Leonard Smalls

Talking of which, always loved this!

To be fair, he's quite a nice guy! And I used to occasionally write gig reviews for Leeds Student and Leeds Other Paper. A friend of mine, who's now a famous write, once asked me to cover a gig he'd been assigned so he could go on a date with this lass he fancied... It was Sugar Minott, at some boozer in Chapeltown; I thought it a bit odd he was playing in this hitherto-unknown music venue so a m8 and I schlepped over there. And we were met with fluorescent lights, vinyl floor, old men sipping stout. It turned out that they'd hoped to put the gig on, publicised it (at least to Leeds Student gig reviews editor) then it had fallen through - probably because they didn't know how to put gigs on. However, they did a very nice pint of Guinness, so my mate and I wrote the most gushing review, making it sound like it was The Happening of The Year, possibly the century - all Dub-tastic R-squake bass and spirals of gangasmoke ascending heaven-ward to mingle with Sugar's angelic-host-like voice. We gave it to Mr X, who handed it in as his own... And it was published, followed by scores of letters complaining that it had never taken place. Mr X was severely chastised - don't think he wrote for 'em again!

Funnily enough, he liked us! Him and Ngaire reviewed us a number of times, all (broadly) favourable. That's probably why we never Made It Big!

I used to devour (not literally, obvs) Sounds, then Melody Maker and NME from the age of about 14... I discovered all sorts of bands I'd never get the chance of seeing (being in Chester) so I wrote them all over my school bag instead. So I was very happy indeed when we got some reviews - none of them bad, unfortunately... Here's one from 1991, it's not even flowery in its prose! http://www.pushstuff.co.uk/mmlives/barfroco110591.html

To be fair this was in 6th form... However, when I did have to wear a uniform I somehow got away with a green cotton army shirt, suede skinny Jim dark green tie, canvas drainpipes and 12 hole Docs instead of green acrylic pully and white shirt with horific nylon tie with a cross on it!

Just found a pic of me while still at school!

For me I tend to like stuff with an edge, or a really heavy,funky groove. Or even better stuff with a really heavy funky edge! I'm usually turned off by folkey strummers and breathey female vocals, though I like the Unthanks and the Roches... And I can usually (but not always) cope with Richard Thompson. I tend not to like American songbookey type stuff, or any soft rock. Wet, MoR weedy type stuff need not apply either! And I also don't like growley metal vocals, because thy often sound the same and it's just a bit silly. Saying that,I like Rolo Tomassi. And I'm usually put off by anything where it's all about the vocals; for me, the music has to be an equal to the singing, not just an added on backing to disguise the tedium and meaninglessness of the lyrics!

Aye... You can always add dirt, but can't take it away! If I'm not looking for the sound my pedalboard makes (i.e. Future Impact, Bass whammy, various envelope filters), just either clean or overdriven, I'll plug direct into the 2i2 (or 6i8) then into my DAW. Then I'll duplicate the track and put Bias FX and/or Animate (free versions of both) on that one so it can be blended with the clean.

Can do ,especially at lower bit rates... But I wouldn't record anything in MP3.

But luckily drift is quite minor... If you've got a set of 3 minute songs it's quite easy to slip the audio a few frames. I've recently done some 1/2 hour sets with my band for various online benefits - I made sure our singer either tapped the mic or said something beginning with P before launching into a new song. Then it's a question of either smearing with audience noise or in our case (no audience!) guitar amp buzz to cover the hole. It's nowhere near as much a problem as when a film camera and 1/4" recorder had wildly differing sync generators. We had to count how many frames it drifted by in a certain time, and vary the sync signal by that amount when transferring the audio rushes to 16mm...

It's funny that folks have problems syncing... In the Olden Days when I was at BBC Sound we used to have this amazing technical system involving a bit of flat wood hinged to another bit of flat wood. At the beginning of a take someone would bash these 2 bits of wood together, in shot. The resulting frame would be married to the corresponding spike in sound and sync was achieved! Occasionally somebody would forget this clever contraption, so they'd just make do with a handclap... And in these days of digital recording, speeds don't drift - unless you've put the sound into a DAW and autowarped it to the wrong bpm!

In that case, me, Bootsy and Flea watching Larry Graham with Graham Central Station,being supported by Big Tony Fisher and Trouble Funk. We'd need plenty of Bootsy Brewski as well....

Bassist Heaven for me isn't hanging round with other bass players... As it says in Highlander - there can be only one! I realise that others exist but if they're all pedantic misanthropes like me I wouldn't want to spend time with 'em. We'd all be looking down our noses at whoever's on stage and saying: "he's got the fingering wrong" "I wouldn't have played that" "She should be using a pick" "What a terrible tone" "They're playing far too many notes" "Can they only do root and fifth?" So Bassist Heaven is finding a drummer who is rock-solid, grooves and actually listens to the other players, plus guitar that's tight, right on time and doesn't smear sloppy notes everywhere. And we'd be playing in front of an audience who are knowledgeably and appreciative, who ply me with beer after (and during!) the show. I'd even tolerate some mild inappropriate touching!

To be fair Mezerg is always a bit funky...

Looks like a Bryston 14 amp? That would definitely help with bass - mine has a test certificate saying 968/967 w/ch @ 4ohms with around +-40A... And did you not want to make the cabinets just a bit bigger for more extension? I used to have some Kef 104/2s with isobaric-style twin bass units which nearly rivalled my Ditton 66/series2s for quantity of bass, though not for extension.

I'd be thinking 4x that, with about +/- 40amps current swing! Crowns will do that - perhaps not with the finesse of my Bryston but at <1/10 of the price! Saying that, those old Sansui amps put out quite decent grunt....

We've got another Punk 4 The Homeless benefit online on 19th December... Perfect time for us to roll out our new funk/reggae/mathrock direction!

When I was on stage crew at Leeds Uni we had Culture Club play at the Poly - it was not long after "Dus Tha Realy want t'hurt mi?". We all expected crowds of fainting teenage girls so they'd need help... However, turned out we weren't needed as they only played for 20 minutes. There were far more fainting girls when Kajagoogoo played later that year!

I tend to find lyrics of the "She Loves me/She Doesn't love me" type to be just that bit trite while pretending to be deep... I personally don't really care either way about some singer's love life! However, if you're going to have lyrics I'd prefer them to be either powerful, or witty... Here's powerful: You're a star-belly sneech You suck like a leech You want everyone to act like you Kiss donkey while you beach So you can get rich While your boss gets richer off you Well, you'll work harder With a gun in your back For a bowl of rice a day Slave for soldiers 'Til you starve Then your head is skewered on a stake Now you can go, where the people are one Now you can go where they get things done What you need, my son What you need, my son Is a Holiday in Cambodia Where people are dressed in black A Holiday in Cambodia Where you'll kiss donkey or crack Witty, or just downright daft: Now this is what I want you all to do: If you got faults, defects or shortcomings, You know, like arthritis, rheumatism or migraines, Whatever part of your body it is, I want you to lay it on your radio, let the vibes flow through. Funk not only moves, it can re-move, dig? The desired effect is what you get When you improve your Interplanetary Funksmanship. Sir Lollipop Man! Chocolate coated, freaky and and habit forming. Doin' it to you in 3-D, So groovy that I dig me. Once upon a time called Now! Somebody say, "Is there funk after death?" I say, "Is Seven Up?" Yeah, P-Funk!