Bailing On Your Band

[Bluewine]

Leaving a gigging band that you've been with with for several years because of a better band opportunity is not easy.

 

Share any stories where you left your mates for a better opportunity.  How long had you been in the band ? Did you disappoint the other members? Why was it a better opportunity,  how did you deliver the bad news? How much notice did you give?

 

Lastly did it actually turn out to be a better opportunity?

 

I've never left a band for another. 

 

Daryl

[Mykesbass]

Afraid I did this once. Left a band with a lovely group of younger guys as I had the opportunity to join a band playing at a higher level (supporting US touring Blues artists). Was given the gig only to turn up to the first rehearsal to hear they were already there, and someone was playing bass.  Should have stuck with the first band.

[Beedster]

I’d only ever leave a band because it wasn’t working, never for a better option. Loyalty is a big part of music 👍

[Lozz196]

Done this once, though the band I left was well past its sell by date and split on my leaving.

It had started out in about 1999 as a covers band, I’d joined in 2001 on bass, and then morphed into doing glam/heavy rock originals. By 2008 and several line up changes it was stale, hardly gigging so when the opportunity of a position in a regularly gigging punk covers band came along I took it.
 

I told the first band, and with them all being mates (we were mates before we were bandmates) there were no problems, in fact it was almost a collective sigh of relief that there was a reason to finally stop.

 

The punk covers band had been together since 2004, lasted til 2013 and from that Knock Off, my last band formed, taking me on a musical journey I’d never have thought.

 

And to cap it all off, I’m now in a classic rock band with 3 of the guys who at various times were in the first band.

[Mykesbass]

29 minutes ago, Beedster said:

I’d only ever leave a band because it wasn’t working, never for a better option. Loyalty is a big part of music 👍

Ouch! Thanks Chris - I still feel bad about it 20 years later 😒

[Hellzero]

I only left once, because I was tired to rehearse and play every week as I already had a full time job, so not for another band, but for peace of mind.

[Beedster]

10 minutes ago, Mykesbass said:

Ouch! Thanks Chris - I still feel bad about it 20 years later 😒

Wasn’t replying to you Mike but to Daryl 👍

[bassbiscuits]

I left a band after 12 years which was past its sell by date. Not for a better offer but just because there was a lot going on in my life at the time and something had to go.
 

I just explained my situation, agreed on which upcoming gigs i’d honour and that was that. All quite businesslike and no one got hurt. 
 

Predictably I got bored after about a month of doing nothing, and I started picking up solo guitar/vocal gigs instead.
 

Also word then got around that I was available for bass dep jobs so I ended up even busier than before I’d quit. 
 

I think I’ve only fallen out spectacularly with one band (back in the day when we were all young and definitely going to be famous etc etc) which was quite a messy departure from all involved. 

 

Such is life eh. 

[Bluewine]

3 hours ago, Mykesbass said:

Afraid I did this once. Left a band with a lovely group of younger guys as I had the opportunity to join a band playing at a higher level (supporting US touring Blues artists). Was given the gig only to turn up to the first rehearsal to hear they were already there, and someone was playing bass.  Should have stuck with the first band.

 

Did they offer you the gig and then changed their mind and didn't tell you ?

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

Ooohh that's an interesting one Daryl.

From memory i don't think i left for another better opportunity.

I have left bands because things weren't ideal for me.

I've left bands mainly because they weren't working but punk band faded away because the Glam band was getting busier so i guess that's similar.

I was replaced in a band because i auditioned for an already gigging band. I did actually get offered the job but refused it when i found out they wanted to do midnight recording sessions on weekdays when i was working in morning at 7am. That was never gonna happen. Wish they had told me this upfront.

Dave

[Bluewine]

31 minutes ago, dmccombe7 said:

Ooohh that's an interesting one Daryl.

From memory i don't think i left for another better opportunity.

I have left bands because things weren't ideal for me.

I've left bands mainly because they weren't working but punk band faded away because the Glam band was getting busier so i guess that's similar.

I was replaced in a band because i auditioned for an already gigging band. I did actually get offered the job but refused it when i found out they wanted to do midnight recording sessions on weekdays when i was working in morning at 7am. That was never gonna happen. Wish they had told me this upfront.

Dave

 

I get it  Dave,

 

I'm not sure this story counts. I was only in the band for a couple of weeks and I wasn't in another band at the time. 

 

This was a  metal "start up" band with younger guys. I quit after the 3rd rehearsal when it became clear that this band would never be a gigging band. I delivered the message in person as I was leaving the rehearsal.  No drama, and they said they were sorry it wasn't working out for me.

 

By the way this was decades ago.

 

Daryl

[dmccombe7]

7 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

I get it  Dave,

 

I'm not sure this story counts. I was only in the band for a couple of weeks and I wasn't in another band at the time. 

