Punters wanting to talk to you when you're playing.

[Les]

[quote name='skidder652003' timestamp='1496615182' post='3312784']
This, no point being rude, they are indirectly paying the wages
[/quote]

Exactly, that's why I'm looking for a humane solution

[SpondonBassed]

[quote name='Les' timestamp='1496666803' post='3313055']
Exactly, that's why I'm looking for a humane solution
[/quote]

http://basschat.co.uk/topic/306709-its-a-catastrophe/page__view__findpost__p__3312045

[Roger2611]

Even more scary is the drunk bloke / "lady" who walks up to the front of the stage and just stands there staring at you, no movement, no expression, no nothing.....you are trying to keep going with the question "are they going to kill me. throw up on me, drop dead" countless other scenario's running through the mind, so far when it has happened they have tended to wander off eventually but on one occasion a rather drunk young "lady" fell face down on my pedal board and stayed there! That was odd!

[Monkey Steve]

used to get a couple of distinctly different varieties of this when i was in a punk covers band.

Sometimes we'd get people trying to "out punk" us by asking if (having just played a set of well known punk songs that the average punter would know) we knew anything by a much more hardcore band (so we'd play the Clash & the Sex Pistols, etc and they'd ask us if we knew anything by the Exploited, etc). That was usually being cornered between sets or after the gig rather than while we were playing and that was fine, I/we never minded talking to punters when we weren't playing (and we had a bit of a reputation for being very approachable to chat after we'd played, and learning specific favourite songs if it was a wedding or a birthday, that sort of thing), and they'd usually be happy with a "no mate, we don't know any of their stuff" or an explanation that that's not what we're trying to do.

The other type, which I found really tedious rather than annoying, was from people who'd seen us before telling us to play their favourite song (that they'd seen us play before) next. After a few different attempts at getting them to be less irritating ("we're not a jukebox" etc) we settled on "we might be playing it, we might not, you'll have to wait and see". Possibly a variation on "it's in the second set/encore" and it seemed to satisfy the punter that they hadn't been ignored, meant that if we were going to play the song later in the set then they'd be happy (and we could make a point of that when we introduced it) and if it had been dropped for whatever reason, well, that was fine - too late for them to get upset about it and we'd never actually committed to playing it.

Edited June 5, 2017 by Monkey Steve

[bazzbass]

saw the Wonderstuff in 198?

the crowd were yelling out their favourite Stuffie songs that they wanted to hear (considering it was their second CD, chances are good you're gonna hear them all lol)

The singer got pissed off and said "we'll play what we f@#$ing well want to play, that's why WE are up here and YOU are down there"


I was half pissed off at his rudeness, and half impressed at his confidence and logic

[The59Sound]

[quote name='bazztard' timestamp='1496631519' post='3312808']
the very first guy that walks up to ask you something, kick him in the mouth. Problem solved.

I hate the punter that comes up to you the second your set is finished to talk bass. "I have a Fender too, mine is.."

why do they think I give a damn about what they have? But I always talk to them coz, well, at least SOMEONE is talking to me hehe
[/quote]
I like talking with punters about bass during downtime - especially if they actually have knowledge of the subject!

[mcnach]

[quote name='The59Sound' timestamp='1496732727' post='3313427']
I like talking with punters about bass during downtime - especially if they actually have knowledge of the subject!
[/quote]

I met my girlfriend that way she wanted to know how I played some part of a song (she was trying to learn our songs at home from our CD)... so you never know!

[mcnach]

[quote name='Muzz' timestamp='1496658702' post='3312969']
This has been an unexpected bonus of moving to in-ears - it saved me from pissed punters three times last weekend...

Although the best one was the hammered girl at a Rugby Club do, who did the clicky-finger thing in front of me during a Foo Fighters song, got annoyed when I didn't instantly devote all my attention to her, then demanded Abba. I politely declined with a "Sorry, we don't do any Abba" to have her point at the Mac on the mixer (we run Mainstage) and insist "No, play Abba." This we repeated this exchange three times until it was clear she wasn't going to understand we weren't some sort of iPod, so I said "Fine, yeah", and she went away. I told our singer, and he introduced the next song with "Not a lot of people know this, but the next one was originally recorded by Abba. This is Rosanna, as covered by Toto..."
[/quote]

Brilliant!

