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No One's Perfect


snorkie635
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I'll kick-off by saying that I don't actually like live music - playing or attending concerts (I know, I know). This means I'll do anything to avoid finding gigs. It drives the others nuts, but I've been like that for over fifty years now. Rehearsals, recording are fine. No nerves at gigs, just don't enjoy them. 🤔

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I want to be in a band to make music, I don’t want to be booking things, sorting things out, doing this & that, just want to play & holler.
 

This probably would come across as lazy and a lazy band member to me would set off alarm bells but in my defence I’m never late for gigs or rehearsals, always prepared on the material, gear & transport always works and am good with communication. 
 

But I  seem lazy because I don’t want to do anything other than play & sing.

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I'm a very average bass player who doesn't drive or own a car (I have passed my test and have a clean driving licence, but I'm a crap driver and IMO a menace to other road users so I don't drive), and very occasionally because I'm self employed work has to take preference over music.

 

However I'd like to think that as a band member, I'm enthusiastic and have plenty of experience of gigging and recording, a decent composer and arranger, a good graphic designer with plenty of contacts for getting things printed cheaply/for free, and have my own good quality recording setup and rehearsal space (for bands without acoustic drums), means that for the last 45+ years of playing in bands years my short-comings have been more than out-weighed by the positives.

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It's a toss up between struggling to keep it business-like when a band member has done something/not done something (an OTT guitar solo at an important gig or not learnt a song properly after several rehearsals) and maintaining enthusiasm with a band/band members who are not as outwardly keen as me. The former can be read on my face during the transgression (there's a cringeworthy video of me trying to attract the attention of the guitard who is into his 5th minute of solo at the end of Purple Rain - TBF the video also shows the singer and drummer trying to make eye contact with him). The latter tends to come across in my own loss of enthusiasm. I am aware and can control the latter just by stopping to think and re-assess.   

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1 hour ago, BigRedX said:

I'm a very average bass player who doesn't drive or own a car (I have passed my test and have a clean driving licence, but I'm a crap driver and IMO a menace to other road users so I don't drive), and very occasionally because I'm self employed work has to take preference over music.

 

However I'd like to think that as a band member, I'm enthusiastic and have plenty of experience of gigging and recording, a decent composer and arranger, a good graphic designer with plenty of contacts for getting things printed cheaply/for free, and have my own good quality recording setup and rehearsal space (for bands without acoustic drums), means that for the last 45+ years of playing in bands years my short-comings have been more than out-weighed by the positives.

45 years ago, with that lot, I'd have married you. 😂

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I’m a closet perfectionist and this trait “comes out to play” in many situations and also in bands.

 

Some guys have an understandable “80% will do attitude”. I have struggled in the past with that and need to use all my coping skills to just let some things go and enjoy what - for me - is a hobby!

 

Still working on taming it - as a perfectionist always tries to.

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1 hour ago, BlueMoon said:

I’m a closet perfectionist and this trait “comes out to play” in many situations and also in bands.

 

Some guys have an understandable “80% will do attitude”. I have struggled in the past with that and need to use all my coping skills to just let some things go and enjoy what - for me - is a hobby!

 

Still working on taming it - as a perfectionist always tries to.

 

Me too!  I have this constant internal conflict of being a perfectionist but not being especially good.  This leads to my being hypercritical about my own performance/abilities but, unfortunately, it can sneak into my expectations of band mates, too.  And not just playing but commitment to rehearsals etc.  I can be a Royal pain in the backside, sometimes.

 

This is one of the things I love about my current band, though - we high the high spots most of the time and are getting better. :) 

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Contrary to how I probably appear here, I real life, I'm a very laid back person, easy to get along with and probably too keen to please people. Which means I end up getting involved in projects to help people out. 

 

I should probably be more up front and leave earlier when I see that a project doesn't have legs. But I don't want to be that guy. Have been 'stuck' in a couple of bands that were going nowhere for longer than I should have been. Including a 'rehearsal' band who were only playing in the studio for fun.

 

Conversely, in hindsight, I also stood in for a few gigs for an originals band while they found a new bass player, when I should have actually agreed to join them. But wasn't the right time of my life. 

 

So maybe my failure is a need to have a big turnover of new tunes and gigs, with a 'thats good enough let's get out and play', and an aversion to spending hours picking over minutiae in rehearsal rooms. Although I think 2 of the bands I'm in are pretty much that. 

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3 hours ago, Paul S said:

 

Me too!  I have this constant internal conflict of being a perfectionist but not being especially good.  This leads to my being hypercritical about my own performance/abilities but, unfortunately, it can sneak into my expectations of band mates, too.  And not just playing but commitment to rehearsals etc.  I can be a Royal pain in the backside, sometimes.

 

This is one of the things I love about my current band, though - we high the high spots most of the time and are getting better. :) 

 

You have described me perfectly, especially the part about being a "Royal pain in the backside", thank you.😊

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1 hour ago, TimR said:,

 

Conversely, in hindsight, I also stood in for a few gigs for an originals band while they found a new bass player, when I should have actually agreed to join them. But wasn't the right time of my life. 

 

 

Nadir, Tim?

Edited by Lozz196
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