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Leonard Smalls

⭐Supporting Member⭐
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Everything posted by Leonard Smalls

  1. Wot, even better than You've Got Foetus On Your Breath, or his later incarnation, Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel? 😁
  2. I'd like to humbly submit some lyrics of my own to illustrate just how deep musical verse can be (imagine it intoned in a Manchester accent): 1. My mate Dave, he turned to me With great portent and evident glee “There’s a storm a-comin’” quoth he “There’s thunder in them hills you’ll see 2. “There’s a rumble in the jungle, a one-gun salute “More tea vicar? Me flatus is acute “You thought I couldn’t play the Tibetan noseflute “I think I’ve just spattered me 3 piece suit” There she blows! 3. I said to him “just be direct, call a spade a spade, “you’ll get respect. “Don’t just blame your dialect, “that’s an excuse that I reject “even if your kecks are now brown-flecked, “maybe now you’ll be more circumspect 4. He said “You can’t hold what you haven’t got in your hand “better an empty house than a bad tenant “get out and walk, I should be on Grandstand! “that one’d drown out Barbara Streisand” There she blows! 5. I heard it’d all ended in tears. He’d done summat daft and confirmed me fears He’d been practicing a trick to impress his mates Showing what’d happen when his abdomen inflates And a match is applied to the rear of his pants However, he set fire to the curtain And soon the whole house has gone for a burton Now he lives in the park with a can of strong lager And that’s the end of this sorry saga There she blows! 🤘😀
  3. I tend to DI; if it's a cleanish bass tone I'm looking for straight into the Focusrite/laptop, or if I'm using the synth or wah tones I'll take a clean feed plus the fx feed and put it into 2 channels... This one was just clean Wal DIed into focusrite, with freebie VST Valve Exciter overdrive, a touch of freebie surf EQ VST and Red VST compression, mixed into Ableton:
  4. A couple of years ago I bought a mobile phone with the best audio I could find, that also didn't cost £500-1000... I decided on an LG V20, which has a Bang and Olufson DAC. Strangely it was never brought to Europe, was only a US and Far Eastern model but I found one on Ebay from a French seller, so no import duties etc, for £250. They're less now! As a bonus, it's also MilSpec, which means you can drop it, dual SIM, 4Gb RAM, manual camera and REPLACEABLE battery! Down-, or perhaps Up-, side is it's a 6" screen so only fits in big pockets, but it's ideal for home defence!
  5. I've put the call out as I can't remember much apart from extremely over-ripe and suggestively-shaped cheese...
  6. 😁 I won't even quote any of the cod reggae song we did in the very early days (we're talking '83-4 here!) called "Sex Feeling". Suffice it to say that at our last session (we do 1 a year!) somebody had found an old rehearsal tape of this classic. After only the first verse at least 2 of us wished we'd stopped off and bought some Tena Man pants!
  7. My old bit-of-everything band used to do a metal number called "Loud and Proud" Which went: Heavy Metal music Loud and Proud! Mysterious Goblins Dressed in shrouds And it went downhill from there. Luckily that's been kicked out long ago, but we do one called "Turn to the Left" which has the immortal lyric: Armani, or salami? One fills yer belly the other takes yer mo-ney Still, PFunk lyrics are up there as some of the silliest and possibly deepest if you put on your Pseud's hat... Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah I am Sir Nose D'Voidoffunk I can't swim, I never could swim I never will swim Oh, put me down Let go my leg I told ya, will you shut up I told ya I can't swim, ha ho no Put me down, I hate water, ho (Hah, ah hah, ah hah, ahh) Will you shut up (Aqua boogie, baby) Never learned to swim (Underwater boogie baby) Can't catch the rhythm of the stroke (Aqua boogie, baby) Why should I hold my breath (Underwater boogie, baby) Feelin' that I might choke (Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah) (Aqua boogie, baby) Things ya blow through Because of things ya swim through (Underwater boogie, baby) Why hold your nose to spite your face (Ha ah, ha ah, ha ah) (Aqua boogie, baby) With the rhythm that makes you dance To what we have to live through (Underwater boogie, baby) You can dance underwater and not get wet, oh Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadooloop Etc (Parliament - Aqua Boogie) But who cares so long as it's funky!
