Uncomfortable band vs. life vs. me situation

[Immo]

[quote name='Russ' timestamp='1332076917' post='1582813']
(...) the dreaded "crunch" (...)
[/quote]
The last "crunch" lasted since August 1st until 25th November, so tell me about it.
[quote name='musophilr' timestamp='1332079241' post='1582854']
Be honest, hand in your notice with your reasons, and help them find a replacement for you. Play any gigs still in the diary but set a cutoff date for leaving. Leave on friendly terms, do a farwwell gig, involve your replacement in that gig too, and go out with a party.
[/quote]
We hadn't played any gig yet, only few rehearsals. As for now, I'm able to play 10% of the setlist and couldn't make myself to learn more songs...

[Prime_BASS]

[quote name='Immo' timestamp='1332071213' post='1582716']
Those guys dropped out of school to [i]play rock and roll[/i].
They're dedicated.
[/quote]

I take my band just as serious as I do life, and my job. At times I feel tired, and it's cause I don't treat myself right, but then I get back on track. Regular, gruelling exercise, regular band rehearsals on top of actual learning bass stuff etc. On top of a full time job. I am the busiest I have ever been in life, yet the Happiest.
It's not all candy and roses, after Christmas I was super unhappy to the point were I had to see my doctor about it (past mental issues aswell etc.) but life is no fun without the down times to reflect upon.

Anyway....
I think you need to re-evaluate what's making you so tired that you can't do much of anything else. You'd be surprised how much regular exercise and drinking tonnes of water and being good to your body makes a difference. But like anything it takes dedication, but unlike being in a band dedication to yourself pays off.
I now get zero back-pain at work or playing bass, I've put weight on (from being drastically underweight).

I don't think the band itself is bringing you down but it is perpetuating a sadness/fatigue that is already present, which makes everything else worse.

What works for me or anyone else might not work for you but I can only suggest seeing a GP/doctor about your fatigue(don't take the pills route though) and you may well find you don't do nearly as much as you think or eat the best you can. Simple changes to daily routine(diet, biking to work) can make a huge differnce.

As for now, if the band is moving at a pace that you arn't comfortable with you need to speak up, you'll only tire yourself out more and cause negative vibes when something does snap, which they will at this current rate.

It was hard for us to kick out our past drummers as they were friends, but it wasn't working, and if they are big enough, man enough and nice enough and real friends they won't hold sour grapes. If they do, then you shouldn't bother yourself with such negativity.

Ps. I don't think dropping out of school to become 'rock stars' is very big or clever or shows dedication, it only shows stupidity and lack of knowledge and reason about the future. Regardless of how good they (and it sounds like you havent gigged much anyway so who knows) are or sound the chances of making it big or slim, where as finishing school and doing well in life/society is far more easier and rewarding. Securing plan B should be a priority over chasing a the dream, 'Plan A'

[TimR]

+1,000,000

[Immo]

[quote name='Prime_BASS' timestamp='1332080736' post='1582875']
I think you need to re-evaluate what's making you so tired that you can't do much of anything else.
[/quote]
Well, I perfectly know - it's the [i]lots-of-work, little-spontaneous-fun[/i] scheme. You see, I need to relax, have fun and feel free to be happy.
And playing in a band where this playing starts to be a chore isn't fun. To me, fun is to take a walk, ride a bike, read a book, play a computer game write a short story or do something interesting with friends.
And... well, I feel much, much worse ever since my GF left me for another after we already had plans for the common future and with our apartment being reconditioned for us to live in. So having someone new to love would be nice as well
And another thing that makes me tired is... well, thinking that I need to do more chores. Many times I'm not tired unless someone tells me to do something [i]pronto[/i]. Then suddenly I realise I'm very tired. Well, that's me
And the third reason - I hadn't had a real vacation since July 2010.

[quote name='Prime_BASS' timestamp='1332080736' post='1582875']
I don't think the band itself is bringing you down but it is perpetuating a sadness/fatigue that is already present, which makes everything else worse.
[/quote]
I'm not depress[i]ed[/i], I'm depress[i]ive[/i]. I tend to be very bipolar, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but I usually retain 'global' positive outlook on things while most people think I'm a pessimist. But when the poop hits the fan, I'm the '[i]last man standing[/i]' to have a faith in people or believe that the situations will turn out well.

[quote name='Prime_BASS' timestamp='1332080736' post='1582875']
Ps. I don't think dropping out of school to become 'rock stars' is very big or clever or shows dedication
[/quote]
Well, me neither, but I wanted to point out I wouldn't be able to sacrifice some things in order to be a 'rock star'.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Immo

[oggiesnr]

Been there, done that and got the hell out of Dodge, suggest you do the same.

