Bailing On Your Band

[bassbiscuits]

1 minute ago, Bluewine said:

 

Thanks Pete,

 

The band is pretty helpful.  They actually suggested playing " direct out" so I don't have to lug around an amp. And they let me ride in the van when there's a long distance to a gig.

 

Daryl

They sound like a good bunch to have on your side Daryl 

[Bluewine]

1 minute ago, bassbiscuits said:

They sound like a good bunch to have on your side Daryl 

 

Yes they are.

 

Too bad I'm not longer the " Go Get Em Kid" or " Man About Town Bass Player Guy". Lol

 

Daryl

[AndyTravis]

I left my own band once for the promise of something bigger and better…I took the drummer with me.

 

I stuck with them for 4/5 years. 
 

We did a lot - but I was at someone else’s behest and i couldn’t do it anymore.

 

”ah man, I’m off in Peru for 6 months to find myself”

 

We re-recorded the second album 3 times and I got really f***ing bored of the nonsense. And the drugs; I’ve never been a chemicals person - but they f***ing loved it. Surely enough they’re all teetotallers now 🙄

 

I regretted that decision - my own band had been getting some decent gigs and was writing some good songs.

 

I just missed playing bass…as I was singing (of a fashion) and playing guitar.

 

 

[peteb]

12 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

Thanks Pete,

 

The band is pretty helpful.  They actually suggested playing " direct out" so I don't have to lug around an amp. And they let me ride in the van when there's a long distance to a gig.

 

Daryl

 

Remember, these days there are lots of lightweight options for amplification for bass players. Personally, I'm not convinced that some of these options are as good as the gear we used a few years ago, but if it allows you to carry on gigging as you get a bit older then that's great. 

 

[Thor]

I left a band I’d been playing with for 16 years around a year ago, it was a jukebox band (which was great fun), we had a list of 120 songs or so and would get the audience to call out what they wanted to hear. The band was well received and almost always got repeat bookings. We all got on really well and there were no egos and very little bickering or disputes (if any tbh).

 

i left to join a guitarist I’d played with about 5 years previous - I felt things were a little stale with my main band and also we had reduced the number of gigs we were doing, we used to gig 3 or 4 times a month when I joined, latterly we were doing 2 a month maximum and sometimes less. There were no gigs in August as that was considered holiday month. 

Did I make the right decision? Do I miss the guys? An I happy with the new band? 
 

Depending on when you ask me (my mood) would depend on the answer I give - an I entirely happy - no. Would I go back to the jukebox band - maybe. 

Have the band said anything to you regarding your performance?  I’m my own worst critic and often I’ll over think things.  If I were in your position I think I’d be wanting a heart to heart chat with the band leader before making any assumptions that they may be looking to replace you - better to discuss any concerns either of you may have and clear the air surely?

 

 

[Bluewine]

2 hours ago, Thor said:

I felt things were a little stale with my main band and also we had reduced the number of gigs we were doing, 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things are a little stale with my band too. Regardless, I'm still in the best bands I can be in.

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

12 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

Bass Buscuits,

 

The local Milwaukee music scene is very cliquey. If your not in a clique you don't get called.

Plus I only play bas and I don't sing.

 

Daryl

Same here Daryl, i'm just a bass player 😂

Dave

[casapete]

I bailed on my band a few years ago.

It was a very successful pro function / wedding outfit, and I’d been with them for 15 years. We did a

lot of prestige gigs/venues, but there were always issues within it’s members, ranging from conflicting

work schedules through to drink and drug problems ( not mine!). Anyway, I was approached by some

friends who were in a tribute band who asked me to dep for their bassist who was sadly having 

major health issues. I stepped in and did quite a few gigs with them, until unfortunately their 

bassist passed away. I was then asked to join full time, but my loyalties lay with the function band,

so I reluctantly declined. I helped them recruit a new player, and I thought that was the end of that.

