Create your own snake oil!

[Earbrass]

Sound is vibration in air, or other medium. It's well known that the nature of that medium has a huge impact on the quality of the sound - try speaking with a lungful of helium if you have any doubts on this score. What is less well known is that adding a small percentage of methane to ordinary air will have a huge impact on bass response, giving extra punch and definition to the lower-mids. In order to guarantee a good level of methane in the atmosphere at your gigs, eat plenty of [b][i]Windhawks Patented Sprout'n'Beans Bassmix[/i][/b] an hour or two before you're due on. You'll be amazed at the difference.

Edited April 13, 2011 by Earbrass

[Roland Rock]

[quote name='Low End Bee' post='1197927' date='Apr 13 2011, 11:11 AM']Pick players. Embarassed that you can't play fingerstyle and fit in with other bassists?

Simply screw a couple of these on to the end of your plectrum and you'll be envy of all.

[/quote]

[ShergoldSnickers]

[size=6][b]Breakthrough in valve amplification technology.[/b]
[/size]
Our valve amplification technology is unique. It's also green, using very little energy. It's easy to dial in the right amount of valve output, the yellow indicator tells you how much, and by using our distortion cones (smooth 'Linear Flare' cone illustrated) you can set the output characteristics to your taste.

[flyfisher]

All very amusing stuff, but while there are products like this being promoted then there's little need to make up ridiculously far-fetched nonsense:

[url="http://www.merlincables.com/index.php?app=gbu0&ns=prodshow&ref=dragonmains"]http://www.merlincables.com/index.php?app=...ref=dragonmains[/url]

[Rich]

Everybody knows that long runs of cable suck the life out of your tone. The longer the signal chain, the less life in the sound, the duller it is.
I have studied these theories in great depth over the last few years, examining closely the entire theoretical signal length of each individual note from the very start (the way in which the string is struck or plucked) to the very end (the way in which the note is processed by the ears of the listener).
I can now tell you that my studies have proved beyond a doubt that the shorter this entire chain can be made, the more pure the tone. Using my revolutionary Audiological Research Sensory Extension (ARSE) method (pat.pending), all extraneous unwanted effects can be eliminated for the purest possible tone.
Normally my ARSE is only available via a teaching pack retailing at a very reasonable $599.99 -- however, in what I consider to be an act of incalculable generosity, I am willing to share the wondrous secrets of my ARSE with you, my BC buddies, entirely [b][i]free of charge[/i][/b]. Just so long as you keep it to yourselves!
To witness the marvels of the ARSE, simply do the following:
[list=1]
[*]Take your finger, or plectrum, or thumb (depending on whether you're a fingerstyle, pick or slap player);
[*]Ram it in your ear.
[/list]Hey presto. The distance between the very beginning and very end of the total signal length of each note is now reduced to as near zero as is possible. Perfect sonic nirvana is yours!
Enjoy.

[Dave Vader]

[quote name='flyfisher' post='1198201' date='Apr 13 2011, 02:23 PM']All very amusing stuff, but while there are products like this being promoted then there's little need to make up ridiculously far-fetched nonsense:

[url="http://www.merlincables.com/index.php?app=gbu0&ns=prodshow&ref=dragonmains"]http://www.merlincables.com/index.php?app=...ref=dragonmains[/url][/quote]

Holy f*** that can't be real? Surely nobody is that rich/stupid?

[paul_5]

Want to bet? Opening stake is a house in Marbella or similar.

[Dave Vader]

[quote name='paul_5' post='1198348' date='Apr 13 2011, 04:03 PM']Want to bet? Opening stake is a house in Marbella or similar.[/quote]

How about opening stake of a half eaten m&m, it is all I have, and yes it is peanut. (Peanut m&ms sound better, it's the hollow nutty bit, adds to both tone and mojo)

[Roland Rock]

[quote name='Dave Vader' post='1198255' date='Apr 13 2011, 03:15 PM']Holy f*** that can't be real? Surely nobody is that rich/stupid? [/quote]


I like the quote:
"Even though the Dragon is the most expensive cable we produce it actually has the highest customer return percentage"

They claim that people "return" and say "these are great, I'll have two more please"
Probably more like "I'd like to return this please"

[TheRev]

And yet there's more..