However I would also suggest that you sit down and take a long, hard look at what you want to do/be.

There is a concept/tool used in consultancy (both business and personal) that is deceptively easy but quite hard to do properly. The short version is imagine three circles A,B and C. Circle is A is where you are now and you must be honest, it's the starting point and if you lie to yourself here then it don't work. Circle C is where you want to be, what your objectives are, again be honest. Circle B is the plan to get from A to C. The point being it's a plan to get to the objective you set out, not to get somewhere else, if it ends up at D then either you've not been honest or D is really where you want to be.

Catch is that plans are specific so "I'm going to practice more bass" is not a plan, it's a hope, "I'm going to practice two hours a day" is not much better. "I'm going to practice from 6.30 to 8.30 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday" is a plan, it is specific and you can tell whether or not you've done it and how much you've fallen short if you have.

Anyway, enough babble from me, I've got a bass to practice

Steve

[Immo]

[quote name='oggiesnr' timestamp='1332096411' post='1583204']
(...) However I would also suggest that you sit down and take a long, hard look at what you want to do/be.
(...)
Catch is that plans are specific so "I'm going to practice more bass" is not a plan, it's a hope, "I'm going to practice two hours a day" is not much better. "I'm going to practice from 6.30 to 8.30 on Monday, Wednesday and Friday" is a plan, it is specific and you can tell whether or not you've done it and how much you've fallen short if you have.
[/quote]
The perfect plan is to have a drummer/guitar playing girlfriend to jam with simply for fun.
I like being a writer and I like to play bass for fun, honestly.

[oggiesnr]

[quote name='Immo' timestamp='1332097150' post='1583238']
The perfect plan is to have a drummer/guitar playing girlfriend to jam with simply for fun.
I like being a writer and I like to play bass for fun, honestly.
[/quote]

So part of your plan is to come up with a time and place to leave your current band!

Good luck

Steve

[skankdelvar]

You've done exactly the right thing.

You've looked at your situation, calmly assessed it and come to a decision. You've been honest with your bandmates and - hopefully - found them a replacement bassist. You've protected your own peace of mind and you're about to go and have a nice bike ride.

And who knows, maybe your former bandmates will go on to enjoy success.

Entirely satisfactory outcome.

[thepurpleblob]

I only once resigned from a band (sacked a couple of times!!). Similar reasons - everybody else's ambitions had taken a different path from mine. They looked really upset for 10 minutes. By the following Saturday a new bass player was installed and had learned the set.

Don't sweat it. Everybody is allowed to say 'no' without worrying about others once in a while - it's the secret of avoiding stress and depression!

[Geek99]

I'd be worried about the fatigue thing as it sounds just like what happened to my partner, if it's what I think it is, I might have some advice to offer

[Conan]

You sound like a very loyal person. This is good. But you are letting your loyalty to your bandmates get in the way.

You like to play bass for fun, but your band is not fun.

It seems pretty clear-cut to me. Be honest with them about what you want. It sounds like you have already done that. If they can't accommodate your wishes then you should leave.

This is a hobby after all.

[Gust0o]

Just a note on the fatigue - this is a very common issue these days, since our modern lives have changed so much from those of our ancestors.

Exercise will work; the right nutrition will work; some sun, even, will work - there are many ways to getting some energy back into yourself, without needing to do anything too drastic. It's just a case of finding a little time and space to have a look at the problem.

But, following from some of the above, you can be amazed at what impact it can have on your efforts - it's like going from a standing start, and be it work or band, sometimes you can never seem to get up to speed.

Have very much noticed this from personal experience - it's a tangent to the OP's original issue, which sounded more a case of opposed-objectives, but one worth bearing in mind.

Glad it all got sorted.

[Immo]

[quote name='Gust0o' timestamp='1332163181' post='1584052']
Exercise will work; the right nutrition will work; [b]some sun, even, will work[/b] - there are many ways to getting some energy back into yourself, without needing to do anything too drastic. It's just a case of finding a little time and space to have a look at the problem.
[/quote]
That is why I play video games in the late evenings - I don't see it as a bad (or silly/childish/whatever) thing, as it's not an addiction or 'time waster', but a fun activity. And to me, fun is never a waste of time as it helps to feel better. Also, playing games is - to me, as a writer - really inspiring!
But also bass playing, bike riding and meeting with friends = nice fun activity.

[RockfordStone]

it seems simple, you are not enjoying it and see at a as chore, and have admitted yourself have no real ambition to do it seriously.

if they wan't to push it forward, and following them will not make you happy, you are just being unfair to yourself and them.

best to end it now and play bass because you enjoy it rather than just to make a band happy.