Then around 15 months later I got a call from them again, as the new guy had decided it wasn’t for

him. To be honest, I’d regretted turning them down the first time so jumped at the opportunity.

My old band by now were falling apart, with fewer gigs and other significant problems, so I bailed - gave

them a month’s notice and that was it.

 

The new band were quite the opposite - all lovely people, professional and organised etc and it

 immediately turned out to be the right decision. The old band finally spluttered to a halt, whilst I

had a great 15 years on the road with a fantastic band, all of them memorable. After that I had 

to (reluctantly) retire from touring, and gave them a year’s notice! We found a great player to

replace me, and I still keep in touch with them.
Nowadays I still play, just more locally - mainly in an acoustic duo with my best mate, and some

dep gigs. Sometimes things do work out for the best. 😊

[uk_lefty]

I guess I did this but it wasn't as straightforward as simply a better opportunity. I had become really close friends with the band over the five years and felt really bad about leaving, but I had to. There were lots of contributing factors:

 

Set list barely changed in five years;

Arguments over what to put in the set list, which links to it being more about what some of the guys wanted to play Vs what worked for our audience;

Playing random gigs hours away for little or no pay, but not happy about playing for good money forty minutes from home;

Rehearsal time being spent mostly on waiting for singer and drummer to arrive, forty mins drummer set up, then fag break, then a little bit of rehearsal before next fag break;

Being awkward with gig enquiries, only wanting to do the same gigs for people they already knew... So we spend all our gigs playing the same set to the same people;

 

All of those things built up and led me to quit. The final straw for me was a gig being booked on a date everyone knew I was away. With no rehearsal. I found out about the gig through a Facebook post. So I wished them luck with the gig and advised they get a dep because I was, as in the diary and as I had answered when asked, away at a friend's wedding. I auditioned for another band, got the gig, then quit the first band. It was the best thing I could have done. 

 

I am now setting up an 80s band with the guitarist from band number 1, four years or so after quitting. He and and another have come to a handful of my gigs. The story among the first band is that I was never available for gigs and I was holding them back... Well, if you count missing one gig because we had a baby due around that time and another because someone booked and announced a gig despite knowing I was away... Anyhow, all water under the bridge. I saw the one who had the biggest issue with it all a few weeks back and it's all good. 

 

The silly thing is with the first band I was really close with them all. It's just that two of four of them were great friends but not great band mates. 

[TimR]

Always.

 

Its been either the band isn't busy enough, the standard has dropped, or the musical direction has changed significantly from what it started out as.

 

However, I've always found another band to play in and had a few rehearsals and at least one gig with the new band before leaving.

 

Don't want to jump out of the fire and into the frying pan.

 

Currently looking for a new band due to lack of gigs and a complete lack of interest from a couple of the other band members. 

[Norris]

I'm a bit curious why you started this thread Daryl. Interesting topic, but I hope you are not thinking of bailing, because it sounds like you are in with a good bunch of people.

[peteb]

On 21/10/2025 at 21:54, Bluewine said:

 

The local Milwaukee music scene is very cliquey. If your not in a clique you don't get called.

 

 

13 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

Same here Daryl, i'm just a bass player 😂

 

 

To be fair, I think that the music scene in most areas tends to be 'cliquey'. Musicians tend to get hired based on their reputation / who they know and people will recommend or hire bass players that they trust to not let them down and who they have a good relationship with. 

 

The trick is to build up your reputation and network to the point where you become part of the 'clique' that gets offered the best gigs! The second part of the trick is maintain your reputation so that you stay part of the clique and your place isn't taken by someone else! 

 

[Bluewine]

7 hours ago, Norris said:

I'm a bit curious why you started this thread Daryl. Interesting topic, but I hope you are not thinking of bailing, because it sounds like you are in with a good bunch of people.

 

No not at all. I couldn't even if I wanted to. The thing with me is, I need the extra money. 

 

Daryl

[Bluewine]

18 hours ago, TimR said:

Always.