We had a group of drunk guys (on a pub crawl, they seemed) once coming up and yelling for "Wonderwall". We play originals, a mix of ska/funk/somethingelse. So the singer got tired of that nonsense and announced the the next song as "Wonderwall, by Oasis", to be received with huge grins by the group... and we played another of our songs instead. It was amusing to see over the first few bars to see their grin turn into complete confusion... and then they yelled again but they now knew they'd just be ignored so they stopped and just danced with the rest

[LewisK1975]

Yep - tapping my in-ears has saved me many times.

Unfortunately I don't think there is a 'humane' solution to this.

It's all part of today's 'me me me' society, and those types think you're there to serve them and that's that as far as their concerned.

Out of everything I've read so far, my favourites have been the more humorous retorts, I think that's as close as you'll get to 'humane'

Such as (over the mic) 'That's a very kind offer but I'm Married'

One I've used before with folk who get the hump - 'How would you like it if I come down to your office on Monday and start shouting at you while you're trying to work?'

[Cat Burrito]

I lean towards telling them it's a great song (even if it isn't), going on to explain we have yet to learn it (assuming it isn't coming up later - usually not though as I don't work the cover band circuit) and get the next song started asap to cut short any conversation. Unfortunately as drunk people are unpredictable this only works in about 70% of cases.

[Rich]

The best one I ever had was during a gig with my old jazz-fusion trio at a jazz venue in Bristol. We had just finished a John Scofield tune and were about to launch into another instrumental epic when this pissed student-type came up to me. "Do you do Iron Man by Black Sabbath?" he asked. I looked at him incredulously. "Do we sound like the sort of band that does Iron Man by Black Sabbath?" I replied with a grin. We launched into the aforementioned instrumental epic, at the end of which there he was again.
"Do you [i]know[/i] Iron Man by Black Sabbath?" he asked. "No we bloody don't" I replied somewhat testily. I wandered away from him to try to signal that the exchange was definitely over and we launched into a Brand X tune.
At the end, yup, there he was again. "Why won't you play Iron Man?" he demanded. I gave him my very best Paddington Bear Stare. "Oh come on, you [i]must[/i] know it!" he said. "Look mate," I said in a firm this-conversation-is-over tone, "just f*** off eh?". (I wouldn't normally tell a punter to sex-&-travel, but this gimboid was seriously getting on my toot.)
Thankfully, he got the message and f***ed off.

[Muzz]

[quote name='LewisK1975' timestamp='1496911743' post='3314597']
One I've used before with folk who get the hump - 'How would you like it if I come down to your office on Monday and start shouting at you while you're trying to work?'
[/quote]

Billy Connolly phrased this one rather well, and we've nicked it before now: "Don't tell me how to do my job. Do I come to your work and tell you how to sweep up?"

[Dad3353]

[quote name='Rich' timestamp='1496921290' post='3314682']
The best one I ever had...
[/quote]

Reminds me of a story (translated from the French...)...

[b]The cucumber tart[/b]

One day a small boy goes into a bakery and asks the baker:

"Do you have cucumber tarts..?"

- No, sorry, I haven't.

He comes back the next day and asks again...

"Do you have cucumber tarts..?"

The baker replies the same way...

- No, sorry, I've not got cucumber tarts.

This is repeated for the next three days...

"Do you have cucumber tarts..?"

- No, sorry, I don't.

Feeling a bit sorry for the kid, that evening he asked his wife to prepare some cucumber tarts, specially for the young'un.

The next morning the boy enters the bakery and asks again...

"Do you have cucumber tarts..?"

This time, the baker says...

- Yes I have..!

And the boy says, pulling a wry face...

"Beuh..! They taste horrible, don't they..!"

Edited June 8, 2017 by Dad3353

[tom skool]

I once had an appreciative member of the audience try to hand me a very welcome pint while I was playing and singing! He didn't seem to realize both my hands were otherwise engaged. I just had to nod towards nearest table and thank him later

[Les]

[quote name='LewisK1975' timestamp='1496911743' post='3314597']
used before with folk who get the hump - 'How would you like it if I come down to your office on Monday and start shouting at you while you're trying to work?'
[/quote]

Our version is

"Look pal we don't stand in your bedroom talking to you while you're performing do we ?"

closely followed by

"shouldn't you be saving your breath to pump your girlfriend up later ?"

but you have to have been a persistent dick before we'll use the mic against you.

