lozkerr

I'd rather be paid money...

No, but I wished I had been! Jesus, Lemmy would have been proud of the racket we made. He might have been a wee bit deaf, thinking back - at the end, we did a bit of a jam and he called a song I didn't know; I twice had to ask 'what's the key and chord progression' quite loudly. Hey-ho!

Sometimes good things come from bad auditions. I've been trying to find a band desperate enough to want me, and had some ...interesting... experiences. Audition 1: answered an ad on JMB for a blues group. I tell them how long I've been playing - not all that long - as I want to be honest up front. I do a bit of recruiting in the day job, and know how narked I get when confronted with bovine manure. Better to be straight with them from the off. Anyway, he replies, telling me that there's a drummer lined up, plus someone on blues harp and maybe keys too. Could I learn a couple of songs and pop round for a twang? Rightio. I turn up at the BL's house and am treated to half an hour's talking about his guitar collection before we get down to business. He's provided an amp - an ancient Vox gee-tar amp that didn't look much younger than me. Hm. I'd have brought the Eden if I'd known. But I crank the low end and off we go. He's hunched over his chord chart and doesn't look up. With no drummer to lock in with, some eye contact might have been helpful. He then chases me out of the house before his wife gets back. Hmmmm. Then about a week later, I get a 'thanks but no thanks' email. Meh. Think I dodged a bullet there. Audition 2: answered an ad on JMB for a rock covers band. Again, I'm up front about my level of experience. I get their set list - wow! Fabulous! - and learn half a dozen songs, as requested. Then the audition's brought forward a week. Great. But I rock up at the appointed time - to a studio this time - to find that the BL was struggling with one of the songs I'd learnt and had to teach the singer one of the others. Oh dear. But the rest sounded good, although at the end of the evening, they said they thought it was beyond me to learn everything on the list before their next gig. They were quite decent about it though, so fair enough. Audition 3: answered an ad on JMB for another rock covers band. As before, I make it clear how much I do and don't know. I learn the requested songs and turn up to a slightly less-than-ideal studio - bare wooden floor, no sound insulation and a PA that didn't look much more powerful than my home stereo. As I'm getting set up, a guitarist walks in; he's being auditioned too. He sets up his backline - a lovely Marshall valve amp. Then the BL arrives and sets up his backline. Then off we go. The PA just about copes, but after the first song, the BL says to me, 'it needs much more bass'. Well, I was standing in front of the amp and I could hear it OK, which meant he certainly could from the other side of the room. But no sweat, up went the volume to just under half and we launched into the next song. Jesus. My amp was making the room shake. I went to turn it down and the BL said ‘no, leave it, it’s just right’. The guitarist turned up his amp as it was being drowned by mine. Not wanting to be left out, the BL did the same and we went into song number three. This time, the weedy studio PA was completely overwhelmed; all I could do was lock in with the drummer and hope for the best. Then things started to go south when the BL started playing something a bit different before stopping to tell us that we needed to follow him. By now the volume was up well past 11 and the only way to follow him was by lip-reading. The next song fell apart when he missed out an eight-bar sequence from the intro. By now, the negative vibes were starting to creep in. At the end of the evening, the BL thanked us for coming and said ‘we’ll have a chat and we'll let you know’ in a sarky voice. So much for that, then. The guitarist and I compared notes outside and we both reckoned we wouldn’t hear from them again. We swapped numbers though, and decided we’d look at doing something together if it didn’t go anywhere. After a week of radio silence, I pinged the guitarist a text and as expected, he hadn’t heard anything either. He then asked me if I was still up for getting together, as he had another guitarist and a singer who were interested. Oh, was I ever. So a few days later, the three of us (the singer couldn’t make it) assembled in a very nice studio in Cranfield. What a difference! No attitude, a lot of fun and some great songs to play. The Stooges, Black Sabbath, the Undertones, Tears For Fears, the Cult… all good stuff. Plus some originals that the guitarist had written that needed basslines added. I had a whale of a time, and when we decided to make a go of it at the end of the evening, I was on cloud nine. So I did join a band from a terrible audition. Just not the one I originally went for!

I went to see it when it was resuscitated revived a few years ago, largely because I'd been corresponding with one of the cast about a TV series I'd written. It was a lovely production and the whole thing worked well, but when I listened to the soundtrack in isolation... nah. All the childhood dislike came back and the CD was quickly promoted to a coaster.

