Leonard Smalls

I remember many years ago a mate of mine had a posh but very right-on girlfriend. He was a proper midlander, but kind of skinny and not at all hard... And I lost count of the amount of times he'd get punched because she'd taken exception to some cokernee geeza effin and c-in at the bar... It normally went: Geez to his mate: Cor what a F-in C he is! She, next to Geez at bar: You do realise that that's a term that's highly offensive to women and I want you to stop using it! Geez: Or f-in what, you C? Partner to She: C'mon Vix me duck, let's go! Geez punches partner in face.

If you're on a phone then the friends feed is the only way... However, if you're on a pc and using a browser, add the Facebook Purity extension. It gets rid of large chunks of stuff you don't want!

Wherever I lay my Hi-hat - Paul Young

There is the other side of the coin though... A few years ago I was in a funk-metal band (!), and the guitarist was what you would call an ordinary geezer. Great player, but liked to make risqué jokes about "birds". Nothing to off-colour, or Bernard Manning but some might find it a touch offensive. Which our drummer did... However, he was considerably more right-on than yow, had virtually zero sense of humour and took offence at absolutely anything, especially if he thought there might be some sort of imagined slight against the Welsh. And he'd constantly have a go at guitarman as well as telling us both what we should be thinking. Eventually Mr Guitar left, and that was the end of the band. Which was a shame as he was good to play with , but drummerboy had a poor sense of timing and kept doing overblown and out-of-place fills that he insisted were from "The Rudiments" but always ended at least a beat late and usually much more...

Six Bad Brothers - Boo Yaa Tribe

Devil Woman -Sir Cliff

Have me had Stiff Little Mingers? or Pubeway Army?

We had a keyboard player once who was always on about "workshy dolies", and was very conservative in his views... So long as he hadn't been on the Stella he tended not to shout very much about looney lefties or whatever, but never ever appeared racist. However, he also bought the Daily Star every day, and after he'd left the band started going on about how we'd all be under Sharia Law soon. And this ranting rose as he came more under the Spell of Stella - soon he was unable to work anymore and could only afford White Lightning. At about this time he also informed me that he'd been playing with Lily Allen, but as he wasn't very handsome they kept him behind a curtain (though I knew for a fact that he hadn't left Swansea, and wasn't very good as a keyboard player either!). And he was also thrown out of the covers band he was in for unreliability, drunken-ness and being too aggressive. However, he'd always been quite unhappy and blamed others for his self-inflicted misfortunes. So while I wouldn't have played with him in a band again, I sympathised with how his life had completely gone down the toilet. He died aged 62 as a result of his booze'n'fags regime.

I've found over the years that the more creative an artist is, the less likely they are to be far right so luckily, I haven't often come up against many fascist type musos, especially if they're any good. However, they may be a touch lefty, but as my position on Political Compass is on the libertarian left of Tony Benn and Gandhi I'm relatively OK with that (unless they get too SWP!).

Money Money Money - ABBA

I'm easy with what ever guitar or bass bands might want to play with the exception of: If I see an acoustic guitar (or worse, two) I'm not hanging around to see the band. Unless it's someone like Antonio Niebla, in which case I can be pretty sure it won't be the dreaded "singer/songwriter or (eeek!!!) folk...

Lol Coxhill doesn't count! I used to play in an improv band with some of his ex-cohorts... They were ever so good at playing in all the keys at the same time!

Star Trekkin' - The Firm

All the songs with kids singing in 'em sound like that, including the Floyd one. Unless they sound like "Grandpa, we love you" with professional old codger Clive Dunn.

Anyone else hate it when a song has kids singing on it?

Garbage Man -The Cramps

And can't be doing with Fender basses either... Only ever played one I liked, which was a very expensive masterbuilt custom shop Jazz. And I didn't like that anywhere near as much as my ACG at 1/4 of the price!

Of course! Never liked crowds...

Easily. Bass solo instead!!! 😁

Calf Trouble (parts 1 & 2) - Adam and the Ants

But Pastorius obviously never got good enough to graduate to a 5 string! 😁 And on the drums thing, I've played with too many drummers who have more than 3 toms, plus another 4 cymbals. It takes 'em ages to set up and it takes up most of the stage (unless you're in a proper sized venue). I could forgive said drummers if didn't then bash every one of those drums as hard as they could without listening to how they fit in with the band, and especially by tw@tting the ride cymbal constantly giving just an unpleasant wash of high frequency that obscures just about everything else... If they could just do the groove thing with the snare, hi-hat and bass drum we'd all be much happier. And funkier!

Can't be doing with big drum kits, unless said drummer is of a serious Cobham/Chambers etc standard. Should learn to use snare, hi-hat and bass drum properly first!

Our guitar player in the blueseyfunky band still doesn't do this... He sets what he thinks is the right amp level and woebetide if it isn't. If you say he's too quiet (it happens with this guy!) he changes his level by fiddling with pedal settings, which completely beggars up his sound!

I'm a little Airplane - Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers

Big Spliff - Black Uhuru