  8. Slightly fiddled with, more colour, more concatenation (!), more rose petals!
  9. My once-a-year band had a weekend of debauchery 2 years ago and produced some ridiculous mobile phone footage, which I've finally edited together. Luckily The Weeds are never in a hurry!
  10. Indeed! Saw them a number of times, and even attempted a Daniel Ash hairstyle using gallons of hair lacquer. Due to my rather flyaway barnet this was doomed to failure, especially as, being Oop North it was windy and rainy 90% of the time!
  11. As well as Bootsy this had a definite influence on me, though it's only a lowly single!
  12. Careful what you wish for! 😁😁
  13. If we're talking girly indie, you can't go far wrong with Goat Girl and No Violet...
  14. I'm currently enjoying Dizraeli and the Small Gods (Folk rapper from Bristol) and Jambinai (Korean metal soundscapes) as well as all the usual PFunk, jazz and Suicidal Tendencies stuff...
  15. I remember Lux Interior of the Cramps flopping out his wee boaby both times I saw them...
  16. Anyone know if it's possible to use Future Impact as a VST?
  17. Surprised nobody's mentioned the fabled Wendy O. Williams of Plasmatics and "on-stage antics" fame...
  18. They threw "The Golden Condom" into the crowd, saying that whoever caught it would be expected to come on stage, cavort with their nude dancer, then go backstage with her. Nobody made any effort to catch it - there was a rush to get out of the way as if someone had thrown a human turd. One poor drunk fellow was ushered towards it by his "mates" - he picked it up and was pushed on stage to be grabbed by the dancer. As he suddenly realised what was happening a terrified look came over his little beardy face, and there was a huge sigh of collective relief from the audience. Last we saw of the unfortunate sap was him holding onto the (male) guitarist in an effort to stop the dancer dragging him backstage. Makes the (male) stripper we had once at the Marquee look like CBeebies!
  19. I've seen the Chilli Peppers during their only a sock phase... I've also played a gig in naught but a codpiece fashioned from a heavy duty rubber glove... But the band that does much more than take the biscuit is Rockbitch. I've never seen a few thousand bikers, patch club members and Hell's Angels look so scared!
  20. Problem we have is that we're a quite, er, uncompromising, punkfunk band with political lyrics, shouty female singer and far too much bass. Which is definitely a bit niche for our "town" (it's only a town as it used to have a market, but still has a livestock sale); venue-wise we've got 2 pubs which occasionally have an open mic night, even more occasionally have a covers band, and rather tellingly, have a popular "dance" hosted by "Lady DJ"... Nearby (well 1/2 an hour away) we've got Bishops Castle, which has lots of gigs in its 2 music-type pubs but they're almost exclusively blues or (due to lots of local hippies - it is the Borders!) ska/reggae; there's Ludlow which has almost no music scene (just very occasional what-you-expect covers and slightly more frequent jazz standards) then there's Leominster which has a lively little venue with a good crowd where we've played a few times, though it's an absolute max of 50 people in there. In Newtown/Llandrindod/Welshpool there's virtually nothing bar ABBA tributes and the like - they wouldn't have us and we'd be canned off! Shrewsbury and Hereford are getting on for an hour away, with Hereford being the better place due to lots of students - we go down very well there, especially if it's a punky audience who maybe like a bit of Rage/Faith/GangOfFour. So maybe our best option is to do a bit of each, but only do b) gigs if it's a venue frequented by students or is on the punk scene which has a turn-up-on-spec audience. Either that or we bite the bullet and start with smooth jazz in Ludlow...
  21. I tried that with a previous band... But as our home"town" is less than 2000 people there's not an enormous audience pool. Add to that the fact that for a large number of those who do go out the ideal gig is The Wurzels meant that about 50 people turned up, at £3 each, for a gig that cost nearer to £600 to put on. I can see it working as a strategy in a bigger town though!
  22. I've done quite a few of all of them, including a few B)s where after a 2 hour drive you do the gig in front of 4 punters, then you drive home having pocketed £50, all of which goes into the petrol tank... Does playing this type of gig actually harm the band, in that it (perhaps subconsciously) makes the promoter think " this band won't bring in a crowd, I won't book them again!"?
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