I’ve been following this thread with interest and whilst I don’t have any practical experience to offer, your frustration about how the track sounds caused me to ponder just how something like this could be improved. I agree with @justgone1that what you have produced is vey good indeed, I certainly couldn’t hope to achieve anything close. However, I get that there is a certain “je ne sais quoi” and it’s difficult to put your finger on what could be changed.
@sammybee is right about making it a bit looser and more human and this reminded me of an interview with the late, great Lyle Mays talking about recording the title track for the “As Falls Wichita…” album with Pat Metheny which is largely synth based; he said “there was just something missing, it sounded dead. Synths will do that since there’s no air being moved. There’s no rush. There’s no aspect of the environment that’s in the sound.” They solved the problem by adding real sounds including percussion played by a real percussionist which provided an almost hypnotic counterpoint, along with some voices.
You mentioned that the example track still needs vocals, so, as a start, that may make huge difference and provide more context for the track.
I’d love to hear what else you might be able to do with this.