Oh wow, does that chime with me! My mum's favoured instruments of torture were Mendelssohn's Four Seasons and South Pacific; and both my parents insisted that popular music (anything from about 1949 onwards!) was just rubbish and people who played electric instruments were not real musicians. That was at the back of my mind for years and gave rise to a head vs heart conflict that was only resolved when I finally picked up a bass. And when I got to the stage of being able to play rock songs with other musicians, I knew I'd finally arrived. It took a while, but better late than never. Now I'm busily making up for lost time!

Queen - Hammer to Fall. And My Generation. Still trying to play them properly, though 🙂

I don't think he's playing anything! I'm no Suzi Quatro but I'd feel embarrassed to get up on stage if I was only half as bad as that!

Aw, she's gorgeous! Such a little cutie.

Toss-up for me too, this time for the Passions - either Sanctuary or Africa Mine. Not exactly sophisticated numbers, but I really like them. Much better that I'm In Love with a German Film Star. Just MHO, of course.

Isn't getting soaked par for the course in Manchester? I used to work there so I know what it can be like. I tried one of those plastic poncho things the other night. Looked like Quasimodo wearing a wigwam, but the bass and I both stayed dry. I did have to stretch the back before putting it on though, so that the head of the gig bag was covered.

OK, so I lied... can anyone point me at an accurate bass transcription? Many thanks.

OK, I'll not post anything else about it. I'm sure no-one else will either

He was indeed... shame he's gone so far downhill. Should have quit while he was ahead.

Heathen! I love that song!

Same here - the meeja hype surrounding them put me off them, and when Caterwaul was unleashed, I just did not get why people raved about it. I was deffo in the Pulp camp at the time. It wasn't until a few years later that I listened to Oasis' other songs properly and realised they were pretty good. You're right - they are simplistic anthems, but they're popular with the punters. I find them quite fun to play too - Caterwaul excepted, naturally!

Ah good, another Caterwaul hater. I like Cigarettes and Alcohol, though!

You admit to watching Eurovision? Congratulations on your bravery!

That was my first thought, too. But I'm probably old enough to be his mum!

That's a beautiful instrument! I'd love a five-string version. But... why are you putting it out to grass? x

That's no far off the truth - you can earn ridiculous money during the festival and Hogmanay if you let your place out.

You could think about Edinburgh - the money you'd get from a house in Bournemouth would buy you a nice place here. I moved here a couple of years ago - the Berkhamsted location is just while I'm still working in London - and it was the best move I've ever made. It does help that I was born in Auld Reekie, though There certainly are dodgy parts of the city - steer clear of places like Niddrie and Craigmillar - but there are a lot of nice areas too. It's easy to get about, even though Lothian Buses haven't discovered card payments yet and the tram comes to an abrupt halt in York Place. Decent night life, too. On the downside, the centre gets absolutely rammed during the tourist season. It's far worse than Bournemouth. My own home is on the Royal Mile and just getting to the supermarket when the festival's on can be like struggling through a crowded Tube station. But all in all, Edinburgh's a great place to live!

Aye, that's not exactly a favourite of mine either, probably because it gets played to death between October and January every year. My kids like it though, if only because 'it's got SWEARS in it!' in spite of the twee subject. Mind you, are there any Christmas songs that aren't festering Gorgonzola cheese?

Yes, I absolutely get that; you need to please the punters and that means floor-fillers. I like a lot of Oasis' songs; I'm currently annoying the neighbours by hacking my way through Don't Talk Back You wombler Don't Look Back In Anger, Cigarettes and Alcohol, Little By Little and Champagne Supernova. Nice simple songalongs and easy for a hamfisted old bat like me to play. But Wonderwall - that song gives me the dry boak no matter who's singing it. It might not be an absolute deal breaker for me but it's pretty damn close.

I agree. I can't stand Liam Gallagher - in fact I use an Oasis songbook as a rest when I'm writing basslines, just for the satisfaction of poking the arrogant git in the eye with my pencil - but apart from Wonderwall, which I absolutely detest, a lot of their songs are nice punchy anthems. They're certainly very simple, but they do work, even if they were nicked from Marc Bolan and the Beatles. Anyway, here's a wee clip for all Oasis haters: Oaday!

The cliquey jam nights thread got me thinking - someone there said they hated Red House. Fairy nuff, it's not everyone's cup of tea. I could live with playing it, but if someone wanted to perform Sherry or Wonderwall, they'd have to do so without a bassline if I was in the band. I can live with just about anything, but I really hate those two 'musical' monstrosities. What songs do other folk have on their personal blacklists?