Quote:

'Adding to the already extraordinary clarity and timing experienced with the Funnel-web and the sweet top end and balanced enhancements added by the Scorpion but now adds massive improvement in complete power and authority, increased natural detail, increased stabilty to the already impressive sound stage and the real character of all Dragon products which is a simply sublime bass response.

Seriously, WTF is an 'improvement in complete power and authority'?? How would one go about measuring sonic 'authority'?

It gets worse...

"The invividually coated and insulated conductors are then arranged in twin opposing helical spirals to drasitcally reduce Radio Frequency and Electro Magnetic interferences which along with our thick copper foil screening helps to stop any unwanted interference getting into the cable."

Now, in my post at the top of the page, I made all that sh1te about helical braiding and magnetic interference up on the spot -but apparently it's true!

This is the musical equivalent of homeopathy - all pseudobabble and subjectivity.

[discreet]

How about a pair of 2m interconnects for $37,000 (£22,700)?

[url="http://www.stereophile.com/ces2009/fabled_cables_in_close_relation/index.html"]http://www.stereophile.com/ces2009/fabled_...tion/index.html[/url]

Edited April 13, 2011 by discreet

[flyfisher]

OK, you win. I thought my £1000 mains cable was the ultimate p*ss-take, but it's clearly just a rank amateur.

Bl**dy hell - who actually buys this stuff.

[xgsjx]

Are "What HiFi" buying into snake oil or is there some truth behind this?
From what I've been told they don't make any difference.

[url="http://www.whathifi.com/review/russ-andrews-reference-powerkord-w350i-ag"]http://www.whathifi.com/review/russ-andrew...erkord-w350i-ag[/url]

[phil.i.stein]

post me some Viagra.

i'll post you some of my snake oil.

[gelfin]

I work in the Hi Fi industry. Retail and custom installation. Even though it's great for business I am amazed at how customers are keen to spend crazy amounts of money on these expensive cables to improved their systems. It's my view that they listen to their systems performance rather than the music itself. Sure, good quality cables help keep things good, but there has to be limits. Law of diminishing returns etc. Often when asked for advice on cable upgrades I suggest they go and get a couple of good bottles of wine, sit down and relax and enjoy some good tunes. I have had people spend in excess of £30K on a system. When I have gone to install it I find they have a music collection that comprises of about 25 to 30 albums. I tell these to spend their money on more music.

Emporer's new clothes?

It's their (expensive) hobby!!

Having said all that I think that the Naim Audio Powerline mains cable is pretty good. Around £400. However even though I have a pretty high end system there's no way I am going to buy one for each component in the system. I would need at least 10.

But then I did put in an isolated 60 amp circuit with separate earth buried in garden for the system.

I also use Chord Cream cables for my bass which cost £80 normally. But they gave them to me cos one of the main guys there that I have known for years is a bass player.

Starting to dig a hole for myself here.

Edited April 13, 2011 by gelfin

[Waldo]

*something about roasted maple*

[icastle]

[quote name='gelfin' post='1198783' date='Apr 13 2011, 10:01 PM']Starting to dig a hole for myself here. [/quote]

Yep, but you can keep your seperate earth spike company...

[flyfisher]

[quote name='gelfin' post='1198783' date='Apr 13 2011, 10:01 PM']I tell these to spend their money on more music.[/quote]

Amen to that.

Each to their own, of course, but hi-fi is just a tool I use to listen to music, not a hobby in its own right.

[gelfin]

[quote name='icastle' post='1198814' date='Apr 13 2011, 10:27 PM']Yep, but you can keep your seperate earth spike company... [/quote]

[gelfin]

[quote name='flyfisher' post='1198835' date='Apr 13 2011, 10:37 PM']Amen to that.