 

This was a  metal "start up" band with younger guys. I quit after the 3rd rehearsal when it became clear that this band would never be a gigging band. I delivered the message in person as I was leaving the rehearsal.  No drama, and they said they were sorry it wasn't working out for me.

 

By the way this was decades ago.

 

Daryl

Yep i've been in that situation a few times but always been amicable as far as i can remember. 

I did leave an amazing Deep Purple & Friends tribute band because the guitarist and the keyboard player were almost fighting and it was close to blows at a rehearsal. They were all from a very rough area of Glasgow. An area i would never go near under normal circumstances. I decided this wasn't for me and there and then said i'd had enough, packed up my gear and said i'm not prepared to be in a band that behaves like this. The singer and the guitarists brother who was listening at rehearsals both tried to coax me to have a think about it first. The band were good but not for me.

After 6mths they got in touch and asked if i would come back as they couldn't get a replacement that plays the way i do.

Nice compliment and i did return but the guitarist wasn't learning his solos for the rehearsals and i eventually said this wasn't going anywhere now and its just not for me. I had nothing lined up to fall back on. This was 2012-13.

All of the band remained in touch except the guitarist who took a huff but for me he was the issue in the band. It was his band too.

Don't think i was in another proper band again until 2016 when i retired from work. That was the first Glam band.

Dave 

[peteb]

15 hours ago, Bluewine said:

Leaving a gigging band that you've been with with for several years because of a better band opportunity is not easy.

 

 

Unfortunately, loyalty is generally not rewarded in music / bands, just as it isn't in the wider employment world. 

 

When I look back to my twenties, I think that I was way too loyal in certain situations, just as some of the guys I played with were. A couple of them could have gone onto bigger and better things if they had made the move. When you look at (for example) Ozzy's guitar players / band members, how many of them were in other bands when they got the call for the big gig? The answer is all of them.

 

I think that usually, bands are accepting of guys moving onto a higher profile gig. What annoys them are when people are unreliable, or if they leave a project for no good reason or for something that they should have been aware of when they joined the band! 

 

Edited yesterday at 08:18 by peteb

[Mickeyboro]

Surely it should have been ‘Gillan’ and ‘Blackmore’ fighting?

 

Of course, the irony is in the Friends bit!

[Bluewine]

23 hours ago, peteb said:

 

Unfortunately, loyalty is generally not rewarded in music / bands, just as it isn't in the wider employment world. 

 

When I look back to my twenties, I think that I was way too loyal in certain situations, just as some of the guys I played with were. A couple of them could have gone onto bigger and better things if they had made the move. When you look at (for example) Ozzy's guitar players / band members, how many of them were in other bands when they got the call for the big gig? The answer is all of them.

 

I think that usually, bands are accepting of guys moving onto a higher profile gig. What annoys them are when people are unreliable, or if they leave a project for no good reason or for something that they should have been aware of when they joined the band! 

 

 

 

Pete, I think you're right regarding loyalty.

 

I've been with Maple Road  since 2009. Since then we have replaced a guitarist and several drummers.  I've been the only constant and I've never missed a gig. However, I'm getting older and need help getting to some gigs. The other members are much younger than me. I occasionally get paranoid thinking they might be looking for a younger bass player.

 

Daryl

Edited 14 hours ago by Bluewine

[Bluewine]

21 hours ago, bassbiscuits said:

 

 

Also word then got around that I was available for bass dep jobs so I ended up even busier than before I’d quit. 
 

 

 

I never get called to dep or anything. 

 

Daryl

[tauzero]

I did leave a social club band I'd been in for a while to join a rock band. It was all very amicable and I depped for them a few times over the following years.

[dmccombe7]

31 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

 

Pete, I think you're right regarding loyalty.

 

I've been with Maple Road  since 2009. Since then we have replaced a guitarist and several drummers.  I've been the only constant and I've never missed a gig. However, I'm getting older and need help getting to some gigs. The other members are much younger than me. I occasionally get paranoid thinking they might me looking for a younger bass player.

 

Daryl

If its working, don't change it Daryl. Think you're under-selling your importance in the band. Good reliable bass players with a personality that's easy to get along with are few and far between (except for BC members of course).

The main reason bands replace someone is usually because they are unreliable and not putting in the work. Most bands i know are happy to come and go a bit if someone is struggling a bit whether thru age or injury.

You're doing just fine so stop sweating it. You're a good'un. 👍

Dave

[dmccombe7]

29 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

I never get called to dep or anything. 

 

Daryl

I used to but these days not so much. Well never really. 

Dave

[bassbiscuits]

4 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

I never get called to dep or anything. 

 

Daryl

I think it depends on the local music scene.
 

