Directions to gigs seems to be another rich seam of tales. My mates band was playing in Dundee and when they couldn’t find the venue they stopped and asked a character for directions. He said he was going that way and offered to jump in the van and direct from there. When he got in, he took one look at the keyboard player who had long hair and a beard - I can’t do the accent but this character says “Christ, you’re a hairy b@stard”, which didn’t get him off to a very good start. So, they set off and after a short while he says “turn left”. They went on a bit further and he says “turn left” again and a little bit further after that he says “turn left” again. One of the lads says “if he says turn left one more time I’m going to lamp him”. Sure enough a bit later he says “turn left” and the other lad says to him “you don’t really know where you’re going do you?” to which he admitted that he didn’t. What a chancer!