Bassman1974 Posted Wednesday at 23:02 Posted Wednesday at 23:02 2 hours ago, StickyDBRmf said: I have an idea, but what exactly is a bell end? Another name for either a guitarist or a saxophone player 2 Quote
Beedster Posted Thursday at 05:50 Posted Thursday at 05:50 21 hours ago, binky_bass said: Fight all of them in a massive brawl, use as many weapons as is possible, I'd suggest swinging a ship's anchor around your head for maximum damage. Once everyone is sufficiently subdued tell them all it's their fault and that you're now going to take all their belongings and burn them in a giant fire followed by creating a commune where you are the leader and their families now live under your leadership. Or... just tell them honestly how you feel! Basschat needs more of this type of advice 👍 3 Quote
kiat Posted Thursday at 09:33 Posted Thursday at 09:33 This happened to me a few days ago If band A is an "open marriage" where it's fine for members to be in other bands, then join the one(s) you want to. To leave, later on you can honestly say to band A you don't have the time/memory/musical interests/money/whatever any more due to your lifestyle changes. For me I needed to focus on the bands that I'm playing with that I'm actively gigging with, even though band A was one of the first I joined. Good luck! Quote
Gust0o Posted Thursday at 09:42 Posted Thursday at 09:42 Just be nice and transparent, avoid the temptation to burn bridges - unless it's made of paraffin-soaked palettes and absolutely in need of a match. Some bands do be like that. They sound like decent people, just not right for you. Good luck! Quote
martin8708 Posted Thursday at 12:43 Posted Thursday at 12:43 Tell them you have a job . (Full time , long hours ,preferably with HMRC ) Tell them you have a wife . Tell them you have children . When I use all three , it normally allows me an easy exit from a band . Quote
tauzero Posted Thursday at 13:51 Posted Thursday at 13:51 On 27/08/2025 at 14:10, Jonesy said: Fake your own death? I left one band amicably nearly 20 years ago as we weren't getting any gigs and I'd got the offer of a quite busy club band. The band got a replacement, but some time later they couldn't get in touch with him for a gig and they asked me to dep, which I did. Subsequently they found that he'd died. 2 Quote
mowf Posted Thursday at 14:50 Posted Thursday at 14:50 2 hours ago, martin8708 said: Tell them you have a job . (Full time , long hours ,preferably with HMRC ) Tell them you have a wife . Tell them you have children . When I use all three , it normally allows me an easy exit from a band . Personally speaking, having a job, wife and children are 3 good reasons for my wanting to be IN a band. 1 8 Quote
Dan Dare Posted Friday at 04:56 Posted Friday at 04:56 13 hours ago, mowf said: Personally speaking, having a job, wife and children are 3 good reasons for my wanting to be IN a band. Yep. I remember those days. The band was a refuge from all the other stuff that clamoured for my attention. Having said that, being in a band with those who have the family commitments, job demands, etc can be awkward. My band has recently had the "We'll have to limit the number of gigs we accept. The missus complains she never sees me, the job is demanding, etc" discussion. I understand their situation and appreciate it's easier for me, as a retired single bloke, but having worked to get ourselves to a position where we are in demand, only to row back from it, is frustrating. 1 Quote
TimR Posted Friday at 11:17 Posted Friday at 11:17 ŴThe two reasons seem to be: The singer is inexperienced. The guitarist is difficult to get along with. My view would be to say that you were hoping the band would be gigging by now and thought that following the open night there are a number of things you need to address before you're ready to gig. Maybe have a 'nice' list. From there, you can either judge the mood or suggest they find a bass player who is more aligned with their timeline and experience. I don't know. It's difficult to say that without sounding pompous. 🤣 Quote
thodrik Posted Friday at 12:34 Posted Friday at 12:34 21 hours ago, mowf said: Personally speaking, having a job, wife and children are 3 good reasons for my wanting to be IN a band. Exactly! 1 Quote
chris_b Posted Friday at 13:30 Posted Friday at 13:30 "Sorry guys, I've decided this is not for me. It's been nice playing with you but I'm leaving. Good luck with the band." 3 Quote
dave_bass5 Posted Friday at 14:08 Posted Friday at 14:08 A '👋" text and then block them all 🙂 1 Quote
Si600 Posted Friday at 19:17 Posted Friday at 19:17 Turn up late to rehearsal, lock the door and burn the place down? Well, it worked for the Saxons anyway. Quote
dave_bass5 Posted Friday at 19:53 Posted Friday at 19:53 36 minutes ago, Si600 said: Turn up late to rehearsal, lock the door and burn the place down? Well, it worked for the Saxons anyway. Was this at Pirate studios 😎 5 Quote
