Happy Jack

Morden TTT is the guitarist who placed the advert. He fancies singing some of the material, and he knows that I sing a bit, so he reckons we can split the vocal duties between us ... if a decent vocalist can be found later then all well and good. Yes, everybody involved will be an experienced gigging musician, this is no 'hobby band'. The drummer from his old band is already on board with the project, so straight away we have a functioning 3-piece if we want it. We agree a date for a week later and a studio to meet at, and TTT sends me a list of 12 songs we'll do, who by and which version, and the key that we'll be playing in. This is all very professional and not something to be taken for granted with pub bands. I pick out three songs that I'm happy to sing straight away, TTT does the same, and we agree that we'll busk the remainder on the night and see who makes a better job of it. This is looking good. Next day TTT sends me an email saying how much he's looking forward to this. The day after, TTT sends me an email asking how I'm getting on with the songs. And then the next day he sends me an email saying that he's now got a 'really good vocalist' who's going to join us, so there's no need for the two of us to do vocals. The day before the rehearsal, he sends me a final email checking that I'm fully up to speed on all the songs. Finally I turn up at the studio. TTT is a big guy (sideways) but just as bouncy and enthusiastic as his emails suggest. The drummer is a big guy (like Mick Fleetwood) and very laid-back. There's no sign of the vocalist ... apparently he's spent the afternoon at the dentist and now can't make it. Allegedly. Oh dear. Neither TTT nor I have actually been practising the vocals for these songs. At least I know the lyrics of 'my' songs, I'm blessed with a good memory. TTT has pieces of paper. Then the second guitarist arrives. What second guitarist? Oh, he answered the ad too so TTT invited him along. We start with Shakin' All Over, TTT on the vocals. The drummer sounds like a man with a wooden leg walking along a wooden pier ... boom thump boom thump. That's all he does. The guitarist, who must be about 60, doesn't seem to recognise the song or know how it goes. He's kneeling next to his Fender Twin as if he can't hear himself (he's actually deafeningly loud) and he's staring at his fingers as if he's never seen them before. TTT is trying to sing while glancing at a piece of paper resting on a ledge to his side, so that he sings "when you move ... close to me ... that's when I ... all over me". Oh dear oh dear. Move on to the next song. Guitarist says he hasn't practised it and isn't really ready to play it. OK, the one after that then. Guitarist says he hasn't practised it and isn't really ready to play it. It's I Saw Her Standing There, fer Chrissakes, how can he not know it? Fine, turn this on its head ... what songs DO you know? Grand, he knows Summertime Blues. He launches into a series of power chords, in the wrong key. What the hell are you doing? I'm playing Summertime Blues. No you're not, that's the wrong intro and you're in the wrong key. Well I'm playing The Who's version from Live At Leeds, and it's in A. But we all agreed we'd do the Eddie Cochran original, and it's in E. Oh dearie dearie me. By this stage, the drummer has completely lost interest, TTT is visibly as frustrated as I am but has done enough to show that he can't actually sing, and it turns out that I'm the only vocalist in the room. In desperation I call the simplest 12-bar in G that I know. It's yer standard two verses and a solo, third verse and a solo, repeat third verse and out. I sing the first verse. When I start to sing the second verse the guitarist widdles ineffectively all over my singing. TTT and I start exchanging glances - what is this fool doing now? He plays a simple but actually quite reasonable solo, still kneeling by his amp, still staring at his fingers. I start to sing the third verse and he goes back to his useless widdling. Sod this for a game of soldiers. I stop playing, switch off and start packing up. Words are exchanged, and it very nearly comes to fisticuffs as I leave. The next day, TTT sends me an apologetic email. He doesn't suggest we try again. Neither do I.

This subject, in various guises, keeps cropping up on Basschat, and not without reason. I've been compiling my recent experiences (just the last couple of years), originally with a view to starting a blog, but Silvie assures me that this stuff is classic Basschat fare so that's where I'm putting it. I imagine that there will be others with stories to tell, so please note that the accounts I have given here are entirely and 100% factual. The whole point of taking the trouble to write them down is that you couldn't make this stinky poo up. Nothing has been invented, nothing has been exaggerated for effect. Please note also that I have been at some pains to keep these stories anonymous. These people aren't villains, or malicious, or somehow deserving of punishment, but the circumstances are always good for a laugh and perhaps even educational. In the unlikely event that you recognise anyone from these descriptions, PLEASE don't start naming names.

