RhysP Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 What is your usual main method of communication with them? Just use whatever that is, be it phone call, text, email, pigeon or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted January 22, 2010 Author Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='RhysP' post='721303' date='Jan 22 2010, 03:27 PM']What is your usual main method of communication with them? Just use whatever that is, be it phone call, text, email, pigeon or whatever.[/quote] That's a very good point. Usual method of communication is email. Right now I'm favouring a series of phone calls. I'll probably wait until tomorrow morning so that I'm not calling them when they're at work. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mecklenburg Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) I'd tell the band leader and then let him tell the others, easiest way to do it. I can't imagine ringing several people up all to tell them I've quit the band, it would become tedious by the last member and all would be just weird awkward conversations. Ring the leader up, tell him you want out and let them know that you'll play any remaining gigs with them (if you want to). Best to have a plan and make the points you want to get across else the guy on the other end of the phone could end up going on and and on! Edited January 22, 2010 by Mecklenburg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WWRRSS Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I quit my band of 7 years after about 3 years of wanting to but not knowing how. It was rubbish, but ultimately the best thing i've ever done. I told them all in the pub, and in drunken stupor I actually ended up challenging them to carry on, without me booking all the gigs, rehearsals etc. they split up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted January 22, 2010 Author Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='WWRRSS' post='721360' date='Jan 22 2010, 04:08 PM']I told them all in the pub, and in drunken stupor I actually ended up challenging them to carry on, without me booking all the gigs, rehearsals etc. they split up.[/quote] Well, this is one of my concerns. I think there's a very good chance that they'll struggle to find a replacement for me. Which is why, if my departure is going to spell the death knell for the band, I want to do it in as decent a manner as possible. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spook Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 (edited) I'm one of those folks who has a very long fuse, but after a few weeks of band members being awkward in rehearsals and gigs, they asked me to re- arrange the set lists, which I dutifully did, (I was the one in the band who did anything that wasn't simply playing anyway). Half way through the next gig, two of the three of them started whingeing about the set list being in "The wrong order". After finishing the next song, I simply put my bass down, switched my amp off, got of the stage and went for a drink with my mates in the bike club, who'd come along to support the band, telling them they'd better pack up and go home. Funniest bit was, one of them said "You're sacked" - cue howls of laughter from me and my mates. The next day they virtually begged me to reconsider - they had no bass player, and no one to do all the "donkey work" - they tried replacing me, but the lot of them were so lazy it fizzled out after one, (I'm told, horrendous), gig two weeks later. Maybe it was the wrong way to go about it, but I had the feeling they wanted me gone and were deliberately provoking me, but doing that, i even surprised myself! It was simply a gut reaction, and in hindight, (A truly wonderful thing, hingsight!!), the best thing I could possibly have done for myself. In truth the only way to quit a band is just to do it as soon as the thought first comes into your head Edited January 22, 2010 by Spook Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris_b Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='721380' date='Jan 22 2010, 04:28 PM']....I think there's a very good chance that they'll struggle to find a replacement for me....[/quote] But surely whether they sink or swim is not your problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted January 22, 2010 Author Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='chris_b' post='721410' date='Jan 22 2010, 05:11 PM']But surely whether they sink or swim is not your problem?[/quote] Indeed, it isn't. But it might be a problem for the band leader, he might be upset about it, and I want to exercise a little sensitivity to that. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah5string Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 I'd just go with the collective text message method... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjohn Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 If you've got gigs lined up then that's different. You'd need to work around that. But if you've decided to leave and you're not gonna change your mind, ring em up and tell them now. One after the other, so they all know. ring your mate the band leader first, then the others just as courtesy calls if you're not that good mates with them. Sooner the better, they might be making plans right now which involves you being in the band, or they might need to have ideas about your replacement. If someone was to leave my band, I'd want to know as soon as they'd decided. That way you get the most time possible to think of / advertise for someone else to come in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toddy Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='Sarah5string' post='721434' date='Jan 22 2010, 05:37 PM']I'd just go with the collective text message method...[/quote] I agree with that also,,, Although true and funny story, the bassist in one of the well known bands round ere,, threw his Thunderbird at the drummer and walked out mid - gig.... Still being talked about to this day..... ten min later to an awkward silence he walked back in,,, picked up his Bass and left for good...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimR Posted January 22, 2010 Share Posted January 22, 2010 [quote name='Stylon Pilson' post='721431' date='Jan 22 2010, 05:35 PM']Indeed, it isn't. But it might be a problem for the band leader, he might be upset about it, and I want to exercise a little sensitivity to that. S.P.