Should I leave my band?

[Linus27]

I’ve spoken to a few of you about this in a different thread but I thought I would open it up for some more help and guidance as things have got even worse and I am really not sure if I should stay or go. The history is I joined the band in March 09. They wanted somebody committed and who could dedicate time to the band as they wanted to move forward. Also, because I had been signed previously, I knew some of the things that needed to be done to move forward and they wanted to use my experience to do this. At this stage, no indication that commitment, childcare, money etc was going to be a problem and it was understood that all members of the band were up for it.

Back in July I put together a simple time line for the rest of the year based on things agreed. Nothing that will be to taxing but something to work towards and some basic things that were not done yet.

1. Ensure rehearsals are booked for rest of year
2. Update Myspace Page and keep updated
3. Update Facebook page and keep updated
4. Book 6 - 8 gigs for rest of year
5. Complete the 5 track demos
6. Book photoshoot
7. Look into website for band
8. Speak to video guy if he can edit video
9. Provide photo idea for photoshoot
10. Get T-Shirts made
11. Record two single
12. Find a video producer

I suggested that someone else should update the Myspace and Facebook page because they know the history of the band, all the login details and also I assumed being new to the band, I would not be running the show. However, this failed to happen and it ended up that I updated the Myspace and Facebook page and constantly keep it up to date with news, gigs etc. I’ve also booked five of the six gigs. Looked into the website and the latest is, I may teach myself web design to get the site up and running. I also got the T-Shirts made and found us a video producer.

Out of the remaining items, the singer in the past would book up rehearsals yet this has still not been done. He would also complete the demo as he is the main songwriter yet, it’s been 9 weeks and despite promises every week, it has not even been started. This is frustrating as I know somebody in the industry who may pay for us to record some songs but I can’t do anything until the demos are complete. The band knows this but still no completed demos. The singer also knows the photographer and the guy who made the first video but so far, has failed to speak to them and get anything arranged.

We have also thrown lots of other little things in the pot but nobody seems to be chasing it up and so it either ends up being me or it just dies a death. I even got them on a radio show with some songs played. Who do you think was the only one to tune in and join in with the live discussions? Yep, me. It’s not even my band.

So, as you can see, despite lots of talk, there has been a total lack of drive and commitment.

Also, the drummer does not drive and does not have a drum kit and so, in the past, we have had to hire a drum kit when headlining or rehearsing somewhere with no kit.

The Singer or percussionist has been late for every soundcheck and most rehearsals. Yet, the singer has the opinion that bands never ever show up on time for soundchecks at our level. Venues are never ready and the headline band never shows up on time, so every other band has to wait for the drum kit to arrive so that they can soundcheck. So for him, it’s not really a problem.

Childcare issues are a problem. Have to be back by a certain time to put them to bed, have to wait for a babysitter thus making them late for rehearsals or gigs. I was even left holding the singers baby once and feeding it whilst one of them had to go to the station to collect something.

Emails are the main form of communication yet people don't reply back to emails. Forgetting to bring gear or not doing the things they said they would do like chase up promoters etc. I seem to be doing all the running and the rest of the band seem to be sitting back and enjoying themselves.

We were very kindly offered a gig in Croyden by a fellow basschatter and it falls after another gig the night before. When I asked the rest of the band, the response was, Croyden is a bit of a pain in the arse to get to, is it really worth doing? I then got them another gig with a local band which falls on a Sunday. The response was, ooohhh, a Sunday gig, how enchanting, is it worth doing? To me, its gigs, they are good gigs, if everyone is free then we should be doing them.

At the last gig we did, soundcheck was at 6pm but the percussionist turned up at 7pm. We had a 30 minute slot yet after, the singer was complaining as the other bands over-ran and so he thinks we should do the same and play for longer next time. I suggested this is not a good thing as it’s not professional and we don’t want to piss the promoter off and not get another gig. The gig before that, soundcheck was 6pm and the singer and percussionist turned up at 7pm. They then proceeded to leave all their guitars and pedal board all over the centre of the stage whilst the other bands played. The gig was a laid back chill out affair with mostly acoustic bands and a couple of full bands. So the singer suggested we play really loud to blow everyones heads off and just over run until thrown off stage. The drummer and I suggested this is not a good move if we wanted to make any fans. The gig before that, soundcheck was 6pm and the singer was late and the percussionist didn’t even make it. The singer never brought his guitar amp and the percussionist didn’t bring her stand so they were hunting around the venues kitchen for a tall bin to put her gear on. Totally unprofessional.

