woodyratm Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Hey guys - i know this thread has been a million times but would be nice to get some personal advice. I've been playing in my current band for ages. But we only starting gigging about a year ago. The singer/guitarist/synth player said he wanted a change and he wasnt enjoying it etc. So we took a break in June, got a new singer and planned a different style. We've rijigged one song and its sounding decent and interesting. But now everytime we try and get something together (a simple practice) but now the guitarist is saying he can't afford practice because of his new flat. This is odd to me since he's paying sod all mortgage (compared to me) and i still made gigs/practice when i got my place. But it just seems he's not wanting to do this now.. His girlfriend is also causing issues - says she hates the band because we take him away from her (bunny boiler much?) so we're thinking shes finally got to him. If Foxdie's dead in the water i'd probs sell 90% of my stuff and do a less fx'y band Anyone got any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_bass Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Sounds really crappy. Isn't the girlfriend he's moved in with by any chance?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodyratm Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote name='joe_bass' timestamp='1317572583' post='1391881']Sounds really crappy. Isn't the girlfriend he's moved in with by any chance?![/quote] Well he said no, but she said on friday "did you hear that we got a flat?" so id guess yes. Sadly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neilb Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Bin it and move on. You never know whats round the corner.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_bass Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote name='woodyratm' timestamp='1317572724' post='1391883'] Well he said no, but she said on friday "did you hear that we got a flat?" so id guess yes. Sadly. [/quote] He's probably being whipped on all aspects now then. Agree with Neilb, it's a battle you won't win! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkpegasus4001 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) I'd give it up and find another band...not necessarily in that order...... Edited October 2, 2011 by clarkpegasus4001 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linus27 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I think you need to sit down and say to the guitarist are you in or out? If he can't make practises, gigs etc then why should he be allowed to stay in the band. If I can't make it to work then why should I still remain employed. No difference here. Either got shot of the guitarist if he won't commit or find a new band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heathy Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 What about suggesting that you all give the band a break for a while, doing your best not to burn any bridges for the future. Sorting out boundaries with a partner can be a minefield and he needs time to resolve them. You definitely don't want to get in the middle of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AttitudeCastle Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I'd Agree with Linus27. You guys were ace too! I'd say give it one last shot to get things going, and if that fails it's time to call it quits. Would be a shame though as i really liked your stuff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discreet Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote name='woodyratm' timestamp='1317572054' post='1391868'] His girlfriend is also causing issues [/quote] This is Ono-ism. When you don't have a girlfriend it's Onan-ism. Bummer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvin Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) Like wot Linus said Edited October 2, 2011 by Marvin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VoodooChilli Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I've been in a similar situation (emphasis was on the girlfriend in our case). It's best just to discuss it with your band mates, and then attempt the diplomatic approach, don't try to have some kind of intervention set up. Tell him nicely that if his commitments lie elsewhere then he can leave the band, if he's not cool with that then tell him he needs to make practices etc. If he isn't happy with that I guess he's not commited enough to the band, in which case find a new guitarist. In our case we kept the guitarist, and he's still with his missus. I guess the kick up the arse just did him some good, and he worked out a compromise which kept everyone happy. Maybe I just got a happy ending out of it, but I think our way of dealing with it was fairly sound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lozz196 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) Yep, in my last band, the drummer turned up one day and said that his girlfriend had told him he no longer needed to be in a band, as he now had her. Writing on the wall was read by all. Once a musician gets his head turned by a girl, you may as well discount them from any band that they are in. Time to move on. Edited October 2, 2011 by Lozz196 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joe_bass Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote name='Lozz196' timestamp='1317576936' post='1391960'] Once a musician gets his head turned by a girl, you may as well discount them from any band that they are in. Time to move on. [/quote] They tend to come crawling back once the relationship is all over though. Suppose everyone has a friend like that anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodyratm Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Thanks all. The problem is he's also the synth player too. So he does quite alot. So i think if he's not interested it'll be the "end". Good thing for basschatters is that my deep impact, moog stuff and controllers would be up for sale! