phallic bass move - help

[SteveXFR]

21 hours ago, jonno1981 said:

I’m amazed Scott’s bass lessons hasn’t covered this. 

 

Isn't this what "holding down the low end" means?

[Richard R]

1 hour ago, Al Nico said:

Phallic moves are not so well known. unlike more conventional and popular moves you may have used yourself such as the Bus Wiper,

 

I play in church so Bus Wipers - phallic or limpid - are not required. 🤣

[PNWTony]

On 20/11/2025 at 14:06, jonno1981 said:

I’m amazed Scott’s bass lessons hasn’t covered this. 

I'm waiting for them to do a lesson on 'bass face'. I'm never sure if or when I should scowl or grimace or leer or whimper or whatever. And eyes open or closed? One open one closed? Top ten expressions? I'm ready.

[Gasman]

The bus wiper is sooo outdated! Spread your ankles wide apart then hold your bass between your legs (neck first of course) and scrub vigorously back and forth - there you have the Ass Wiper...

[Al Nico]

18 hours ago, Richard R said:

 

I play in church so Bus Wipers - phallic or limpid - are not required. 🤣

Maybe if you lift your corresponding leg as the neck goes up, and call it the Half Angel, you'll own that?

[Al Nico]

4 hours ago, Gasman said:

The bus wiper is sooo outdated! Spread your ankles wide apart then hold your bass between your legs (neck first of course) and scrub vigorously back and forth - there you have the Ass Wiper...

Crikey. Give me a chance. I need to get the basics before anything that advanced.

I've almost perfected the the Log Float from the first edition. That simple illusion where by bobbing down then up slightly while supporting the bass with a hidden hand, retaining the bass height, makes the bass appear to 'float' on stage.

[Shaggy]

Don't think you can beat this accessory for a bit of groin orientated  stagecraft whilst simultaneously relic-ing your bass......

 

 

[Al Nico]

Thanks Gents for playing along. I've had some good laughs.

[Richard R]

2 hours ago, Al Nico said:

Maybe if you lift your corresponding leg as the neck goes up, and call it the Half Angel, you'll own that?

 

Dear Mr @Al Nico,

 

I am writing in response to your recent suggestion of a new bass position which you called "The Half Angel". I was intending to play at church tomorrow morning, and so this afternoon decided I would practice your move. The most appropriate song seemed to be "The Lord Reigns", an upbeat number (especially with our over enthusiastic young drummers), where the move could be employed  on the repeated phrase "The Lord Reigns" in the chorus. 

My practice room at home is about 2.1x2.0m and has my work desk and chair, a small Ikea chair bed, Yamaha keyboard, two basses and an Ashdown combo. I decided that with careful alignment on the diagonal I could practice the move safely.

Alas, I was mistaken.

On the third "Reigns" of the second chorus I lifted the bass neck and my left leg as intended. However I caught my foot under the back of my work chair. This unbalanced me and the bass and I tipped leftwards at speed towards the chair and desk. The Bass is more expensive than the desk so I instinctively turned to the right to avoid smashing the headstock into the desk, but in the process  twisted my hips in a manner not attempted since my graduation ball disco in 1988. I was now  completely unbalanced (as indeed I was then). 

The chair, given angular momentum from my foot, spun round towards me as I fell headlong towards it still trying not to damage the bass. The back of the chair hit my face at roughly the same time as the bass knocked over the keyboard stand, and the.noise from the bass amp and me were equally loud and unpleasant. 

My fall continued and I finally came to rest sideways on the floor with the bass across my neck, the lead twisted around my legs, a terrible diminished chord emanating from the amp, and small cartoon bluebirds tweeting round my head.

 

From this I conclude:

1) The move should be renamed "The fallen angel" or possibly "The falling sinner".

2) I am not, and never will be, cut out for "moves"

3) The good Lord has a sense of humour, occasionally slapstick.

 

Yours, in traction,

@Richard R.

 

 

[Stub Mandrel]

On 21/11/2025 at 05:54, Musicman666 said:

but here they are still knocking them out. 

 

 

Literally, by the sound of it...