 

Its been either the band isn't busy enough, the standard has dropped, or the musical direction has changed significantly from what it started out as.

 

However, I've always found another band to play in and had a few rehearsals and at least one gig with the new band before leaving.

 

Don't want to jump out of the fire and into the frying pan.

 

Currently looking for a new band due to lack of gigs and a complete lack of interest from a couple of the other band members. 

 

I hope you find a band that has atleast some of your requirements. 

 

Daryl

[Bluewine]

I forgot about this one.It wasn't pretty. A classic.

 

Not much I can say except don't get involved with the lead singer. I should have known better.

 

Daryl

 

[dmccombe7]

4 hours ago, Bluewine said:

I forgot about this one.It wasn't pretty. A classic.

 

Not much I can say except don't get involved with the lead singer. I should have known better.

 

Daryl

 

Keep romance out of the workplace Daryl. Its never gonna end well for either party. 😂

Dave

[Steve Browning]

3 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

Keep romance out of the workplace Daryl. Its never gonna end well for either party. 😂

Dave

A friend of mine put it rather eloquently - never sh@g the payroll!!

[martthebass]

I did this about 9 years ago.  A nice post punk trio I'd been part of for a couple of years was a bit light on gigs and I did 8 dep gigs for a mates band and sort of never left.  Felt a bit guilty but the leader of the trio was a bit reticent at playing anywhere out of the locality and was too busy to do much on the getting gigs/promotion front so.  

There were no histrionics and I still see the drummer often and he's helped me out on many occasions since.  Still with the band I depped for - longest dep ever.....

[martthebass]

On 21/10/2025 at 16:58, Bluewine said:

 

 

Pete, I think you're right regarding loyalty.

 

I've been with Maple Road  since 2009. Since then we have replaced a guitarist and several drummers.  I've been the only constant and I've never missed a gig. However, I'm getting older and need help getting to some gigs. The other members are much younger than me. I occasionally get paranoid thinking they might be looking for a younger bass player.

 

Daryl

Nah Daryl.  With time moving on I'm now on lightweight amps/cabs, lightweight basses and lately cab repositioning as my hearing has taken a battering (Menieres...).  Hoping we've still got a few years left in us mate.

[Bluewine]

6 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

Keep romance out of the workplace Daryl. Its never gonna end well for either party. 😂

Dave

 

Believe me Dave, I know better now. 

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

1 hour ago, Bluewine said:

 

Believe me Dave, I know better now. 

 

Daryl

We all learn from our mistakes Daryl. Bet you won't do that again 😂

Dave

[Steve Browning]

44 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

We all learn from our mistakes Daryl. 

Oh, if only we did!!

[mep]

In the early 00's I was in a great Brit Pop style band. There were 4 of us. 2 singer / guitarist, me on bass and drums. We all did some vocals and sounded pretty good. I even met Mrs Mep through the band. After a few years one of the singer / guitarist and i left to form a Stereophonics tribute band. The singer is Welsh and was really into the Stereophonics and suggested the project. I was keen as I was a big fan too. We arranged to meet the other 2 and broke the news face to face. It was a big surprise to them but if was an amicable split. We went on to do a great tribute for a few years and got onto the student uni scene.

Not long after the other singer / guitarist emigrated to Australia with a new partner. Some years after the tribute band folded I auditioned for a covers band and the drummer was from the old Brit Pop band. He eventually left, and we catch up occasionally on the local scene. I'm still with the band and we are on our 4th drummer.

Edited 3 hours ago by mep

[dmccombe7]

1 hour ago, Steve Browning said:

Oh, if only we did!!

Don't make him feel any more embarrassed than he already does Steve. 😂

Dave

 

[mep]

23 hours ago, Norris said:

I'm a bit curious why you started this thread Daryl. Interesting topic, but I hope you are not thinking of bailing, because it sounds like you are in with a good bunch of people.

Hey Norris, If you have been on BC for a while, you will know that Daryl is well known for staring threads like this for discussions.