Leonard Smalls

I once played a gig wearing 9 different hats on top of each other... There was an Aussie bush hat, a fez, a trilby, a straw boater, 4 baseball caps and a beanie. I realised as I tried to stop 'em all toppling that I looked like a bit of a cock 😁 Might try it again one day. With 4 pairs of sunglasses.

1. Catchy little melodies; this is just a fop to those who think that music is just a ditty to whistle while doing their milk round. Real music isn't for enjoyment or fun, it's meant to be difficult and exclude those who lack understanding. I don't include bone-crunching riffs, or earworms such as Joe Dolce's "Shaddapa ya face", obvs. 2. Vocalists - see above 3. Boring arrangements - straightforward 1234 should be illegal. Syncopate or be exterminated! 4. Musicians who do the bare minimum - see 3. 5. Sound engineers who think that the only thing that the audience wants to hear is a kidney-jarringly-loud kick drum and a general mush in the rest of the bass. Learn your craft yer eejits!

Being Boiled - The Human League

Georgie Lame

Mockney Rejects Swell Paps Boy Division

Back in the early 90s my old band had a bunch of followers called The Bromley Boys... They'd dress up like the Monty Python housewives and leap about in rather a crazed but generally peaceful fashion. We'd played a couple of times at The Joshua Tavern in Oxford, one of them supporting Gaye Bykers On Acid, and were offered a headline there. The Bromley Boys came as usual but just before we played there must have been some argy-bargy with locals - I saw the biggest of the BBs chasing this bloke with an iron bar shouting "we're from faackin Laaahnden!". We played the gig and all was fine, but they never asked us back...

Saw the Daley-Crowe Blues Band in a pub garden in Bishops Castle on Sunday early eve... It was their first gig, but you'd never know it - they were excellent. Basically just blues covers with a couple of Hendrix and ZZ Top numbers but all played very well indeed. Though I knew they would, I used to be in band with Tim D and so was familiar with his guitar stylings!

We had our final rehearsal before Rebellion Festival - we're playing on Sunday twice... I was a bit worried before that we lacked practice, and this would result in sloppy, missed or messed up changes (we have quite a lot!), or songs would be started at dirge-like pace when they're meant to be punkfunk stompers. However, if it goes like last night we'll have no problem at all; Knockout stopped on 3 as it should, there was distinct variation between the funky chorus, punk verse and funkabilly middle 8. All 9 changes in Reaper were perfect, Conspiracy had a millisecond tight ending, and I'd managed to download the filthiest bass tone from Line6 which worked surprisingly well with my Parker bass. However, after some solo fiddling this morning (Keep your filthy minds out of the gutter!) I've decided to use my Sandberg through a tube driven Aguilar sound with a spot of reverb and chorus which clanks'n'danks like a Sherman tank dragging a chain over a steel pontoon bridge. I'll probably change my mind again though!

Better Than I Imagined - Robert Glasper

I'm going on Thursday morning, dumping my stuff in the hotel then straight in to see MC16 followed by Mannequin Death Squad...

I've got a mate who used to work for Anchor Housing Trust... He took great joy in answering the phone with "Hello Anchor".

No doubt see you there!

I fought the law - The Clash

In a Rut - the Ruts

Let's Get Physics-al - Olivia Newton John

I want to be Three! - Toyah

You cheddar you better you bet - Th'OO

Please Cheese Me - The Beatles

I think that rather than passing thousands of new laws which basically legislate against BellEndery, they should just do it properly and make Unfettered Bellendery And Acting Like A Knob a crime in itself.

wart pigs - black sabbath

Gneiss'n'Sleazy - The Stranglers

Hersham Boys - Sham 69

Insane in the Brain - Prince Fatty

We played at the Victory in Hereford last night in support of Brazilian hardcore punkers, AntiVirus... It's funny because we're quite inyerface, but compared to the other 3 bands, we were melodic pop punk! They were all about onslaught with no let-up which a few metallers in the crowd enjoyed and pushed each other about to which was excellent, but we did our psychedlic stonerdoom song (that's meant to be an onslaught too but our drummer keeps playing it really slowly!) but this time we emphasised the different textures and built and collapsed various drones in weird (and perhaps wonderful) ways - after that we seemed to get a far bigger crowd and maybe 100 people had come in who remained, and even danced about. We'd re-arranged our set so that I started or gave tempo to most of the others so we were quite varied, ranging from oldskool punk to dance-rock to stoner which I quite like - it means we're quite different to a lot of the other bands we play with though whether that's a good thing is another matter entirely! Still, we had the biggest crowd, none of whom lit flaming torches or brandished pitchforks to hasten us on our way. In fact some even said that it was nowhere near as bad as they were expecting despite the now more-numerous bass solos. I had on a rare-as-hen's-teeth Wigsville Spliffs vest with tight camo trews and 5-10 Guide approach boots. Gear was Sandberg Basic - Helix - BBE pre/DBX compressor - Crown bridged power amp - Markbass 4x10. Post gig dram was a fine Arran barrel reserve.

Whip in my Valise - Adam and the Ants