jonunders Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 I haven't picked up mybass for around 10 months. I lost my wife 18 months ago and have had various medical problems since. I look at my bass every day but the enthusiasm seems to have gone. My wife was a big encouragement to me and I think is partly whats missing. Has enyone else felt like this or had a similar experience? Did your enthusiasm return and how did you achieve it 2 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gary mac Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 Perfectly understandable, really feel for you. Hope you get your enthusiasm back if that's what you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Len_derby Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 First of all, sorry for your loss. I can’t pretend to imagine what it feels like, but I hope you’ll be able to find peace and move on. I had a think about the things that have re-energised me when I’ve lost some enthusiasm. Hearing a band or artist that was new to me , often on the radio. Putting an old favourite back on the record/cd player. Going to open mics or jam nights, meeting new people. If you live anywhere close to me, Derby, I’ll be very happy to take you out to some of my local open-mics and jam nights. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Dare Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 The loss of a partner is very affecting. It took me a couple of years to get my mojo back after it happened to me. If she was the person who encouraged you, then the bass is a reminder of her, so it's hardly surprising you find it difficult to pick it up. If you can stand to, I would suggest is making yourself do it, even if you're only picking up the instrument for a short while. The slough of despond is like quicksand. It can take some effort to pull yourself free from it. I hope this doesn't sound glib. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newfoundfreedom Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 (edited) I can't even imagine what you've been through. But I'm currently looking after my Mum who has terminal cancer so every day is a mental and emotional battle for me right now. I haven't played with my band since about April. It just feels so wrong to do something enjoyable at the moment given the circumstances. Having said that, I've just set up my spare room as a small studio to keep me sane through the winter months. I generally struggle with the short days and long nights anyway at this time of year, even without what's currently going on. My plan is to keep myself mentally occupied by giving myself the goal of learning to play drums and keys to a basic / proficient level by next summer. Of course that all depends on circumstances. Absolutely nothing wrong with taking time out, especially with what you've been through. But it could also possibly help to give yourself a goal or challenge to help get through the long days. Either way. I wish you well. Edited October 28, 2023 by Newfoundfreedom 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayman Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 I echo the previous comments, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. You have to give it time my friend. It will come back, the desire to play again, when you’re ready. I’m not comparing my experience of course, but the end of my marriage was as low as I personally have ever been. I didn’t touch a bass, or even listen to any music at all, for 3 years. The trauma sucked the enthusiasm out of me. However, time allows you to learn to live with the loss, and slowly, your mojo comes back. I assure you it will, don’t rush it, and all the best to you for your future. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo.gwillim Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 Everyone's different so I'm not saying do this but i lost my daughter to anorexia 18 months ago. Playing the most discordant rubbish on my own really helped. The grief was easier to express through what i played it often ended in floods of tears which was actually helpful. When it came to gigging i just played for my daughter as though she was right there in the audience. Just to let her know i was getting on with my life. She would have so wanted that. Please don't think "I'm saying look at me, do what i did". I'm certainly not, it was just how i coped. Very best wishes Jo 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miles'tone Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 Firstly Jon and Jo my heart felt condolences to you both... I had lost my enthusiasm too, due to family bereavement and the free-fallout that followed. My advice is to find some new music to inspire you that is in the now and has no memories attached. It's a fresh step forward. I recently found out that this young lad exists - Ren. He's inspired the hell out of me. I recommend checking him out if you haven't heard of him. Maybe you have - I've only just crawled back out from under my rock after all. There's no bass on this one and there is swearing, but it's well placed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newfoundfreedom Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 31 minutes ago, miles'tone said: Firstly Jon and Jo my heart felt condolences to you both... I had lost my enthusiasm too, due to family bereavement and the free-fallout that followed. My advice is to find some new music to inspire you that is in the now and has no memories attached. It's a fresh step forward. I recently found out that this young lad exists - Ren. He's inspired the hell out of me. I recommend checking him out if you haven't heard of him. Maybe you have - I've only just crawled back out from under my rock after all. There's no bass on this one and there is swearing, but it's well placed. I've been listening to Ren for the past few months. It should be everything I hate about music on paper. Any kind of urban/ rap / hip hop normally has me running for the hills. But the guy is exceptionally talented and so much more than that. Mixing amazing guitar playing and vocals with superb lyrics. Hi Ren was the first track of his I discovered, and the lyric " Some people know me as hope. Some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope" absolutely destroys me every time I hear it. Been there, and that voice saved my life. Literally. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonunders Posted October 28, 2023 Author Share Posted October 28, 2023 Thank you for your posts. Sometimes, I feel isolated . Then, you become self-absorbed. I know I was not the only one who has suffered, but it's heartwarming when others share their experiences. Thank you 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonunders Posted October 28, 2023 Author Share Posted October 28, 2023 Jo, my condolences go to you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miles'tone Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 1 hour ago, Newfoundfreedom said: I've been listening to Ren for the past few months. It should be everything I hate about music on paper. Any kind of urban/ rap / hip hop normally has me running for the hills. But the guy is exceptionally talented and so much more than that. Mixing amazing guitar playing and vocals with superb lyrics. Hi Ren was the first track of his I discovered, and the lyric " Some people know me as hope. Some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope" absolutely destroys me every time I hear it. Been there, and that voice saved my life. Literally. All of the above. There were tears. Good ones. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geek99 Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 What would your late wife want ? Isn’t that the most appropriate thing to do under the circumstances? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jo.gwillim Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 40 minutes ago, jonunders said: Jo, my condolences go to you and your family. Thank you my friend. I hope you can clamber your way back in the end. Do feel free to PM me if you're feeling low. No great words of wisdom, just someone to be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diskwave Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 Sorry to hear this. Broke up with long term partner four years ago and I still haven't got to over it, and yes like you I didnt want to go near the bass at all, ...however one day early last yr I suddenly had the urge to play again.....The mind wants to heal itself and it does so in tiny increments, even more so when there is a creative neccessity. Your time will come when your ready, it really will. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asingardenof Posted October 28, 2023 Share Posted October 28, 2023 I've been there, my dude. I managed to regain my enthusiasm only after some radical changes to other aspects of my life; in my case leaving a toxic workplace and moving across the country to be nearer family. After that it took me a couple of years but my enthusiasm came back with a vengeance and I joined my first band. My sincere condolences, and I hope you get your enthusiasm back soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tubbybloke68 Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 I’m so sorry for your loss, it is so so devastating and difficult. When you can take stock of things a bit , I think maybe because you say your dear wife encouraged you and enjoyed seeing you play then take that as inspiration to go again. It sounds like it’s definitely what she would have wanted you to do and she would be so happy for you I’m sure. Sending you a virtual basschat hug my friends and all my very best wishes x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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