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bartelby Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote name='joe_bass' timestamp='1317578652' post='1391979'] They tend to come crawling back once the relationship is all over though. Suppose everyone has a friend like that anyway. [/quote] Or they realise they just sit there rotting in front of the TV night in, night out, and doing nothing constructive. Reading this makes me love my wife even more. She was more than happy for me to join a band, when the opportunity presented itself, 2 days after our daughter was born. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gerryc Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 If you have to go take the drummer with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris2112 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 It just sounds like there is a lack of passion altogether. Would firing the guitarist or giving him one last chance work? Is he easily replaced? If you meet another obstacle three months down the line, will your heart be in it to overcome it and keep going with the band? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nibody Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 (edited) I've seen bands fall apart over this. I let a band slip apart because there were THREE partners who were pulling the "give up the band" on various members - I had the overbearing Girlfriend. She whent after putting enough pressure on me to commit to a job I didnt want, a Flat I didnt want, and loosing a band Id been playing with in various guises for years then walked out after playing bedroom olympics with several blokes who were not me!!! - ended up selling all my decent gear (Trace 7215 250w Combo, 76 precision, bass effects etc) later because i gave up on playing and needed the cash. As it is 10 years later, me and the drummer and the guitarist are talking doing it again just for kicks, had to buy gear to replace what I had already but sold.. pain in the backside and expensive but i have the bug again. I second the "Take the drummer and walk" aproach if you have a good vibe with them. You can build anything around a decent Rhythm section. Oh and my Wife (who came along after the girlfriend, and was in fact one of the ex-girlfriends mates.. REVENGE!! Ha hah) is the oposite - she was always saying that I needed to play again, and bought me an Epiphone Thunderbird because of an off chance remark that I would like one. She also backed my decision to get a new Amp and another bass. We have two kids under five and I didnt think starting playing again was fair but she said "go for it if it makes you happy. Edited October 2, 2011 by Nibody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AttitudeCastle Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 [quote name='woodyratm' timestamp='1317579025' post='1391987'] Thanks all. The problem is he's also the synth player too. So he does quite alot. So i think if he's not interested it'll be the "end". Good thing for basschatters is that my deep impact, moog stuff and controllers would be up for sale! [/quote] SHOTGUN THE DEEP IMPACT. May have to sell both kidneys to pay for it though... DEFO need to use it before it goes anywhere though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gust0o Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Funny things these bands... The lads had some good tips in my thread, which probably carry over here... I guess, if you've been playing for a while, you might not want to quit outright; but you could always look for another gig. I think that would be a good tip. See if anyone else is playing locally and join on in - you get to keep your hand in, without needing to do anything too firm with your current band. You never know, it could sharpen some pencils! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodyratm Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Yeahh thats what i'm thinking just now. Well that and try and get a rise against style project going. Might even swallow my fear and do lead vocals too. Already found a drummer if my current doesnt fancy. Would be nice if he did - we've played together for 10 years almost! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikegatward Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Top of the list for things you need to be in a band is: Number 1 - a supportive partner End of. You can always borrow gear :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seashell Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 It's so sad when a partner resents their other half's wlrok/hobbies/inerests. I've sometimes seen this happen with actors in various theatre groups I've been in over the years. Talented people who gradually become less involved and eventually stop all together. I find it incredibly frustrating that the partners destroy the very thing probably attracted them in the first place! But I also find you can't fight it really. It's like dealing with an alcoholic.. they can't stop until [b]they're[/b] ready! Eventually some of them see the light and come back to the fold, but in the meantime you just have to write them off and leave them to their miserable sofa-bound existance, and look round for some new talent. Hope your guitarist can break free before it's too late! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Vader Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 My wife is an arbiter of taste, if she thinks I'm in a sh*t band then she acts like the old fashioned Ono-Girlfriend, however if she likes them, I can go and play whenever I like. Quite useful, got me out of a real bind earlier in the year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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