This.
The only band I’m in and have been in for 23 years has all of what you describe.
We are a 20+ member big band. We rehearse every week and do about 6-8 gigs a year. None of us are paid. It is purely a hobby band, but we are not ‘rubbish’.
On more than one occasion I do wonder why some players continue to play with us. All they do is moan and whine about this that AND the other. We rehearse new charts, they moan they can’t play it. I do what most people would do - find a recording or YouTube video, at least to get a vibe of the tune. The other guys? They put their horn back in their little bags not to be touched until next rehearsal. I just don’t get it. You’re in a big band. It’s quite a niche genre nowadays. You must be in this band because you love the music surely? If you can’t be bothered to research a ‘new’ number, that you should really already know, even though you say you are a fan of this music, then just stop.
Myself, I live and breath my band. I’m on the comittee, I source new charts, I run the website and Facebook page. I make no money from it. The attitude of some other band members doesn’t anger me. It just disappoints me and makes me sad. The only money I make from bass playing is about £300 from a Christmas panto which pays for my and the wife’s Cotswold weekend. It’s lovely up there.