[/quote] It depends on your reason for leaving. Maybe explaining why you are leaving to the band leader would force him to sort the problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ou7shined Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I did it in the pub. Some mates and I reformed a band that did quite well locally a few years ago. I was a major writing force in the band but as time went on I realised that we just weren't gelling any more, some of us had grown musically while others were struggling to keep up. Ultimately for me, there were just more cons than pros to me staying in the band. We did our last firmly booked gig, then I picked a good moment when we were all together speaking about going into the studio in the near future to brake the news that I was leaving. After the predictable Q&A session we all went down to an open mic night half cut and totally rocked out our best 4 or 5 tunes then got absolutely minging together on shots and left it at that. The guys have stayed together and scooped up the first bass player that came along. Everyone's happy... especially me. Especially as the new guy isn't half the player I am - I'd have been well pissed off if my replacement had been better than me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4-string-thing Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I told the guitarist, in the pub after a rehearsal. It had been a funny rehearsal, fiddler moaning about me getting them "the same old rubbish gigs" when I was the only one who actually got any gigs! I told them I was looking forward to doing the gigs in 4star hotels that she would be getting from then on. Only the guitarist could be bothered to go to the pub that night (usually we all went) he asked me to reconsider coz they would fold without me. When I asked why, he said " coz you do all the work, and without you we don't have a P.A system" The rest got a multiple text the next day! The singer and drummer both left within a week..... Mind you, I regret it now, cos we were a pretty good band, and nothing anywhere near as good has come along since. I'm sure you have thought about it a lot, but be absolutely sure you are doing the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 Little update - phoned the band leader this morning, went to voicemail. I said "I need to talk to you about something, give me a call." This is probably the best of both worlds, as it gives him an inkling that it's coming, so he won't be caught off guard, but it still enables me to give him the news in a synchronous manner. S.P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassCat Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 When I quit my last band I told them at the start of a rehearsal. We were talking about the next gig we had booked & I simply came out & said "It'll be my last one" then explained reasons (singer unreliable, drummer can't play drums etc). To be honest there had been a lot of tension in the band beforehand & I think they knew it was coming, after I had told them we actually had a really good rehearsal & the last gig we did was the best gig we'd ever done!! It was the best decision I've ever made as the band I'm in now are much better & we have a hell of a lot more gigs, and I managed to remain mates with the old band. My advise would be to call all three of them or do it when you're all together. Its a bit more personal than a text message or email! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stylon Pilson Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 (edited) It is done. After missing eachothers calls a couple of times, I finally got through to the band leader and told him. He was very reasonable about it, so there's no hard feelings there. I then phoned the other two band members, but got through to voicemail on both counts. Having already had the talk with the band leader, it felt like leaving a message was the right thing to do, so I did. To both I extended the invitation to phone me for a chat, but in the light of the fact that we've never really socialised much, I'm not expecting them to call. Hopefully no hard feelings though, because you never know when paths might cross again. Edit: drummer sent a text message very soon after. We've exchanged a couple to the tune that we've enjoyed playing together and we'll keep each other in mind for future projects. I'm certainly sincere - apart from his tendency to not come to rehearsals, he's been a good drummer* - and I reckon that he is sincere too. The other band member also phoned me for a quick chat, and I think things are probably cool there too.** S.P. * I know, I know, what's the point in a drummer who never comes to rehearsals? I agree, but I'm willing to entertain the possibility that maybe he's been as dissatisified with this project as I am, and maybe in a band that he was more excited about, he'd turn up to rehearsals without fail. ** Peculiarly, she's sent me an email offering to leave in my place. Something's given her the impression that my departure is fuelled entirely by her continued presence. A certain Carly Simon song springs to mind. Edited January 23, 2010 by Stylon Pilson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjohn Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 good on yer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thumperbob 2002 Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 I would do it fast- whatever way its done- dont burn any bridges though. You`ll feel great when its done, nothing worse than staying in a band you dont like to be in- every gig is like a really bad chore- do something new and fresh Bob Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrcrow Posted January 23, 2010 Share Posted January 23, 2010 i guess you want to let people know in a pecking order if there is one if not all together and if you cant then get the information to the others before its passed on 2nd hand we all leave something sometime...there is no 'good' way but do what you feel is fair as if it was someone leaving your band...how would you like to be told dont leave grey smoke behind...just sunny goodbyes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toasted Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 [quote name='paul h' post='721030' date='Jan 22 2010, 12:06 PM']I either just lie or have a major "F**k this I'm leaving!" tantrum.[/quote] I keep telling Wil that people are the same online and in meatspace. He disagrees. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Heeley Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 best time to leave is just after you've been paid for a really crap gig Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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