The culture in Leicester (the city where I live) is very much a case of everyone knowing someone who  plays with someone else, so there’s a lot of overlapping band members. 

 

My brother also plays in bands based in and around another town about an hour away, so I benefit from the association and gigs out that way too. 
 

And because I also play acoustic guitar and sing, i’m quite a handy all-rounder for filling in at different gigs. 
 

So yeah I guess there’s a few local factors at play in my case. Doing the same regular depping jobs is good too cos you’re not having to learn new stuff constantly. 

[Bluewine]

36 minutes ago, bassbiscuits said:

I think it depends on the local music scene.
 

The culture in Leicester (the city where I live) is very much a case of everyone knowing someone who  plays with someone else, so there’s a lot of overlapping band members. 

 

My brother also plays in bands based in and around another town about an hour away, so I benefit from the association and gigs out that way too. 
 

And because I also play acoustic guitar and sing, i’m quite a handy all-rounder for filling in at different gigs. 
 

So yeah I guess there’s a few local factors at play in my case. Doing the same regular depping jobs is good too cos you’re not having to learn new stuff constantly. 

 

Bass Buscuits,

 

The local Milwaukee music scene is very cliquey. If your not in a clique you don't get called.

Plus I only play bas and I don't sing.

 

Daryl

[Bluewine]

4 hours ago, dmccombe7 said:

If its working, don't change it Daryl. Think you're under-selling your importance in the band. Good reliable bass players with a personality that's easy to get along with are few and far between (except for BC members of course).

The main reason bands replace someone is usually because they are unreliable and not putting in the work. Most bands i know are happy to come and go a bit if someone is struggling a bit whether thru age or injury.

You're doing just fine so stop sweating it. You're a good'un. 👍

Dave

 

 

 

 

I hope you're right Dave. I do socialize with our band leaders parents.Maybe  that might help my standing in the band.  Here's a " kicker " I'm older than both her parents. Isn't life great. Lol

 

Daryl

[peteb]

5 hours ago, Bluewine said:

 

 

Pete, I think you're right regarding loyalty.

 

I've been with Maple Road  since 2009. Since then we have replaced a guitarist and several drummers.  I've been the only constant and I've never missed a gig. However, I'm getting older and need help getting to some gigs. The other members are much younger than me. I occasionally get paranoid thinking they might me looking for a younger bass player.

 

Daryl

 

I think that as you get older, you have to be careful that you don't talk yourself out of the game. I'm currently playing with three guys who are in their seventies (in two bands) and they all have different attitudes. 

 

There is the keys player in the tribute band (70), who has been a pro all of his life, who thinks of himself as semi-retired but still carting his full touring rig around and still quite busy/ making money. The keys player (75) in the blues band will take any gig in a variety of genres, but just carries round one keyboard and a laptop. The issue really is with the singer in the blues band (71) who has started to lose confidence in himself. He hasn't got the voice that he used to have, and the days of him belting out Child In Time are long gone (he used to be in a really good Deep Purple tribute), but he can still handle Freddie King numbers with the best of them. But he is starting to get overly nervous about gigs. 

 

For the sort of band you are doing, I wouldn't think that age is a big thing, as long as you still keep the same belief in your abilities as a player, even if you have to start thinking about things like the gear you use, etc where before you wouldn't need to. 

 

Edited 14 hours ago by peteb

[bassbiscuits]

23 minutes ago, Bluewine said:

 

Bass Buscuits,

 

The local Milwaukee music scene is very cliquey. If your not in a clique you don't get called.

Plus I only play bas and I don't sing.

 

Daryl

That’s a shame about it being cliquey. That’s no help really is it. 

[Bluewine]

6 minutes ago, peteb said:

 

I think that as you get older, you have to be careful that you don't talk yourself out of the game. I'm currently playing with three guys who are in their seventies (in two bands) and they all have different attitudes. 

 

There is the keys player in the tribute band (70), who has been a pro all of his life, who thinks of himself as semi-retired but still carting his full touring rig around and still quite busy. The keys player (75) in the blues band will still take any gig in a variety of genres, but carries round one keyboard and a laptop. The issue really is with the singer in the blues band (71) who has started to lose confidence in himself. He hasn't got the voice that he used to have, and the days of him belting out Child In Time are long gone (he used to be in a really good Deep Purple tribute), but he can still handle Freddie King numbers with the best of them, but he is starting to get overly nervous about gigs. 

 

For the sort of band you are doing, I wouldn't think that age is a big thing, as long as you still keep the same belief in your abilities as a player, even if you have to start thinking about things like the gear you use, etc where before you wouldn't need to. 

 

 

Thanks Pete,

 

The band is pretty helpful.  They actually suggested playing " direct out" so I don't have to lug around an amp. And they let me ride in the van when there's a long distance to a gig.

 

Daryl