Truckstop Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 I once went to audition for a band at a gig. The first set was to be completed by one prospect and then I would play the second set. The band would go away and choose the next day or something. I got there early so I could meet the guys and check out the other auditonee and talk about gear and stuff. He turned up with a pair of Dingwalls and he provided the rig for the evening too; TC Electronic Blacksmith and 4x12 Mesa cab. Obviously he turned out to be completely useless and could barely hold a 12-bar. He stopped midway through a song to swap his bass! His rig sounded awful; too powerful for the gig and just so bassy. Couldn't hear anything other than a dull rumble and I just watched open-mouthed and half-laughing because of how ridiculous he looked shredding away next to a few middle aged guys playing blues covers. It almost sounded and look like two different bands playing at the same time. Anyway, when they finished the first set he winked at me and gave me a look as if to say: "Nailed it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marc S Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 We recently auditioned a keyboardist. Our ad had stated that we played a wide range of music, including Reggae and Ska (among the usual Rock, pop etc). The guy replied, we gave him 6 songs - then he kept stalling as to his availability. Eventually turned up for the audition, and clearly hadn't learned the songs - just the riffs, and tried to play the riffs over everything. We had told him in advance which songs differed in key to the original, but he didn't seem to know how to change key - even though he had a transpose button / control. Then when he obviously didn't / couldn't get the feel of the one Reggae & 2 ska tunes we gave him, he said "I'm more of a Rock player really" - even though he'd previously said he'd been dep in a Ska band Even though he'd eventually had many weeks to learn 6 songs - he clearly had either spent no time learning them, or had spent ages and still couldn't play relatively simple stuff.... He kept telling us of the "loads of Rock bands" he'd been in, and the loads of gigs he'd done over the years and how this was only his cheap keyboard, and how "my other keyboard is a such & such 5 grand...." and how "my other, main gigging amp is a such & such..." etc. It was very disappointing, as we really need a keys player atm. The guy said he was very experienced, and I even think he thought the audition went well. His parting comment was "send me the other 30 songs, and I should have them sorted in a fortnight" lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcnach Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 [quote name='RhysP' timestamp='1451947415' post='2944988'] A band I was in briefly somehow ended up with a Spanish drummer - he was a f***ing nightmare. One of us would have to stand by him & physically shove him to get him to stop playing, once he got going that was it. His name was Juan - we used to call him Wham because of hard he used to hit his kit. [/quote] I always seem to have trouble with Spanish bassists in my bands... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonsmith Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 [quote name='solo4652' timestamp='1451944581' post='2944961'] @Jonsmith: "Singer: Initial message: "You guys seem really nice. My last band was awful, the drummer found God and the bass player went insane". On day of audition: "I've crashed my bike into a swimming pool and cracked some ribs. I think I'll just go back to my last band, I'll be happy with them." I laughed out loud at that! Thanks for posting it. Can't stop coughing now. [/quote] We laugh about it now. At the time, I was less than impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacDaddy Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 [quote name='mcnach' timestamp='1452001059' post='2945343'] I always seem town have trouble with Spanish bassists in my bands... [/quote] Mi novia española tambien tiene problemas con su novio escoces. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Dare Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 A band I was in advertised for a fiddle player. We played 50s country music, Western Swing/honky tonk and similar. I play fiddle, but was the bass player in the band (due to our being unable to find anyone who could play the bag - it ain't just 3 chords/2 to the bar, despite what many think). We agreed I'd check people out - accompany them on guitar while they showed their stuff. A weird Scandinavian arrived at my house. He asked "Vot iss honky tonk?" and then played me a terrible version of a well known fiddle piece which he insisted was an original tune wot he had wrote (and argued when I suggested the real title). I let him murder another song and then suggested he was not sufficiently familiar with the idiom and thanked him for his time. He fixed me with a maniacal stare and said "I am not satisfied with your explanation". So I took out my fiddle and played him some stuff and pointed to the door. He gave me a terrible look and left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Jack Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 And this would seem to be the right Scandinavian moment to remind our readers of this: http://youtu.be/Ax8yNcAH8mo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameronj279 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Advertising for a singer for a funk/rock type originals band a while back. Someone turned up, hadn't listened to what we had sent him for an idea of our music and proceeded to say that he only every really does pop-punk. Also back when I was looking for a band I put up an ad and had about 5/6 replies. One of which actually just said "We need bass player". Not only were they miles outside of where I was looking for, they also were way off the criteria I was looking for. I said originals band trying to get something a bit unusual and they were a rock cover band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solo4652 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Contributing to my own post; Last year we were auditioning singers and booked one in. A few hours beforehand, she emailed me saying; "I can't come along because I've lost my voice and am unable to sing the songs on the list you sent me. However, I will be able to sing the songs on the list I'm sending you". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil.c60 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Now [u]that's[/u] LVS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rogerstodge Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 [quote name='Wonky2' timestamp='1451940193' post='2944892'] Once had a guitarist turn up for an audition, it was at the time of grunge bands...... In he came, jumper 3 sizes too big, holes in his jeans, looked like he hadn't slept....ever...... All was going well with Kevin until Half way into first number. without any warning, he suddenly explodes from his staring at the floor staggering round like a drunk approach and he launches his strat across the room ! A good 6 feet into the air ! we all watched in slow motion horror as it crashed down onto the hard vynal tiled floor of the local community centre, the head stock snapping clean off !!! A mangled mess off strings and splinters ! Kevin didn't have another guitar and chose to mope off out the door into the night..... Never to be seen again [/quote]similar to a bongo player we auditioned once, one minute he's standing in front of his 2 bongo's knocking out a decent bit of percussion, all of a sudden he's got one bongo up under his arm dancing round like a red Indian doing the rain dance?