coasterbass Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Last saturday, as I cross the dance floor having finished our set.... Fit Girl: "Are you the drummer?" Me: "No, I'm the bass player" Fit Girl: "Oh, doesn't matter then" [looks disappointed] Me: [look uncomfortable and walk off] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheddatom Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='coasterbass' post='245235' date='Jul 22 2008, 11:44 AM']Last saturday, as I cross the dance floor having finished our set.... Fit Girl: "Are you the drummer?" Me: "No, I'm the bass player" Fit Girl: "Oh, doesn't matter then" [looks disappointed] Me: [look uncomfortable and walk off] [/quote] Heh, she might as well have stuck up a big novelty middle finger! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinynorman Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 So we turn up at The Robin to see Steve Gibbons. There's a band already on stage. Friend: [indicating bass player who is singing] Is that Steve Gibbons? Me: No, he's playing a bass. Friend: How do you know? Me: It has 4 strings. Later Steve Gibbons comes on and his bass player has a 6-string bass. Friend: Don't they have a bass player? Me: I think I need a drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheRev Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Picture the scene - a small pub in Stroud, Gloucestershire. In the corner are a couple of Nick Drake obsessed musos trying to impart their particular blend of English folk fused with American grunge. Fat Chavette: 'Ere mate, can you play any Boyzone?' Us: 'F*#K off' There's no point trying to reason with people like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='EssentialTension' post='245222' date='Jul 22 2008, 11:31 AM']Punter (as I start packing gear): "You were really good for a tribute band."[/quote] To which of course the correct response would be, "And you're really chatty for an ignorant twat." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbytodd Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 we were three songs into our first set and this bloke walked onto the stage and said do you do requests.i said i mate what do you want us to do he replied can you f@?k off home i want to watch the footie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='bobbytodd' post='245308' date='Jul 22 2008, 12:51 PM']we were three songs into our first set and this bloke walked onto the stage and said do you do requests.i said i mate what do you want us to do he replied can you f@?k off home i want to watch the footie[/quote] That guy deserves a handshake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnylager Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 (edited) Punter - 'Oi, you're sh*t' Me - 'You're still not getting you're fiver back' Crowd - laughs Punter - leaves Edited July 22, 2008 by johnnylager Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spinynorman Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='johnnylager' post='245336' date='Jul 22 2008, 01:25 PM']Punter - 'Oi, you're sh*t' Me - 'You're still not getting you're fiver back' Crowd - laughs Punter - leaves[/quote] I suppose the Churchillian answer to that one would be "And you're a dickhead, but I might get better with practice." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='Rich' post='245151' date='Jul 22 2008, 10:39 AM']A few years ago I was in a jazz fusion trio... playing in a Bristol jazz venue pub place, we'd just finished murdering a lengthy Bruford tune when this guy approached me... Him: "Oi mate, do you do Paranoid by Black Sabbath?" Me: [i]*stunned silence*[/i] Him: "Oh c'mon, you must know it." Me: "Mate, we're a fusion band -- even if we did know it, do you honestly think for a moment that it's the sort of thing we play?" Him: "Yeah go on, you can do it." Me: [i]*glare that says 'f*** off you complete idiot'*[/i] "Ahem, I don't think so."[/quote] We have a solution to when people ask us for songs that we just wouldn't do. We have a simple Ska song that we just sing the lyrics of whatever they have asked for over, it leads to great fun. The best one we have ever done is Wait and Bleed by Slipknot, I mean who asks a Punk band for a Slipknot song? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil_the_bassist Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='johnnylager' post='245336' date='Jul 22 2008, 01:25 PM']Punter - 'Oi, you're sh*t' Me - 'You're still not getting you're fiver back' Crowd - laughs Punter - leaves[/quote] On a similar vein, we were heckled between songs, about halfway thru our set: Punter: "Does it get any bloody better?" Our Quick Witted Frontman: "That true, does it [i]GET[/i] any better!" (putting positive enunciation on it) :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikey D Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 With my bass case on my back: Friend of a friend, to my friend: Does he snowboard? Friend: (Looks at his mate like an idiot) It's a bass! Friend of a friend, to my friend: (Obviously feeling like an idiot) Yeah of course it is...but he looks like he snowboards! Does he? And another time when walking out of a gig about midday: Very drunk man: excuse me, can you come over here. Me: (Walks over) Very very drunk man: Can I ask you something? Me: Yes V.v.Drunk man: That thing on your back!? Me: Yes V.v.v Drunk man: Is it a giant spoon!? Me: (Walks off) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bay Splayer Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 audience member .... hey, bass player, why are you so fat bass player.... cos every time i f*** your mum she gives me a biscuit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lowdown Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [quote name='gilmour' post='244997' date='Jul 22 2008, 01:34 AM']Well, they let 'turntablists' in the MU now....