You'll Never work In This Town Again....

[12stringbassist]

I posted elsewhere here about stage invasions recently. This was it:

[size=3][i]I WANT TO SING A COUPLE OF SONGS WITH YOU.[/i]' Quite tall, very drunk young lad says to me. He is stood in front of my mic stand and his eyes are not focussing on me properly and he is slurring his words. Trouble.I tell him that we aren't insured for that and if he hurts himself onstage, the insurance claim could close the pub.

[i]'IT'S MY EIGHTEENTH DO AND I WANT TO SING WITH YOU. GO ON..'. [/i] He wobbles uncertainly again after having too many first ever legal pints.
He goes away, sulking and wobbles round in a semi-comical manner on the so-called dance floor. He is cross-eyed drunk. We watch him staggering around while we play and fret that the PA speakers might be coming off their stands shortly.

20 minutes later, between songs, he comes up and walks over to my microphone again.[i]'I WANT TO SING WITH YOU..[/i]' By this time he is in such a bad way that his mate see it and they come to take him back into the audience. Too late. He isn't having any of it. Neither am I and I say so, but he still goes to grab my microphone. Down he falls. Predictably. Over my monitor. Onto my mic stand. Knees straight down into my floor pedals.

My microphone stand is now threatening to hit my Rickenbacker bass on its stand. No time to put my bass down, so I square up to him with another bass still hanging around my neck, pushing both him and the dangerously falling microphone stand back. I hope the bass that I am wearing comes out of this in one piece. He crawls all over my work area and I resist the severe temptation to kick the f*** out of him. A couple of his mates pick him up and drag him off.

My basses are luckily unharmed. My mic stand needs setting up again. My pedals are all disconnected from the power supply and ripped out of place from where they have been fixed down on my pedal board. I feel murderous.

A bit of getting down on my knees and re-patching cables and fixing my mic stand for five minutes and then we do the much-practiced [i]'smile and carry on as if nothing has happened' [/i]act. We do what are now certainly going to be the last two songs and then we pack up. The drunken lad is shepherded out of the pub by what is probably his Mum and so he misses them.

The lad's dad comes over when we are done. He apologises. [i]'No harm done'[/i], he says. I scare him by pointing out that I had told his son repeatedly to keep back from the stage and that a new Rickenbacker bass would set his son back £2000. I valued the custom built bass I had on at £3000, just to terrify him. I said he would have needed another student loan after he had paid me up.
[i]'But it's his 18th and he was just having fun' [/i]says his dad slinking off, relieved that his waste of sperm hasn't actually broken any of the precious things. He has no idea at all.

The lad's mate then comes over and apologises profusely for him, saying [i]we should come and watch the lad's band[/i]. I suddenly picture stage invasions with crossbows, but say nothing."[i]You must have done the same thing when you were his age?"[/i] (Says his mate). I am almost speechless. No. I never ever made a prat of myself by falling into another band's gear. That was not something that I have ever wanted to do.

Your mate may be just 18 and a good lad etc, but I take a dim view of some drunken **** nearly doing about £5000 worth of damage. His mate is taken aback by my somewhat annoyed tone. No-one seems to get the fact that this clown was a danger to us and the people around him. He kindly offers to buy me a drink which I politely decline. I just want to go home.

The next person who invades my stage will wake up in hospital with surgeons wondering how to get my boot out of his arse.
Promise.[/size]

[size=4]We tend to invite a nice looking girl up to play tambourine, if there's one in the place for one song (well, my drummer does, I wish he wouldn't.... I don't want ANYONE on my stage). Otherwise, it would be anyone walks past the monitor then we stop DEAD and just look at them til they walk off.

Venues need to be made aware that Scabby Joe pogoing round the stage could be very expensive for the venue's insurance.[/size]

Edited January 12, 2016 by 12stringbassist

[LayDownThaFunk]

Start an originals band - no one is at your gigs!

[Swarbs]

Yeah,

Loads of sympathy, but bear in mind that you were being paid to entertain in a Pub, where the audience often have the cheeky habit of having a few scoops, sometimes too many.

What happens next goes with the territory, expect it to happen !
Expect people to be drinking, which can lead to drunkenness, misbehaviour and violence.
Expect some drink to be spilt and maybe blood too.
Expect the audience to be at best , mildly appreciative of your efforts, then go crazy for more when you’ve finished.
Expect to get paid at the end of night however well you performed.

Personally I don’t understand why you need thousands of pounds worth of gear to play pubs, and why do you need 2 basses on stage ? To double your risk of damage !

I’ve done about 500 gigs and broken a string once, that’s it, never had a problem with a bass on stage other than that.
My pub gig rig stands me at about £250 incl. old jap p- bass copy, old Trace head and 15inch cab. (No silly pedals - I play with drums, 2 guitars, sax and harmonica, no special effects pedals can cut through that lot). No one in the audience or the rest of the band has ever complained about the sound, tone or volume. I’ve got better gear but I don’t see the point of using it for Pub gigs… other than for posing I don’t see the point.

As for the Grubby guy, that’s his local pub, he’ll probably be there most nights, trying to have a good time, begging the landlord not to re-book your band !
Could be the next Bez…..

