff it.

[TimR]

6 minutes ago, Sean said:

referring to the large number of bassists they've had

 

That would have put me on my guard from the off.

 

Better off adding to their ever expanding list of ex-bassplayers. 

[tauzero]

58 minutes ago, Len_derby said:

Are you doing the remaining gigs? In your position I’d tell them to stuff it.

 

Ditto. Tell them you have commitments with your new band.

[casapete]

1 hour ago, Len_derby said:

Are you doing the remaining gigs? In your position I’d tell them to stuff it.

Agreed 100%. 
Let them sweat over finding your replacement, and meanwhile good luck with your new band. 

[Sean]

3 hours ago, Len_derby said:

Are you doing the remaining gigs? In your position I’d tell them to stuff it.

No,  I'm not. There are only 3 left before the band folds.  1 is the one where I was told to stand down, then there's the other one and then there's the big final bash with the ex-bassists. It is being billed as "a night with some of the bassists we sacked and some of our favourites." 

 

The final gig has been arranged where all previous bassists have been invited to play and 5 or 6 of them have agreed.

 

I was recently told on arrival at a venue that my tone is too "trebley". I said that I can dial in whatever's needed at sound check only to be met with being told that we don't have time for things like that. 

 

I also get "told off" if I turn up early. I then get made to feel like I'm in the way.  I'm always at least 10 minutes early with everything, I plan ahead, build in contingency and am very rarely late to anything. I was second car to arrive at the SW Bash as an example. I'd rather sit outside on BassChat for 15 minutes than be stressed and rushing to be on time. 

 

All of this stuff is like mental abuse and puts you in the wrong state of mind, and it isn't conducive to playing your best. You spend the whole gig wondering/worrying about things you shouldn't be instead of focusing on entertaining punters and enjoying your passion. 

 

I'm off.

 

Edit: for context and those that don't know me, I've been in all sorts of bands for 40 years.

 

 

Edited 5 hours ago by Sean
Add context

[Geek99]

You should have left regardless … theyre treating you like you’re their dog 

[Steve Browning]

Rather radically for me. I'd have been tempted to simply not turn up and let them figure out I'd left.

[Lozz196]

I’m surprised you’ve put up with it @Sean, doesn’t sound like a pleasant place to be.

[Woodinblack]

Yeh, I wouldn't have put up with that, I would join the ranks of the bassplayers that had left (or probably more likely been sacked for turning the top and bottom knob of the bongo flat out, the middle two off and slapping the whole set - trebbly enough for you?)

[dmccombe7]

1 hour ago, Sean said:

No,  I'm not. There are only 3 left before the band folds.  1 is the one where I was told to stand down, then there's the other one and then there's the big final bash with the ex-bassists. It is being billed as "a night with some of the bassists we sacked and some of our favourites." 

 

The final gig has been arranged where all previous bassists have been invited to play and 5 or 6 of them have agreed.

 

I was recently told on arrival at a venue that my tone is too "trebley". I said that I can dial in whatever's needed at sound check only to be met with being told that we don't have time for things like that. 

 

I also get "told off" if I turn up early. I then get made to feel like I'm in the way.  I'm always at least 10 minutes early with everything, I plan ahead, build in contingency and am very rarely late to anything. I was second car to arrive at the SW Bash as an example. I'd rather sit outside on BassChat for 15 minutes than be stressed and rushing to be on time. 

 

All of this stuff mental abuse puts you in the wrong state of mind and isn't conducive to playing your best. You spend the whole gig wondering/worrying about things you shouldn't be instead of focusing on entertaining punters and enjoying your passion. 

 

I'm off.

 

Edit: for context and those that don't know me, I've been in all sorts of bands for 40 years.

 

 

Nope i wouldn't put up with that in any band. Even if i was a paid hired hand i still wouldn't accept that behaviour. I like a bit of joking around with bands but that's pushing it too far.

You've done the right thing.

All the very best with the new band. Keep us posted on the new band and would be curious to hear how this final bass bash goes.

Dave

[AndyTravis]

@Sean I think you’ve done right by yourself; f*ck them.

[Geek99]

14 minutes ago, AndyTravis said:

@Sean I think you’ve done right by yourself; f*ck them.

For once, I agree 100% with Mr @AndyTravis

 

 

[TimR]

2 hours ago, Sean said:

No,  I'm not. There are only 3 left before the band folds.  1 is the one where I was told to stand down, then there's the other one and then there's the big final bash with the ex-bassists. It is being billed as "a night with some of the bassists we sacked and some of our favourites." 

 

The final gig has been arranged where all previous bassists have been invited to play and 5 or 6 of them have agreed.

 

I was recently told on arrival at a venue that my tone is too "trebley". I said that I can dial in whatever's needed at sound check only to be met with being told that we don't have time for things like that. 

 

I also get "told off" if I turn up early. I then get made to feel like I'm in the way.  I'm always at least 10 minutes early with everything, I plan ahead, build in contingency and am very rarely late to anything. I was second car to arrive at the SW Bash as an example. I'd rather sit outside on BassChat for 15 minutes than be stressed and rushing to be on time. 

 

All of this stuff is like mental abuse and puts you in the wrong state of mind, and it isn't conducive to playing your best. You spend the whole gig wondering/worrying about things you shouldn't be instead of focusing on entertaining punters and enjoying your passion. 

 

I'm off.

 

Edit: for context and those that don't know me, I've been in all sorts of bands for 40 years.

 

 

 

Sounds very much to me like you've joined a real life version of Spinal Tap.

 

What's their turnover of drummers like? 

[AndyTravis]

44 minutes ago, Geek99 said:

For once, I agree 100% with Mr @AndyTravis

 

 

You love me really.

[Sean]

2 minutes ago, TimR said:

What's their turnover of drummers like? 

Only one ever. 

[Geek99]

50 minutes ago, Sean said:

Only one ever. 

 

50 minutes ago, Sean said:

Only one ever. 

I guess they didn’t get the memo about proper spinal-tap behaviour being changing drummers like they change underwear and went for bass players instead 🤷‍♂️

Edited 3 hours ago by Geek99

[Geek99]

37 minutes ago, AndyTravis said:

You love me really.

As chicken curry loves chips.
 

IF I recall a night out in Wigan “with a lady” correctly after all these years