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Leonard Smalls

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Leonard Smalls last won the day on June 1 2018

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    South Shropshire

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  1. At work, and managed to squeeze Steve Coleman and the 5 Elements onto the playlist with "The Tao of Mad Phat"... And nobody has whinged about the excess of widdley jazz!
  2. More like the not-at-all-late Dr John Cooper Clarke, who penned my favourite Haiku (in fact only Haiku I know or can be bothered with): To freeze A Moment In seventeen syllables Is very difi
  3. 😄 Funnily I've just written a song loosely based on this:
  4. Wot, even better than You've Got Foetus On Your Breath, or his later incarnation, Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel? 😁
  5. I'd like to humbly submit some lyrics of my own to illustrate just how deep musical verse can be (imagine it intoned in a Manchester accent): 1. My mate Dave, he turned to me With great portent and evident glee “There’s a storm a-comin’” quoth he “There’s thunder in them hills you’ll see 2. “There’s a rumble in the jungle, a one-gun salute “More tea vicar? Me flatus is acute “You thought I couldn’t play the Tibetan noseflute “I think I’ve just spattered me 3 piece suit” There she blows! 3. I said to him “just be direct, call a spade a spade, “you’ll get respect. “Don’t just blame your dialect, “that’s an excuse that I reject “even if your kecks are now brown-flecked, “maybe now you’ll be more circumspect 4. He said “You can’t hold what you haven’t got in your hand “better an empty house than a bad tenant “get out and walk, I should be on Grandstand! “that one’d drown out Barbara Streisand” There she blows! 5. I heard it’d all ended in tears. He’d done summat daft and confirmed me fears He’d been practicing a trick to impress his mates Showing what’d happen when his abdomen inflates And a match is applied to the rear of his pants However, he set fire to the curtain And soon the whole house has gone for a burton Now he lives in the park with a can of strong lager And that’s the end of this sorry saga There she blows! 🤘😀
  6. I tend to DI; if it's a cleanish bass tone I'm looking for straight into the Focusrite/laptop, or if I'm using the synth or wah tones I'll take a clean feed plus the fx feed and put it into 2 channels... This one was just clean Wal DIed into focusrite, with freebie VST Valve Exciter overdrive, a touch of freebie surf EQ VST and Red VST compression, mixed into Ableton:
  7. A couple of years ago I bought a mobile phone with the best audio I could find, that also didn't cost £500-1000... I decided on an LG V20, which has a Bang and Olufson DAC. Strangely it was never brought to Europe, was only a US and Far Eastern model but I found one on Ebay from a French seller, so no import duties etc, for £250. They're less now! As a bonus, it's also MilSpec, which means you can drop it, dual SIM, 4Gb RAM, manual camera and REPLACEABLE battery! Down-, or perhaps Up-, side is it's a 6" screen so only fits in big pockets, but it's ideal for home defence!
  8. I've put the call out as I can't remember much apart from extremely over-ripe and suggestively-shaped cheese...
  9. 😁 I won't even quote any of the cod reggae song we did in the very early days (we're talking '83-4 here!) called "Sex Feeling". Suffice it to say that at our last session (we do 1 a year!) somebody had found an old rehearsal tape of this classic. After only the first verse at least 2 of us wished we'd stopped off and bought some Tena Man pants!
  10. My old bit-of-everything band used to do a metal number called "Loud and Proud" Which went: Heavy Metal music Loud and Proud! Mysterious Goblins Dressed in shrouds And it went downhill from there. Luckily that's been kicked out long ago, but we do one called "Turn to the Left" which has the immortal lyric: Armani, or salami? One fills yer belly the other takes yer mo-ney Still, PFunk lyrics are up there as some of the silliest and possibly deepest if you put on your Pseud's hat... Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah I am Sir Nose D'Voidoffunk I can't swim, I never could swim I never will swim Oh, put me down Let go my leg I told ya, will you shut up I told ya I can't swim, ha ho no Put me down, I hate water, ho (Hah, ah hah, ah hah, ahh) Will you shut up (Aqua boogie, baby) Never learned to swim (Underwater boogie baby) Can't catch the rhythm of the stroke (Aqua boogie, baby) Why should I hold my breath (Underwater boogie, baby) Feelin' that I might choke (Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah) (Aqua boogie, baby) Things ya blow through Because of things ya swim through (Underwater boogie, baby) Why hold your nose to spite your face (Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah) (Aqua boogie, baby) With the rhythm that makes you dance To what we have to live through (Underwater boogie, baby) You can dance underwater and not get wet, oh Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadooloop Etc (Parliament - Aqua Boogie) But who cares so long as it's funky!
  11. Slightly fiddled with, more colour, more concatenation (!), more rose petals!
  12. My once-a-year band had a weekend of debauchery 2 years ago and produced some ridiculous mobile phone footage, which I've finally edited together. Luckily The Weeds are never in a hurry!
  13. Indeed! Saw them a number of times, and even attempted a Daniel Ash hairstyle using gallons of hair lacquer. Due to my rather flyaway barnet this was doomed to failure, especially as, being Oop North it was windy and rainy 90% of the time!
  14. As well as Bootsy this had a definite influence on me, though it's only a lowly single!
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