[Truckstop]

Sounds to me like everyone needs to lighten up a little.

"Can I sing Mustang Sally?" yes mate, crack on; here's a microphone!

"Can I have a tambourine?" Yes my love, and make sure you dance while you play it!

"I'm going to get drunk and dance like an idiot" well, I don't approve but it's your Saturday night and we're here to make sure you have a good time!

Jesus, guys! Our customers want us to make sure that everyone has fun and stays in the pub drinking. It's literally what they're paying us to do!

[Slipperydick]

[quote name='Truckstop' timestamp='1452721532' post='2952947']
Sounds to me like everyone needs to lighten up a little.



"I'm going to get drunk and dance like an idiot" well, I don't approve but it's your Saturday night and we're here to make sure you have a good time!

Jesus, guys! Our customers want us to make sure that everyone has fun and stays in the pub drinking. It's literally what they're paying us to do!
[/quote]

Yep, some gigs are like that. Its all show business innit .
Too many bands dont realise it though. I been in pub covers bands where the guitar and singer thought we were getting paid just so a few dozen middle aged drunks could watch them cos of how great they are... Really.

[Spike Vincent]

[quote name='Swarbs' timestamp='1452720813' post='2952936']





Personally I don’t understand why you need thousands of pounds worth of gear to play pubs, and why do you need 2 basses on stage ? To double your risk of damage !

I’ve done about 500 gigs and broken a string once, that’s it, never had a problem with a bass on stage other than that.
My pub gig rig stands me at about £250 incl. old jap p- bass copy, old Trace head and 15inch cab. (No silly pedals - I play with drums, 2 guitars, sax and harmonica, no special effects pedals can cut through that lot). No one in the audience or the rest of the band has ever complained about the sound, tone or volume. I’ve got better gear but I don’t see the point of using it for Pub gigs… other than for posing I don’t see the point.


[/quote]

Agreed.
I don't get many people asking if they can have a go on my scabby left handed Squier.

[colgraff]

As a rule, if someone wants to have a go on my bass (almost always asked during a break) I let them. I might be lucky but said people usually ask because they are interested in basses and haven't seen one like it before. They are also usually sober.

[TimR]

[quote name='colgraff' timestamp='1452764836' post='2953154']
As a rule, if someone wants to have a go on my bass (almost always asked during a break) I let them. I might be lucky but said people usually ask because they are interested in basses and haven't seen one like it before. They are also usually sober.
[/quote]

That last point is important.

I was packing up after a gig, we still had music playing through the PA but I was unplugging mics and DIs on stage.

There was a huge pop as I unplugged one input and I turned around to find someone playing with the desk faders.

I went over and started to have a word, when his 'mate' appeared and said "It's ok mate, he is in a band, he knows what he is doing."

Lesson learned. I now unplug at the desk first.

Edited January 14, 2016 by TimR

[bassbiscuits]

I've had to push drunken punters off stage before now - wouldn't begrudge them a tambourine as long as they stay away from the stage itself. Had too many drunken tw*ts falling over pedals/mic stands spilling their drinks and hurting themselves.

If people get up and dance on stage and they seem sober and harmless i'll usually gently 'guide' them back into the audience with my hand after about 30 seconds. If they do it repeatedly, are annoying or refuse to go, i'll push them off.

Last time I did it the guy look round horrified but i smiled and gave him the thumbs up, so he felt like he'd had the bit of attention he wanted, and it worked - it sort of diffused the situation, he looked delighted with himself and threw himself back into dancing in the audience.

Takes all sorts i guess.

To come back to the original point, I agree you're probably better off not having to play there and put up with that nonsense again.

Edited January 15, 2016 by bassbiscuits

[ballstomonty]

I was doing a gig with a mod band that I used to play with. Before the first set a group of men in black suits came in very drunk. one of them kept coming over asking for "a shot on the drums", he was so pissed that he was flailing around all over the place.

We Realised they had been at a wake, and he was the son of the deceased. One of his mates strapped on my bass and I had to get the bar staff to intervene as he wouldn't take no for an answer.

The guy who'd lost his dad then started shouting "I can't believe I've lost my f**ing dad and you c**ts won't let me play" and started spitting at us. Then they had to be thrown out the pub.

I felt for the guy he was just taking his grief out after too much beer. Didn't add to the party atmos though...

[Telebass]

[quote name='blue' timestamp='1452285015' post='2948605']
My band mates are a lot more generous than me when comes to letting anyone play my bass at my gig.

I have a simple standard response;

"No"

Works like a charm every time.

Blue
[/quote]
Yup.

[TimR]

Two recent gigs spring to mind.

First one; a very drunk guy puts his pint on top of my stack and leans very drunkenly on it. After the third time of telling him to stand somewhere else he finally get the message. No harm done, it was near the end of the evening. My last words to him were "If this gear falls on you it'll hurt quite a lot and the night will stop for everyone in the pub."
I'm not one for violence and smiled while I talked.

Second one: a very drunk woman celebrating her 50th kept coming up and twerking in front of me. Her friends finally came and got her when she'd backed right up against me and ruined my concentration.