Each to their own, of course, but hi-fi is just a tool I use to listen to music, not a hobby in its own right.[/quote]

It's also a way I make my living

[Fat Rich]

[quote name='Rich' post='1198205' date='Apr 13 2011, 02:27 PM']Everybody knows that long runs of cable suck the life out of your tone. The longer the signal chain, the less life in the sound, the duller it is.
I have studied these theories in great depth over the last few years, examining closely the entire theoretical signal length of each individual note from the very start (the way in which the string is struck or plucked) to the very end (the way in which the note is processed by the ears of the listener).
I can now tell you that my studies have proved beyond a doubt that the shorter this entire chain can be made, the more pure the tone. Using my revolutionary Audiological Research Sensory Extension (ARSE) method (pat.pending), all extraneous unwanted effects can be eliminated for the purest possible tone.
Normally my ARSE is only available via a teaching pack retailing at a very reasonable $599.99 -- however, in what I consider to be an act of incalculable generosity, I am willing to share the wondrous secrets of my ARSE with you, my BC buddies, entirely [b][i]free of charge[/i][/b]. Just so long as you keep it to yourselves!
To witness the marvels of the ARSE, simply do the following:
[list=1]
[*]Take your finger, or plectrum, or thumb (depending on whether you're a fingerstyle, pick or slap player);
[*]Ram it in your ear.
[/list]Hey presto. The distance between the very beginning and very end of the total signal length of each note is now reduced to as near zero as is possible. Perfect sonic nirvana is yours!
Enjoy.[/quote]

This sounds suspiciously like my E.L.B.O.W. system. You will be hearing from my solicitors Crunn, Bannister & Bloodnok shortly.

[Earbrass]

[quote name='flyfisher' post='1198835' date='Apr 13 2011, 10:37 PM']Amen to that.

Each to their own, of course, but hi-fi is just a tool I use to listen to music, not a hobby in its own right.[/quote]

I think the same could be said about bass gear, but I get the impression that it is a "hobby in its own right" for quite a few people on here.

Edited April 14, 2011 by Earbrass

[charic]

[quote name='Waldo' post='1198786' date='Apr 13 2011, 10:06 PM']*something about roasted maple*[/quote]

Damn, beat me to it...

[Ou7shined]

[quote name='EBS_freak' post='1197361' date='Apr 12 2011, 09:33 PM']I've read about a few people on here breaking strings. I have come up with a one string bass. It means that there are less strings to break, therefore less of a problem. I've seen Sandbergs 2 string bass... this is better![/quote]
What I do is have a 2 string bass but strung and tuned as 2 one stringeds. That way if I ever break a string (it's not happened in the 30 years I've been playing but I'm expecting one to go any day now) I'll have my back up bass already in my hands saving valuable seconds not picking up a different bass located somewhere else on the stage. True professionalism I think you'll find.

I'm currently working on a new system of not playing any strings at all and simply miming along to some sort of pre recorded "background track". I have noticed over the years that people who pay to hear a band play simply can't cope when even the most unpredictable mistakes are made. With this revolutionary system I plan to eliminate all live musical mishaps from ever happening ever again. I'm a firm believer that if you are getting paid to preform you should make the effort to appear as perfect to your audience as humanly possible. I may even at some point remove the physical bass altogether and just have an image of one projected onto me. This way I can play (mime) any high end bass imaginable but at the same time avoid getting a real one damaged by taking it to gigs.

[Doddy]

[quote name='EBS_freak' post='1197361' date='Apr 12 2011, 09:33 PM']I've read about a few people on here breaking strings. I have come up with a one string bass. It means that there are less strings to break, therefore less of a problem. I've seen Sandbergs 2 string bass... this is better![/quote]

So basically,you've come up with the Atlansia Solitaire.

[url="http://www.atlansia.jp/SOLITAIRE.ARS.JPG"]http://www.atlansia.jp/SOLITAIRE.ARS.JPG[/url]