However, saying all that, when the band does play, it plays very very well and the songs are amazing. The problem is, I can’t see them going anywhere because of commitment, attitude and all the problems mentioned above. The good thing is I am playing in a band and enjoy playing the songs but I am getting so angry and incredibly frustrated at them. I have tried talking to them but things don’t really improve and some things just simply can’t change. Do you think I should call it a day and move on to another band which may not have as good songs or stick it out with the current band and just put up with the way they are?

Any advice really appreciated.

[Happy Jack]

Walk away Michael.

Your frustration shows through really clearly, and it's hard to see how you're ever going to enjoy being in this band.

Walk away, start your own band, poach anyone from the old one who you think is worth playing with, if necessary nick the songs!

[voxpop]

[quote name='Happy Jack' post='626939' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:14 PM']Walk away Michael.

Your frustration shows through really clearly, and it's hard to see how you're ever going to enjoy being in this band.

Walk away, start your own band, poach anyone from the old one who you think is worth playing with, if necessary nick the songs![/quote]


+1

Walk away and start a new band.

[ezbass]

The fact that you've spilled your guts here (very articulately, not just a rant) will have either i) been cathartic or ii) convinced you of all the reasons to call it a day.

Methinks it's time to chuck in the towel and move on.

Edited October 15, 2009 by ezbass

[Stylon Pilson]

Your "reasons to stay" have been packed into a single paragraph at the bottom, as if it was just an afterthought. That's very telling.

S.P.

[buff]

Sounds like a lot of hassle, for playing with a bunch of cocks with big ideas and little get up and go themselves. Like the late great joe strummer said" a band has to be firing on all fours"

[Guest]

[quote name='Linus27' post='626933' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:09 PM']Also, the drummer does not drive and does not have a drum kit[/quote]

I'd leave just because of that, let alone anything else!

[Etienne]

Whether the music's great or not, it's obvious that your bandmates don't give a f**k about moving things forward. Your skills are completely wasted on a bunch of idiots like these- there are shed-loads of committed musicians/bands that would kill to have somebody as hardworking as yourself in their lineup! I've been in this situation myself before, and it's incredibly frustrating to say the least... Part ways with them ASAP!

Hope things work out, and good luck mate!

[dave_bass5]

[quote name='Happy Jack' post='626939' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:14 PM']Walk away Michael.

Your frustration shows through really clearly, and it's hard to see how you're ever going to enjoy being in this band.

Walk away, start your own band, poach anyone from the old one who you think is worth playing with, if necessary nick the songs![/quote]

I agree.

You will find another band that you will feel much happier with, it just takes time.

Saying that im in a similar situation to you, where i have to push them to learn new songs, had to do all the work to get us on a couple of agents books, do the demo etc. I moan and moan and they all agree i have good ideas but they dont bother doing anything about it. The drummer is fine now and will pick up the phone to chase things up but its me and the drummer who are the only ones who work full time yet its only us that "have time" to do this. Funny that. And i have kids.
If it wasnt for the fact i play with another band that i feel really happy with i would jack the main one in. I now dont bother pushing anything.
As far as im concerned i have enough money coming in from my day job, have the other band to gig with so why should i bother stressing out just to make their life better when they cant be bothered.

Its not exactly the same situation i agree but i say leave. You are in the right by trying to do the best for the band but if they aren't helping then its their loss.
It sounds like they need you much more than you need them, and i bet they know that.

Have a chat with them, they might get a shock and actually help out. If not, stick with them while you look around but dont organise anything. Let them see how things will be if/when you leave. If they still dont do anything you know its right to leave.

It sounds like they are either very inexperienced or not really serious. If its the first i can understand and maybe they do need mothering for a while. If its the second (and i think it is) then get out once you find a better band. If the drummer doesnt even have a kit i can see it being a big problem at some point.
And not wanting to gig is mad. there are bands screaming out for any gig.

Just my thoughts though and not put across very well.

EDIT: wow, the time it took me to write that rubbish has meant there are now other replies. Seems to me we are all in agreement. I just say dont do it yet, at least you are in a band and are gigging.

Good luck.