Gigs can be fun, if you have the right attitude.

.

Edited January 15, 2016 by TimR

[mep]

I have had to push drunk punters away from my monitor and mic stand and will do it again if it looks like they are going to fall over it or spill drinks. The last time it was actually the landlady!

On NYE we had a drunk older woman singing backing vox with a friend of ours. She was getting a bit frisky with me and after groping my crotch I told her to f**k off and shoved her off the stage. She was shocked but realised the seriousness of it. Luckily hardly anyone noticed but she knocked my A string out of tune.

Edited January 15, 2016 by mep

[Jazzneck]

Norfolk, playing with a good, tight blues band on a Friday night all is going great.
The hen party arrives - 15, or so drunken wimminz - they buy a round and up they come howlin' for us to play Mustang Sally.
To keep the peace and entertain, we do, at a hell of a tempo.
They do the backing vocals, dance all around us on stage and I end up with a delightful twenty something standing behind me fretting bottom G whilst I plucked the string with my right hand.
At the end of the number they skipped off into the night having pinched my hat, a very special hat which had been given to me in the US as a present.
SH*T!!!!
During the load out at about 1:30am a Mercedes pulled up behind our wagon and a guy about my age got out wearing my hat.
He asked who owned it and gave it to me and apologized for his daughter stealing it.
We were even more gobsmacked when he asked us to play his 60th. birthday party.
We did and had a great time.
Not only were we paid handsomely, but we had a full steak supper at the end of the evening, too.
....but nobody is allowed to touch my gear.

[bassbiscuits]

I've lost track of the number of times I've been smacked in the teeth by my own mic when some drunken tool stumbles into your mic stand while you're singing.

[Rich]

No more breast-related comments please, chaps. This isn't a lads' mag.

[KingBollock]

This wasn't a band gig, it was a New Year's Eve disco.

Bill, the owner, had set the pyros up. Three of them across the front of the stage (two streamers and a flash-bang), which was a bloody stupid idea. He also set the switch up under a table at the back of the stage behind all the gear, because he was an idiot and a dick. Guess where I was when midnight hit...

Anyway, before I crawled off under the table to celebrate the coming of the new year, I was keeping an eye on people getting too close to the pyros. And there was one bloke desperately try to impress a woman by dancing right in front of the disco with the lights (and the pyro) behind him. I kept asking him to move and explaining why he shouldn't stand there, to start with he would move but come straight back, but then he just started ignoring me. So, the countdown begins and I scuttle off. I can't see anything, but midnight comes and I press the button. Que ohhhs and ahhhs and then the screaming... I had set fire to the arsehole's jumper! Oh how I laughed!

[Muzz]

In general, it's a call on how drunk the punters are - yeah, you're there to entertain and produce an atmosphere, but I've done security work, and it's the same call: I wouldn't stop anyone having a good time (though the stage is ours), but if they're hammered, they're a liability to themselves and others. And massively irritating...

I'll even let punters have a (unplugged) go of my bass (the Dingwall gets the most enquiries, for obvious reasons) if I judge they're sober enough.

[KingBollock]

I used to volunteer at a band venue that didn't serve alcohol, and many of the bands that played there would tell us how it was their favourite place to play. There was never any trouble or drama. Just lots of fun and lots of enthusiasm for the bands playing.

[RhysP]

[quote name='ballstomonty' timestamp='1452876151' post='2954380']
I felt for the guy he was just taking his grief out after too much beer.
[/quote]

He would have probably been just as much of a **** if his dad hadn't died.

[mcnach]

[quote name='mep' timestamp='1452890847' post='2954580']
I have had to push drunk punters away from my monitor and mic stand and will do it again if it looks like they are going to fall over it or spill drinks. The last time it was actually the landlady!

On NYE we had a drunk older woman singing backing vox with a friend of ours. She was getting a bit frisky with me and after groping my crotch I told her to f**k off and shoved her off the stage. She was shocked but realised the seriousness of it. Luckily hardly anyone noticed but she knocked my A string out of tune.
[/quote]

surely it'd be the G string out of tune

(grabs coat, runs away fast)

[mcnach]

[quote name='RhysP' timestamp='1452950829' post='2954977']
He would have probably been just as much of a **** if his dad hadn't died.
[/quote]

+1

[ChunkyMunky]

[quote name='Dropzone' timestamp='1452513142' post='2950575']
Littlehampton has more wierdos than anywhere else, and I've played Bognor Regis!!!!
[/quote]

He's right, ya'know!

[Slipperydick]

[quote name='bassbiscuits' timestamp='1452894927' post='2954627']
I've lost track of the number of times I've been smacked in the teeth by my own mic when some drunken tool stumbles into your mic stand while you're singing.
[/quote]

Could be worse, seeing this put me off using boom stands on at punter level for good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSZHo_hh83g

[HazBeen]

Nice, the old "annoying twit spoils another gig" strikes again. Unfortunately comes with the turf.... most (NOT ALL) programmers/bookers are useless musicians that resort to booking bands in a futile attempt to fill their not so musical boots. They get a little fascist on bands generally...Move on.... ;p

Edited January 18, 2016 by HazBeen