Can't say that I agree with that. There are plenty of flaky guitarists, bass players and drummers, but they have at least had enough commitment to spend some of their hard-earned on guitars, basses and drum kits. Vocalists? Well, everyone thinks they can sing, don't they? After all, we've all done it in the bathroom, and doing it with a band has got to be easier than doing it solo, right? And there's no commitment needed. At all. You don't need to buy anything, or learn how to do it, or practice or anything. You just turn up at the studios (having spent three hours at home trying on t-shirts before making your decision) and ask where your mic-stand is and why hasn't anyone switched on the PA and tested it yet?

I was at an audition just last week where very much the same thing happened. New vocalist apparently believed that he could look up the lyrics on his smartphone and immediately deliver some sort of performance on songs by Guns n'Roses and Lenny Kravitz that he'd patently never even tried before. And he sang flat. Very.

For someone like me, the best time to start studying music properly and learning to play bass properly is roughly 50 years ago. I'm well aware that the next line is supposed to go: and the next best time is now. But actually I'm not convinced. With any luck, I'll have another 15 years of active playing ahead of me. I really don't fancy devoting maybe the first (and best) five of those to playing scales and arpeggios, and studying modes. That would almost certainly improve my playing (I'm setting the bar low here) by making it possible for me to do all sorts of things which I cannot now do and ... erm ... can't honestly say that I miss much. Techniques like slapping, tapping and sweeping are of less than zero interest to me. Playing bass solos strikes me as one of the least attractive aspects of rock music. Pinch harmonics? In 1970s pop music? I don't think so. How many great rock songs are in the Phrygian mode? Somebody start a list would you. I'm not sneering at musical knowledge or study. I'm simply pointing out that there are far too many people out there - and here on Basschat - who declaim as a matter of proven fact that it is always better to study music. Bollocks. Horses for courses, and moderation in all things.

I quite often watch the TV while playing, especially when the footy is on. The rest of the band don't like it much, mind.

Of course it doesn't matter ... it really is all about the music you make. The technique is irrelevant. If I rebuild a multi-cylinder motorcycle engine so that it works better than when I started, does anyone really care how I used the socket set? Or what make of socket set I used?

I'm now trying to visualise what he must have done to the Rick to justify modifying the pickguard like that. I'm not much enjoying it ...

The best line in that review is "add $10,000 for the speaker cables ..."

The BVs in that song are consistently off the beat, making it a right bugger to sing while playing.

OK, I'll play too.

I don't play guitar either, but I suspect that I'm just weird anyway.

It still goes on. Take a look at these, on eBay for another 55 minutes as I type this: https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Shure-SM57-LC-Cardioid-Dynamic-Instrument-Microphone/183175482964?hash=item2aa61c0e54:g:C7wAAOSw-vda0DHZ https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Shure-SM57-LC-Cardioid-Dynamic-Microphone-01/183175483485?hash=item2aa61c105d:g:k~AAAOSwZ3Ja0DIU https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Shure-SM57-Cardioid-Dynamic-Instrument-Microphone-02/183175484125?hash=item2aa61c12dd:g:dawAAOSwx3Va0DJT So that's a new eBay seller with 0 Feedback score selling three brand-new SM57s at the same time, with the same photo for each, all at knock-down prices. What could possibly go wrong?

+1 to the first sentence. Maybe not so much to the second.

That was one of the nicest days I can remember - really lovely bunch of people, played some excellent (and thought-provoking) kit, met some old friends, made some new ones. Basschat at its finest.

£9500? Not sure I can count that high to Bassie.

They don't make 'em like they used to. I don't mean that as a compliment.

I particularly liked the BUY with CONFIDENCE line.

Now you can play The Funky Chibbon.

Roger Warner / A. Watt? Odd name for a band ...

So a pick is the cure for tinnitus - who knew?

Silvie & me.

The preamp on the SWB Pro is a thing of beauty. I'll be very surprised if you're disappointed.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Tannoy-15-inch-Bi-Amp-Dual-Concentric-Monitors-Speakers-Teak-Wood-Cabinets-Puma/282884426863?_trkparms=aid%3D777001%26algo%3DDISCO.FEED%26ao%3D1%26asc%3D50981%26meid%3D1f677775ee3f4fed854a584a65569313%26pid%3D100651%26rk%3D1%26rkt%3D1%26%26itm%3D282884426863&_trksid=p2481888.c100651.m4497&_trkparms=pageci%3Adbccdff3-3dd7-11e8-894d-74dbd180b4c4|parentrq%3Ab6d4625a1620aa144835915ffff81540|iid%3A3