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Awkward band situation......


3V17C
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“………………………..but of course we now have to watch our language/band banter/risqué jokes etc the whole time and generally be on our best behavior and the whole travelling side of things (a big part of our day) is now like a family day out.”


???????????????............................. Sorry, I don’t understand…………. Why of course?
You’re going out with your mates for beer, music and fun. If you sanitize the environment, they WILL think it’s OK to bring the kids.

Tell the jokes, have a beer and don’t be on your best behavior and you can bet your bottom dollar, the wife will stop coming as well as the kids.

Bottom line for me is if I'm not enjoying it, I'll go and do something else.

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Tough call. I feel sorry for the kids having two musos as parents. One is bad enough, no wonder they are "awkward".

You're in a band doing it for the love - when that runs out its time to quit cos you aint got nothing else. Its not like the money is a motivating factor.

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There are also guidelines for 'homeschooling too' the parents have a responsibility to ensure that the children are recieving an education for a start...

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/parents/schoolslearninganddevelopment/choosingaschool/dg_4016124

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Tough call as this looks like a gig that could be going somewhere. It's a brave man who walks away from that.

I think I'd start to let my 'good behaviour' slip and wait to see if the singer spoke to me - at which point I'd bring up the subject of the kids in that environment. The parents have brought their kids into that situation so presumably already think it's ok which is not a good indicator of any response to criticism (and he's a singer too!!).

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[quote name='waynepunkdude' timestamp='1337007230' post='1653858']
I once banged the guitarist's ex on a rehearsal room floor. That was awkward. Nothing to do with this but any chance to tell that story,
[/quote]

My friend (an Elvis impersonator) split with his missus, kipped on his guitarist's sofa for six months then ran off to Crewe with the guitarist's wife. That was awkward.

Nothing to do with annoying brats but any chance to tell that story.

[color=#ffffff].[/color]

Edited by skankdelvar
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[quote name='waynepunkdude' timestamp='1337008305' post='1653879']
At least the guitarist didn't have to live in Crewe.[/quote]

True. But it meant I never saw my friend again. Sob. :(

According to FB he's got a 'collection' of Renault Fuegos now. Well, three Fuegos - two of 'em up on bricks.

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LEAVE,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it's got his name on it which means you'll never be part of the deal anyway. It does not matter
how much work you put in, how many gigs you do for naff all, how many sacrifices you make, your name name will never
be on it and so when the money finally does come (hits head with mic stand) you probably won't get it anyway.

best of luck

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[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1337008517' post='1653886']
True. But it meant I never saw my friend again. Sob. :(

According to FB he's got a 'collection' of Renault Fuegos now. Well, three Fuegos - two of 'em up on bricks.
[/quote]

In Crewe with a collection of immobile Fuegos, ouch.

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[quote name='waynepunkdude' timestamp='1337008994' post='1653893']
In Crewe with a collection of immobile Fuegos, ouch.
[/quote]

I know. On the other hand, he's got the biggest cock I've ever seen. Turned round in the Gents at work one day, waggled it and said "Look at this!" It practically blocked out the sun.

Anyway, lovely talking, Wayne, must be off. Things to see, people to do.

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[quote name='waynepunkdude' timestamp='1337007230' post='1653858']
I once banged the guitarist's ex on a rehearsal room floor. That was awkward.
[/quote]

I think the normal etiquette would have been to wait until the rest of the band had packed their gear up though...

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Its a toughie
I don't have kids, neither me or the mrs want kids and to an extent if a kid is in an adult environment thats the parents choice but i shouldn't have to accommodate them by avoiding my dirty whoring habits, conversation or other habits (as it stands I'm the good boy in the band as i don't drink or smoke...but..)
With band matters i always take the line that, unless its affecting the on-stage performance i try to bite my tongue as everyone has habits personal or musical that piss the rest of the band off.
Id make the kids hump the gear, sell the t-shirts and generally help them come to the decision that being out on the road ain't that glam or fun.
If the parents can't adequately look after them then one or both should bow out until they're old enough. Seeing as its a bit too late to kick them back into the womb :-P

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Chances are its becoming less fun for the singer also - though it might be difficult for him to admit in front of the mrs. He might welcome a man to man about how its a bit more rock n roll when its not a family outing - and how the dynamic has taken a bit of a hit recently. No-one has to be critical of parenting skills or anything - but if you clear the air, nicely, then it could get sorted over a pint. Ever the optimist!

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[quote name='skankdelvar' timestamp='1337009271' post='1653895']
I know. On the other hand, he's got the biggest cock I've ever seen. Turned round in the Gents at work one day, waggled it and said "Look at this!" It practically blocked out the sun.
[/quote]

:useless:

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[quote name='3V17C' timestamp='1336996296' post='1653630']
We did a 2 hour radio session the other night and they were just left outside in the van by themselves with instructions to text if they needed anything.


C
[/quote]



There are some SERIOUS child neglect issues,verging on abuse here.Abandon ship.



I do take my daughter to gigs occasionally,but she's 25.

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[quote name='Thunderpaws' timestamp='1337030850' post='1654475']
Is it not illegal to leave kids of that age on their own in a van somewhere strange! Serious parenting issues there! I'd have a word...though that's a hard thing to do.
[/quote]

I think you have put a window down and leave them a bowl of water, or something...

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[quote name='flyfisher' timestamp='1337000528' post='1653724']


I'd say this is the key point and a lot will depend on how formalised this arrangement is. Are you really part of the band or just a hired musician? A subtle but important difference.

If the former, then all members should have a say in touring matters and conditions etc. If the latter then, frankly, it's their band and you have to do as they say (or leave).

My bet is that these things are not clearly defined and that each band member has their own idea of things, and that they are not in harmony with each other.

The first thing is to decide if you can put up with the situation. If you can then fine. if you can't then you should call a band meeting, raise your concerns and propose the sort of changes you'd be happy with. But you should first consider what to do if no-one agrees with you as it could result in your being forced out.

As for the wisdom of taking kids on tour, I'd steer clear of that discussion unless expressly asked. They're not your kids so they're not your responsibility. Suggesting to parents that they are not doing a good job (whether it's true or not) is a recipe for disaster and not really any of your business.
[/quote]


+1. Well said

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[quote name='flyfisher' timestamp='1337000528' post='1653724']

As for the wisdom of taking kids on tour, I'd steer clear of that discussion unless expressly asked. They're not your kids so they're not your responsibility. Suggesting to parents that they are not doing a good job (whether it's true or not) is a recipe for disaster and not really any of your business.

[/quote]

Sorry but I strongly disagree here. In the example as stated, leaving kids of that age by themselves in a van isn't a question of good or bad parenting, it's a question of law and your complicity in leaving kids in a dangerous situation. So a kid has broken away from a parent and is about to run across a busy road, do you put an arm out to stop them or go "not my responsibility, it's the parents" and sod the consequences?

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