[itsmedunc]

Had someone many years ago trying to talk to me onstage. Turns out he was a bass player in a so called "rival band". As I leaned over to hear him he went to hit me. Before I could react, my brother (who did a bit of security work for us at the time), took him out with a full blown shoulder charge. Really funny. It was like a comedy sketch watching it. The lad spent the rest of the gig on the dance floor wandering about aimlessly. I don't think he knew where he was!

Edited June 8, 2017 by itsmedunc

[bassace]

We were a seven piece playing a posh gig for some big noise in BT. In the second set there were some guys getting a bit pissed and winding each other up. Suddenly one of them jumped onto the stage and grabbed a mic. The band, all seven of us stopped playing, on the note, and just stared at him. He looked a right prat.

[stingrayPete1977]

I've seen footage of a live band where some total idiot ended up on the Mic right at the front, just stood there he was glaring at everyone, obviously he couldn't hold a tune for his life once he inevitably tried to join in with the band, no one tried to stop him or anything. Turned out to be Oasis

[BobVbass]

IEMs are the way forward - just point at them say you can't hear and direct them to the only person in the band not using them

[mcnach]

[quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1497038531' post='3315548']
I've seen footage of a live band where some total idiot ended up on the Mic right at the front, just stood there he was glaring at everyone, obviously he couldn't hold a tune for his life once he inevitably tried to join in with the band, no one tried to stop him or anything. Turned out to be Oasis
[/quote]

!!!!

a few weeks ago with my RATM band, a drunk guy jumped onstage... there was no mic for him as the guitarist was right infront of his and the singer had his in his hand... started jumping about with the singer, who humoured him for a bit... but he was getting a bit out of hand and I moved towards them to block him from getting into my not small pedalboard... then singer managed to get rid off him.
We thought that was it.
It wasn't. He proceeded to take his willy out and pee on the dance floor...
Glad he didn't do it onstage or I might be typing this from prison.

[colleya]

We played at a pub that's also on Les' circuit (Horwich). It's a very small room and it got fuller and fuller so that by the last song we were having to shuffle back to leave room for everyone. I spent half of that song trying to play whilst handing folk back the drinks that they had tried to balance on the mixing desk and multi plug socket. TBH I didn't mind too much as I'd much rather play to a busy room than two bored barmaids and a passing cat, but I've definitely learned not to put the desk in that spot next time.

If people talk to me then I tend to humour them, smile and nod and then just launch into the next song anyway. Fortunately I've never had someone who just won't let it lie.

[stingrayPete1977]

[quote name='mcnach' timestamp='1497101321' post='3315857']


!!!!

a few weeks ago with my RATM band, a drunk guy jumped onstage... there was no mic for him as the guitarist was right infront of his and the singer had his in his hand... started jumping about with the singer, who humoured him for a bit... but he was getting a bit out of hand and I moved towards them to block him from getting into my not small pedalboard... then singer managed to get rid off him.
We thought that was it.
It wasn't. He proceeded to take his willy out and pee on the dance floor...
Glad he didn't do it onstage or I might be typing this from prison.
[/quote]

Brilliant! You couldn't make these things up could you? We play at a venue where the undertaker from next door always turns up, he's got a bit of a wandering hand when it comes to the young ladies he pushes by which inevitably ends up with a fight!

ps-Estamos en españa ahora, mi espanol es más mejor como el año pasado. La picina, mis revistas, unas cervezas y helados ¡Perfecto!

[mcnach]

[quote name='stingrayPete1977' timestamp='1497110867' post='3315945']
Brilliant! You couldn't make these things up could you? We play at a venue where the undertaker from next door always turns up, he's got a bit of a wandering hand when it comes to the young ladies he pushes by which inevitably ends up with a fight!

ps-Estamos en españa ahora, mi espanol es más mejor como el año pasado. La picina, mis revistas, unas cervezas y helados ¡Perfecto!
[/quote]

Rub it in, won't you!!!??? (scottish weather... ugh)



Espero que lo estes pasando bien It sounds like you are.

Edited June 10, 2017 by mcnach

[stingrayPete1977]

Mucho sol aqui cada dia desde martes, Iremos a cenar en el pueblo ahora ¡gracias!

[Les]

[quote name='colleya' timestamp='1497102121' post='3315859']
We played at a pub that's also on Les' circuit (Horwich).
[/quote]

If that was the Bowling Green in Horwich that's the pub that started this post.