Edited October 15, 2009 by dave_bass5

[MB1]

[quote name='thedontcarebear' post='626951' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:28 PM']I'd leave just because of that, let alone anything else![/quote]

MB1.
Ive just read this thread and the thought of an "Air Drummer!".... made me laugh!
......I cant believe youve considered everything but the main importance.
....1....All members of assembled band must have there own instruments and amplification for rehearsal and gigging purposes.
If you cant even be that serious?....Whats The Point!

....Childcare Issues?????....RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK N ROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Edited October 15, 2009 by MB1

[retroman]

+1......I would call it a day.

I've been in that situation before, and it gets very frustrating when it is left to you to do all the work.

Another option might be to grin and bare it, and maybe see if some of the other bands you have a shared a bill with could get you a decent gig?

Might even be worth calling a band meeting, and tell them all exactly how you feel. If that doesn't shake them up a bit, I would definately say it's time to leave.

[chris_b]

Good post.

Print it out and give each of them a copy. Then ask them what they are going to do about it! If you don't get the reply that you want, say goodbye there and then.

Good luck with future projects.

[Bass-ic]

Time to move on, definitely.
if you just walked away, do you think they would even notice?
matt

[oldmanrock]

Agree with all the others. If the rest of the band don't care then why should you? Time to move on pal.

[The Funk]

My advice would be to sack the singer and percussionist and treat it as your band now.

[MB1]

[quote name='The Funk' post='626976' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:56 PM']My advice would be to sack the singer and percussionist and treat it as your band now.[/quote]

MB1.
"Hello Band?....Is that Band?....You're My Band.... NOWwwww!"

Edited October 15, 2009 by MB1

[Stylon Pilson]

[quote name='The Funk' post='626976' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:56 PM']My advice would be to sack the singer and percussionist and treat it as your band now.[/quote]

Leaving him with a lead guitarist and a kitless drummer. Might not be worth the bother.

S.P.

[Linus27]

[quote name='Absolute-beginner' post='626969' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:48 PM']Time to move on, definitely.
if you just walked away, do you think they would even notice?
matt[/quote]

Just they would notice. As mentioned in a few posts above, they need me more than I need them. I have already gone a lot quieter and dropped a few hints and started to recieve texts and emails from different members saying is everything ok, we would be heartbroken if you left, great playing at the last gig etc etc.

[The Funk]

[quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='626994' date='Oct 15 2009, 03:16 PM']Leaving him with a lead guitarist and a kitless drummer. Might not be worth the bother.[/quote]

Good point. Maybe take the guitarist along and start a new band?

[Stingray5]

Maybe you should put your original post into an email to the rest of your band as you have outlined your anger and frustration quite clearly.
If after reading that, they still don't get the message, then leave them to it.
Best of luck for whatever you do.

[MB1]

[quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='626994' date='Oct 15 2009, 03:16 PM']Leaving him with a lead guitarist and a kitless drummer. Might not be worth the bother.

S.P.[/quote]

MB1.
...Seems more like a Python Sketch! this?

[stingrayfan]

[quote name='Linus27' post='626933' date='Oct 15 2009, 02:09 PM']Also, the drummer does not drive and does not have a drum kit and so, in the past, we have had to hire a drum kit when headlining or rehearsing somewhere with no kit.[/quote]
He's committed to the band though - he's bought his own sticks!

Walk away. It doesn't sound like much fun.

[bumfrog]

yeh, walk away.

give them the reasons why, but you're just going to get more and more frustrated as time goes on.

Having a similar problem with one of my bands at the moment. Lots of talk, not much do, and lots of chickening out.

So I started another band at the same time Oh yeh!

[jezzaboy]

Thats a new one that is, a drummer with no kit? Have to hire one for a gig? Not being on time is not on, it shows a lack of disrespect for the rest of the band, the venue and the fans. You seem to be doing all the hard work. As mentioned, nick any of the band you think are worth going on with and start your own thing.

Jez

[dave_bass5]

[quote name='Linus27' post='626996' date='Oct 15 2009, 03:18 PM']Just they would notice. As mentioned in a few posts above, they need me more than I need them. I have already gone a lot quieter and dropped a few hints and started to recieve texts and emails from different members saying is everything ok, we would be heartbroken if you left, great playing at the last gig etc etc.[/quote]

Wait until they start asking you if you have done the things they are supposed to be doing like facebook etc, then take the opportunity to remind them you all agreed someone else should be doing it and speak to that person. Once you stop doing things im sure they will notice.

I would still be very worried about band members turning up without equipment though. That to me shows a cant be bothered attitude and of course reflects on the whole band.