[/quote] And in the past, a very well known drummer had his dog listed in the MU directory. Thanks for pointing that out. I thought she meant her nephew was a sailor boy. Garry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MananaMan Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 had an amusing one at a gig in preston one time... Punter (staring at my pedals) : That was really nice when you used that delay. Me : Really? I don't have a delay pedal. Punter : No, you do. It was in the song that went.... Me : No, I don't have a delay pedal. Punter : Yeah, I heard it! What's that one then? Me : Distortion. Punter : Whats that one then? Me : Distortion. Punter : OK, whats that one then? Me : Distortion. You can see where that's going. Sound engineer at The Cavern in Liverpool was also class. SE : Can I have your clean sound? Me : (Horribly filty valve OD noises) SE : Do you call that clean? Me (with evil glint in my eye) : Do you call that dirty? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil_the_bassist Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 [quote name='MananaMan' post='246428' date='Jul 23 2008, 09:46 PM']Me : (Horribly filty valve OD noises) SE : Do you call that clean? Me (with evil glint in my eye) : Do you call that dirty?[/quote] tea=>computer and poorly located pack of biscuits...better eat 'em before they go soggy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarky Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Not strictly a question but a toe-curling bass-related moment from last night Clarky jumps in cab to go to band practice, gig-bagged bass in hand Taxi driver: "Are you in a band, mate" Clarky: "Yeah, just off to a practice" Taxi driver: "What sort of music do you play?" Clarky: "Punk" Taxi driver: "Looking at you, I thought you'd be playing some Emerson Lake and Palmer type stuff" Clarky: struck dumb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 The worst ones are Can I have your autograph ? Will you sleep with me and my friend? Hi I'm from Ampeg will you sign this Endorsement deal? Would you take a £200,000,000 advance for 1 album? It's just non-stop Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarky Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 [quote name='waynepunkdude' post='247229' date='Jul 24 2008, 08:16 PM']The worst ones are Can I have your autograph ? Will you sleep with me and my friend? Hi I'm from Ampeg will you sign this Endorsement deal? Would you take a £200,000,000 advance for 1 album? It's just non-stop[/quote] you too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stan_da_man Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 "Do you play any McFly?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waynepunkdude Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 [quote name='Clarky' post='247235' date='Jul 24 2008, 08:18 PM']you too?[/quote] Yeah they are worse than the Premiership scouts who turn up everytime i play sunday league Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phil_the_bassist Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 [quote name='Clarky' post='247235' date='Jul 24 2008, 08:18 PM']you too?[/quote] *tut!* such a hard life we lead! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geddys nose Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Once doing the sound for my band and I'm wireless at sound check trying to get the levels out front when a guy near the bar said 'Cool how do you get all that electric into your bass without a cable I thought mains voltage couldn't travel through air ' I looked at him nodded and walked back to the stage hoping he would never buy a guitar/bass... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Born 2B Mild Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Er, I think this kind of fits this thread... True story. House party in Woodley, Berks in the mid 1970s. (me thinks, the Woodley Wine Circle, but it might have been the local horticultural Soc, I don't know, I wasn't there but my [u]parents were[/u]), My late mum told me the next day that she was chatting to a nice lady at the party and found that they had in common that both of their sons played in bands (me in teenage amatuer rehearsal bands). "What was her name Mum?" "oh, 'so and so' Page". (I've since forgotten her first name) Yes, it was [i]Jimmy's [/i]mum. After all that PIAT D'ORE, MATEUS ROSE, LIEBRAUMILCH, BLACK TOWER & LAMBRUSCO, all bands probably were about the same! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delberthot Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 (edited) Common ones are: Can you do any Celine Dion or Shania Twain, Man I feel Like a woman? (our singer is male) or Punter:Can you play "insert obscure song here"? Us: No, We don't know it Punter: C'mon its easy Us: If you sing it we'll back you At which point they disappear or "I used to be in a band you know" and the classic: "can you put something good 'on'"? We actually had the bride's father come up to us at the end of the night and try to pay us with a credit card once Edited July 24, 2008 by Delberthot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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