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyV Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 [quote name='Happy Jack' timestamp='1452004480' post='2945384'] And this would seem to be the right Scandinavian moment to remind our readers of this: [media]http://youtu.be/Ax8yNcAH8mo[/media] [/quote] That is a joy. And wierdly your avatar moves in time to the tractor as well which just adds another dimension to the whole thing!! Excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roger2611 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 the other side of this is auditioning for the wrong band, I applied to join an originals rock band, I learnt all the songs they sent me, turned up to the audition...they were impressed with both my bass and amps, were impressed with how quickly I had picked up basslines to the songs....at the end of the audition we were packing up and chatting, they asked what music I liked and I asked what they liked.....they liked Guns and Roses only, I said they were alright but not my favourite band...so I headed off home I got a phone call the following evening telling me how impressed they were with my audition but unfortunately I didn't get the gig because I didn't like Guns and Roses enough.....I wouldn't have minded but they didn't sound like GnR in the slightest...and if they had I wouldn't have bothered auditioning for them. The shame was I quite liked their songs I got a call from the singer a couple of weeks later to see if I would be prepared to stand in for some weekend gigs as they guy they went with worked 3 out of 4 weekends a month! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 [quote name='itsmedunc' timestamp='1451941190' post='2944918'] Once auditioned a drummer who said all the right things. Before the audition we went and picked his kit up. Carried it all up the attic steps. He set it all up. That's when we discovered he had never played drums before. He didn't know it would be that hard apparently. Why he had a kit i will never know. Our guitarist told him to go away and practice really hard for 6 months and get back to us. I felt like throwing him down the attic steps with his kit behind him! [/quote] Picked up his kit? Wasn't that a hint something was wrong. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) Funny stuff, sad but true. It's unbelievable how some guys think they're band ready and they're not even close. Rule of thumb, you want to say very little at auditions and if you don't know the material like the back of your hand, cancel your audition. Always make sure they can hear you and the sound or tone your using is cool with them. They're not always going to comment on volume or tone until it's to late. "Thanks we went with one of the other candidates. We couldn't hear you at the audition" Also if a band can't provide me with files or links to the audition material, I don't audition. I think we as musicians and bands in general struggle with the audition process. Bands aren't necessarily good at screening out candidates (prior to the audition) and players are not good at knowing what they want or the kind of band they're a match for. Really the thing is, the public is never going to hear about the really good opportunities. The pro bands with money and top teir gigs have guys on the inside they call. 9 times out of 10 advertised opportunities are "start ups" that will never see their first gig.If a band doesn't have gigs on the books, they probably never will. Blue Edited January 6, 2016 by blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Behlmene Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) [b] I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we'll pass the audition.[/b] Edited January 6, 2016 by Behlmene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='Behlmene' timestamp='1452047993' post='2945916'] [b] I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we'll pass the audition.[/b] [/quote] For the under 50 crowd; [i]"[b] I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we'll pass the audition."[/b][/i] [b]John Lennon[/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bikenbass Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='MacDaddy' timestamp='1452002567' post='2945367'] Mi novia española tambien tiene problemas con su novio escoces. [/quote] That's easy for you to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='solo4652' timestamp='1451938369' post='2944852'] Just so you know, I'm already in a band and we're almost fully booked up every Friday and Saturday from March onwards. is that OK with you? [/quote] [quote] I only know 4 of those 6 songs. I don't think I'll have enough time to learn the other two. [/quote] [quote] Will I need a drum kit? I don't actually own one, you see. I only have two drumsticks. Is that OK? [/quote] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Behlmene Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1452049107' post='2945922'] For the under 50 crowd; [i]"[b] I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope we'll pass the audition."[/b][/i] [b]John Lennon[/b] [/quote] Literally the quote is: "I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope [b][i]we've passed[/i][/b] the audition." I took the liberty of doctoring the tense as the line was spoken [i][b]after[/b][/i] an audition (actually a free roof top concert). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='Behlmene' timestamp='1452110501' post='2946597'] Literally the quote is: "I'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group and ourselves and I hope [b][i]we've passed[/i][/b] the audition." I took the liberty of doctoring the tense as the line was spoken [i][b]after[/b][/i] an audition (actually a free roof top concert). [/quote] Cool Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Dare Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 At the end of Get Back, I believe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='Dan Dare' timestamp='1452111364' post='2946616'] At the end of Get Back, I believe. [/quote] I'm conjuring up black/white early footage when I hear that line. I could be wrong. Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freddy Le Cragg Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 "Thanks, Mo" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTUK Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [quote name='blue' timestamp='1452040140' post='2945897'] Funny stuff, sad but true. It's unbelievable how some guys think they're band ready and they're not even close. Rule of thumb, you want to say very little at auditions and if you don't know the material like the back of your hand, cancel your audition. Always make sure they can hear you and the sound or tone your using is cool with them. They're not always going to comment on volume or tone until it's to late. "Thanks we went with one of the other candidates. We couldn't hear you at the audition" Also if a band can't provide me with files or links to the audition material, I don't audition. I think we as musicians and bands in general struggle with the audition process. Bands aren't necessarily good at screening out candidates (prior to the audition) and players are not good at knowing what they want or the kind of band they're a match for. [/quote] I'm good at putting people together in terms of sound and style. This is where the chemistry can come from.. Random selections based on who applies/turns up seems such a long shot..and a waste of time, tbh. So I don't do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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