police squad Posted Saturday at 02:51 Posted Saturday at 02:51 I've left a few bands politely. 'Sorry guys, I have reached the need to change. I've been thinking a lot about it (etc etc) but feel like I'm done Totally happy to give you 3 months to find a replacement And I've always gone back to help them out as a dep (but these were gigging bands) We're all still friends someone said about not burning bridges and i never have but they are a few Winkers that I've played with that I wouldn't p1ss on if they were on fire. Should they come calling, Sorry I'm not available Life circumstances change and it makes me change how I feel doing certain gigs with certain people. When I'm work stressed I don't need the grief but when I'm not work stressed I can deal with it Just tell them and be honest. If they take umbridge, that's their problem 1 Quote
Joe Nation Posted 5 hours ago Posted 5 hours ago I use that old Marie Kondo trope all the time - does it spark joy? Being in a band should be an enjoyable experience, not a chore. Even if you like the people and the sounds you make, if the thought of doing any kind of work for the band (practice, gigs, social media, whatever) doesn't make you feel good, then it's time to go. And that should be a good enough explanation too - it doesn't spark joy. 2 1 Quote
mcnach Posted 2 hours ago Posted 2 hours ago On 27/08/2025 at 12:53, thodrik said: My response is usually 'I really enjoy playing in the band, but I have come to the stage in life that all I really want to play is downtuned stoner doom music' Just insert a genre of music you like that the band isn't playing and is never likely to play and you are fine. Good way to find out that everybody in the band was a closet polka fan... and then what? 1 Quote
thodrik Posted 2 hours ago Posted 2 hours ago 30 minutes ago, mcnach said: Good way to find out that everybody in the band was a closet polka fan... and then what? 'Hi everyone, I have really enjoyed rehearsals over the last couple of weeks. However after much thought and deliberation I can't help but realise that we are focusing on on traditional Czech polka music. I do not wish to force you to change directions again and as such I must with regret offer my resignation in order to enable me to put together a new group which will focus on my own particular love of Slovenian polka.' When there are sub-genres there is always a way to quit. 2 Quote
SimonK Posted 2 hours ago Posted 2 hours ago 38 minutes ago, mcnach said: On 27/08/2025 at 12:53, thodrik said: My response is usually 'I really enjoy playing in the band, but I have come to the stage in life that all I really want to play is downtuned stoner doom music' Just insert a genre of music you like that the band isn't playing and is never likely to play and you are fine. Good way to find out that everybody in the band was a closet polka fan... and then what? ...yes this has a horrible way of backfiring - yesterday I told my son's new girlfriend that we would be having mussels for dinner as a throw-away joke thinking no kid likes mussels, only to find out she is a seafood fan and was hugely disappointed that it ended up being spaghetti - got an all round bollocking from my wife and son! If you tell the band you want to play "downtuned stoner doom music" you might find yourself coming back to this thread asking how to get out of a slightly different band! Quote
thodrik Posted 1 hour ago Posted 1 hour ago 3 minutes ago, SimonK said: ...yes this has a horrible way of backfiring - yesterday I told my son's new girlfriend that we would be having mussels for dinner as a throw-away joke thinking no kid likes mussels, only to find out she is a seafood fan and was hugely disappointed that it ended up being spaghetti - got an all round bollocking from my wife and son! If you tell the band you want to play "downtuned stoner doom music" you might find yourself coming back to this thread asking how to get out of a slightly different band! Well, I mentioned that you have to choose a type music you actually like, not a type of music you don't like and have no intention of actually playing. If my former bands had decided to suddenly become a downtuned stoner band then I probably wouldn't have left them so I wouldn't consider this an example of the tactic backfiring. Even then, if the resultant music wasn't what I liked I would advise that I was looking to do a different type of downtuned stoner and leave anyway. Quote
Mrbigstuff Posted 1 hour ago Posted 1 hour ago 11 minutes ago, dave_bass5 said: Chat GTP is good at wording things like this. The old school approach is better. Only two words needed for your endearing bad mates: 3 Quote
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